Paranoid Android Posted November 12, 2013 Report Share Posted November 12, 2013 Fucking hell, pretty sure this boring girl is just trolling me now,"This morning , I managed to catch my watch on furniture , while bending to pick something up. Unknown to me , it was stuck as I stood up, resulting in my wrenching my wrist and pulling my watch strap out near the face. Who says I'm clumsy , eh? My Mum came in and all she kept asking is what had I been picking up !! I was standing there , nursing an aching wrist and hand, and holding a broken watch strap. Surely how ithad come about didn't really matter?! Anyway my Dad manage to put the strap back together although apparently I've bent the pin." Her ideas interest me and I would like to subscribe to her newsletter. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkDrummer Posted November 12, 2013 Report Share Posted November 12, 2013 Anyone who posts photos of their food with the tagline '#eatclean #protein #dominate' or such shite does my head in. One guy on my FB constantly posts about how much weight he's lost, with a before and after photo. Several times. Every day. Without fail. FUCK. OFF. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaaakkkeee Posted November 12, 2013 Report Share Posted November 12, 2013 Anyone who posts photos of their food with the tagline '#eatclean #protein #dominate' or such shite does my head in. One guy on my FB constantly posts about how much weight he's lost, with a before and after photo. Several times. Every day. Without fail. FUCK. OFF.You should just constantly tell him he looked better fat. That'll mess with the vain bastards head. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paranoid Android Posted November 12, 2013 Report Share Posted November 12, 2013 Anyone who posts photos of their food with the tagline '#eatclean #protein #dominate' or such shite does my head in. One guy on my FB constantly posts about how much weight he's lost, with a before and after photo. Several times. Every day. Without fail. FUCK. OFF. Wait, before and after photos showing weight loss from the same day? #eatclean #protein #spicyasfuckcurry #laxative #emptied Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HateEvent Posted November 12, 2013 Report Share Posted November 12, 2013 #turningintoacurry 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MarkDrummer Posted November 12, 2013 Report Share Posted November 12, 2013 Wait, before and after photos showing weight loss from the same day? #eatclean #protein #spicyasfuckcurry #laxative #emptied Nah, it's more like 'ooooh, look I found another photo from before that I posed for, here's me 3 months later #eatclean' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaaakkkeee Posted November 12, 2013 Report Share Posted November 12, 2013 Nah, it's more like 'ooooh, look I found another photo from before that I posed for, here's me 3 months later #eatclean'I had a facebook friend that would constanly post pictures of what he was eating because it was healthier than what everyone else was eating. I would just constantly comment on everyone one of his pictures and statuses with how unhealthy my diet was. "low fat burger with salad #eatclean #protien #bodybuilding #gym""Looks disgusting, the pizza and sides I demolished was a lot nicer looking, and now, ice cream!""have fun surviving past 40!""I'm quite content with dying early if it means I can eat like this #bringonthebelly #pizza #dyingyoungforanotherslice"Went on like this for a long while before he deleted me, then I did it on instagram. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paranoid Android Posted November 12, 2013 Report Share Posted November 12, 2013 Nah, it's more like 'ooooh, look I found another photo from before that I posed for, here's me 3 months later #eatclean' Put up a picture of yourself #eatnormal #neverbeafattyinthefirstplace #notbeingatwat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kirsten Posted November 15, 2013 Report Share Posted November 15, 2013 Fucking hell, pretty sure this boring girl is just trolling me now, I stand by this..."I was at a meeting about all sorts of rubbish and then walked to the art exhibition. On arrival , I found that I'd lost my comb. I took everything out of my bag ,while in the kind of doorway part of the museum , in the process almost certainly looking like some semi-hysterical maniac to the staff watching in fascination. I was convinced that I'd dropped it back at the place I had my meeting, so I ran all the way back there.(Big mistake - I had nausea for the rest of the day.I am clearly not designed for running. Walking, I excel at.) I blurted the story out to the receptionist who phoned someone who then went off to search the room. I kept looking through my bag ,and it was shortly after the call came back that nothing had been found that I located the comb in my bag , inside a pocket that had looked as though it was zipped shut." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paranoid Android Posted November 15, 2013 Report Share Posted November 15, 2013 I love that you can tell she thinks she's writing these little anecdotes in some brilliant manner worthy of publishing when in fact she just sounds like a complete idiot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted November 17, 2013 Author Report Share Posted November 17, 2013 (edited) There probably should be a breathalyser for Facebook. (status updates in chronological order, from the same person) Wana get mortal!!! Fkin mortal already Even Jeremy kyle cvunt handle this sit Teramp stamp Ur getti n told off haha Bag down bog Ffs! Edited November 17, 2013 by Joda Serk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fertuiee Posted November 17, 2013 Report Share Posted November 17, 2013 I stand by this..."I was at a meeting about all sorts of rubbish and then walked to the art exhibition. On arrival , I found that I'd lost my comb. I took everything out of my bag ,while in the kind of doorway part of the museum , in the process almost certainly looking like some semi-hysterical maniac to the staff watching in fascination. I was convinced that I'd dropped it back at the place I had my meeting, so I ran all the way back there.(Big mistake - I had nausea for the rest of the day.I am clearly not designed for running. Walking, I excel at.) I blurted the story out to the receptionist who phoned someone who then went off to search the room. I kept looking through my bag ,and it was shortly after the call came back that nothing had been found that I located the comb in my bag , inside a pocket that had looked as though it was zipped shut." .the word "comb" spoils this a bit, replace it for any other word even a little bit more entertaining and its a decent story, has to be said. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paranoid Android Posted November 19, 2013 Report Share Posted November 19, 2013 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Easy Wishes Posted November 19, 2013 Report Share Posted November 19, 2013 76TROMBONES 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fertuiee Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 (edited) Its probably a well documented "hate" but you know really fucks my head in about these things? Couples that talk to each other from inside the same house ON Facebook!! Twat - "....... is wanting a Playstation 4 for Crimbo..im thinking Top Shop and loads of Swarowski ( ? ) in return LOLOLOL" Git - " LOL hinting much??...... LOL" And so this goes on until some bastard chimes in and says something like "yeh.....im thinking the same chick LOL" Grow a set of balls so i can kick you in them. Edited November 20, 2013 by fertuiee 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paranoid Android Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 It really bugs me when people post messages on another person's wall that doesn't need to be public for everyone to see. For example something banal like "are you still ok to meet at 6 this evening?". Just send them a private message for fuck's sake. That's what they are for. The only reason I can think of is that they are desperate for others to know that they are doing something that day and not stuck at home alone. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattJimF Posted November 20, 2013 Report Share Posted November 20, 2013 It really bugs me when people post messages on another person's wall that doesn't need to be public for everyone to see. For example something banal like "are you still ok to meet at 6 this evening?". Just send them a private message for fuck's sake. That's what they are for. The only reason I can think of is that they are desperate for others to know that they are doing something that day and not stuck at home alone.You mean like this Holy Crap Iain! Today, we have been together exactly 8 years! no fears tho cos I totes still love you heaps, and always will x Iain - I just got us 2 tickets to see Derren Brown in Aberdeen on my birthday next year! Oh... and they're front row! Best wife ever or what?! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
James Broonbreed Posted November 21, 2013 Report Share Posted November 21, 2013 Iain's wife is a cunt. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paranoid Android Posted November 22, 2013 Report Share Posted November 22, 2013 just want to cry, worst day ever! Well do it in private and leave me out of it you awful fuck. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murrr Posted November 25, 2013 Report Share Posted November 25, 2013 Peter Dow ?@peterdow17h Ladies, I'm offering a free personal semen donor service in Aberdeen, Scotland. Collect only. She comes to me, I come for her! #semendonor Reply Retweet Favourite More Expand For fuck's sake. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted November 25, 2013 Report Share Posted November 25, 2013 His twitter feed is a joy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fatboy Posted November 26, 2013 Report Share Posted November 26, 2013 jesus Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paranoid Android Posted December 23, 2013 Report Share Posted December 23, 2013 Someone just posted this on and appears to think it's not made up. http://m.ifunny.mobi/i/XkwSHGaa1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted December 23, 2013 Author Report Share Posted December 23, 2013 Dunno about the other ones, but the Blink 182 one is definitely true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TR!ΔNGL€ T€€TH Posted December 23, 2013 Report Share Posted December 23, 2013 The Nirvana one is at least partially true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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