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Simpsons Quotes


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"You ducks are really trying my patience...but you're so cute!"

Lisa: No I can't! I can't eat any of them!

Homer: Wait a minute wait a minute wait a minute. Lisa honey, are you

saying you're *never* going to eat any animal again? What about

bacon?

Lisa: No.

Homer: Ham?

Lisa: No.

Homer: Pork chops?

Lisa: Dad! Those all come from the same animal!

Homer: [Chuckles] Yeah, right Lisa. A wonderful, magical animal.

"that's an american bull-frog"

"that's a funny name. I would have called it a shaz-wozzah!"

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IMMIGANTS! I knew it was them. Even when it was the bears I knew it was them!

Hot damn, beat me to it.

Renee (Moes girlfriend): Really, you think Im gorgeous?

Moe: Yeah, well the parts that are showing. I guess you could have a lot of weird scars or a fake ass or something.

Renee: You dont talk to a lot of women do you?

Anything Professor Frink says.

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" One way to get rid of them is to tell 'em stories that dont go anywhere. Like the time I took the ferry to Shelbyville. I needed a new heel for my shoe so I decided to go to Morganville, which is what they called Shelbyville in those days. So I tied an onion to my belt, which was the style at the time. Now to take the ferry cost a nickel, and in those days, nickels had pictures of bumblebees on them. Give me five bees for a quarter you'd say. Now where were we, oh yeah. The important thing was that I had an onion on my belt, which was the style at the time. They didn't have white onions because of the war. The only thing you could get was those big yellow ones.... *trails off* "

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Hot damn, beat me to it.

Renee (Moes girlfriend): Really, you think Im gorgeous?

Moe: Yeah, well the parts that are showing. I guess you could have a lot of weird scars or a fake ass or something.

Renee: You dont talk to a lot of women do you?

That's a good episode for Moe.

He is my favourite.

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Arnie Pie: "I can see him now. I'm going to try and take him out with one of my shoes"

Kent Brockman: "Save it for the Police Arnie"

Arnie Pie: "I don't want to be a reporter! I want to make the news"

Kent Brockman: "This isn't the time or the..."

Arnie Pie: "YOU'RE NOT THE TIME, KENT. YOU'RE NOT THE TIME!"

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Marge : Have you noticed something about Bart?

Homer : New glasses?

Marge : No. It seems like something could be troubling him.

Homer : Probably misses his old glasses.

Marge : I want to get more involved in Bart's activities, but then I'd be afraid of smothering him.

Homer : Yeah, and then we'd get the chair.

Marge : That's not what I meant.

Homer : Admit it Marge, it was.

Homer: Look Marge, you don't know what it's like - I'm the one out there every day putting his ass on the line. And I'm not out of order! You're out of order! The whole freaking system is out of order! You want the truth? You want the truth? You can't handle the truth! 'Cause when you reach over and put your hand into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face, you'll know what to do!! Forget it Marge, it's Chinatown!!!

Marge: Homer, don't ever tell them personal stuff about me again!!

Homer: (sheepishly): Yes ma'am.

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Homer: Look everyone, now that I'm a teacher I've sewn patches on my elbows.

Marge: Homer that's supposed to be leather patches on a tweed jacket, not the other way around. You've ruined a perfectly good jacket.

Homer: Correction, Marge. [He holds up a tweed jacket with two large holes in the back]

Homer: Two perfectly good jackets.

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Superintendant Chalmers: Good Lord, what is happening in there?

Principal Skinner: The Aurora Borealis?

Superintendant Chalmers: The Aurora Borealis? At this time of year? At this time of day? In this part of the country? Localized entirely within your kitchen?

Principal Skinner: Yes.

Superintendant Chalmers: May I see it?

Principal Skinner: No.

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"In a bold move that has stunned Hollywood insiders, newly-divorced comeback-kid Troy McClure has turned down the supporting lead in McBain IV to direct and star in his own pet project: The Contrabulous Fabtraption of Professor Horatio Hufnagel. Will the gambit pay off? 20th Century Fox is betting... it will."

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