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Simpsons Quotes


Soda Jerk

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Marge: (gasps as she bursts into Homer's mansion) Oh, my god, you're a junkie!

Homer: (moaning) I need it...

Marge: I'm getting you off this stuff!

Homer: But I need it!

Marge: No, you don't!

- cut scene to Homer in hospital -

Marge: Unfortunately, as I later learned, that wasn't heroin. It was insulin. Homer really did need those injections

=================

Moe: Oh, I wasn't trying to steal your watch. I--I--I was just coming on to you.

Man at Bar: Okay, let's go back to my place.

Moe: Oh, boy.

=================

Lou: [observing some police attack dogs] Gee, they look pretty mad.

Chief Wiggum: Yeah, I've been starving them, teasing them, singing off key...mee my ma mo...mee my ma may...go get em boys

[Dogs attack Chief Wiggum instead]

=================

Ralph: Wait, mister, you're drinking a candle. You don't want to get

wax in your mouth, do you?

Homer: [slyly] Maybe I do, son. Maybe I do.

================

Cheif Wiggum: Bake him away toys!

Lou: What you say chief?

Chief Wiggum: Do what the kid says.

YouTube - The Simpsons bake him away toys!

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Reverend Lovejoy: I know one of you is responsible for this, so repeat after me: If I withhold the truth may I go straight to Hell, where I will eat naught but burning hot coals and drink naught but burning hot cola...

Ralph Wiggum: Where fiery demons will punch me in the back...

Bart: Where my soul will be chopped into confetti and strewn upon a parade of murderers and single mothers...

Milhouse: Where my tongue will be torn out by ravenous birds...Bart did it! That Bart, right there!

Bart: Milhouse!

Reverend Lovejoy: Milhouse, you did the right thing. Bart, come with me for punishment. You too, snitchy.

Homer: So, Burns is gonna make us all go on a stupid corporate retreat up in the mountains to learn about teamwork. Which means we'll have to cancel our plans to hang around here.

Bart: Teamwork is overrated.

Homer: Huh?

Bart: Think about it. I mean, what team was Babe Ruth on? Who knows.

Lisa and Marge: Yankees.

Bart: Sharing is a bunch of bull, too. And helping others. And what's all this crap I've been hearing about tolerance?

Homer: Hmm. Your ideas are intriguing to me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter. But I think we have to go to the retreat anyway.

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Todd: Daddy, was mommy a monkey? I can't remember.

Ned: No one was ever a monkey! Everything is what it was and always will be! God put us here and that's that!

Todd: But you said a stork brought me.

Ned: Uh, that was God disguised as a stork.

Rod: Who brings baby storks?

Ned: There's no such thing as storks, it's all God!

Todd: (praying in front of a statue of a stork) Please bless daddy and mommy...

Ned: Stop praying to that stork!

xx

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Homer: Uh, buh, buh, we're new foreign exchange students from ... uh, um ... Scotland!

Willie: Saints be praised, I'm from Scotland! Where do ya hail from?

Homer: Uh ... North ... Kilttown.

Willie: No foolin'! I'm from North Kilttown! Do you know Angus McLeod?

Homer: Wait a minute! There's no Angus McLeod in North Kilttown! Why, you're not from Scotland at all!

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