Lemonade Posted September 16, 2009 Report Share Posted September 16, 2009 What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?Gang Rape.What's pink and covered in cobwebs?Madeline McCann's bike. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TelecasterSam Posted September 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted September 16, 2009 Yeah, I fucked that up... oh well.Why can't people in Scotland speak properly anyway? I was born and raised here and I don't speak like that. True, I got the shit kicked out of me at school for being 'posh' but mere physical violence cannot lower my standard of engrish.jeez man.....I was born in Glasgow, moved when I was 5, and was brought up in West Yorks most of my young adult life, then got married, and moved up here 7 years past.....and even I can understand most Doric....anyway...... a joke !Final question at a pub quiz in Glasgow...."and the final question to win the 200 prize is: Take That's first album consisted of four words, the first two were "Take That..." so what were the other two?"There was a long pause, then a wee auld man pipes up with...."Was it.... Ya Cunt ?" 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted September 16, 2009 Report Share Posted September 16, 2009 Final question at a pub quiz in Glasgow...."and the final question to win the 200 prize is: Take That's first album consisted of four words, the first two were "Take That..." so what were the other two?"There was a long pause, then a wee auld man pipes up with...."Was it.... Ya Cunt ?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaki Posted September 16, 2009 Report Share Posted September 16, 2009 What do 9 out of 10 people enjoy?Gang Rape.What's pink and covered in cobwebs?Madeline McCann's bike.Considered positive rep for the first.........then negative for the second...........What's got 8 legs and a big black cunt? The A-Team Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted September 16, 2009 Report Share Posted September 16, 2009 I liked the second one more. I have began to wonder whether or not all her stuff has been car boot saled yet, too. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skubbs Posted September 16, 2009 Report Share Posted September 16, 2009 I liked the second one more. I have began to wonder whether or not all her stuff has been car boot saled yet, too.I can't rep you again for a while damn... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teabags Posted September 17, 2009 Report Share Posted September 17, 2009 Silence is golden. Gaffa tape is silver. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaseyBoi Posted September 21, 2009 Report Share Posted September 21, 2009 A senior citizen goes in for his yearly physical with his wife tagging along. When the doctor enters the examination room he says, "I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample." The man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?" The wife yells back to him, "GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERPANTS" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue Denim.. Posted September 21, 2009 Report Share Posted September 21, 2009 My tortoise crashed into my terrapin the other day.It was a turtle disaster. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faux Mantini Posted September 22, 2009 Report Share Posted September 22, 2009 A girl in a bar said to me, "I wouldn't fuck you if we were the last person alive."Leaning over and whispering, I replied, "But who would be around to stop me?"Wiped the smug look off her face.My favourite sexual position is the JFK.I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.And the winner of the MTV music awards best video 2010 goes to...The Ku Klux KlanHave a go now, Kanye. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teabags Posted September 22, 2009 Report Share Posted September 22, 2009 A girl in a bar said to me, "I wouldn't fuck you if we were the last person alive."Leaning over and whispering, I replied, "But who would be around to stop me?"Wiped the smug look off her face.My favourite sexual position is the JFK.I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.And the winner of the MTV music awards best video 2010 goes to...The Ku Klux KlanHave a go now, Kanye.Do you support Rangers? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teabags Posted September 22, 2009 Report Share Posted September 22, 2009 Is that why i found them all so funny?Yes. Yes it is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tam o' Shantie Posted September 22, 2009 Report Share Posted September 22, 2009 I heard today that 6 illegal immigrants where killed in the back of a tesco lorry trying to smuggle there selfs into britain....A tesco spokesman commented"Every little helps"This joke doesnt make any sense on any level. Also, please stop posting Jimmy Carr jokes as 99% of yours have been. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tam o' Shantie Posted September 22, 2009 Report Share Posted September 22, 2009 Btw, as Teabags has indirectly implied, Faux Mantini is SexyTunk - and that's scientific fact. There's no real evidence for it, but it is scientific fact. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teabags Posted September 22, 2009 Report Share Posted September 22, 2009 Btw, as Teabags has indirectly implied, Faux Mantini is SexyTunk - and that's scientific fact. There's no real evidence for it, but it is scientific fact.I only asked if he supported Rangers, because I couldn't remember his name. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted September 22, 2009 Report Share Posted September 22, 2009 and that's scientific fact. There's no real evidence for it, but it is scientific fact.Is that a Brasseye quote? Or possibly The Day Today? I get them both muddled up.Nice one, anyway. using Chris Morris jokes in everyday conversation is great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tam o' Shantie Posted September 22, 2009 Report Share Posted September 22, 2009 It's Dr Fox in the Paedogedden episode. Quick, everyone give him negative rep. Maybe we can see what the next shade of red will be this time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan G Posted September 22, 2009 Report Share Posted September 22, 2009 A girl in a bar said to me, "I wouldn't fuck you if we were the last person alive."Is the person in this 'joke' a schitzophrenic or conjoined twins of opposite sex? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaseyBoi Posted September 22, 2009 Report Share Posted September 22, 2009 This joke doesnt make any sense on any level. Also, please stop posting Jimmy Carr jokes as 99% of yours have been.Actually for your information Jimmy carr gets his bloody jokes from the same place i do....Siki...Its a well known fact that frankie boyle and jimmy carr scour through siki for most of there material....Go on siki and you will see....And i do apologies i didnt realise i had to make my jokes up myself...Apologies to you sir for making you read jokes that are not mine . . . .And to be honest if you dont get the tesco joke i honestly dont believe you should be reading any jokes......From anyone.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Easy Wishes Posted September 22, 2009 Report Share Posted September 22, 2009 I also don't get the Tesco joke to be honest. The only joke I can see is the unbelievable grammar.Originally Posted by JaseyBoi I heard today that 6 illegal immigrants where killed in the back of a tesco lorry trying to smuggle there selfs into britain....A tesco spokesman commented"Every little helps" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scootray Posted September 22, 2009 Report Share Posted September 22, 2009 Oh me...He hates immigrants. The immigrants died. Tesco's motto is "Every Little Helps". In this case, 6 dead immigrants is a little help to killing the whole lot.How hard is that to get? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Easy Wishes Posted September 22, 2009 Report Share Posted September 22, 2009 Oh me...He hates immigrants. The immigrants died. Tesco's motto is "Every Little Helps". In this case, 6 dead immigrants is a little help to killing the whole lot.How hard is that to get?It's hard to get as a joke, when in fact it's not in the least bit funny and actually just a bit racist. ?( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scootray Posted September 22, 2009 Report Share Posted September 22, 2009 I agree it's not funny, but the way you guys were going on it was like you didn't even get the concept of it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaseyBoi Posted September 22, 2009 Report Share Posted September 22, 2009 At the end of the day you can cyber bully me regarding my jokes all you want....I will not stop posting a joke if i read it elsewhere and it makes me giggle...Only a few of you guys HATE my jokes there are some who actually like them....And ffs yes my grammar sucks get over it...Bad grammar doesn't make me a bad person....In with anger out with love guys...... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TR!ΔNGL€ T€€TH Posted September 22, 2009 Report Share Posted September 22, 2009 And ffs yes my grammar sucks get over it...Bad grammar doesn't make me a bad person....In with anger out with love guys......The racist jokes don't put you in a very good light... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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