Lemonade Posted September 25, 2009 Report Share Posted September 25, 2009 My mum fucking ruined this joke for me yesterday, when someone said it on the radio while we were in the car.Mum: What did he say? Apricot?Me: Apricot?!? No, why the hell would it be that?Mum: Well I don't know, I didn't hear him properly. What was it?Me: Petit-filousMum: ...........Me: Petit-filous.....Mr T's favourite yoghurt.....petit-filousMum: ...........Me: Petit-filous....Pity the foolMum: ...........Me: Pity the fool mum? Mr T?Mum: ....Is that a catchphrase or something?Me: Wha-...YES MUM....Mr T... what the f-Mum: Well I can't remember, I was your age when the A-Team was on.Me: I wasn't even born when it was on.Mum: Well Petit-filous is really fromage-frais anyway, not yoghurt.I was seriously considering driving straight into a brick wall just to put an end to it.I love this post. Too late to give rep tho Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted September 25, 2009 Report Share Posted September 25, 2009 I didnt know Tesco had anything immigrants. Jedis, yes. Immigrants, no.Incidentally, what exactly does Tesco have against Jedis? I've been waiting for someone else to ask but no-one has. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Easy Wishes Posted September 25, 2009 Report Share Posted September 25, 2009 Incidentally, what exactly does Tesco have against Jedis? I've been waiting for someone else to ask but no-one has.A Tesco store asked a guy to leave because he was wearing a hoody or something like that.The guy said they were offending his faith 'cause he is a Jedi apparently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted September 25, 2009 Report Share Posted September 25, 2009 A Tesco store asked a guy to leave because he was wearing a hoody or something like that.The guy said they were offending his faith 'cause he is a Jedi apparently.I bet that guy gets laid, like, all the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted September 25, 2009 Report Share Posted September 25, 2009 I bet that guy gets laid, like, all the time.Hell yeah... (nsfwish) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted September 25, 2009 Report Share Posted September 25, 2009 Ha ha. Good un Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaseyBoi Posted September 25, 2009 Report Share Posted September 25, 2009 lol - that was your best joke yet!I wish you could see the irony of a 34-year-old getting sooo fucking angry over the internet and wanting to sort out "internet bullies" in real life... and then being confused as to why they might be mistaken for a 17 year old. I'm afraid if all you present of yourself is illiterately written rubbish jokes, you are going to get judged accordingly. But don't give it the whole "know me in real life" rubbish when exactly the same applies to the people who are "bullying" you.Ive never once said i wanted to sort anyone out...Im not a violent man...Also mate this thread was the straw that broke the camels back....The same forum trolls wether its picture threads or joke threads come on and moan moan moan.....And again you say i tell rubbish jokes yet my reputation and PM;s tell me its you guys that are wrong not me.....Just because you think a joke is shite/immature/racist does not mean everyone does...(Not that im saying you said any of these things)..Anyway this is a jokes thread after all so can we just tell jokes...If i tell one you dont like just ignore it...Please dont post telling me its shite...As again for every single joke i have been bashed for publicly i have recieved many a rep point for...._______________________________________________________________I was clubbing the other night and I was totally pissed. I walked up to this beautiful blonde and said, "Duck my sick!"She said, "You're pissed - don't you mean suck my dick?"I puked on her and said... "No!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Gold Posted September 25, 2009 Report Share Posted September 25, 2009 He's right you know... scene points are the damage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaseyBoi Posted September 30, 2009 Report Share Posted September 30, 2009 I DO love little Johnnie!!!! The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence. ... Molly put up her hand and said, 'My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating.' ... The teacher said, 'That was good, but I wanted you to use the word fascinate, not fascinating'. ... Sally raised her hand. She said,'My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated.' .. The teacher said, 'Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.' ... Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate', so she called on him for his offering. ... Johnny said, 'My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight.' ... The teacher sat down and cried Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 Good grief. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaseyBoi Posted October 1, 2009 Report Share Posted October 1, 2009 Good grief.Please tell us all a joke OS Ive yet to read one of your brilliant jokes.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Easy Wishes Posted October 2, 2009 Report Share Posted October 2, 2009 Haha, like when a band is reviewed badly and their response is to slag off the reviewer's band. LOLZ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted October 2, 2009 Report Share Posted October 2, 2009 I told the Daddy Long Legs joke a few pages back. It's my all time favourite. I can't beat it. Go back and read it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Gold Posted October 2, 2009 Report Share Posted October 2, 2009 ... The teacher sat down and criedI'm curious, what's the deal with the little extra bits at the end of some of these jokes? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted October 2, 2009 Report Share Posted October 2, 2009 I'm curious, what's the deal with the little extra bits at the end of some of these jokes?That's what I thought. Jokes going beyond the punchline seem a bit shoddy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Gold Posted October 2, 2009 Report Share Posted October 2, 2009 If people aren't too busy chuckling to hear the post-punchline, you probably shoulda stopped talking anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted October 2, 2009 Report Share Posted October 2, 2009 A guy goes into town to buy a Prince CD for his wife's Christmas. He ended up paying 20 quid for it but he partied like it was 19.99. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaseyBoi Posted October 3, 2009 Report Share Posted October 3, 2009 A guy goes into town to buy a Prince CD for his wife's Christmas. He ended up paying 20 quid for it but he partied like it was 19.99.Damn why cant i tell jokes like that...That is a good one i'll give you that....p/s OS i had a look for this daddy long legs joke and couldn't find it....I did however read one of your jokes which wasnt the daddy long legs one...It was meh so please tell us it again...If its your favourite joke of all time im sure you wont mind.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frosty Jack Posted October 3, 2009 Report Share Posted October 3, 2009 p/s OS i had a look for this daddy long legs joke and couldn't find it....I did however read one of your jokes which wasnt the daddy long legs one...It was meh so please tell us it again...If its your favourite joke of all time im sure you wont mind.... Fuck me, here you go -http://www.aberdeen-music.com/forums/749209-post62.htmlJust accept that humour is a subjective thing, some people on the internet didn't like something you posted very much. Stop killing the thread and move on... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted October 3, 2009 Report Share Posted October 3, 2009 Paddy goes for a job as a Blacksmith, The Blacksmith says to Paddy "have you ever shoed a Horse, Paddy says " No but I once told a donkey to fuck offDo people still do paddy jokes? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaseyBoi Posted October 3, 2009 Report Share Posted October 3, 2009 Paddy goes for a job as a Blacksmith, The Blacksmith says to Paddy "have you ever shoed a Horse, Paddy says " No but I once told a donkey to fuck offDo people still do paddy jokes?LOLOh and if i done paddy jokes i'd be a rascist....But i think you will be ok. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain America Posted October 3, 2009 Report Share Posted October 3, 2009 LOLOh and if i done paddy jokes i'd be a rascist....But i think you will be ok.Oh for fuck sake. Stop trying to make yourself a martyr! People didn't like your jokes, so they said they thought they were shit, some people did and they gave you some precious rep. As Frosty said, humour is subjective. Now move on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaseyBoi Posted October 3, 2009 Report Share Posted October 3, 2009 Oh for fuck sake. Stop trying to make yourself a martyr! People didn't like your jokes, so they said they thought they were shit, some people did and they gave you some precious rep. As Frosty said, humour is subjective. Now move on.Lol i was kidding notice the x2 emoticons i used Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paranoid Posted October 3, 2009 Report Share Posted October 3, 2009 Lol i was kidding notice the x2 emoticons i used No, you didn't use any emoticons. Man up eh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frosty Jack Posted October 3, 2009 Report Share Posted October 3, 2009 OK, enough.Do we really need this carry on? Someone posts a joke. You either like it or you don't. End of. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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