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Guest idol_wild

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That said, "TEABAGS LIKES HUMMUS" was scrawled in very large hummus-coloured graffati on the homepage last night. I laughed my titties off. I was expecting "cock", "pussy", or "tits". But no...hummus.
Really? That's awesome. I only found the graffiti thing this morning.

I fucking love hummus.

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Flat

fucking solicitors, my flat's been on the market since august with limited interest and their only suggestion is to lower the price by 5k. It would be cheaper to redecorate and redo the photos, advertise in the evening and relist on the aspc but they've suggested none of this. They seem to be taking the hump that i've dared suggest they could be doing more to promote our property.

they also suggested that we could sell it part exchange for a stewart milne new build. fuck that.

Double fuck that. When you sell a Stewart Milne home you are obliged to give him a % of the profit or a minimum of 20k or something like that. Small print! (I am talking about the 100-200k houses.) Never mind the fact that they are made of paper.

Also anyone wanting to buy your flat will probably come in with an offer 5k under anyway.

Cat

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People not cleaning the communal spoons at work.

When the swine flu scaremongering kicked off a couple of years ago, my work started to buy plastic disposable spoons for us to make coffee with. You know, so we didn't ALL DIE. This was all fine and well, as you just threw them away, safe in the knowledge that you were doing yr bit in preventing a possible pandemic. But this past week, we have returned to using regular, metal spoons. Spoons that you have to clean. I thought that this wouldn't be hard, but it turns out that the simple, minute long task of running a spoon under a hot tap with a bit of washing up liquid is too difficult for my learned colleagues. Instead, they are used and deposited on the draining board or work top. HOW DIFFICULT IS IT TO CLEAN A SPOON!?!?? The people I work with are not simpletons, so I just suspect them to be lazy, ignorant bastards who think that a quick, menial task such as cutlery cleaning is beneath them. These dirty spoons properly fuck me off. If I catch someone doing this, it's all going to kick off.

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Folk coming into lectures 20 minutes in, that's a 3rd of the lecture they've missed so there is really not much point in going in. Plus it's smaller lecture theatres where the door is next to the screen, so they end up walking past, and taking ages to get their jacket off, take their books out, get comfy blah blah. It's 3rd year, I honestly expected folk to grow up a bit and start taking the course seriously. That and bitches yabbering at the back, fuck off to Kilau or Tikki cafe and chat there.

Since uni is taking up most of my time, I'll be moaning about that more :up:

Mumpy chops strikes again.

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The phrase 'I don't know why you don't just play a real guitar' or any variant thereof, when playing or talking about guitar hero.

Yeah. Or if you're good at fingering your bass and you're writing amazing licks. And someone goes: "You're good. Really good. Why don't you take up 'real' guitar"...

Gets right on my tits.

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Guest idol_wild
Yeah. Or if you're good at fingering your ass and you're writing amazing licks. And someone goes: "You're good. Really good. Why don't you take up 'real' guitar"...

Gets right on my tits.

Fixed.

I can see why that would get on your tits, right enough.

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I like the song and the original drummer. But
actually offends me. Simplicity is key as far as i'm concerned and this just shits all over my mentality, who the fuck does he think he is?

I also hate it when people refer to themselves as a separate entity for when they're drunk as if it wasn't actually them, e.g. "well drunk John was a bit crazy last night!". Are they trying to disclaim any ownership of how they acted or do they just think they're dead quirky and awesome?

I'd hate to be in a band with him.

"I got a new bass head to take on tour"

"Can't use it"

"Eh why nae?"

"No room in the van."

"How?"

"My amazing cymbals and toms that i'll use once in one song on the entire tour but they are VITAL."

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Current hate....having a sore leg after I sliced my inner thigh with a stanley knife whilst fitting a thumb-piano & contact mike inside a telly tubbies musical box. First thought was annoyance at making a hole in the jeans, then the oozing blood reminded me that it might be serious, what with major arteries in the general region...but it's just a deep, sore cut ;(

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I also hate it when people refer to themselves as a separate entity for when they're drunk as if it wasn't actually them, e.g. "well drunk John was a bit crazy last night!". Are they trying to disclaim any ownership of how they acted or do they just think they're dead quirky and awesome?

By the same token, I hate anyone who has uttered the phrase Aww, I love Drunk [Name of Associate]! especially when said in front of the person they're talking about. That's essentially just someone who never mentions that they love you that they love a version of you that isnt the actual you. (PS: you.)

You probably go out of your way to appear charming and endearing most of the time, only for that to not be acknowledged, overshadowed by the fact that you might stumble over a shoelace every few steps. Oh my god, you falling over is way funnier than anything youve ever said!

Speaking of boring alcohol-related pet hates, I also dislike it when people can tell you exactly what they had to drink and in what quantities, but I know I'm not alone on this one.

People who at the time of mild inebriation insist on coming up to you and saying the words, Oh my god, Im so drunk! also irritate me. As do the people who will make you feel like a degenerate after theyve seen you particularly intoxicated. Youve no reason to feel bad unless you know for a fact in a drunken state youve molested a member of their family or killed a beloved pet of theirs. Youre only human and they are not superior; it just so happens that they didnt stumble over their own shoelaces (but oh my god, when you did that, it was SO FUNNY!!!) or do a genuine, accidental spoonerism.

I am a wank.

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I also hate it when people refer to themselves as a separate entity for when they're drunk as if it wasn't actually them, e.g. "well drunk John was a bit crazy last night!". Are they trying to disclaim any ownership of how they acted or do they just think they're dead quirky and awesome?

By the same principle, I don't really like it when you make me play with "Little Johnny". I'm starting to think that somebody might believe me if I tell them.

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I hate anyone who has uttered the phrase Aww, I love Drunk [Name of Associate]!

Whole rant is spot on, but especially this part.

Whilst despising this for the same reasons you listed, I also fucking loathe people saying this because everyone - without exception - is an horrendous shithead whilst drunk.

If you're not being a shithead, then you're still too sober to be classed as "drunk [person]".

The only time someone who is actually drunk is not being an insufferable fucking wanker is when you're close to as drunk as they are; at which point, you are also an insufferable fucking wanker and your opinion is invalid.

xx

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