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Pet Hates!


Guest idol_wild

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Guest idol_wild
Right then. I haven't thought of a decent pet hate in quite some time, but what about those knackers that whap out their guitars in certain social situations for absolutely no fucking reason? Attention-seeking arseholes, the lot of them. "Ohhh, what's that? Earthquake in Haiti, you say? Hundreds of thousands dead, you say? Let me get the ol' guitar out, this sounds like a James Blunt moment!"

Listen here you self-important oxygen thief: you can only play three songs, and when you sing it sounds like a mouse being sucked through a goddamn vacuum cleaner. The last thing that those of us who possess a working brain want to hear is some cunt who's probably doing a ridiculous fucking degree like Film Studies that'll never get him a job bumbling his way through "Blowing in the Wind". We're not in a music venue and this isn't an open mic night, so take your 100 Squier and fuck off back to your bedroom before I smash it across your face.

Honestly, I don't think there's many things that are more cringeworthy than this. You know what's worse, though? The brainless fucking mutants who turn and gawk in awe at these attention-seekers, as if they're some kind of modern day Bob Dylan. "Holy shit! This guy can play Smoke on the Water... on an acoustic guitar!" FUCKING WOW. What the fuck are you idiots doing?! Stop acting like you've never seen a floppy-haired waste of spunk playing atrocious renditions of songs you don't even like and just ignore the prick. One time I was rolling on the #20 bus (which was as full of pricks as it usually is) and all of a sudden some American guy pulls out the acoustic and starts mumbling through one of the worst recreations of Freebird I've ever heard... AND EVERYONE ON THE BUS JUST ATE IT THE FUCK UP.

Pricks.

You are awesome and this is my favourite post of this entire thread.

As soon as some fucker whips out a guitar at a social gathering/party, I'm out of there. Party/gathering over.

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Mind you I hate ITV more than Sky but thats probabably cos I have to watch a lot of footy on that wretched channel... andy fucking townsend has a face one would never tire of slapping... as does robbie fucking earle, steve fucking rider, gabriel fucking clarke, clive fucking tyldseley, jim fucking beglin and the biggest cunt of them all jim fucking rosenthal.

Done to death, I know, but it brings a smile to my face every time...

BOOM!

jim-rosenthal.jpg

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Cunting Parcel-bastard-Force!

I was at work while they tried to deliver my new Bass Big Muff to replace the one that was fecked when I got it. None of the neighbours were in it seems, so they took it to the local Post Office round the corner and put a note through my door telling me this. Fair enough I thinks, it's just around the corner.

I toddled round to the shops and into the Post Office/Spar/junkie filled Chemist combination. Mrs Bingo-Wings finally dug out my parcel and asked me for a pound.

1 to pick up a parcel? What the country-fried fuck is that all about? Utter bollocks.

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Can't be titsed quoting but having logged on just to rant about the cunt who was on my megabus giving the driver jip coz he was too cool to wear a seatbelt, then raked through the last few pages... Murr ur a legend, some of your pet hates I admire purely on the basis of the acidic hatred with which they are written but that one is spot on. I hate cunts with guitars. Unless I've payed to see you don't bore me with your shit renditions! Try being a foreign student, you've no idea how many awkward hippy moments of acoustic guitar gaydom I've had to suffer through, sometimes even with the dreaded djembe drum as accompaniment.

Film studies though... Harbridge anyone? I bet she still googles herself, the dirty slut.

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The people that are cursed with such bad luck, that they are always caught taking a sip of their drink whilst landing on something quite humerous on the internet, as if their drink container is permanantly purched infront of their mouth. These people always tend to be blessed with the inability to contain said drink in their mouth whilst enjoying a chortle or two at a picture of cat doing something almost human, or something equally histerical. I fear for keyboards and monitors the world over, as desktops must be swimming in tea, coffee and fizzy pop that has been spat out in a mere giggle at a dog wearing sun glasses. Short Circuits are no laughing matter. Neither is tainting the finish of your desktop with the stains of your favourite refreshments.

Or you could just stop saying you spat your drink out due to a real life laugh-out-loud, because I assume you probably didn't. Whatever next? Eating a plate of food, or juggling flaming torches whilst reading an amusing article on Sikipedia. Oh lol, I've just burst into flames. So funny. I hate the internet.

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