Teabags Posted October 21, 2009 Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jester1470 Posted October 21, 2009 Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 Jesus. I heard that when Freddy Mercury died. That's how old that is.That's impressive, Mercury died 3 years before Senna Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted October 21, 2009 Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 That's impressive, Mercury died 3 years before Senna Maybe I heard it when Senna died then. Still, that was 15 years ago! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted October 21, 2009 Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 That's the closest i've had to a compliment on this site. cheers.I've never given you negative rep because I assume from your name that you like Motley Crue, and I also like Motley Crue. That wasn't much of a compliment but it's the best you're going to get from me, probably. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Le Stu Posted October 21, 2009 Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 I'm actually useful to have around as i can tell that Samsung TVs are not as good at replicating Red than Sony TVs, they appear to be orange and that their greens are unnatural.Everyone's eyes are different anyways. Yeah, I suck at orange. I did one of those online tests. I think the Vieras look the most natural, especially skin tones. Those IPS panels are fecking bangin' though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alkaline Posted October 21, 2009 Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 Yeah, I suck at orange. I did one of those online tests. I think the Vieras look the most natural, especially skin tones. Those IPS panels are fecking bangin' though.Hmmm, i prefer Sonys myself, though the Panas are good also. There is such a gulf between those two and the rest it's unreal! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest droid Posted October 22, 2009 Report Share Posted October 22, 2009 Barack Obama was seated next to a little girl on the airplaneleaving from Chicago when he turned to her and said, 'Let's talk. I've heardthat flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellowpassenger.'... Read MoreThe little girl, who had just opened her book, closed it slowly and said tothe total stranger, 'What would you like to talk about?''Oh, I don't know,' said president . 'How about global warmingor universal health care ', and he smiles smugly.OK, ' she said. 'Those could be interesting topics. But let me ask you a question first.A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes littlepellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps ofdried grass. Why do you suppose that is?'The clueless president , visibly surprised by the little girl's intelligence, thinksabout it and says, 'Hmmm, I have no idea.'To which the little girl replies, 'Do you really feel qualified to discuss global warmingor universal health care when you don't know sh*t? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TelecasterSam Posted December 17, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 17, 2009 Another tale of "Johnny"It is near the Christmas break of the school year. The students have turnedin all their work and there is really nothing more to do. All the childrenare restless and the teacher decides to have an early dismissal. Teacher: "Whoever answers the questions I ask, first and correctly can leaveearly today."Little Johnny says to himself "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart andwill answer the question."Teacher: "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?"Before Johnny can open his mouth, Susie says, "Abraham Lincoln."Teacher: "That's right Susie, you can go home."Johnny is mad that Susie answered the question first. Teacher: "Who said 'I Have a Dream'?"Before Johnny can open his mouth, Mary says, "Martin Luther King."Teacher: "That's right Mary, you can go."Johnny is even madder than before. Teacher: "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?"Before Johnny can open his mouth, Nancy says, "John F. Kennedy."Teacher: "That's right Nancy , you may also leave."Johnny is boiling mad that he has not been able to answer to any of thequestions. When the teacher turns her back Johnny says, "I wish these bitches wouldkeep their fucking mouths shut!"The teacher turns around: "WHO SAID THAT?"Johnny: "TIGER WOODS........... CAN I GO HOME NOW?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TR!ΔNGL€ T€€TH Posted December 17, 2009 Report Share Posted December 17, 2009 Thank you Popbitch:Two drunken pebbles on the beach having a conversation.Pebble 1. "Are you married?Pebble 2. "No I'm shingle". Q: Who's the nicest man in a hospital? A: The ultra-sound man Q: Who covers his shifts while he's away? A: The hip-replacement guy. Q: What is Grand Master Flash's favourite website? A: Wik wik wiki wikipedia. Q: What do you call a Mexican peeping-tom? A: Senor Minge. My Uncle was a terrible ventriloquist. When I was little he used to put his hand up my arse and tell me to keep quiet. Q: How do find Will Smith when he's lost in the snow? A: You look for the fresh prints. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paranoid Posted December 17, 2009 Report Share Posted December 17, 2009 Thank you Popbitch:Two drunken pebbles on the beach having a conversation.Pebble 1. "Are you married?Pebble 2. "No I'm shingle". Q: Who's the nicest man in a hospital? A: The ultra-sound man Q: Who covers his shifts while he's away? A: The hip-replacement guy. Q: What is Grand Master Flash's favourite website? A: Wik wik wiki wikipedia. Q: What do you call a Mexican peeping-tom? A: Senor Minge. My Uncle was a terrible ventriloquist. When I was little he used to put his hand up my arse and tell me to keep quiet. Q: How do find Will Smith when he's lost in the snow? A: You look for the fresh prints.I LOL'd at all of them, have some rep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue Denim.. Posted January 1, 2010 Report Share Posted January 1, 2010 Oh dear. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TelecasterSam Posted January 8, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2010 Wisdom From Grandpa - - "It is hard to understand how a cemetery can raise its burial ratesand blame it on the cost of living". ??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaseyBoi Posted January 8, 2010 Report Share Posted January 8, 2010 Birthdays are good for you...The more you have the longer you live. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaki Posted January 8, 2010 Report Share Posted January 8, 2010 Q: Who's the nicest man in a hospital? A: The ultra-sound man Q: Who covers his shifts while he's away? A: The hip-replacement guy. I am reciting that one out loud on my own to commit it to memory. Friday night Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted January 10, 2010 Report Share Posted January 10, 2010 What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose??Full Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TelecasterSam Posted January 10, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2010 What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose??FullUuuurrrhhhhhhh !!! funny though ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TelecasterSam Posted January 10, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2010 An Aberdonian walks into a bank in Union Streetand asks for the loan officer.He tells the loan officer that he is going to Australiaon business for two weeks and needs to borrow 5,000.The bank officer tells him that the bank will need some form of security for the loan, so the Aberdonian lad hands over the keys and documents of new Ferrari parked on the street in front of the bank.He produces the Log Book and everything checks out.The loan officer agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan.The bank's Manager and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the rough looking Aberdonian for using a 120,000 Ferrari ; as collateral against a 5000 loan.An employee of the bank then drives the Ferrari into the bank'sunderground garage and parks it there......Two weeks later, the Aberdonian returns, repays the 5,000 and the interest, which comes to 15.41.The loan officer says,"Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled?While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire. What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow 5,000 ?The Aberdonian replies:"Where else in Aberdeen can I park my carfor two weeks for only 15.41 and expect it to be there when I return'"Ah, the mind of the Aberdonian ....This is why they survive..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TelecasterSam Posted January 10, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2010 That was by far the worst joke in this thread.sorry.....not actually one of mine..... just thought it was mildly humorous ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattJimF Posted January 10, 2010 Report Share Posted January 10, 2010 Well it made me laugh Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TR!ΔNGL€ T€€TH Posted January 10, 2010 Report Share Posted January 10, 2010 That was by far the worst joke in this thread.I thought it was alright to be honest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 10, 2010 Report Share Posted January 10, 2010 My girlfriend says that I'm a selfish lover but I think that's bullshit.Whenever I give her an orgasm I let her choose whether to have it on her face or her tits. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ben_1903 Posted January 10, 2010 Report Share Posted January 10, 2010 My girlfriend says that I'm a selfish lover but I think that's bullshit.Whenever I give her an orgasm I let her choose whether to have it on her face or her tits.quality!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 11, 2010 Report Share Posted January 11, 2010 John W and Ben_1903; The rep button is on the the bottom left. I hold no esteem for verbal praise. Just points. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TelecasterSam Posted January 12, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 12, 2010 Not exactly PC, but funny nonetheless....... (NO offence meant to the Irish)Paddy and Mick go to London to donate sperm. It was a disaster! Paddy missed the tube and Mick came on the bus!A Muslim was sitting next to Paddy on a plane. Paddy ordered a whiskey. The stewardess asked the Muslim if he'd like a drink.He replied in disgust "I'd rather be raped by a dozen whores than let liquor touch my lips!"Paddy handed his drink back and said "Me too, I didn't know we had a choice!"Paddy calls Easyjet to book a flight. The operator asks "How many people are flying with you ?"Paddy replies "I don't know! Its your f***ing plane!"Two Irish couples decided to swap partners for the night. After 3 hours of amazing sex, Paddy says "I wonder how the girls are getting on"Paddy takes his new wife to bed on their wedding night. She undresses, lies on the bed spreadeagled and says "You know what I want don't you ?""Yeah," says Paddy. "The whole friggin' bed by the looks of it!"Paddy and his wife are lying in bed and the neighbours' dog is barking like mad in the garden. Paddy says "To hell with this!" and storms off.He comes back upstairs 5 minutes later and his wife asks "What did you do ?"Paddy replies "I've put the dog in our garden. Let's see how they like it!"Paddy is said to be shocked at finding out all his cows have Bluetongue. "Be Jeysus!" he said, "I didn't even know they had mobile phones!"Mick and Paddy are reading headstones at a nearby cemetery. Mick say "Crikey! There's a bloke here who was 152!"Paddy says "What's his name ?"Mick replies "Miles, from London!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TR!ΔNGL€ T€€TH Posted January 12, 2010 Report Share Posted January 12, 2010 TelecasterSam, you racist bastard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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