Scootray Posted June 15, 2008 Report Share Posted June 15, 2008 A duck goes into a bar and asks "Do you have any bread?"The barman replies: "No", so the duck leaves.The next day the same thing happens.The next day, the duck goes into the bar and asks "Do you have any bread?"The barman replies "No, and if you ask me again I'll nail your beak to the bar"The duck leaves.The next day the duck goes into the bar and asks "Do you have any nails?"The landlord replies: "No.""Do you have any bread?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jeanette Posted June 15, 2008 Report Share Posted June 15, 2008 Jeremy Clarkson meets Amy Winehouse and she asks him what he does for a living. He says "Top Gear" and she says "Great, I'll have 3 grammes."Poor I know! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TR!ΔNGL€ T€€TH Posted June 22, 2008 Report Share Posted June 22, 2008 What is the first sign of madness?Suggs at the front door.Ah thank you! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain America Posted June 22, 2008 Report Share Posted June 22, 2008 What is the first sign of madness?Suggs at the front door.Ah thank you!Was that not in a recent Nuts? I'm sure I read that whilst working hard at work... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TR!ΔNGL€ T€€TH Posted June 22, 2008 Report Share Posted June 22, 2008 Was that not in a recent Nuts? I'm sure I read that whilst working hard at work...It might have been. My old flatmate texted it to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue Denim.. Posted June 22, 2008 Report Share Posted June 22, 2008 Why did Humpty Dumpty throw his wife off the wall?To see her crack. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Le Stu Posted June 23, 2008 Report Share Posted June 23, 2008 how many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?that's. not. funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest treader. Posted June 25, 2008 Report Share Posted June 25, 2008 what do you call a bear with no paw?rupert the bastard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RossP Posted August 22, 2008 Report Share Posted August 22, 2008 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue Denim.. Posted August 27, 2008 Report Share Posted August 27, 2008 Why is a womans stomach called a waist?It's a waist because you could get another pair of tits in there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teabags Posted August 28, 2008 Report Share Posted August 28, 2008 What is non-alcoholic beer similar to?Its like going down on your little sister. Tastes the same, but just doesn't feel right. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Afro Droid Posted August 28, 2008 Report Share Posted August 28, 2008 What's small, pink and covered in cob-webs?Madeleine McCann's bike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue Denim.. Posted August 28, 2008 Report Share Posted August 28, 2008 The Police have raided Gary Glitter's house. They found class A drugs in the lounge, class B drugs in the kitchen and Class 5c in his bedroom! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tony Marlin Posted August 28, 2008 Report Share Posted August 28, 2008 A snake goes into a bar.Barman Says "I'm not serving you; your legless and can't hold your drink". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan G Posted September 18, 2008 Report Share Posted September 18, 2008 What's brown and Rhymes with Snoop?Dr Dre Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tickle Posted September 18, 2008 Report Share Posted September 18, 2008 revenge is bitter!A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they're sitting there having a good time together, she starts talking about this really great new drink. The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets, and starts trying to talk her boyfriend into having one. After a while he gives in and lets her order the drink for him. The bartender brings the drink and puts the following items on the bar: A salt shaker, a shot of Baileys and a shot of lime juice. The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains. 'First you put a bit of the salt on your tongue, next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth, and finally you drink the lime juice.' So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it. He puts the salt on his tongue........salty but tolerable. He drinks the shot of Baileys........smooth , rich, cool, very pleasant. He thinks........this is OK. Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it. In one second the sharp lime taste hits...... At two seconds the Baileys curdles ... At three seconds the salty, curdled taste & mucous-like consistency hits. .......At four seconds it feels as if he has a mouth full of nasty snot. This triggers his gag reflex, but being manly, and not > wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now foul tasting drink. When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, 'Jesus, what do you call that drink?' She smiles widely at him and says, 'Blow Job Revenge.' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teabags Posted September 18, 2008 Report Share Posted September 18, 2008 On a country lane, a man is driving long in one direction, while a woman is driving in the other direction. As they pass, the man shouts out his window to the woman passing "FAT COW!"The woman, slightly annoyed, shouts back "BALD DICK" as she goes round the bend.At the end of the blind turn, she smashes straight into a large heffer and crashes the car into the adjacent field wall, killing her instantly.Women. If they'd just listen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RossP Posted September 20, 2008 Report Share Posted September 20, 2008 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TR!ΔNGL€ T€€TH Posted September 20, 2008 Report Share Posted September 20, 2008 Bwahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spaced Posted September 20, 2008 Report Share Posted September 20, 2008 whats the diffrence between a baby and a trampoline??i take my shows off to jump on a trampoline Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scootray Posted September 21, 2008 Report Share Posted September 21, 2008 Do you take your shoes off too? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jon Posted September 21, 2008 Report Share Posted September 21, 2008 Why was Lt. Uhura angry? Cos William Shatner. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue Denim.. Posted September 21, 2008 Report Share Posted September 21, 2008 Why was Lt. Uhura angry? Cos William Shatner.Fucking brilliant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Biz Posted September 23, 2008 Report Share Posted September 23, 2008 I asked the barber for a number two.He shat on ma heid . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lepeep Posted September 23, 2008 Report Share Posted September 23, 2008 I asked the barber for a number two.He shat on ma heid .he might have been the baker that kneaded a jobbie too? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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