Guest idol_wild Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 I find Lorraine Kelly ever more alluring the older she gets.I have expressed my desire for Lorraine Kelly on this website before. A fine example of a woman. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 I have to ask my girlfriend to deal with any spiders in the house bigger than a 20p piece. Or wait until they wander towards ground level and I can point them out to the cat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest idol_wild Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 I can't laugh at that. I flinch when I'm walking and there's a pigeon in my way. I hate pigeons and I know that one day I'm going to end up with a face full of one as it misjudges its take off.Don't go to Bristol. My dominant memory from Bristol was the sight of a pigeon eating a dead seagull at the entrance to the train station. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stroopy121 Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 I think you're all pathetic. Especially the ones who confess to things that I do/think.You make me sick.xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lucius Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 I have never used a public lavatory for anything other than urinating.I'm so paranoid about pooping in public that I take tablets before I go on a night out or into town to bung me up so that I dont have to poop until the next day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 Plus you refuse to use urinals. Cubicle Boy. You should change your username to Cubicle Boy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest idol_wild Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 Plus you refuse to use urinals. Cubicle Boy. You should change your username to Cubicle Boy.Did you ever hear Johnny Vaughan's rationale for strictly using cubicles? He had a very fair point.He regaled a story from his public urinal using days, where he was standing at the wall urinal, doing his business, before a big hairy brickie type stands at the urinal next to him and does his business. The brickie finishes up before Johnny, as he's already a little shy (let's be fair, having your willy out in public next to another man with his willy out just isn't natural). Then, out of the corner of his eye (not his third eye), he could see that the brickie was in the process of the post-piss "shoogle". A matter of half seconds later, Johnny feels a small speck of warm liquid hit his lower lip.Since hearing that story, I am Captain Cubicle Boy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaaakkkeee Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 Did you ever hear Johnny Vaughan's rationale for strictly using cubicles? He had a very fair point.He regaled a story from his public urinal using days, where he was standing at the wall urinal, doing his business, before a big hairy brickie type stands at the urinal next to him and does his business. The brickie finishes up before Johnny, as he's already a little shy (let's be fair, having your willy out in public next to another man with his willy out just isn't natural). Then, out of the corner of his eye (not his third eye), he could see that the brickie was in the process of the post-piss "shoogle". A matter of half seconds later, Johnny feels a small speck of warm liquid hit his lower lip.Since hearing that story, I am Captain Cubicle Boy.Because you wanted to have the taste of piss on your lip in private?When I was young I wanted to see if pee still came out if I pointed my willy up. I pissed all over myself.I used to have to get completely naked to shit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 Did you ever hear Johnny Vaughan's rationale for strictly using cubicles? He had a very fair point.He regaled a story from his public urinal using days, where he was standing at the wall urinal, doing his business, before a big hairy brickie type stands at the urinal next to him and does his business. The brickie finishes up before Johnny, as he's already a little shy (let's be fair, having your willy out in public next to another man with his willy out just isn't natural). Then, out of the corner of his eye (not his third eye), he could see that the brickie was in the process of the post-piss "shoogle". A matter of half seconds later, Johnny feels a small speck of warm liquid hit his lower lip.Since hearing that story, I am Captain Cubicle Boy.I got pissed on at a urinal once, not just a speck either, a full stream. I was in Exo, many many years ago, back when the urinals were still a trough on the back wall of the toilets. I was having a slash and there was this old dude standing to the right of me who was absolutely steaming. Mid-piss, something kicked off behind us and someone came flying through the toilet door with a big clatter. We both looked round to our left so we could see what was going on behind us. However I was sober enough to be able to just turn my head - the guy next to me wasn't. When I turned back round to the urinal, he was still gawking at what was going on behind, and he'd turned his whole body round 45 degrees, and was (unwittingly) pissing all down my leg. Walking home that night wasn't fun, with some guy's cold stinky piss on my right leg. And brilliantly when I got home I was REALLY REALLY dying for a piss, couldn't find my keys and basically pissed myself a little bit on the doorstep while I was scrabbling around in my pockets trying to find them. I had to have a shower when I got in. I had two lots of piss on me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christy Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 I got pissed on at a urinal once, not just a speck either, a full stream. I was in Exo, many many years ago, back when the urinals were still a trough on the back wall of the toilets. I was having a slash and there was this old dude standing to the right of me who was absolutely steaming. Mid-piss, something kicked off behind us and someone came flying through the toilet door with a big clatter. We both looked round to our left so we could see what was going on behind us. However I was sober enough to be able to just turn my head - the guy next to me wasn't. When I turned back round to the urinal, he was still gawking at what was going on behind, and he'd turned his whole body round 45 degrees, and was (unwittingly) pissing all down my leg. Walking home that night wasn't fun, with some guy's cold stinky piss on my right leg. And brilliantly when I got home I was REALLY REALLY dying for a piss, couldn't find my keys and basically pissed myself a little bit on the doorstep while I was scrabbling around in my pockets trying to find them. I had to have a shower when I got in. I had two lots of piss on me.This is just my Megabus story with a change of location Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 This is just my Megabus story with a change of locationI don't know your megabus story. Do share. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christy Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 Just re-read your own story but imagine it happened on a scummy bus. The door swung open while a junkie was having a pisss, and instead of reaching out to pull it shut, he swung his whole body around, and arced a jet of skanky pizzle onto my knee. The worst part was that he started to apologise while still standing there pissing on me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stroopy121 Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 I like the idea of a present tense apology.'Sorry I'm pissing on you' sounds funnier than 'sorry I pissed on you' IMHO.xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaaakkkeee Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 Confession: Every time I read IMHO I some how think it says In My (H)own Opinion.. Hone... Then I realise it's not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Christy Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 It was so degrading...the look in his sallow, sunken junkie eyes. I didn't think it possible, but despite being pissed upon, I wasn't the most pathetic specimen in the exchange.FWIW I chucked out the jeans I was wearing. Had a spare pair in my rucksack. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaaakkkeee Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 Should have made him swap jeans first, then chuck his out and leave him with pissy jeans. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 Hook is better than Pirates of the Carribbean.Infact that's not even a confession. It's just true. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 I get savage stage-fright when pissing in a public toilet, can only do it in a cubicle.Feel closer to dogs a lot more than I do to most people. I have my best friends and that, sure, but I'd rather just hang out with my dog as far as everyone else goes. Didn't cry at the last 4-5 funerals I've been at but was inconsolable for a long time when Winston died.I cry at films/books. I am deeply ashamed of 90% of the things I did between the ages of about 15-18/19 (seriously, although feel free to insert your own sex jokes)I am a huge Take That fan.I cannot pull when out in town, or whatever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaki Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 I can shit anywhere. ANYWHERE. Recently did one in Glen Banchor when helping Moose with a geography field trip. I did it behind a dilapidated old croft. After having done it I decided it might be a picnic spot for walkers so thought I'd hide it. To do so I removed a big stone from the croft and thought I'd hide it under that. Didn't think it through before dropping the stone from a height. SPLATTER. Shite sprayed everywhere for a radius of 20 feet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted March 31, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 Hook is better than Pirates of the Carribbean.Infact that's not even a confession. It's just true.Damn right. I wanted to be rufio so bad when I was young. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 Hook just has everything. Hoskins, Hoffman, Robins. Julia Roberts is alright for a lass the size of your hand too. She could get up to all sorts of no good in your pocket.And the insults over the imaginary feast are tremendous. RUFIO! RUFIO! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waltz Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 Aye, this is why Eurotrash (ah, the days, etc) was such a wankers minefield - one minute there would be a screenful of lesbo totty licking cream off each other to get you, ahem, 'going', but by the time you were ready to fire the porridge gun, it would be an item on some old male nudist German cello players. Doh! This is the best thing I've ever read. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest idol_wild Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 Aye, this is why Eurotrash (ah, the days, etc) was such a wankers minefield - one minute there would be a screenful of lesbo totty licking cream off each other to get you, ahem, 'going', but by the time you were ready to fire the porridge gun, it would be an item on some old male nudist German cello players. Doh! Have you noticed that since Eurotrash stopped being aired, the number of young adults on the street causing trouble has dramatically increased?That shit kept all the wankers off the street on Friday nights. Literally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monster Zero Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 Let's face it, that's not the first pish to pass Johnny Vaughn's lips.I think U2 are great. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monster Zero Posted March 31, 2011 Report Share Posted March 31, 2011 Have you noticed that since Eurotrash stopped being aired, the number of young adults on the street causing trouble has dramatically increased?That shit kept all the wankers off the street on Friday nights. Literally.On a Friday night TV theme, remember all the tossers that used to make up the studio audience on 'The Word'? They are all on the streets as well now, which can't be a good thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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