Teabags Posted January 24, 2011 Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 Wow.... never saw this until today......o_OI'm REALLY surprised all the militant lefties on here aren't ALL over you like a rash for that joke !! (if I'd have posted that, as in the past...I'd have been hung, drawn, quartered and neg repped to death by now!) Why would left handed people find that joke offensive? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TelecasterSam Posted January 24, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 Two guys fancy a pint or two, but didn't have a lot of money between them, they could only raise the staggering sum of one Euro. First one said "Hang on, I have an idea."He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage. The second guy said "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money at all!"First one replied, "Don't worry - just follow me." He went into the pub where he immediately ordered two pints and two glasses of whisky. The second guy said "Now you've really lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money!!"First guy replied, with a smile. "Don't worry mate, I have a plan.... Cheers! " They downed their Drinks. First guy said, "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you go on your knees and put it in your mouth." The barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out. They continued doing this, pub after pub, getting more and more drunk, all for free. At the tenth pub Guy No 2 said "I don't think I can do any more of this. I'm drunk and my knees are killing me! ".....First guy say's, "How do you think I feel? I can't even remember which pub I lost the sausage in." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TelecasterSam Posted January 24, 2011 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2011 Why would left handed people find that joke offensive?Touche' Bags Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted February 3, 2011 Report Share Posted February 3, 2011 I was sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy Thai bird. I thought to myself, "Please don't get an erection. Please don't get an erection."...But she did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain America Posted February 17, 2011 Report Share Posted February 17, 2011 This was sent to me at work. Gave me a bit of a chuckle.Andy Gray's Resignation Letter........ I'm so sad to be leaving a company that I've served for over 20 years and a job that I've loved doing. However, as I'm sacked anyway, I might as well tell you the story about my friend that I was going to tell on air next week. You see, she got a job as a teacher of physical education to a group of teenage boys. One day she notices a boy in the field standing alone at one end of the field, while all the other kids are running around at the other end having fun. She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him. "You ok sweetheart?" she says. "Yes Miss" he replies. "'You can go and play with the other kids if you want" she says. "It's best I stay here Miss. " he says. "Why?" asks the blonde. The boy replies: "Because I'm the f***ing goal keeper" Yours sincerely. Andy Gray Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TelecasterSam Posted March 3, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 What's got 3 teeth and 20 legs? ..........................The methadone queue at the chemist ! ..... Boom, Boom.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stroopy121 Posted March 3, 2011 Report Share Posted March 3, 2011 What's the saddest thing about 4 black guys going over a cliff in a Cadillac?They were my friends... 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TelecasterSam Posted March 13, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 13, 2011 "Don't know why the Japanese are so surprised,............... the last time I had 10 Aftershocks, I couldn't find my f*cking house either !"I got this from a mates Facebook post...... first one about the current tragedy.....it had to start somewhere I suppose...(is humour the way we deal with the shock of things, try to laugh our way through it ?...... it works sometimes!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stroopy121 Posted April 1, 2011 Report Share Posted April 1, 2011 What's red and smells like blue paint?Red PaintWhat's the best thing about having sex with twenty-four year olds?They're in their sexual prime.xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonz Posted April 1, 2011 Report Share Posted April 1, 2011 Two women were sitting quietly, minding their own business.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted April 7, 2011 Report Share Posted April 7, 2011 My alarm clock caught fire last night. I was overcome by second hand smoke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattJimF Posted April 30, 2011 Report Share Posted April 30, 2011 Cristiano Ronaldo: "God sent me to earth to show people how to play football." Lionel Messi: "I never sent anybody!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lethal10 Posted April 30, 2011 Report Share Posted April 30, 2011 Just rushing home from the football after I got this message Lethal,thespacebuttononthisphoneisnotworking.Whenyougethomecanyoupleasegivemeanalternative?What does ternative mean? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Le Stu Posted April 30, 2011 Report Share Posted April 30, 2011 Just rushing home from the football after I got this message Lethal,thespacebuttononthisphoneisnotworking.Whenyougethomecanyoupleasegivemeanalternative?What does ternative mean?I expect it's a misspelling of 'tentative' which would suggest that you should firm up on your arse sex date before arrival. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monster Zero Posted May 25, 2011 Report Share Posted May 25, 2011 John Lennon was sitting having a cup of tea one day when he noticed a beetle ambling across the floor. He leant over and said 'hey I named my band after you', to which the beetle replied 'What, you called your band Trevor?' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gypsum_Fantastic Posted May 25, 2011 Report Share Posted May 25, 2011 WhaleOilBeefHooked:up: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan G Posted May 27, 2011 Report Share Posted May 27, 2011 A ten year old boy gets jizzed on by his dad whilst...Hang on - this isn't google image search. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GluteusMaximus Posted June 2, 2011 Report Share Posted June 2, 2011 3 lads jumped me the other day, but I still managed to knock one out.Wasn't the best time to have a wank though I must say! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue Denim.. Posted June 10, 2011 Report Share Posted June 10, 2011 Son: I had sex with the girl next door. Dad: I hope you were wearing something son?Son: Yes, a balaclava!Son: Dad, I got a wank from a girl at school today.Dad: Son, keep this up and you're going to lose that teaching job. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GluteusMaximus Posted June 10, 2011 Report Share Posted June 10, 2011 Without the box, straight from the freezer, and defrosted...I challenge anyone to tell the difference between a Farm Foods 'chicken korma for one' and a colostomy bag!My Nan couldn't..................................I won't be visiting Nan for tea ever again!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest E.C Posted August 8, 2011 Report Share Posted August 8, 2011 I've never liked Russian Dolls much...Too full of themself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted August 22, 2011 Report Share Posted August 22, 2011 Life is like a penis.Women make it hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teabags Posted August 23, 2011 Report Share Posted August 23, 2011 I've always wanted to date a Russian woman, because from what i've found......inside every Russian woman, there is another Russian woman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MC Nice Andrew Posted September 7, 2011 Report Share Posted September 7, 2011 Whats a balloon's least favorite kind of music?Pop. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TelecasterSam Posted September 8, 2011 Author Report Share Posted September 8, 2011 Sometimes.... when you cry... no one sees your tears. Sometimes... when you are in pain... no one sees your hurt. Sometimes... when you are worried... no one sees your stress. Sometimes... when you are happy... no one sees your smile. But FART just ONE friggin' time.....And everybody knows!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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