Pet Hates!

[Fast Caz]

Woop ryhmes with poop, If you have a load of it coming out of your mouth.

[3CR816]

I did explain my puns because SHUT UP GUYS OKAY?

[Bigsby]

We should send him Baxter Dundee or Glasgow or wherever he's from with his Oxtail between his legs. He's clearly a lentilist.

[Lemonade]

*waits for a "cock-aa-leaky" joke*

[Lemonade]

I've been mulling-it-awny over for a while but I can't think of one.

[TelecasterSam]

This seems to be turning into a right royal game!

[Alkaline]

Puns and the peddlers of such wares.

[Nev]

To paraphrase Kirsten, stop spoiling our pun, you pun-t

[Alkaline]

To paraphrase Kirsten, stop spoiling our pun, you pun-t

I hate that you hate that i'm spoiling your punning.

[kirsten]

I went to the post office today to send a small package to Australia. The woman asked what was in the package and I said "a book and a letter". She asked, "A letter?" as if she'd never heard the word before and asked if it was handwritten or typed. When I said that it was handwritten, she then told me I should have kept the letter separate as it costs more. I was confused and told her that it was just a little note to go with the book, which is a present for a friend.

Cost 9.78. Yikes. The woman couldn't give me an adequate reason as to why it cost more with a letter, but I think I've just been shafted. I'm going to email the Royal Mail and find out what the heck that's all about...

[Snowball]

I always get that. Usually an innocent "nooo" in an of-course-not tone of voice works but I suppose you run the risk of customs opening it and being horrified at some handwritten words...?

My pet hate today is the Ashgrove sorting office, who today kept me waiting for ages as they failed to find my parcel. Then they went and got my actual postie, who just happened to be dossing around, only to tell me that he had taken it to the post office not the sorting office and therefore it should be there as they should have sent it up but it's not there so...

Then they promised to find it and phone me and they didn't.

[The Sloth]

a woman on a train spraying deodourant and perfume...It was stuffy enough without that stench up my nose.

[Alkaline]

a woman on a train spraying deodourant and perfume...It was stuffy enough without that stench up my nose.

Better than her stinking of stale sweat and shite though?

[Guest idol_wild]

Better than her stinking of stale sweat and shite though?

I dunno, like. Some people are into that shit.

[Teabags]

*fap* *fap*

[Lemonade]

Bad cinema etiquette.

There should be three simple unwritten rules in the cinema, yet every time I go to see a film all three of them are repeatedly broken.

1 - Be in your seat before the film starts. If it's advertised for 8.40, be in the fucking cinema at 8.40, don't come in and 9.10, miss the first ten minutes of the film and disturb everyone else by trying to find your seats, taking off your jackets etc.

2 - Don't rustle sweetie wrappers. It's annoying and it makes me want to kill you. I really hate that Cineworld has replaced the cardboard popcorn tubs with paper bags, because now it's even noiser when some dick behind you is shovelling food into his fat face because he can't go two hours without a snack.

3 - Don't talk during the film. Once it's finished you can talk to your idiot mate about whether that's that guy from that other film, or what time the bus home is. I didn't pay 7 to listen to your inane conversation, your inconsiderate fuck.

I'm going to open my own cinema, and it's not going to sell any food that rustles or crunches. In fact, it's only going to sell ice cream. And the doors are going to be LOCKED the second film starts. Latecomers will be told to fuck off. And the film is going to be really loud to drown out the chatter.

[The Sloth]

Better than her stinking of stale sweat and shite though?

nope. I couldnt smell her stale shite and sweat before and I could breath properly.

[TelecasterSam]

Bad cinema etiquette.

There should be three simple unwritten rules in the cinema, yet every time I go to see a film all three of them are repeatedly broken.

1 - Be in your seat before the film starts. If it's advertised for 8.40, be in the fucking cinema at 8.40, don't come in and 9.10, miss the first ten minutes of the film and disturb everyone else by trying to find your seats, taking off your jackets etc.

2 - Don't rustle sweetie wrappers. It's annoying and it makes me want to kill you. I really hate that Cineworld has replaced the cardboard popcorn tubs with paper bags, because now it's even noiser when some dick behind you is shovelling food into his fat face because he can't go two hours without a snack.

3 - Don't talk during the film. Once it's finished you can talk to your idiot mate about whether that's that guy from that other film, or what time the bus home is. I didn't pay 7 to listen to your inane conversation, your inconsiderate fuck.

I'm going to open my own cinema, and it's not going to sell any food that rustles or crunches. In fact, it's only going to sell ice cream. And the doors are going to be LOCKED the second film starts. Latecomers will be told to fuck off. And the film is going to be really loud to drown out the chatter.

I agree with you Ryan...... although, I think you've missed one :

4 - Go for a piss/shit BEFORE you take your seat!...

letting inconsiderate b'stards out of the row, by having to stand up really pisses me off, and detracts from watching the film!

[Alkaline]

nope. I couldnt smell her stale shite and sweat before and I could breath properly.

Maybe you're just used to the smell of stale sweat and shite and not deodorant and perfume.

[Soda Jerk]

Bad cinema etiquette.

There should be three simple unwritten rules in the cinema, yet every time I go to see a film all three of them are repeatedly broken.

1 - Be in your seat before the film starts. If it's advertised for 8.40, be in the fucking cinema at 8.40, don't come in and 9.10, miss the first ten minutes of the film and disturb everyone else by trying to find your seats, taking off your jackets etc.

2 - Don't rustle sweetie wrappers. It's annoying and it makes me want to kill you. I really hate that Cineworld has replaced the cardboard popcorn tubs with paper bags, because now it's even noiser when some dick behind you is shovelling food into his fat face because he can't go two hours without a snack.

3 - Don't talk during the film. Once it's finished you can talk to your idiot mate about whether that's that guy from that other film, or what time the bus home is. I didn't pay 7 to listen to your inane conversation, your inconsiderate fuck.

I'm going to open my own cinema, and it's not going to sell any food that rustles or crunches. In fact, it's only going to sell ice cream. And the doors are going to be LOCKED the second film starts. Latecomers will be told to fuck off. And the film is going to be really loud to drown out the chatter.

I agree! No pissing either. Take a piss before you go in. If you're unsure whether or not you can go 90 minutes without pissing, don't buy the 5 bucket of coke in the lobby. I guess this would be eliminated by locking the doors like you said, like some kind of film prison.

People who don't switch their phone off too, and out of the darkness, in the corner of your eye you can see their glowing screen, as they text their mate "films shit lol". Once I've seen it, I can't unsee it, and it bugs me until they fucking put it away.

I went to see a film a a good while back now where a bunch of kids started jumping on each other and play fighting. We got some free tickets as a result of complaining about it, but there should be someone in there to kick pests out who clearly don't want to be there. We used the free tickets to see Pineapple Express. It was shite.

[Lemonade]

I agree! No pissing either. Take a piss before you go in. If you're unsure whether or not you can go 90 minutes without pissing, don't buy the 5 bucket of coke in the lobby. I guess this would be eliminated by locking the doors like you said, like some kind of film prison.

People who don't switch their phone off too, and out of the darkness, in the corner of your eye you can see their glowing screen, as they text their mate "films shit lol". Once I've seen it, I can't unsee it, and it bugs me until they fucking put it away.

I went to see a film a a good while back now where a bunch of kids started jumping on each other and play fighting. We got some free tickets as a result of complaining about it, but there should be someone in there to kick pests out who clearly don't want to be there. We used the free tickets to see Pineapple Express. It was shite.

Yeah the phone one pisses me off too. I was at a film a while ago and a girl's phone started ringing in her bag. Instead of getting it out and pressing "reject" and maybe switching the fucking thing off she just left it ringing with some gay-ass ringtone, like Gwen Stefani or something. It rang about three times as well, the inconsiderate bitch.

That new cinema in Union Square is a nightmare for annoying kids. First time I was in it I went to see Jennifer's Body and the whole back row of the comfy seats at the front was filled with a group of around 20 14-15 year olds. The boys were all shouting shit back and forth to each other, play fighting and chucking stuff around, obviously trying to impress the girls, who were busy squealing all the way through the film every time a hot guy was on screen, and occasionally making phone calls. To each other. I couldn't concentrate on the film at all, I'd have been livid if it wasn't so shite.

Folk coming in late is my all time biggest cinema bug bear though. I was at Step-Brothers at the beach cinema last year and I reckon about 40 people trickled in during the first 20 minutes of the film, cue banging doors and them standing at the front looking up trying to see seats together, and then dicking around with jackets, coke, popcorn etc. I was so annoyed I wrote a letter of complaint to the cinema, and they basically told me to fuck off.

The point I wish to bring to your attention is latecomers. I don't mind people coming in during the trailers' date=' but once the film starts, that should be it, no-one else gets admitted. Every single time I come to a movie, I see at least ten people coming in once the film has started, making people stand up so they can get to their seats, then taking their jackets off, rustling and generally being irritating when people are trying to watch the movie. During a film recently I saw around 40 people coming in once the feature had started, and I, who was in my seat a good 20 minutes prior to the start, ending up missing 10 mintues of the film as people milled about around me trying to find seats. Why can't you stop people entering once the movie has started? They don't let people into the theatre once the performance has started, as it spoils the enjoyment of the people who were there on time. Why should the cinema be any different?[/quote']

Please be advised that every effort will be made to accommodate late-comers but to avoid disturbance to our other guests' date=' [b']guests who arrive after the main feature has started will not be entitled to enter the auditorium unless permitted by the Duty Managers at his/her discretion. If you have any problems in future please do raise these with a member of staff during your visit as most matters can be dealt with more efficiently at this time.

Lies!

[3CR816]

Generally the lower the quality of the film, the lower the quality of the audience, but seeing Artyfartyheehaws at The Blemont just brings a new kind of prick. Everytime I see a film there that's ostensibly a comedy, some prick HAS to advertise the fact that they 'get' a 'complex' 'joke' by braying loudly and then glancing around to see if anyone's as smart as them.

Film: "That's what Freud said!"

Prick : HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!

Film: "This is my cat, Schrodinger!"

PRICK: "EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAW!"

[3CR816]

Or... you go see something semi-farty and you're the only one that laughs at some of the lower grade jokes? I went to go see The Brothers Bloom with a friend the other week and I swear we're the only ones that laughed. The other four audience members were quiet as mice. I'm sure one of the sneered at me on the way out.

You laughed at a Commoner's Bluff? In the Belmont?

How very dare you.

[Teabags]

Bets moment of cinema I've been involved in was going to see the latest Rambo, and when the certificate came on at the start of the movie I drunkenly shouted out "I COULDN'T FIND HIS LEGS!" and the whole cinema laughed. It was great.

I also want to take part in this:

[Soda Jerk]

How very dare you.

This phrase. I've just always despied this phrase. Wacky grammatical diarrhoea.