The Milner Posted January 26, 2012 Report Share Posted January 26, 2012 Adam looks like tom if that helps Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Easy Wishes Posted January 26, 2012 Report Share Posted January 26, 2012 That will almost certainly have been Tom. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scootray Posted January 26, 2012 Report Share Posted January 26, 2012 I usually use this thread for petty gripes and capers, but I really fucking despise dirty five-a-side teams. We played a game tonight and lost 10-7. I have absolutely no problem with that: if we lose to a clearly superior team, then that's okay, fair play. When I cannot abide, however, are teams of dirty, filthy, minky fucking pricks who come for a fight first and a game second.Tonight's game was just rank. A team of players who'd kick you if you got past them, elbow you when the ref wasn't looking, kick the ball away when you won a free kick, complain at every opportunity, talk trash completely unnecessarily, clip heels... everything, basically. The worst incident came at the end of the game. They were 3 goals up and comfortable. One of our boys tackled one of theirs and the ball fell to another of our players. Their boy decided to charge in with a boot at knee height and rake it down our player's knee. I don't think I need to elaborate on how dangerous that is and our player was fortunate to leave with just a cut.This really boils my piss. I play football for fun. I'm a pretty competitive guy, but I approach a game completely relaxed and I generally leave in the same state. Some cunts just see sport as an opportunity to unleash their anger on the world. I can only assume that these people had miserable childhoods and grew up think that everything that goes against (like a tackle) them is a personal insult. It's an absolute pathetic mentality and it must be a miserable way to go through life. Hope those guys enjoy spending the rest of their life on the dole; they certainly deserve it.I'm getting a lovely bruise round my eye from when I got elbowed in the face. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waltz Posted January 26, 2012 Report Share Posted January 26, 2012 I'm getting a lovely bruise round my eye from when I got elbowed in the face.I deserve one.I was at a game of 5s and for some reason I kept diving about, just for a laugh, to piss someone off who didn't realise we weren't all that serious/aspiring SPL players. Whenever he got anywhere near me I flopped to the floor. He was absolutely livid. It was really, really funny. Probably deserved an uppercut. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted January 26, 2012 Report Share Posted January 26, 2012 Did you bite the ball, like Pogatetz? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waltz Posted January 26, 2012 Report Share Posted January 26, 2012 Did you bite the ball, like Pogatetz?No.But the memory of 8 guys pissing themselves laughing and one particular mental looking well miffed seemed worth recalling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murrr Posted January 26, 2012 Report Share Posted January 26, 2012 Once again I must bring up that tosspot Guy who played with us a few times in the ab-music game. Utter cunt. At one game at Goals I pulled my groin right at the start of the game and spent most of the game standing out on the wing because I couldn't run, occasionally hobbling to pick up loose balls. On one such occasion, the ball came in my direction after a goal kick, and I painfully hobbled to pick it up in the far corner, nobody near me, I was in absolutely no position that posed any threat to the opposition, and besides my groin hurt so much I could barely kick it anyway. Your man Guy came steaming up and went right through the back of me, bashed me into the wall and left me a crumpled heap on the floor. He was insufferable at one game at ASV as well. Bawled me out for the entire match when I was on his team, and refused to shake my hand at the end. I dunno why I let that arsehole talk to me the way he did for so long without telling him to go fuck himself. I really really wish I'd been there the time Nef C skelped him and he went home in a huff.I was responsible for inviting him to a couple of our games and I can't apologise enough. I've known him for almost 20 years and even I was raging after those games. I don't talk to him any more, so there you go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaki Posted January 26, 2012 Report Share Posted January 26, 2012 Introductions to novels by someone other than the author which allude to the plot of the story you're about to read. Before the actual book I want to enjoy starts some cunt is telling me all about it, assuming I'm re-reading it or at least know the story because Penguin published it. Ok, I usually skip this but in the one I'm reading at the moment, I couldn't remember who some cunt was - was he that cunt that likes to drink, or the other cunt that likes to play chess? - and so I flicked back towards the start to find out and accidentally read a bit of the introduction by this other cunt who works at Sheffield University or something, who has nothing to do with this book, which gave away one of the plot lines. Honestly, I think in Standard Grade and Higher English a total of 8, at the most, books were studied, leaving about 2,000 classics I might realistically want to read in my lifetime that I have no idea about because I don't watch BBC dramatisations of books either. There seems to be some expectancy that if you read books you know all the stories and you're just doing it for the beauty of the words.The WORST thing about this is that there is information about the author and then a little paragraph about the cunt who spoiled the story on the inside of the front cover! YOU DIDN'T WRITE THIS BOOK YOU CUNT. You work at a University! Fucking wow. Put it at the end if you have to have it at all. Part of my publishing deal will be that NO CUNT, no matter how many centuries in the future, will scribble his thoughts at the start of my novels...and Penguin can fuck off too. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skubbs Posted January 27, 2012 Report Share Posted January 27, 2012 A rotten egg exploding across my face and tits like a porn-star cum shot. The whole kitchen was stinking, eugh rank. My flatmate watching the whole thing did not help either, she was giggling her arse off and trying not to puke from the smell. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted January 28, 2012 Report Share Posted January 28, 2012 I really really wish I'd been there the time Nef C skelped him and he went home in a huff.I'm still a bit ashamed of that second tackle. The first encounter after him being a cunt (to you particularly) I over zealously shoulder barged him into a wall, but not in a way that would ever properly hurt him. Second tackle I nicked his ankle. I genuinely didn't mean to clip him, and he was fine but immediately I went over and said, more or less word for word, "Look I'm sorry mate, that was too far, I apologise. Truce?" Pushed my hand away and was a total cock about it. Worse loser than Wenger.Don't know about you lot but my Dad always brought me up accept an apology if someone has been a knob (within reason obvs) and feels bad about it, and genuinely wants to make it up. Total twat and I'd say that to his face (again) if I saw him today. Arsehole. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted January 28, 2012 Report Share Posted January 28, 2012 A rotten egg exploding across my face and tits like a porn-star cum shot. The whole kitchen was stinking, eugh rank. My flatmate watching the whole thing did not help either, she was giggling her arse off and trying not to puke from the smell.Hot as that sounds, I don't understand how it exploded. I've never had an egg explode over my face and tits, rotten or otherwse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skubbs Posted January 28, 2012 Report Share Posted January 28, 2012 Neither do I, I cracked it went and to divide the shell into two pieces, and it just exploded. It did't go anywhere else but all over me Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaaakkkeee Posted January 28, 2012 Report Share Posted January 28, 2012 Were you holding it over your head, with your tongue out shaking your head? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skubbs Posted January 28, 2012 Report Share Posted January 28, 2012 No, I held it at stomach height. Must have been the pressure built up or something, but christ it stank. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaaakkkeee Posted January 28, 2012 Report Share Posted January 28, 2012 Aye, you can normally get good range if you let the pressure build up. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flights Posted January 28, 2012 Report Share Posted January 28, 2012 Introductions to novels by someone other than the author which allude to the plot of the story you're about to read. Before the actual book I want to enjoy starts some cunt is telling me all about it, assuming I'm re-reading it or at least know the story because Penguin published it. Ok, I usually skip this but in the one I'm reading at the moment, I couldn't remember who some cunt was - was he that cunt that likes to drink, or the other cunt that likes to play chess? - and so I flicked back towards the start to find out and accidentally read a bit of the introduction by this other cunt who works at Sheffield University or something, who has nothing to do with this book, which gave away one of the plot lines. Honestly, I think in Standard Grade and Higher English a total of 8, at the most, books were studied, leaving about 2,000 classics I might realistically want to read in my lifetime that I have no idea about because I don't watch BBC dramatisations of books either. There seems to be some expectancy that if you read books you know all the stories and you're just doing it for the beauty of the words.The WORST thing about this is that there is information about the author and then a little paragraph about the cunt who spoiled the story on the inside of the front cover! YOU DIDN'T WRITE THIS BOOK YOU CUNT. You work at a University! Fucking wow. Put it at the end if you have to have it at all. Part of my publishing deal will be that NO CUNT, no matter how many centuries in the future, will scribble his thoughts at the start of my novels...and Penguin can fuck off too. THIS!! I also hate it when the description on the back of a book gives away far too much of the plot and characters. I read a book recently that on the back said 'It all climax's with a twist you will never see coming' I CAN SEE IT FUCKING COMING NOW YOU MASSIVE PLOT SPOILING WANK CHOP! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skubbs Posted January 28, 2012 Report Share Posted January 28, 2012 I remember the first time I saw Shawshank Redemption - it was on tv and a fucking advert for it came on 5 minutes before it was meant to start, giving away the ending basically. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flights Posted January 28, 2012 Report Share Posted January 28, 2012 I remember the first time I saw Shawshank Redemption - it was on tv and a fucking advert for it came on 5 minutes before it was meant to start, giving away the ending basically. Oh that drives me wild! The trailer for Driven shows the boy killing a main character. Blood was boiling! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted January 28, 2012 Report Share Posted January 28, 2012 THIS!! I also hate it when the description on the back of a book gives away far too much of the plot and characters. I read a book recently that on the back said 'It all climax's with a twist you will never see coming' I CAN SEE IT FUCKING COMING NOW YOU MASSIVE PLOT SPOILING WANK CHOP!I once bought a fucking dreadful film called Valentine and they gave away the plot on the back of the box. It was a "whodunit" thriller and it wasn't until the end of the movie that you found out which of the people in the film was the killer. The first sentence on the back of the box was 4 women are being stalked by their childhood friend (David Boreanaz - Buffy / Angel) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaaakkkeee Posted January 28, 2012 Report Share Posted January 28, 2012 That film was terrible. I wish I knew the ending before I watched it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flights Posted January 28, 2012 Report Share Posted January 28, 2012 4 women are being stalked by their childhood friend (David Boreanaz - Buffy / Angel)Makes me so angry and I have no plans of ever watching that film Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paranoid Android Posted January 31, 2012 Report Share Posted January 31, 2012 Peppers being twice the price they were a month ago 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaki Posted January 31, 2012 Report Share Posted January 31, 2012 I think I've previously mentioned the uncontrolable shit I speak to my neighbours when I meet them in the hall. This was yesterday...Shaki: "How's it going?" (pretty good start)Neighbour: "Not bad but it's freezing in my flat, the boilers broken"Shaki: "Oh no! Well, you'll have to get your woollen. Get on your woollen. Your Woollen." (running down the stairs away from her) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest E.C Posted January 31, 2012 Report Share Posted January 31, 2012 you had me at 'porn star cum-shot' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stroopy121 Posted January 31, 2012 Report Share Posted January 31, 2012 Didn't you suggest stripping off and huddling under the covers together?xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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