Diesel Posted September 27, 2006 Report Share Posted September 27, 2006 Fair do's.I, for one, meant no offence to anyone and as a point of interest, I'm a manager of a multi-racial team (most of whom I personally hired) and I've worked out of several countries (currently Angola). I get on famously with everyone and have never discriminated against anybody - my take is that if you're up to the job, then that's good enough for me regardless of sex, creed or colour. (However, if you're shite at the joab - then it's tatties )Bearing that in mind, I take exception to someone who doesn't know me inferring that I am a racist.Everyone should take a leaf out of Phil Lynotts book - "I'm a Black, Irish Catholic - to me I'm normal, everyone else is different" Apologies to all for taking this thread off in a tangent - it's ironic that we end up squabbling on a thread that's supposed to be making folk laugh o_OAll the best and a big olive branch to SamDZL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaki Posted September 27, 2006 Report Share Posted September 27, 2006 Eesh, the issue of race... not touching that one.QUOTE]Why not? Scared you might slip up and say something racist?! ;-) haha, Im thinking about Ricky Gervais scenes now! Why is the issue of race such a taboo subject? We have an increasingly multi-cultural, multi-racial society yet most people still feel uncomfortable talking about it. As far as stereotyping goes, its an age old joke telling tradition, whether you find it funny or not. Are dumb blonde jokes as offensive?! (probably, just that blondes dont get them) Here is another joke using stereotyping based on race, if you find these types of joke offensive, please do not read on and please know that I consider all men equal......then dogs.......with women just slightly below that. Why did so many black soldiers die in Vietnam? Because when the Sergeant yelled to get down they all started dancing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pete_inthehills Posted September 27, 2006 Report Share Posted September 27, 2006 time for a few jokes I think ....what's orange and sounds like a parrot?a carrotThis next one only works if said out loud. Have several pints and try this on your mates.How do you sell a dog to a deaf man?DO YOU WANT TO BUY A DOG!!?? (shouted really loud.)How do you sink an Irish submarine?Swim down and knock on the hatch.Whats the difference between a blonde and a shopping trolley.A shopping trolley has got a mind of its own.I never said that they'd be funny.peteinthehills. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan G Posted September 27, 2006 Report Share Posted September 27, 2006 Its pretty simple logic that when youre making jokes about peoples supposed racial stereotypes or differences, its racist.BOOOOOOOORING!If everyone shared that view the world would be rubbish, and everything from films to music to art to literature to fucking penis-shaped-buildings would have to be censored 'cause some pillock can find something offensive somewhere in it's content.On a side note, has anyone every noticed that neds/chavs don't EVER wear glasses?I fail to believe that they either all have perfect 20/20 vision or wear contact lenses... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaki Posted September 27, 2006 Report Share Posted September 27, 2006 On a side note, has anyone every noticed that neds/chavs don't EVER wear glasses?I fail to believe that they either all have perfect 20/20 vision or wear contact lenses...That's a very good point! But I think you're stereotyping neds there.......Seriously though, no, I don't think I have ever seen a ned with glasses. Perhaps a glasses wearer would be rejected by other neds on account of being a "speccy fucking bam" so would need to seek another social group to belong to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alkaline Posted September 27, 2006 Report Share Posted September 27, 2006 What's blue and fucks Grannies?Me in my lucky blue coat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bodast Posted September 27, 2006 Report Share Posted September 27, 2006 Perhaps a glasses wearer would be rejected by other neds on account of being a "speccy fucking bam"Yeah, squinting makes them look hard anyway so they probably don't mind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Gold Posted September 27, 2006 Report Share Posted September 27, 2006 Haha, it's not that I'm afraid of a marvelous ricky gervais style slip of the tongue. it's just that arguments regarding race are all pretty much the same and getting involved isn't going to change anybody's mind.I'm 100% sure that nobody who posted truely believes that the colour of a persons skin alone makes them any different. I just feel that some people are pushing the issue to a bit of an extreme and exerting their right to freedom of speech to simply piss off somebody who does feel a bit embarassed by these jokes.Whatever folks, just keep the thread on topic. If I wanted to read about discrimination I would have clicked the designated link. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alkaline Posted September 27, 2006 Report Share Posted September 27, 2006 Whats the difference between a ton of dead babies and a ton of bricks??You can't shift a ton of bricks with a pitchfork Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alkaline Posted September 27, 2006 Report Share Posted September 27, 2006 What do you call a black man flying a plane?A PILOT you racist!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Old Gold Posted September 27, 2006 Report Share Posted September 27, 2006 Hahaha, two in a row. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diesel Posted September 27, 2006 Report Share Posted September 27, 2006 I have a Cocker Spaniel and two English Pointers and I was buying a large bag of Purina dog food at Sommerfields last week and was in the check out queue...A woman behind me asked if I had a dog! Stupid question I thought! On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time. However I'd lost 20 kilos before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices & IVs in both arms.I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.I have to mention here that practically everyone in the line was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a bloke who was behind her. Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned.I told her no; it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my arse when a car hit me !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan G Posted September 27, 2006 Report Share Posted September 27, 2006 You can't shift a ton of bricks with a pitchfork You can with guns like mine.What do women and cheese-graters have in common?They're both fun to rape, except for cheese-graters. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alkaline Posted September 27, 2006 Report Share Posted September 27, 2006 You can with guns like mine.What do women and cheese-graters have in common?They're both fun to rape, except for cheese-graters.Haha My guns are ace, ask Ben Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Craig C Posted September 27, 2006 Report Share Posted September 27, 2006 Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?A. The brick doesn't follow you home after you lay it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diesel Posted September 27, 2006 Report Share Posted September 27, 2006 Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a brick?A. The brick doesn't follow you home after you lay it.Ah, the old'uns are the best:up: On a similar note...Q. What's the difference between a Zanussi Washing Machine and a Torry Quine ?A. The Zanussi won't text you a 100 times a day after you dump your load in it ! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
black_matter Posted September 27, 2006 Report Share Posted September 27, 2006 Everyone should take a leaf out of Phil Lynotts book - "I'm a Black, Irish Catholic - to me I'm normal, everyone else is different" he got interviewed and asked how does it feel to be black and irish. To which his reply was "kinda like a pint of guiness" in a broad irish accent.Hell yeah to Phil Lynott. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diesel Posted September 27, 2006 Report Share Posted September 27, 2006 he got interviewed and asked how does it feel to be black and irish. To which his reply was "kinda like a pint of guiness" in a broad irish accent.Hell yeah to Phil Lynott.Saw the great man several times at the Apollo (yep, I'm THAT old). Best live band I ever saw - and they weren't one of my fave studio bands either!!!-"Anyone out there with any Irish in them??"-"Yeaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh" - went the crowd-"Any of the girls like a little bit more Irish in them??"Priceless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dorkusmalorkus Posted September 27, 2006 Report Share Posted September 27, 2006 whats the difference between an egg and a wank?you can beat an egg. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diesel Posted September 28, 2006 Report Share Posted September 28, 2006 TurnipThis is more of a funny story than a joke, but it's true....Back home in Ayrshire, there's a god-awful radio station called West Sound - think of an even more inept version of North Sound or Tay FM.Back then, a local Country'n'Western "legend" called Tommy Truesdale - he was utter shite (even WORSE than his neighbour Sidney Devine) - was one of the main DJ's and following Noel Edmonds lead, he started a "Joke Phone-In" slot on his show.One day, me and the guys were in the gym at college and someone had piped Tommy's show through the PA in the hall during the phone-in. This wee squeaky voiced kid came on, who was clearly being coached in the background by his brother or father as you could hear the whispers...."Who have we got on line?""Erm, Jimmy fae Mauchline""Hello there Jimmy fae Mauchline, do you have a joke for us today?""Erm, it's no' a joke, mair ay a co-nun-nun-nundrum, Tommy""Oh, conundrum eh? that's interesting. let's have it then""Ok Tommy, what vegetable makes your eyes water?""Acht, that's easy Jimmy, everyone knows that! It's an ONION""Wrong Tommy, it an TURNIP""A TURNIP, away and don't be daft Jimmy! How can a TURNIP make yer eyes water?""Well Tommy, it's obvious you've never been hit in the balls with one"My mate Liam, who's asthmatic laughed so hard he went into brochospasm and needed emergency treatment DZL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
A.Pel Posted September 28, 2006 Report Share Posted September 28, 2006 What do you get when you mix a penis and a potato?A DICTATOR Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Mulhern Posted September 28, 2006 Report Share Posted September 28, 2006 A horse walks into a bar, goes up to the barman and orders a pint of lager. The barman looks at the horse for a second then says "Why the long face?"The horse replies, "I've got testicular cancer."A Viking walks into a bar, goes up to the barman and orders a pint of lager. The barman looks at the viking for a second then says "Why the long boat?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Andy Mulhern Posted September 28, 2006 Report Share Posted September 28, 2006 Whats the difference between a duck?One of its legs is both the same. :up: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorge Posted September 28, 2006 Report Share Posted September 28, 2006 What's green and smells of bacon?Kermit The Frog's middle finger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teabags Posted September 28, 2006 Report Share Posted September 28, 2006 Whats the difference between a duck?One of its legs is both the same. :up:what the fuck........... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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