Football Manager 2012

[Guest Gladstone]

We were in Frankfurt on a stag weekend recently - there were about 18 of us I think. Probably about 14/15 Aberdeen fans. And just outside there was a fruit stall/shop called Zerouali. It was amazing.

/coolstorybro

[Adam Easy Wishes]

Naaaah...

1- GK

2- RB

3- LB

4- DMC

5- CB

6- CB

7- AM R

8- AM C

9- SC

10- FC

11- AM L

12- sub 'all round' defender (normally a fullback who can play at LB or RB)

13- GK

14- AM R/L

15- CB

16- CM

17- DMC

18- FB/AM RL/SC

19- CB/SC

20- FB/CM

21- SC

22- FB

23- AMC

24- CM

25- SC

26- CM

27- LB

28 - RB/CM

29- SC

30- GK

32- FB

40- GK

50- GK

88- Hooper :wanker:

[Guest Gladstone]

Naaaah...

1- GK

2- RB

3- LB

4- DMC

5- CB

6- CB

7- AM R

8- AM C

9- SC

10- FC

11- AM L

12- sub 'all round' defender (normally a fullback who can play at LB or RB)

13- GK

14- AM R/L

15- CB

16- CM

17- DMC

18- FB/AM RL/SC

19- CB/SC

20- FB/CM

21- SC

22- FB

23- AMC

24- CM

25- SC

26- CM

27- LB

28 - RB/CM

29- SC

30- GK

32- FB

40- GK

50- GK

88- Hooper :wanker:

You missed out 67 - Wanyama : playing up to the Celtic morons :

[Adam Easy Wishes]

You missed out 67 - Wanyama : playing up to the Celtic morons :

Is the number 67 significant in Celtic terms?

[Guest Gladstone]

Is the number 67 significant in Celtic terms?

Hmm - not sure if you're serious...

It's like 83 in Aberdeen terms.

[The Milner]

So why does Wanyama have that number? Why him?

[Adam Easy Wishes]

Hmm - not sure if you're serious...

It's like 83 in Aberdeen terms.

I was being serious, and that's fine - if that's actually the reason why he got that number that's fair enough. Pretty good, actually.

When you said 'Celtic morons' I assumed '67' had some kind of bigoted significance.

[Guest Gladstone]

I was being serious, and that's fine - if that's actually the reason why he got that number that's fair enough. Pretty good, actually.

When you said 'Celtic morons' I assumed '67' had some kind of bigoted significance.

Ah right - no, it is just significant because Celtic won the European Cup in 1967. Wanyama asked for the number when he joined. Good move on his part because it makes the Celtic fans like him straight away, but I find all that stuff a little bit pathetic if I'm honest.

So, why is Hooper a dick for wearing 88 if Wanyama is the opposite for wearing 67? Obviously, Hooper wears 88 because it was the year he was born, but I'm pretty sure he thought about 1888 when he asked for that number too. A guy called "Hooper" playing for Celtic wearing "88" is like a Celtic ned's wet dream really.

To be clear - I think they are both dicks. Hooper should be wearing number 9 or 10 (although I know those are taken by other strikers, so he should be wearing a number as close to the starting 11 as possible - 18 or 19 or something like that would be acceptable) and Wanyama would suit number 4. I don't even know who wears number 4 actually, but it should be Wanyama. I think it's Juarez actually. Remember him? He played for Celtic twice.

[Lemonade]

Callum you're such a self loathing Celtic fan. All I ever hear is you talking about how the players are dicks, or Neil lennon is a dick, or the fans are dicks, or the players are shit.

[Guest Gladstone]

Callum you're such a self loathing Celtic fan. All I ever hear is you talking about how the players are dicks, or Neil lennon is a dick, or the fans are dicks, or the players are shit.

All football players, fans and managers are dicks. If it makes me seem like more of a Celtic fan - the Rangers players, fans and managers are worse than the Celtic ones.

I don't think I've ever outright said that Neil Lennon is a dick though (he's just misunderstood ), nor any of the Celtic players for that matter. They can be dicks sometimes, yeah, but wearing a stupid number on your shirt is a dickish thing to do. The only players who currently play for Celtic who I would say are actually proper knobs would be Scott Brown and Anthony Stokes. I think Scott Brown does a good job on the pitch for Celtic and is a good "winner" if that's what you want for your captain, but there's not much doubt that he's a bit of a bellend. I think he's quite funny though really - a good old fashioned wind-up merchant. He's reeled his temper in a great deal since when he first came to Celtic but it's still there bubbling under the surface. I think Stokes is a bit of a knob due to his fucking moaning about not being in the starting line up a couple of seasons ago and his tendency for a leg-breaking tackle now and again. Other than that though, they're generally not that bad a bunch. I think Samaras is great. He just doesn't give a fuck about 80% of the time and doesn't let anything phase him. He scores a wonder goal, he just sort of half celebrates and wanders back to the halfway line. If he does a fresh air swipe and falls over, he just sort of shrugs his shoulders. He turns it on now and again and he's fucking awesome as well. Forrest is turning into a bit of a moany little cunt actually. He needs to cut that out before he turns into another McGeady. But, I don't think Celtic have proportionately any more assholes in their team than any other team.

[soundian]

Guys, this is the football manger thread. Take real life elsewhere!!

[FOX]

I have one rule with numbering - never ever give anyone the numbers 12 or 13. Always ends up with one player given that number anyway but I like to keep them unused.

[Moose]

I came 4th in my second season with Blackburn and won the Europa League. Taken over from my pal Fergie at Man U. He just won the Champions League in his last season. I've decided to become an evil manager, instead of the media friendly, nice guy I once was. Time to call everyone a cunt and poach all of Blackburn's good players.

[Flights]

Currently riding high in the mighty Scottish 1st divison after a move to the mighty Patrick Thistle. The previous manager had already booked my pre season friendlys. A trip for the lads to sunny Spain. First game Barcelona. Raging.

Did Barca go easy on us? Did they fuck. However there's something that even Messi wasn't counting on.

Big Scott Fox putting on a Shilton-esque performance, saving 16 shots and keep a clean sheet earning himself free pints and blowjobs in Maryhill pubs for life. My midfield players got finger banged and the strikers may as well not turned up. The game finished 0-0 and the seven fans that could afford to come see The Jags in Spain flooded the pitch. The team and the fans then hit up some Scottish themed bar and hurled plastic patio furniture at Spaniards until the sun came up. Glory days.

The next game however wasn't as much fun.

Real Madrid simply destroyed us. However, big Scotty put on another incredible performance and only allowed 2 goals to slip past his mighty shovel sized hands. The rest of the players came off the pitch looking like they had just done seven hours in a prison shower.

On the bus back to the airport we ripped the old manager a new arsehole, drank spanish lager and lamented the fact we held Barce-fucking-lona to a nil - nil draw.

After getting home and showing off our tans we set about getting ready for our next game

Our next friendly was a home game against the fearsome Cumnock Juniors. Who seem to have Les Denis playing for them (furthest right).

After somehow making it on to the pitch after spending a solid twenty minutes laughing at local hero Scott Fox's joke 'Look, they've got Cum on their strips!'. We set about destroying the somewhat older looking Cumnock Juniors 6-0. The stands at Firhill were alive with the sound of music as the crowds chanted 'Big Phil!' as I strolled onto the pitch at full-time to annouce that a couple of cars had been stolen.

After a ropey start to the league I've managed to battle my way back upto second place just 2 points behind the poofy named Queens of the South. We've got a big game against them in a few weeks time!. Not making huge dents in the other times goal difference but we are winning most games by a two goal margin.

We're having a pretty good league cup run too. Just hoofed out Kilmarnock at home and face Inverness CT away in the 3rd round clash.

Overall it's been a pretty good start to the season. Bonding with the lads and I've got a pretty decent team and I've only signed one midfielder since I took over.

There has already been whispers around Firhill about this being Thistle's year but there's still alot of games to play and a long way to go before we can think about the SPL.

However, if the current form keeps up we could be thrashing in goals at Ibrox in no time!

High five lads!

[delboy]

getting tense in Portugal, five games to go, can I defy the odds and win the title? 3 points between the top three sides and I am top, will finish below Benfica if we are level due to the results between teams thingy as I lost to them both times (only 2 games I've lost in league all season!) the bastards also beat me in the group stages of the league cup and the Portuguese FA Cup. Got a three point lead on them, my other rivals Porto I spanked 4-0 in the league and they're 2 points behind, have to play them away so just need to avoid a complete tanking. Will finish this season tonight whilst watching the Sunderland v Everton match!

[delboy]

bloody hell only went and won the league last game of the season, I spent 10k on transfers, cobbled a squad together with freebies and loan players, absolutely ecstactic, I am the Steve McClaren of FM12! Without the brolly.... Desperately want a new job so pissing the board off by declaring interest in any job I am linked for! Determined not to take the easy route of simply quitting and going to my shack in the bahamas and waiting for job offers to flood in. Straight in Champions League where I will enivitably be pillared by every single team!

Oh and won the Portuguese League Cup to make it a double winning season and bagged manager of the year!

[Flights]

Won divison one last night. Buzzing. Manager of the year and all that treats. Into the SPL now and it's a whole different kettle of fish. Currently sitting 9th and as long as I don't get hoofed back down into Div 1 I'll be chuffed. Some big teams came along and snapped up 3 of my star players from last season. Most of them had big club release clauses so I didn't have much option but to let them go. It was a real struggle signing replacements as all the intrested players were shite. Got a few cheeky Asian wonder kids on free transfers though so I've got an alright team going at the moment.

[Murrr]

Wonderful start to the season, a whole point above my parent club. Highlight: cunting Cagliari 5-0 thanks to an aggressive->"STOP PLAYING SHIT" half-time team-talk. Taste the pain.

Got offered the Napoli job. A huge test of my resolve, but I had to decline as they'd sold Cavani to Liverpool. I would've probably gone if they'd sold him to anyone else, but Liverpool? Selling a world class striker to BLOODY FUCKING SHITTY Liverpool is akin to selling cyanide to Harold Shipman. Get the fuck out of here. Zola took the hotseat and his first game is against Juventus, whose manager is under huge pressure. I'd love to take that job, but I don't wanna be a sellout.

Our average attendance is 6.6k in a 10k stadium, the lowest in Serie A. There might not be many of us, but we're the mightiest fucking bastards in the league. Like the film 300 without the homosexual overtones. Our training facilities have been upgraded to "average," which is ace considering the game said our training ground was a "total shit-tip" when I first tookover (real talk). The board are currently upgrading our "basic" youth facilities, but it's due to take two years to complete. TWO YEARS! What the hell are they doing?! That's about as long as it took to build Union Square, and everybody knows Union Square is the pinnacle of modern architecture. My word.

[Murrr]

WELL HOLY FUCK GUYS. I know I said I don't really sign old dudes, but this just happened:-

He's old and probably won't start, but it's bloody NESTA. Best man ever, except Cannavaro. I tried to sign him at the start of the season but he wanted mad wages. After a few months in the abyss I've convinced him to sign for just £7.5k a week. Result. My starting CBs are both decent, so I don't really know what to do with him. Total sentimental signing. Put him up front with Maxi Lopez. Pace city.

[delboy]

I remember on an old version of FM I signed a 36 year old Wayne Rooney for Cambridge and he had a great impact!

Transfer budget for the new season 1.5 million, don't think I'll be pulling up too many trees in the champions league!!! Pretty happy with the squad in any case, keep asking the board to improve my youth facilities as hardly any players have come through my shitty youth season but they preferred to spunk cash on a 27,000 all seater stadium when I get average crowds of 7,000 nice one you twerps, not even managed to fill the bloody thing yet, got 22,000 for a match against Benfica and the bloody loan repayments are a noose around the clubs neck!

[Gypsum_Fantastic]

I can't seem to get the board to give me more coaches. I had quite a few, at one point it said "max coaches allowed 18" and i had about twelve but it wouldn't let me sign anymore! Now the number is at ten. Bastards. After all i have done for the Toon.

[Flights]

Raging. After struggling to keep Partick Thistle in the SPL with no transfer budget and a tiny wage budget we were relagated on goal difference on the last day of the season. Fucking fuming! It's alright I thought to myself, give the lads a taste of SPL stardom and they'll be hungry for another dominating first divison season. Build the team up, work my tactics out and have a proper stab at it. However the powers that be at Firhill instead of sending me my season targets sent me my fucking P45. Ungrateful cunts! First venture into the SPL since 2001 (I think) and this is how I get treated. Knobs!

However I got a cheeky job offer from Brazillan First Divison side Atletico Clube Goianiense. I was unsure so I checked out one of their games and mingled with the fans.

Banner reads "Can we play with your balls after the match?"

They seemed a decent enough team so I took the job.

When I joined the board let me know that they expected me to battle bravely to avoid relegation, I sweet talked them into giving me some extra funds by saying I aimed to get a respectable place this season.

First things first. The previous manager had the boys playing a bizzare 5-3-2 formation with emphasis on defence. Poke that. This is Brazil, home to extravagant strikers and midfielders who hoof in goals from 35 yards. I stuck the lowest rated defenders up for transfer. There were in total 12 defenders in the team. now there is 6. I decided to build a team around a 3-4-3 formation with an attacking attitude, long balls and lots of crosses. Luckily ACG had quite a varied squad and I only had to pick up a AML during the transfer window to bulk up my choices for midfield. I signed a young striker with silly stats on a free transfer and I was set.

The fans were concerned I was changing the club too much and I began to fear that I would be lynched by the Torcida Máfia Atleticana. ACG's not so friendly ultras.

To be fair to them they have an incredible logo.

Fucking Skeletor!

However Big Phil's controversial changes paid off. My first game in charge was a first round game in the Brazilian cup agains Santo Andre. Goals galore, a glorious 4-1 away win. Couldn't ask for more. The Second leg, which was the away leg for us, finished 2-1.

My second game was the Second Round First Leg against Palmeiras. We went in to this game as complete underdogs. What a spicy affair this game turned out to be! A sending off from both sides and a whopping 10 yellow cards between the two teams. Loads of chances but no goals. We played our asses off and despite clearly being the better team we were unable to break the goal deadlock and the game finished 0-0.

The Second Leg was worrying me as I had a feeling we were going to get pumped. We were away, the odds were against us and Palmeiras had a decent home victory record. 4 minutes into the game and Palmeiras scored an incredible 32 yard goal. The beginning of the end I thought to myself. We managed to battle on to half time without conceding another goal. After the break however something happened. The ball was barely of the centre spot and it was played deep into the oppositions half and somehow my new striker Marcao was there to collect it and proceeded to thump in a scorching 20 yard goal! The rest of the game was a drawn out affair and then I got a midfielder sent off at the 80 minute mark. That's it I thought. Palmeiras had a decent crack at goal with the freekick but it was turned away and we launched a counter attack and forward Athirson made a break for goal with only the keeper to beat when suddenly a disgusting lunging tackle sent him to the ground. The referee pointed to the spot, the Palmeiras player was sent packing and Athirson was taken off the pitch. Marcoa stepped up and scored the penalty. We held them at bay for the last 10 minutes and claimed the victory!

A moving poem about my divine presence.

The league games have started and we are sitting 4th. Yet to lose a game and looking forward to our next cup game, the Quarter final, against Coritiba. It should be good, even odds and it's a game that could go either way!

Mighty bastard Partick Thistle now have pie eating hun bugger Ally McCoist managing them now. They are getting humped in the First Division whilst I'm living it up in sunny Brazil.

Bang tidy!

[Lemonade]

I've started a new game and taken over at Bradford City in League 2. Fuck yeah Bantams.

[FOX]

Does "I think this meeting has run its course" piss anyone else off?

[delboy]

finally able to sit down and get cracking on defending my title in Portugal, no urgency to sign players pretty happy with the squad, some dead wood contracts ran out so will just get me scouts working overtime looking for frees and cheapo signings as only just over a million in the bank... will shore up the squad with the usual few loan players from the bigger sides in Portugal and Brazil!