Le Stu Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 No need for that, Gordon Brown said a couple of weeks ago that anybody under the age of 20 who has a child will be forcibly placed in a council run home. Because we all know that the council are better at doing things than anybody else.It gives people jobs Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lonz Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 Exactly my feelings on the matter. Why the fuck do they think they're special. Everyone who is employed has a job to do. Get the fuck on with it and quit whining like a bunch of girl's blouses.Anyone who strikes should be given a written warning for each day that they miss at work relating to the strike and dismissed for gross misconduct and breach of contract. There are plenty of people out there who would willing do the jobs these moany bastards are complaining about and in some cases for less money.The most disappointing thing nowadays is how strike action is the first action used by most groups\unions. There's no work to rule or working to strict contract hours anymore (ie not working overtime or not performing any role not specified in your contract etc), instead it's straight to the picket lines.Strike action, IMHO, is always the final option and should only be considered when all other alternatives have failed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 So, as you may or may not know, I made the move down south to Edinburgh 6-7 weeks ago into this fucking amazing flat with two really cool people. One of them happens to be an attractive young woman and as such, many of her friends are absolute stunners. Good news, right? Well, for the most part yes. Many of these smokin' hotties have uglier and more insecure friends that orbit coyly around their social clique like defunct, hideous satellietes which means there's always a few uggo's for someone like me to try it on with. However I do have one problem and my problem is this:This girls bedroom is at the end of the corridor, next to the toilet. This spacious and modern flat's only downside is that the walls are paper thin. This means that every time I have a shit I am certain that every noise is audible to Hayley and whatever hot girl(s) are in her room. This has now led to me going down three flights of stairs and walking to the end of my road to go into the pub just to have a dump whenever these hot girls are in the house (they often are). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monster Zero Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 Closest I could find was Syphilitic Vaginas.Just for you.You should make it your next band name and see if you can become a figure of ire for women with wonky vaginas. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gladstone Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 So, as you may or may not know, I made the move down south to Edinburgh 6-7 weeks ago into this fucking amazing flat with two really cool people. One of them happens to be an attractive young woman and as such, many of her friends are absolute stunners. Good news, right? Well, for the most part yes. Many of these smokin' hotties have uglier and more insecure friends that orbit coyly around their social clique like defunct, hideous satellietes which means there's always a few uggo's for someone like me to try it on with. However I do have one problem and my problem is this:This girls bedroom is at the end of the corridor, next to the toilet. This spacious and modern flat's only downside is that the walls are paper thin. This means that every time I have a shit I am certain that every noise is audible to Hayley and whatever hot girl(s) are in her room. This has now led to me going down three flights of stairs and walking to the end of my road to go into the pub just to have a dump whenever these hot girls are in the house (they often are).Take your guitar into the shithouse with you and play it very loudly.(Don't sing though, your singing will probably put them off more than the splish splash of your jobby hitting the water ) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monster Zero Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 So, as you may or may not know, I made the move down south to Edinburgh 6-7 weeks ago into this fucking amazing flat with two really cool people. One of them happens to be an attractive young woman and as such, many of her friends are absolute stunners. Good news, right? Well, for the most part yes. Many of these smokin' hotties have uglier and more insecure friends that orbit coyly around their social clique like defunct, hideous satellietes which means there's always a few uggo's for someone like me to try it on with. However I do have one problem and my problem is this:This girls bedroom is at the end of the corridor, next to the toilet. This spacious and modern flat's only downside is that the walls are paper thin. This means that every time I have a shit I am certain that every noise is audible to Hayley and whatever hot girl(s) are in her room. This has now led to me going down three flights of stairs and walking to the end of my road to go into the pub just to have a dump whenever these hot girls are in the house (they often are).It sounds like you have already consigned yourself to having no chance with them so why worry? Or else just place a decent lump of bog paper in the pan pre-shit to avoid any loud splash backs. I wouldn't have thought they are ears to the wall to hear your emissions. However, if every shite you have is a geyser of the skits then you are probably fucked. And is the local pub not getting a bit tired of you appearing to stink them out??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Easy Wishes Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 Plus, it might be endearing that you're happy to audibly shit infront of them all. A 'just doesn't care' attitude, like James Dean or something. A loveable (shitting) rogue.[EDIT= Also consider leaving the door open for maximum effect.] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 It sounds like you have already consigned yourself to having no chance with them so why worry? Or else just place a decent lump of bog paper in the pan pre-shit to avoid any loud splash backs. I wouldn't have thought they are ears to the wall to hear your emissions. However, if every shite you have is a geyser of the skits then you are probably fucked. And is the local pub not getting a bit tired of you appearing to stink them out???The toilet paper now has a new "roll" in the bathroom, it would seem.Let's just get this straight from the off; my shits are normal, for the best part. It's not my shits that are the problem; it's the thin walls.And I have a rotation system of three pubs on my street so they havent picked up on it yet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigsby Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 So, as you may or may not know, I made the move down south to Edinburgh 6-7 weeks ago into this fucking amazing flat with two really cool people. One of them happens to be an attractive young woman and as such, many of her friends are absolute stunners. Good news, right? Well, for the most part yes. Many of these smokin' hotties have uglier and more insecure friends that orbit coyly around their social clique like defunct, hideous satellietes which means there's always a few uggo's for someone like me to try it on with. However I do have one problem and my problem is this:This girls bedroom is at the end of the corridor, next to the toilet. This spacious and modern flat's only downside is that the walls are paper thin. This means that every time I have a shit I am certain that every noise is audible to Hayley and whatever hot girl(s) are in her room. This has now led to me going down three flights of stairs and walking to the end of my road to go into the pub just to have a dump whenever these hot girls are in the house (they often are).Ha, this sounds like exactly the kind of thing I would do. Here's a tip, one time I was entertaining a young lady friend and when she went away to the bog (only for a piss I think, but the principle is the same) she turned the tap on so all you could hear outside was that. Very clever.It's a shame we have such hang ups about shitting. I was enjoying flirting with a lovely young blonde in Tesco's last night until I remembered I was buying bog roll. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain America Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 Turn the shower and/or tap on while you lay an egg. Should drown out your parps and splashes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 Ha, this sounds like exactly the kind of thing I would do. Here's a tip, one time I was entertaining a young lady friend and when she went away to the bog (only for a piss I think, but the principle is the same) she turned the tap on so all you could hear outside was that. Very clever.It's a shame we have such hang ups about shitting. I was enjoying flirting with a lovely young blonde in Tesco's last night until I remembered I was buying bog roll.Oh, I know about the tap trick. Only thing is, I'm still not keen on leaving the taps on for 3-4 minutes; there's always the chance they never heard me otherwise, but a running tap is like me shouting through "I'm having a shit by the way, guys" in order to cover up the noise of my defecation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alkaline Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 Ha, this sounds like exactly the kind of thing I would do. Here's a tip, one time I was entertaining a young lady friend and when she went away to the bog (only for a piss I think, but the principle is the same) she turned the tap on so all you could hear outside was that. Very clever.It's a shame we have such hang ups about shitting. I was enjoying flirting with a lovely young blonde in Tesco's last night until I remembered I was buying bog roll.I always flush after a bowel evac so as to remove the stink asap. Usually works pretty fine. I also have an expelair system in my shower room that drowns out the sound of me laying pipe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gladstone Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 It's only a shit. Each one of those hotties in that room next door takes a shit every day too. Just use the bog roll trick to save any massive splashing noises.Or go the other route as suggested above and announce to them you're about to have a massive dump. And make as much noise as you possibly can... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 It's only a shit. Each one of those hotties in that room next door takes a shit every day too. Just use the bog roll trick to save any massive splashing noises.Or go the other route as suggested above and announce to them you're about to have a massive dump. And make as much noise as you possibly can...This trick has drawbacks because as the brown egg is laying on top of the toilet roll and in air instead of under water it makes it smell really, really bad.The only suitable solution to the cable conundrum is what's known as "Surfing The Sausage". Sit on the pan with your hand on the flusher, and when the turd begins, hit the flusher. Thus, the toilet will be flushing as it hits the water. It will be instantly flushed away causing no smell, and the sound of the flush will drown out the splashing and any quacking noises. The only drawback is that the cold water may, depending on the power of the flush, sploosh your balls, which can be quite unpleasant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gladstone Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 This trick has drawbacks because as the brown egg is laying on top of the toilet roll and in air instead of under water it makes it smell really, really bad.The only suitable solution to the cable conundrum is what's known as "Surfing The Sausage". Sit on the pan with your hand on the flusher, and when the turd begins, hit the flusher. Thus, the toilet will be flushing as it hits the water. It will be instantly flushed away causing no smell, and the sound of the flush will drown out the splashing and any quacking noises. The only drawback is that the cold water may, depending on the power of the flush, sploosh your balls, which can be quite unpleasant.Alternatively, he could just man up and take a massive steaming turd, making loads of noise and creating a manly stink.Leave the bathroom door open after announcing what you're about to do.And don't flush. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 Alternatively, he could just man up and take a massive steaming turd, making loads of noise and creating a manly stink.Leave the bathroom door open after announcing what you're about to do.And don't flush.Carrots, do you often try and help people out by insisting they land themselves in the one situation they don't want to be in? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gladstone Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 Carrots, do you often try and help people out by insisting they land themselves in the one situation they don't want to be in?Just you... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alkaline Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 Carrots, do you often try and help people out by insisting they land themselves in the one situation they don't want to be in?You might as well just go the whole hog and steam into her room and crimp off a Mr Whippy right in the centre of her floorspace... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigsby Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 You might as well just go the whole hog and steam into her room and crimp off a Mr Whippy right in the centre of her floorspace...If by floorspace you mean tits, I agree. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alkaline Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 If by floorspace you mean tits, I agree.That's just sick... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Le Stu Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 I suppose finding a girl who likes the 'hot carl' is the ultimate solution. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 Pet Hate - fucking students in bars. Or specficically being behind them. Last night I was at the bar in the Cineworld waiting as four student girls were being served:"A blue WKD please"Barman gets the Blue WKD out of the fridge"2.30 please"Hands over money.Next girl:"A blue WKD please"Barman gets the Blue WKD out of the fridge"2.30 please"Hands over money.Next girl:"A blue WKD please"Barman gets the Blue WKD out of the fridge"2.30 please"Hands over money.Next girl:"A blue WKD please"Barman gets the Blue WKD out of the fridge"2.30 please"Hands over money.By which time I was ready to kick them all in the cunt. Just buy a fucking round! They all looked about 16 as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Le Stu Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 Students in the supermarket. 5 of you in a circle at every intersection. Buy some fucking food or MOVE, please. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paranoid Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 Just simplify it. Students.That vast majority of things they do are annoying to decent, upstanding members of society, and me. Cunts, the lot of them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 Just simplify it. Students.That vast majority of things they do are annoying to decent, upstanding members of society, and me. Cunts, the lot of them.Nah, mate. We're awesome. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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