Guest ()Papaspyrou() Posted October 19, 2005 Report Share Posted October 19, 2005 A call I got recently from a telesales person on behalf of Promotions Today.Me: HelloMan: Ah hello, I'm looking for Jamie Lawrie.Me: Sorry, he's not here anymoreMan: I'm looking for a , uhm, Jamie Lawrie. Is he available?Me: Uhm.....not, sorry. He died last week.Man: I'm sorry?Me: He actally died last week. He's 6 feet under and won't be taking calls todayMan: I'm sorry to hear about that.Me: Yeah, everyone here's still pretty hurt about it. Some sadness still aroundMan: Well this offer is available to anyone in the household. Is there anyone else there that might be interested?Is there any depth they don't sink to?P.s. Jamie Lawrie is not dead. He's alive and well (probably) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve-O Posted October 19, 2005 Report Share Posted October 19, 2005 damn them.Telesales are indeed Satan's minions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dinosaur Posted October 19, 2005 Report Share Posted October 19, 2005 A call I got recently from a telesales person on behalf of Promotions Today.Me: HelloMan: Ah hello' date=' I'm looking for Jamie Lawrie.Me: Sorry, he's not here anymoreMan: I'm looking for a , uhm, Jamie Lawrie. Is he available?Me: Uhm.....not, sorry. He died last week.Man: I'm sorry?Me: He actally died last week. He's 6 feet under and won't be taking calls todayMan: I'm sorry to hear about that.Me: Yeah, everyone here's still pretty hurt about it. Some sadness still aroundMan: Well this offer is available to anyone in the household. Is there anyone else there that might be interested?Is there any depth they don't sink to?P.s. Jamie Lawrie is not dead. He's alive and well (probably)[/quote']that made me laugh, I cant believe them sometimes! they will do anything to try make a sale! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Knight of Swords Posted October 20, 2005 Report Share Posted October 20, 2005 I used to work at the Clydesdale Bank's call centre and I remember a girl getting sacked for something similar. Customers would phone in with their problem, we would do whatever we had to do and at the end of the call, we'd ask if they wanted a personal loan. Someone had phoned in to ask that her husband's account be closed as he had just died. The girl asked if the woman wanted a personal loan to cover funeral expenses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ()Papaspyrou() Posted October 20, 2005 Report Share Posted October 20, 2005 New CallLets make this a mission to fuck up every cold call that comes through the lines. Points will be issued for originality.Man: Hello, Mr LawrieMe: NoMan: Well Mr Lawrie, I regret to inform you that your number has come up and that you have a chance to win in our competition.Me:.......What did you just say?Man: We have a competition here at Connections for you, and you've just been entered into the prize draw to win a new mobile phone from the network, 3G!Me: Did you say 'I regret to inform you'?Man: Ehm, yes sir. For the competition.Me: No, no no, no. You don't say I regret to inform you because that makes it sound like you're offering something bad. It sounded like you were going to say someone in my family had died or my car had been broken into. Regret normally means something bad. Next time, you want to say "Hi, Sir. I've got a great deal for you", etc, etc.Man: Oh, i'm sorry, Sir.Me: No, its alright....what were you talking about again?Man: There is a competition to win a free 3G phone today for you.Me: Nah, i'm sorry. I'm not interested in a phone.....how about your wife though? Is she going to be entered in the draw?Man: *click*I hope I get another one soon. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beeker Posted October 20, 2005 Report Share Posted October 20, 2005 time to get an arnie soudboard i think!....."yeah, ""first i want to ask you a bunch of questions, and i want to have them answered immediately"..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hardcore Mel Posted October 20, 2005 Report Share Posted October 20, 2005 i think napoleon dynamite soundboard would do a good job of speaking to telesales calls. 'Idiot!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bodast Posted October 20, 2005 Report Share Posted October 20, 2005 time to get an arnie soudboard i think!....."yeah' date=' ""first i want to ask you a bunch of questions, and i want to have them answered immediately".....[/quote']"Who is your daddy, and what does he do? You psychopathic bitch! " Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McGoatski Posted October 20, 2005 Report Share Posted October 20, 2005 time to get an arnie soudboard i think!....."yeah' date=' ""first i want to ask you a bunch of questions, and i want to have them answered immediately".....[/quote']If anyone wants an easy-to-use and free prog for this purpose may I recommend this.....http://www.soundplant.org/download.htm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonty84 Posted October 20, 2005 Report Share Posted October 20, 2005 "Hello' date=' could I speak to the householder, please?""Hold on - I'll get them for you..."[/quote']I used to work in the 2nd biggest callcentre in Europe, in Bangor, Co. Down, for Nat West selling Accident Insurance. Many people tried the above tactic. The reality of it is though is that doing this is very welcome indeed - I used to love it when people did this. What many people can't get into their heads is that this is a JOB. If you have a five hour shift you make over 200 calls. The majority aren't even remotely interested in what you've got to offer. Therefore if they put the phone down, stay on the line and fuck off, you get to sit there doing nothing (or in my case, play Connect 4 with the guy next to me) for five minutes instead of doing any work. Smug fuckers love telling me "well that's what I do whenever people phone from callcentres." It's hardly wasting their time, it's their job, they're getting paid regardless of your reaction.Remember kids, help Callcentre workers all over the country by merely staying on the line and going back to your business.For christ's sake its not the poor bastard on the other end of the phone's fault. He's doing a shitty job. Blame the fat cats that run these companies for employing people to do their dirty work.Mike Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hog Posted October 20, 2005 Report Share Posted October 20, 2005 "Hello' date=' could I speak to the householder, please?""Hold on - I'll get them for you..."And then just leave them hanging on the 'phone. See how they like getting their time wasted. Some of them don't call back, as their computer just dials the next number. Mostly.But they do hang on for about 3 mins or so. If we all did this, it would take them roughly five times longer to complete each call. Perhaps this is enough to finish them off financially? Minimum sales. Maximum 'phone bill.Failing that, http://www.bt.com/btprivacy/ (or your service provider's equivalent).Until they're gone for ever.I tried that privacy thing Dino but I still get around 4 telesales calls per day. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
soundian Posted October 20, 2005 Report Share Posted October 20, 2005 I tried that privacy thing Dino but I still get around 4 telesales calls per day. Worked for me, it does take about a month to kick in though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
medichi Posted October 20, 2005 Report Share Posted October 20, 2005 Remember kids' date=' help Callcentre workers all over the country by merely staying on the line and going back to your business.For christ's sake its not the poor bastard on the other end of the phone's fault. He's doing a shitty job. Blame the fat cats that run these companies for employing people to do their dirty work.[/quote']You've taken all the joy from my day.I do like telling the ones who call you "stupid" for not taking up their offers "immeasurable cunts".... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ()Papaspyrou() Posted October 21, 2005 Report Share Posted October 21, 2005 You've taken all the joy from my day.I do like telling the ones who call you "stupid" for not taking up their offers "immeasurable cunts"....In this sense? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
David Posted October 21, 2005 Report Share Posted October 21, 2005 the best one i have heard about...[telesales] hello, am i talking to the houseowner[guy] no, sorry, i am actually a theif who broke in to nick the tv[telesales] ohpolice appear round at the guys house two minutes later after they were called by the telesales guy joke backfiring?David Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cloud Posted October 21, 2005 Report Share Posted October 21, 2005 anyone know if it's illegal to wind up telesales people by getting them to send a salesman to someone's house? because apparently it's a Bad Bad Thing according to the muppet that just phoned here.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessHolly Posted October 21, 2005 Report Share Posted October 21, 2005 When I first moved into my new house I got loads of calls for "Miss Ho" which I thought was a joke but eventually they've stopped.I find the best thing to do is say "No I'm afraid that person doesn't live here anymore, please delete their details from your records". It actually works. Well, it did for me.When we were kids we kept a whistle by the phone for telemarketers. And I know it's not their fault. But it was still funny. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
historicrocker Posted October 21, 2005 Report Share Posted October 21, 2005 A call I got recently from a telesales person on behalf of Promotions Today.Me: HelloMan: Ah hello' date=' I'm looking for Jamie Lawrie.Me: Sorry, he's not here anymoreMan: I'm looking for a , uhm, Jamie Lawrie. Is he available?Me: Uhm.....not, sorry. He died last week.Man: I'm sorry?Me: He actally died last week. He's 6 feet under and won't be taking calls todayMan: I'm sorry to hear about that.Me: Yeah, everyone here's still pretty hurt about it. Some sadness still aroundMan: Well this offer is available to anyone in the household. Is there anyone else there that might be interested?Is there any depth they don't sink to?P.s. Jamie Lawrie is not dead. He's alive and well (probably)[/quote']They probably have a scenario sheet that tells them what to say in that situation. I spit on those people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cloud Posted October 21, 2005 Report Share Posted October 21, 2005 Being nice to them just gets more phone calls, I find...My chosen tactic is to get them to go to a guy's house that I know (he does exactly the same thing back...) to try and flog whatever, he tells them they've got the wrong end of the stick and they usually wipe the details off the record.Sadly, it doesn't work with the annoying bastards for 3 mobile Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MattJimF Posted October 22, 2005 Report Share Posted October 22, 2005 i had someone phone me from some company connected to carphone warehouse, my mum hung up on him and he phoned back, after talking to him about phone deals, i pointed out that i could quite easily walk into a carphonewarehouse on the high street and get a far better deal than the one he was offering,he tried to get me to sign up with 3 mobile and i ended up having to tell him that i could get a better deal and that i was hanging up on him.For those interested the deal was 200 cross network minutes and 100 text per month for 16.50 for the first ten months then 30 for the remaining 8 months on t-mobile. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeinzHines Posted October 22, 2005 Report Share Posted October 22, 2005 I had an interesting one with 3 mobile once....got them to stay on the phone for about an hour...they cold called me....and the conversation went something like this:Them: Hello Mr Smith..Me: Sorry you have the wrong number....Them: Thats ok, this deal can apply to you to.Me: Oh hear we go.Them: Thats correct, i can offer you bla bla blaAt this point you can get the general sales pitch of how good their deal is...Them: So Mr Smith....(I decided by this point that i was Mr Smith, just to please them)...how much do you spend per month on your current contract?Me: About 7-8000 per month.Them: 7-8000!!!!!?????Me: Yes thats right....7-8000....why do you ask?Them: You do realise i could save you about 7000 a month!? I will go get my manager...At this point i could actually feel her vagina getting moist about her getting the supervisor and away to strike the deal of the month....Supervisor: Hello Mr Smith...Me: Hello again.Supervisor: So my collegue tells me that you spend a ludacris amount of money on your mobile each month....is this correct?Me: Well in theory it is correct....Supervisor: What do you mean in theory?Me: Well i dont actually pay the bill....Supervisor: Who does pay the bill?Me: No-one that you would know...Supervisor: Im not sure i get what you mean?Me: Well basically i work at a phone shop...Supervisor: Then you should know you spend too much money, buy about 6000-7000!?Me: Yeah but i told you i dont pay it.....Supervisor: Yes but someone has to....Me: Yeah but they dont matter...Supervisor: Im not sure what you mean?Me: Let me level with you....i steal all my credit from the shop i work at...Supervisor: Well, you will get the sack if you arent careful....Me: I wont...Supervisor: You will, you are breaking the law...Me: Yeah i know this, but i am blackmailing the manager....Supervisor: Blackmailing?Me: Yeah thats right, blackmailing him....Supervisor: That cant work out...Me: It works out fine for me...i caught him sleeping with his wifes sister...and in return of not telling his wife, i take mobile phone top-up cards and sell them on cheap every month. Supervisor: I have to admit, this is very wrong.....ANYWAY Mr Smith....can i offer you our 45 a month etc....etc.....I burst out laughing at this point and had to hang up....always pushing for a sale them lot...i wish i could actually remember the whole story of this from the time....it was way funnier....and i actually led on about 4 different superiors, they all sucked it in....bunch of twats... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest ()Papaspyrou() Posted October 22, 2005 Report Share Posted October 22, 2005 Great story! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scootray Posted October 26, 2005 Report Share Posted October 26, 2005 Telesales gone wrongIf you don't laugh very hard at this, there's obviously something wrong with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest pop-notmyface Posted October 26, 2005 Report Share Posted October 26, 2005 give the guy a chance though, he's just trying to earn a living Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starfish dave Posted October 26, 2005 Report Share Posted October 26, 2005 I love the ones that start off with " Can I speak to the homeowner please? I say "Yes, ring Aberdeenshire council" They never fail to hang up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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