bitchygirl Posted July 3, 2005 Report Share Posted July 3, 2005 So yeah...a friend of mine just told me she cuts herself. I don't really know what to think or say or do. I'm not sure of my opinions on it, it's a little strange, not something i've ever thought about before.What are your views on it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Larsen B Posted July 3, 2005 Report Share Posted July 3, 2005 I bet you someone will just call her an attention seeker. I obviously don't think it's a good thing but better to take frustration out on yourself than somebody else who doesn't deserve it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bitchygirl Posted July 3, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 3, 2005 Well I know for a fact she is not an attention seeker. TBH, she'd never have told me had I not seen some cuts by accident whilst she was getting changed in my room, I sorta made her tell me. She has a lot of shite going on. I wish I could help her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mick Maverik Posted July 3, 2005 Report Share Posted July 3, 2005 This is a toughie. I've known people, as Jimmy said, who are just out for attention. They'll give themselves a tiny cut, tell everyone about it, and sit back and wait for the flurry of sympathy. It depends how she told you, and did she give any reasons? All you can do is be there for her, if you can maybe give a little more detail, I can maybe help you a little better, as I've had close friends who have done similar. Good luck, hope you manage to get it sorted. Andy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frosty Jack Posted July 3, 2005 Report Share Posted July 3, 2005 Lots of good info here -http://www.samaritans.org/know/selfharm/aboutselfharm.shtmDon't be scared to give them a phone either, they'll help you to know how best to deal with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mick Maverik Posted July 3, 2005 Report Share Posted July 3, 2005 Hmm, sorry last post was typed before you put in the 2nd reply. Well first off, I think you need to get her to talk. Be that to you, or to anyone else. Anytime I've been down, after I talk to someone, I ALWAYS feel at least a little better. If you confide in at least one person, it lessens the burden at least a little, you don't feel like you're completely alone anymore. Just try to offer support when you can, but be subtle about it, don't make the situation stand out more than it already does, a helping hand here and there, just so she knows somebody cares. Oh and try keep her away from excess alcohol (if you can). Alcohol is a depressant and can really drag you further down (been there). That's all I can think of just now, good luck and hope it improves. Andy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
connie Posted July 3, 2005 Report Share Posted July 3, 2005 I've never done it, but know why people do it. Apparently it releases a chemical (the name escapes me at the moment) that makes them feel happy. So by cutting themselves, they feel that they're reducing their stress or unhappiness.Just speak to her and be really understanding and patient. I hope it all works out for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daniel Posted July 3, 2005 Report Share Posted July 3, 2005 i know people who self and i dont comfort then in anyway, im not very open minded about the self harming thing, i see them as atention seekers who want people to think they have bigger problems than anyone else. ive got to admit when i was 14-ish use to hit my head against a wall really hard if i got really pissed off, wouldnt call it self harming though. thats just the way i delt with it, but i never boasted about it or even told anyone.i guess everybodys got their problems, its just how you deal with them is the important thing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bitchygirl Posted July 3, 2005 Author Report Share Posted July 3, 2005 The thing is, Daniel, I really don't think she is an attention seeker. She told me, when I wouldn't let her leave my room until she had, that she has done this for five years and I am the first person who has ever found out. She showed me scars on her legs, stomach, and top of her arms where she had done it, and I just wanted to hold her and never let her go. She told me a lot of personal stuff which I won't write here as it's not fair on her. but I really don't think she wants attention. Quite the opposite in fact. I really feel for her to be honest. I don't think she's a manipulative attention seeker at all, I know some cutters are, but I don't think she is. I don't know, she's just not like that Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stuart Posted July 3, 2005 Report Share Posted July 3, 2005 Apparently it releases a chemical (the name escapes me at the moment) that makes them feel happy. Yeah, it's some kind of Endorphin, which basically blocks pain receptors in the brain, resulting in a kind of light-headed feel. If you've ever had a painful peircing, you'll know what I mean.I know a few self-harmy types, and the best way of explaining it I've heard is that you are filled with very strong anger. When you are filled with such a sense of anger, you really want to hit someone... like, hard. People suffering from depression (which your friend is) have problems with self-perception, and thus see anything wrong as their fault. Feeling this anger is due to themselves being 'fucked up' or whatever, it would be wrong to take it out on someone who doesn't deserve it, so they take it out on themselves. It's a strange little topic, and I'll never fully understand it.Just make sure your friend knows that you are there for them, and that you care enough to get called anytime, day or night, to talk about it when they feel they need to cut themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hog Posted July 3, 2005 Report Share Posted July 3, 2005 Just be a good friend. Try and get her help but just make sure she doesnt crawl into her shell. Frosty rightly pointed out the Samaritans.There seem to be 2 types of self harmers IMHO 1) The ones who simply cant cope and need help2) And also the ones who scar themselves then walk around wearing a short sleeved top with a "look at me" kind of attitude.Hog Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daniel Posted July 3, 2005 Report Share Posted July 3, 2005 The thing is' date=' Daniel, I really don't think she is an attention seeker. She told me, when I wouldn't let her leave my room until she had, that she has done this for five years and I am the first person who has ever found out. She showed me scars on her legs, stomach, and top of her arms where she had done it, and I just wanted to hold her and never let her go. She told me a lot of personal stuff which I won't write here as it's not fair on her. but I really don't think she wants attention. Quite the opposite in fact. I really feel for her to be honest. I don't think she's a manipulative attention seeker at all, I know some cutters are, but I don't think she is. I don't know, she's just not like that[/quote']the people i know are fairly open about it, but your freind sounds pretty unhappy, 5 years of this, she should see somoene soon incase she takes it to a different level, hope she gets through itcheers Daniel Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
threeornothing Posted July 3, 2005 Report Share Posted July 3, 2005 Eat instead of cutting. Its great. But be prepared to put on a lot of weight very quickly... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wishbone G Posted July 3, 2005 Report Share Posted July 3, 2005 Eat instead of cutting. Its great. But be prepared to put on a lot of weight very quickly... or smoke and stay thinJoking' date=' ok? So glad scene points arnt around anymore[/size'] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
threeornothing Posted July 3, 2005 Report Share Posted July 3, 2005 But food tastes and smells nice... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wishbone G Posted July 3, 2005 Report Share Posted July 3, 2005 ah, touchAlthough I heartily agree with you anyway Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penny Posted July 4, 2005 Report Share Posted July 4, 2005 whatever u do, just don't tell that it's stupid to hurt herself, it'll only make her feel more crap, and she'll wan't to harm herself more..doctors can help a lot, just like anyone with the willingness to listen..but sometimes you can't personally help, and it's something they need to live through themselves, a lot of people don't/won't take the time to understand..just make sure she doesn't take it to extremes, because it could be fatal.best of luck. x Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeinzHines Posted July 4, 2005 Report Share Posted July 4, 2005 Self harming is rubbish......My two cents.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue Denim.. Posted July 4, 2005 Report Share Posted July 4, 2005 There seem to be 2 types of self harmers IMHO 1) The ones who simply cant cope and need help2) And also the ones who scar themselves then walk around wearing a short sleeved top with a "look at me" kind of attitude.I did this about 5 or 6 years ago for different reasons. I was neither suicidal or attention seeking as I always did it in private and showed no-one. (I scarred my stomach and ended up in hospital on 2 occasions.) I did it because I enjoyed the pain which gave me a high and helped take my mind of other things. Also, whilst on grass, I normally loose a bit of feeling in my body. The cutting used to make me feel normal again. As fucked up as that sounds, it made sense at the time.Making a flesh tunnel in my ear was just an extension of my self harming. As is the tattoos and piercings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hog Posted July 4, 2005 Report Share Posted July 4, 2005 I did this about 5 or 6 years ago for different reasons. I was neither suicidal or attention seeking as I always did it in private and showed no-one. (I scarred my stomach and ended up in hospital on 2 occasions.) I did it because I enjoyed the pain which gave me a high and helped take my mind of other things. Also' date=' whilst on grass, I normally loose a bit of feeling in my body. The cutting used to make me feel normal again. As fucked up as that sounds, it made sense at the time.Making a flesh tunnel in my ear was just an extension of my self harming. As is the tattoos and piercings.[/quote']So its like a way of getting back to reality again? Its certainly a complex and interesting topic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hardcore Mel Posted July 4, 2005 Report Share Posted July 4, 2005 Making a flesh tunnel in my ear was just an extension of my self harming. As is the tattoos and piercings.i know people who do this. they're a lot happier and with a lot of pretty piercings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 4, 2005 Report Share Posted July 4, 2005 Under no circumstances should you tell them they are stupid, I'm sure she probably realises that it's wrong. I've done it before and I know it's certainly not a good thing to do, it makes your friends feel alienated and it makes you feel so selfish - thus making you feel worse and so it goes on. She must be deeply unhappy about something or feel responcible for any bad situation she is in and I suppose as the logic certainly went in my head.... Its better to take it out on yourself than harm the people you love and care about... it makes you feel better (I believe the chemical bit has already been explained).Still not saying its a good thing though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rach_69 Posted July 4, 2005 Report Share Posted July 4, 2005 You can't force her to stop, just try to be there for her when she needs you most. I did it a while back but my friends were there for me and although i lost some that weren't so close to me, i realised how great my close ones are and realised how much they really mean to me and vice versa. I know it's hard but be patientHope she gets through it Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
confession Posted July 4, 2005 Report Share Posted July 4, 2005 There seem to be 2 types of self harmers IMHO 1) The ones who simply cant cope and need help2) And also the ones who scar themselves then walk around wearing a short sleeved top with a "look at me" kind of attitude. I agree with the above, but to most I know its just a way of venting their feelings...If they really want to go through pain to block out whatever else, tell them that piercings, tattoos or waxing is a...well I would say 'healthier' option but has the same effect and is prolly better for general well being. In the way if people see cutting scars they'll ask questions and judge, but if its pain felt through getting a piercing or tattoo they'll just think this person is into body art. yip yip.Just be there for them.edit: Yeah,so i've just read earlier posts saying generally what I've just said. Don't care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted July 4, 2005 Report Share Posted July 4, 2005 I agree with the above' date=' but to most I know its just a way of venting their feelings...If they really want to go through pain to block out whatever else, tell them that piercings, tattoos or waxing is a...well I would say 'healthier' option but has the same effect and is prolly better for general well being. In the way if people see cutting scars they'll ask questions and judge, but if its pain felt through getting a piercing or tattoo they'll just think this person is into body art. yip yip.Just be there for them.edit: Yeah,so i've just read earlier posts saying generally what I've just said. Don't care.[/quote']what if you have no wish to have a tattoo or piercing?(I am tattoo and piercing free) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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