Sam the Eagle

it is indeed terrible news. first smash hits, now this. what are they going to announce next week? the death of the pop single?

bonnie tyler - holding out for a hero prince - purple rain foreigner - i wanna know what love is mister mister - broken wings cher - if i could turn back time boston - more than a feeling the cars - drive Cutting Crew - Died In Your Arms Tonight

whoring himself off to local media... and he has no journalistic integrity!

speaking of police incidents has anyone seen the sign on powis about the incident that occurred? i'm intrigued

i know gemma parry, shall pass the info on.

i quite despise the man. deep rooted, dark hatred.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

Chapter 3 Helena Remmington-Tinger was sat at her desk. Helena had only recently gained employment; having previously worked as a taxidermist she felt that a carear change was needed and decided to put those years at secretarial school to good use. She worked at the offices of Martinet - Sebbege, directly under Victoria Sebbege herself. Victoria, as you know - by reptuation if not by name - is a leading canine dentist. Helena was just settling down with her diet dandilion and burdock, which she had warmed by placing it on the radiator - for that chip shop autenticity when her telephone rang. "Good afternoon, the offices of Martinet - Sebbege, Helena speaking how might I be of assistance?" Helena answered. Already that had fast become the most common sentence that she said each day, she ad even once answered her home telephone the with the same line. Luckily it was her bi-polar mother on the other end of the line, and she was too drugged of her face to even notice, she had called to order a pizza with banana puree, but realising that her daughter wasn't in fact a pizza parlour she quickly hung up. "Hello Helena, it's Gregory here, could I speak to Mother please, it's a matter of quite an urgency." Helena heard Gregory's voice crackle down the telephone line. "Oh dear, I do hope nothing's wrong" Helena replied with. "Unfortunately your mother isn't here at the moment. She's just nipped out around the corner to the Baker's Crust, you know the new pie shop on the high street. She's going to try one of their new Caviar Pasties, I told her it'd be..." she trailed off before being rudely interrupted by Gregory. "I'm sorry to be so impolite Helena, but it's Henry's Cat. He's been struck by lightening and we really need to get him to hospital." interrupted Gregory. "Oh dear me, I do hope the poor pup's okay. Well let me see, your mother left about 10 minutes ago, the Baker's crust is approximately 500 yards away, I know from our fitness regime that she walks at 100 yards per minute, so if my calculations are correct, and assuming she took a minimal time to be served in the shop she should be returning just about now." deduced Helena. "Ting" went the little bell above the door, that is there purely to let the secretary know that a client has walked through the door. It was Victoria returning with her pastie. "Oh Helena, great news! I got you a..." Victoria jauntilly quipped walking towards the desk. "Victoria, I've got Gregory on the telephone, there's been an accident" Helena told Victoria, attempting to pass the information on as calmly and efficiently as possible. "Oh my days, I'd best speak to him" Victoria warbled reaching for the receiver "Hello Diggory, are you okay? Your father? No? What's happened?" "It's Henry's Cat mother, he was struck by lightening and then started fitting, he's still shaking, father and I have him wrapped in a blanket. Boston is with us also. We need your help." Gregory said, relieved to be off the telephone to Helena, he never much cared for her. "You say Boston is with you? Can't you just get him to fly you to the hospital? Victoria asked? "We tried that, but to cut a long story short, it ended in the death of Patsy Kensit, and now we're stuck outside the yorkshire television studios with no form of transport." Gregory explaned. "Well I see, poor Patsy Kensit - Helena, see to it that flowers are sent to her family - well I only have the motorbike with me today, but I shall come and fetch you immediately." With that Victoria turned on her sensible heels and headed out of the door. "And Helena, can you cancel all my afternoon appointments, let Shane McGowan, you know Jimmy Saville's dog, that he can come in tomorrow morning instead for his veneers." Helena exploded into a fit of hysterics over hearing of the death of her beloved Patsy Kensit. She truely did love that balsy old dame, but Victoria was too far out of the door to hear her... End of chapter 3

she's a dancer in one of kylies videos (shocked maybe?) looking like the crack whore that she used to be! also, it's Davina McCall pt!

Chapter Two The helicopter's descent was rapid. Boston grappled with the stick attempting to keep the aircraft level, but it was useless. Down, down, down, it went. "Brace yourselves for impact and pray to whatever god you may believe in. If you ever needed faith now is the time." bawled Boston. Bastian replied over the intercom, which had miraculously stayed online during the whole escapade "Get a hold of yourself sir, we're going to make it through this." Grabbing the controls out of his hand Bastian turned sharply to the left crashing the helicopter into the roof of the nearest building. Thinking that perhaps hitting something at a higher altitude and lower speed may be the answer to their prayers. Unfortunately the building that Bastian had indirectly crashed them into was the one that housed the interior sets to nationally loved soap opera Emmerdale. The vehicle hit the ground with a thud, miracuously it was undamaged. Gregory, Bastian - who was still holding a shaking Henry's Cat - and Boston exited the aircraft. They were greeted with some extremely shocked faces. Now you would expect that generally people would be shocked when an aircraft lands in the middle of Emmerdale Farm, but I am led to believe that this s quite a regular iccurance. The actors were used to this by now, what they were more shocked by was the fact that underneath the Helicoptor a pair of stripey socks. Those stripey socks were on the legs of none other than Patsy Kensit. "Oh no!" exclamed Gregory, "I cannot believe that we've killed Patsy Kensit, she is Henry's Cat's favourite actress. He always perks up when she is on the televison. When I told him that she was going to be joining the cast of BBC medical drama 'Holby City' he ran around trying to catch his tail for a full three days." "Don't worry son" said loveable barmaid Emily Symmons, who used to be married to Donald Fisher in Home and Away when he was a child, "She was over a hundred years old anyway, she was well past her time to die. And anyway you've got more important matters to see to. It looks to me like Henry's Cat, your dog, is in a state of shock, look he's shaking." "Oh that's not shock, well not entirely anyway" Bastian interjected, "He was just struck by lightnening, we were in the middle of rushing him to vet hospital when the helicopter came down." "Oh no." Gasped the cast of Emmerdale, quickly forgetting about Patsy Kensit. They rushed the three travellers, not that they we're gypsies, that's not the kind of travellers I mean, to the door, and back out onto the street. "Okay Dad," said Gregory, resourcefully thinking, "We've got to think of another way to the hospital." He quickly dialled his mother on his mobile telephone, which he was now free to use, since he was no longer in an aircraft. "Mum'll know what to do." End of chapter two

Henry's Cat - A harrowing tale of lust, revenge and 3-d mind puzzles; set in the Yorkshire televison studios. Chapter One Once upon a time there was a dog called Henry's Cat. Which was wierd, because he was indeed a dog, and his owner was called Gregory. Now Henry's Cat was no ordinary dog. He wasn't a superdog or anything exciting like that, but he wasn't ordinary. If you try to think about what an ordinary dog is, you'll pretty much come up with a medium sized brown dog with a short tail and those dog teeth that look like they need a good clean. Henry's Cat was a medium sized dog, with a short tail; but he had impecable dental hygiene. The reason for this being that Gregory's mother was in fact a dog dentist. Dog dentists, coming a close second to call center worker, is the best job in the world since not many dogs have teeth. It's a little known fact that most dogs are born without teeth. Some more prosperous families in the United Kingdom, and other countries, provide their dogs with dentures, but most people just leave them to eat dog food, which is in fact mostly liquid. Henry's Cat didn't like eating dog food. He didn't even like eating cat food. This was due to the fact that he was an upper-class pup. He lived on caviar and lobster. The only problem with this was that it led to him suffering from gout. Gout, for those of you that are unfamiliar with the disease, is cause by a build up of acid in the joints. This acid is caused by eating rich foods, and listening to music by pop supremo Billie Piper. The solution to it, as documented in the British Medical Journal is to start living like a chav. Henry's Cat wasn't too pleased with this, but when he discovered that he would be able to continue dressing in his Burberry legwarmers and collar he jumped at the chance- in the way that only a dog can, i.e. using his hind legs, even though he has ones at the front too. Now Gregory's parents had a rather large Stately home, located near the Yorkshire Television studios. In fact that yellow triangular symbol of said televison network is actual based on the layout of their home. One day when Henry's Cat was out for a walk with Gregory he was coming around what would be the very point at the bottom of the symbol - which is a rather opulant four storey conservatory with a spiral staircase - his lead was struck with lightening. Gregory being the resourceful boy scout that he is was of course wearing rubber soled shoes and was not harmed. But Henry's Cat was frazzled. He shook on the ground like an epiliptic faking a fit so that they don't have to go to work. Gregory followed the rules of his scouting badge, which he had completed forty years previous. He put a spoon in the mouth of his beloved dog and prodded him with a wooden broomstick. Of course any first aider would know that both of these procedures are long outdated, and of course the consequences occurred immediately. Henry's Cat's canine teeth fell out and his leg snapped off. Gregory's father, Bastian, ran towards his son and their beloved pet. He had witnessed the accident from his observation deck of the family's luxury yacht which was tethered in the nearby lake. He scooped up Henry's Cat - who you'll remember is still shaking and rushed him to the nearest vehicle, the family's private helicopter. He told their pilot Boston, a Hindu from Djbouti, that this was an emergency and they must travel to the nearest hospital. Boston, who had previously worked as a taxi driver, ballet choregrapher and newspaper editor had great knowledge of the local area and knew that there was a hospital set within the grounds of the Yorkshire Television lot. They took off at once and travelled to the hospital. "Gregory, contact you're mother and alert her to our predicament." snapped Bastian. "Okay father," Gregory replied as he dialled his mother on his mobile telephone. "NO!" Screamed Boston. But it was too late, the telephone's signal had interferred with the helicopter's instruments. The aircraft started plummetting towards the earth. End of Chapter One

now i love neighbours and i love sky, but izzy, izzy is neighbours, and i love her for it. but if she needs to give it up to allow her to take over the world of pop, and bring the fuckwits that don't get elctropop around to thinking straight, then i am willing to sacrifice her and the show! viva rogue traders.

i entirely hate to say it, but it certainly looks like coldplay, and their snoozefest 2000 fun will be remembered. they will be remembered. and it bugs me.

mine went through a bit of being gay a month ago or so, but i updated my itunes, and then updates my software on my actual ipod, and since then it's been lovely and pleasant.

he he, i got the title of the thread if no-one else did

little scene girl's growing up...

yer ma's garage?

Jocelyn Jee Esien is one of the three non blondes. quite hysterical.

the man that penny and i kidnapped in exodus that night said that he was on it i think tonight, not really sure we were vry drunk. he did do magic for us though so it'd make sense

Time goes by so slowly for those who wait. But beng those who runs, I'm having all the fun and the year has flown.

and some sort of provision should be made to cover their breaks... the things that always get me is when the drivers stop the bus and nip into the shop to buy a newspaper - which they proceed to read whilst sat at traffic lights and when they stop the bus at the bottom of crown street, right next to the roundabout basically stopping all traffic to nip into the secret busman cupboard, which i assume is a toilet.

apparently she was only green in one episode... i obviously don't remember it very well.

she used to be on a program with timmy mallet where she was painted all green, not looking particularly attractive. i shall try to find a photo

obviously gordon's humour has moved on since my days in the science block... or perhaps you're a little blackfriers boy and you just don't get it. oh well.