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Simpsons Quotes


Soda Jerk

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Hank Scorpio: Back to the hammocks, my friend. You know, there's a little place called Mary Ann's Hammocks. The nice thing about that place is Mary Ann gets in the hammock with you, I'm just kidding.

Homer: Oh.

Hank Scorpio: You know who invented the hammock, Homer?

Homer: Em..No.

Hank Scorpio: There's something for you to do.....find that out.

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  • 2 weeks later...
Guest Bob Knob

Homer: Ned Flanders, I mock your value system. You also appear foolish to the eyes of others.

Ned: Well howdy, Homer! Ooh, thanks for dropping by!

Homer: Past instances in which I professed to like you were fraudulent.

Ned: Oh, well, I'll just have to try harder.

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This episode was on some channel somewhere recently:

Bart: May I be excused, mom?

Homer: Oh, so now you're quitting dinner, too.

Marge: Homer, please.

Homer: I didn't raise him to be a quitter. It must have been you. You quit every job you've ever had. Cop, pretzel vender, church counseller, professional gambler.

Marge: He's doing what he thinks is best.

Homer: Well, if quitting is the best, maybe I should just quit my job!

[Homer walks over to the phone and dials Mr. Burns' number.]

Mr Burns: Ahoy hoy?

Homer: Mr Burns? This is Homer J Simpson, the father of the big quitter! Well, I just wanted to tell you I'm a big quitter, too! And I quit!

[Homer winks twice.]

Marge: Homer, Mr Burns can't see you winking.

Homer: So--

[screams, hangs up phone.]

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You should be sorry

for having watched up to season 14

Season 14 was fine.

Bart: Ha Ha. They left without you.

Lisa: They left without you too, you idiot.

Bart: If I'm such an idiot, how come I'm the smartest kid in third grade?

Lisa: Because you've already done it once.

...

Bart: You've lost me.

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  • 4 weeks later...
  • 1 month later...

Lisa: Why are you burning all your documents

Lionel Hutz: Kids, the Lionels Hutz you know and love is gone. Say hello to Miguel Sanchez!

Milhouse: Laddie is so much better than your old dog. Remember when he ate my goldfish, and you tried to tell me I never had a goldfish. Well, why did I have the bowl Bart?? Why did I have the bowl??

Trent Steele: You had lunch yet?

Max Power: I usually have two or three

Trent Steele: Well, do you like Thai?

Max Power: Tie good. You like shirt?

Arnie Pie: I can see him now. I think I'm going to try and take him out with one of my shoes

Brockman: Leave it to the Police, Arnie

Arnie Pie: I don't wanna be a reporter. I wanna make the news.

Brockman: Now is not the time, Arnie.

Arnie Pie: YOU'RE NOT THE TIME, KENT! YOU'RE NOT THE TIME!

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Milhouse: Laddie is so much better than your old dog. Remember when he ate my goldfish, and you tried to tell me I never had a goldfish. Well, why did I have the bowl Bart?? Why did I have the bowl??

As soon as I saw this thread updated I wanted to come in and post this quote. It's so good.

If we ever end up in a political election contest you can definitively say you are one step ahead of me.

At least in terms of Simpsons quotes. But nothing is more important than that.

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