Paranoid Android Posted February 22, 2011 Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 A friendly warning about a Murderer and you're threatening to beat me up. It ain't right.You should see me now, I'm like popeye after a spinach fix. I can open jars and everything. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KarmaTsunami Posted February 22, 2011 Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 I presumed you were insinuating that you were the murderer through your use of the first person. If not then I retract my threat and return to cowering under my duvet.**Not really though, all the noises are my clumsy/drunk neighbour who appears to have fallen up the stairs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kirsten Posted February 22, 2011 Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 Shuffling an ipod whilst on the bus is a bit fraught if someone is next to you... I do try my best and not look like some dirty pervert whilst retrieving my ipod when unexpected Tori Amos or Rage Against the Machine appears. Still no where near as bad as when I accidentally touched a girl's hair on a bus.Yes! How did the hair-touching come about?I get so paranoid that I look like a sex criminal attempting to touch myself up through my jeans whenever my ipod's on shuffle and a song that is rubbish or inexplicably much louder than anything else comes on and I rush to change it or turn down the volume. I also hate when someone sits next to you before you've time to fully make sure that none of your body or clothing is even slightly on their seat, so they sit on a bit of your jacket or whatever. Then when you get up to leave, you make the first move, thus forcing your jacket/scarf/hand to move without warning, as far as your new neighbour is concerned, and they probably feel violated on the arse.One of my badges fell off on the bus a couple of months ago, onto the seat next to mine just as a woman sat down on it. It was a cripplingly tense twenty minutes.I have too much to say about this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paranoid Android Posted February 22, 2011 Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 I was estimating how long before he got to you.Don't worry you're not near the top of my "Ab-Music boarders to be knocked off" list. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frosty Jack Posted February 22, 2011 Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 I also hate when someone sits next to you before you've time to fully make sure that none of your body or clothing is even slightly on their seat, so they sit on a bit of your jacket or whatever. "MOFFAT (n. tailoring term)That part of your coat which is designed to be sat on by the person next of you on the bus."The Meaning of Liff Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paranoid Android Posted February 22, 2011 Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 When going out at the weekend messes up my sleep pattern for the following week.Should be in bed by now but I don't feel tired at all. Thankfully my work schedule means I don't have to be up early at all but I'd still like to get up earlyish. I'd use the time tomorrow morning much more productively than I am now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 22, 2011 Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 A beautiful city that I was fortunate to stay in briefly when I was younger being hit by an earthquake. Have some family there, I hope everyone is okay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alkaline Posted February 22, 2011 Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 Shuffling an ipod whilst on the bus is a bit fraught if someone is next to you... I do try my best and not look like some dirty pervert whilst retrieving my ipod when unexpected Tori Amos or Rage Against the Machine appears. Still no where near as bad as when I accidentally touched a girl's hair on a bus.Do you have to do the wank shake to shuffle on ipods?I fell asleep on a Stagecoach bus once and woke up with my head in a schoolgirls lap. That was awkward...Was she stroking your hair? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaaakkkeee Posted February 22, 2011 Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 For anyone that's been following the saga...UPDATE: Went home after work and did my 4th dump of the day. Something's nae right. Might be my IBS acting up with the amount of shit I ate throughout the weekend. Anyway my arse was sore and I wiped through the tears and safe to say I'm all clean. This should really go in the Ace-ic thread but the story began here.Pet Hate: Loud people on the bus. Listening to music then as soon as it goes to a quiet ambient part you hear a witches cackle or a NED's "Haw haw hawwwwww pro eeevvvoooooooooooooooo". Bastards. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaaakkkeee Posted February 22, 2011 Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 For anyone that's been following the saga...UPDATE: Went home after work and did my 4th dump of the day. Something's nae right. Might be my IBS acting up with the amount of shit I ate throughout the weekend. Anyway my arse was sore and I wiped through the tears and safe to say I'm all clean. This should really go in the Ace-ic thread but the story began here.FUUUUCCKKKKJust did a vile shit that's left me wiping for ages again. Probably that tacos I had last night. And what have I got for lunch today? Left over chilli and taco shells. Fuck. I was feeling great today. Sun is shining I'm in a happy mood.And my rectum has to just ruin everything.On the plus side, if it is IBS I can put in a medical claim to grampian housing and langstane and the likes as IBS is stress related and living in an overcrowded flat with my homeless girlfriend is stressful.But still. I need to go wipe again as I can feel an itch and I filled the toilet with toilet paper. I better go in before someone has to flush it away themselves. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stroopy121 Posted February 22, 2011 Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 FUUUUCCKKKKJust did a vile shit that's left me wiping for ages again. Probably that tacos I had last night. And what have I got for lunch today? Left over chilli and taco shells. Fuck. I was feeling great today. Sun is shining I'm in a happy mood.And my rectum has to just ruin everything.On the plus side, if it is IBS I can put in a medical claim to grampian housing and langstane and the likes as IBS is stress related and living in an overcrowded flat with my homeless girlfriend is stressful.But still. I need to go wipe again as I can feel an itch and I filled the toilet with toilet paper. I better go in before someone has to flush it away themselves.You should start writing a blog, or a twitter thingy...xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigsby Posted February 22, 2011 Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 You should start writing a blog, or a twitter thingy...xxAgreed, anything to get your shit related posts off here. I'm on the verge of "ignoring" someone for the first time. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Easy Wishes Posted February 22, 2011 Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 Agreed, anything to get your shit related posts off here. I'm on the verge of "ignoring" someone for the first time.This.8888 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaaakkkeee Posted February 22, 2011 Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 You should start writing a blog, or a twitter thingy...xxI'll start my own tweet app called Shitter. Specifically made for updates on bowel movements. Wrote in the Fight Club-esque "I am Jack's bowel and I'm nae feeling great iday" sorta way.With ability to upload photos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaaakkkeee Posted February 22, 2011 Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 Agreed, anything to get your shit related posts off here. I'm on the verge of "ignoring" someone for the first time.Fair point. I'll cut it out.PM me if anyone wants (ir)regular updates!xxxxx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stroopy121 Posted February 22, 2011 Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 Personally, they make me chuckle. That said, I have the same shitty sense of humour as Jake.xxEDIT: Actually, in relation to the facebook discussion; I went through a phase up updating my status to "is shitting" every time I went to the toilet, in the hopes that I'd annoy the people on my feed who post about buying new jackets half as much as they annoy me.EDIT2: The facebook discussion is in a different thread, isn't it? I'm so confused. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Diesel Posted February 22, 2011 Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 I fell asleep on a Stagecoach bus once and woke up with my head in a schoolgirls lap. That was awkward...Explain THAT one away!I had a similar experience, but with an adult....About 15 years ago on a red-eye flight to London, I was delighted to see a gorgeous redhead MILF take the seat next to me. She was a ringer for the actress Geraldine Sommerville (Penhaligon out of Cracker & Harry Potter's mum).I was single at the time and we started chatting. We got on like a house on fire and agreed to meet for dinner whilst in London.Having got up early for the flight, I dozed off and woke up with my head on her shoulder."Sorry", I said"Not at all, it was rather sweet", she said coyly.....then I looked down at her shoulder and there was a patch of drool the size of a dinner plate on her camel skin coat ......On topic - cunts who take too long at cash machins. Cunts who smoke whilst using cash machines before I do. Cunts who check their balance, retype everything again to get money....THEN...do it all again to get a receipt Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaaakkkeee Posted February 22, 2011 Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 Explain THAT one away!I had a similar experience, but with an adult....About 15 years ago on a red-eye flight to London, I was delighted to see a gorgeous redhead MILF take the seat next to me. She was a ringer for the actress Geraldine Sommerville (Penhaligon out of Cracker & Harry Potter's mum).I was single at the time and we started chatting. We got on like a house on fire and agreed to meet for dinner whilst in London.Having got up early for the flight, I dozed off and woke up with my head on her shoulder."Sorry", I said"Not at all, it was rather sweet", she said coyly.....then I looked down at her shoulder and there was a patch of drool the size of a dinner plate on her camel skin coat ......Should've said "If I can make your shoulder wet when I'm sleeping, imagine what I can do when I'm really trying.orIf I can make your shoulder wet imagine what I can do to your whispering eye.Pet Hate: Things breaking days after warranties finish. Still fuming that I paid 60 quid for my playstation to break a week after the warranty ran out. Bastard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bigsby Posted February 22, 2011 Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 Explain THAT one away!I had a similar experience, but with an adult....About 15 years ago on a red-eye flight to London, I was delighted to see a gorgeous redhead MILF take the seat next to me. She was a ringer for the actress Geraldine Sommerville (Penhaligon out of Cracker & Harry Potter's mum).I was single at the time and we started chatting. We got on like a house on fire and agreed to meet for dinner whilst in London.Having got up early for the flight, I dozed off and woke up with my head on her shoulder."Sorry", I said"Not at all, it was rather sweet", she said coyly.....then I looked down at her shoulder and there was a patch of drool the size of a dinner plate on her camel skin coat ......So... did you smash it?Cracker was good. Pehaligon got raped by the rat faced Scouser didn't she? Then improbably shacked up with the fat boy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted February 22, 2011 Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 I hate the folk who have more than one bank account, and check balances/withdraw money from both whilst I'm queuing behind them at a cash machine. It's completely unreasonable, because having two bank accounts makes sense for alot of things but I still hate being stuck behind them whilst with draw a tenner from each account. I've only ever witnessed the 3-card-transaction on one occasion, on a busy Saturday in Leeds, where every cash machine had a queue a mile long. I felt stabby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaki Posted February 22, 2011 Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 I hate the folk who have more than one bank account, and check balances/withdraw money from both whilst I'm queuing behind them at a cash machine. It's completely unreasonable, because having two bank accounts makes sense for alot of things but I still hate being stuck behind them whilst with draw a tenner from each account. I've only ever witnessed the 3-card-transaction on one occasion, on a busy Saturday in Leeds, where every cash machine had a queue a mile long. I felt stabby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Bob Knob Posted February 22, 2011 Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 I'll tell you what fucks my fuck off...people who print off the cunting statement then stand there staring at it for ages before deciding wether or not to take money out. Get the FUCK out of my way you selfish prickarse.:swearing::swearing:EDIT: And WHY do they always cunt about when it's RAINING!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted February 22, 2011 Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 The kid in the oreos advert with the dog. I hate kids. And i hate annoying ones more. I hope he goes to school and all his peers hate him. And bully him. And say his mum can't eat biscuits, so they're gonna have to eat his too.Aren't you only a few years his senior?Because you're quite young, and he's young too. It was a joke about your ages being quite close together. Hm, I laughed anyway. At my own joke. I love me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest dopethrone Posted February 22, 2011 Report Share Posted February 22, 2011 This whole 'rep' thing.What a load of wanky, ego-stroking nonsense. There's no gain from having rep, so what does it actually do?inb4 "just jealous you dont have loads of rep" blahblahblah Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paranoid Android Posted February 23, 2011 Report Share Posted February 23, 2011 Every time I get some positive rep I have a wank while staring at the approved post for as many minutes as points it gained me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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