Pet Hates!

[Soda Jerk]

I read Facebook because people often post funny things, and funny is good. I'm nowhere near cool enough to hate it. It's okay.

[ca_gere]

I love Facebook. It's people I hate. Well a lot of people.

One lass went on about her shower getting installed for three whole weeks. Always followed by what she was gonna have for tea. Stuff like 'Me and the hubby are waiting for the delivery of our new shower, Might hae steak for dinner... fit rare.' .... 'Hubby's groutin whilst i'm makin i supper. Tuna bake inite!!'

Then I found the 'hide' option which means you're still friends but you don't see their rubbish. I only get about 20-30 people in my feed. People I care about and/or find funny. I don't want to be a scrooge friend deleter.

[Soda Jerk]

I've had one bint who kept speaking about her unborn baby. She got deleted because I hate babies. She also tells lies about how cool and 'punk' she was at High School, forgetting I went to the same school as her, and I know she was a total chav, and probably still is.

[Guest]

I've had one bint who kept speaking about her unborn baby. She got deleted because I hate babies. She also tells lies about how cool and 'punk' she was at High School, forgetting I went to the same school as her, and I know she was a total chav, and probably still is.

Just comment on all her statuses, referring to her as a "Chunk". Never once, not once, explain that "chunk" is a cross of "chav" and "punk".

[Le Stu]

Just comment on all her statuses, referring to her as a "Chunk". Never once, not once, explain that "chunk" is a cross of "chav" and "punk".

it's fine she'll probably just assume he's calling her out as a fat arse, which no matter how thin she is she, like all women, she'll think it to be true. This will finally tip her over the edge of depression into a downward spiral of alcohol, drugs, and momentarily assuring sexual encounters eventually resulting in her suicide (after numerous cries for help), leaving her motherless child to grow up in care, sodomised by pedophiles and eventually working the streets as a crack addicted prostitute.

Facebook lol.

[britheguy]

....and while I'm on my high horse....

Following Killie's well-earned win against Hibs yesterday, I was trawling the football message boards to see what folks are commenting on these days and as always, I ended up grinding my teeth at the spelling, grammar and general misuse of words.

Here are the popular ones that boil my piss....

• "would of" for "would have"
  
• They're, There & Their - almost ALWAYS used in the wrong context
  
• "loose" for "lose"
  and my all-time fave...
  
• "I was wandering what you thought of the game" - it's WONDERING you weeping Jap's Eye!
  

Fucks sake you thick cunts, were you THAT jellied in class whilst Teacher was teaching?

"Never been to Ayrshire, hitched down one Saturday, 50 miles to Kilmarnick to see Hibernian play"

[Guest idol_wild]

I've been making some Facebook culls over the past few months, and I've been getting some shit from people I have deleted from my friend list. Usually, I have deleted them because I never ever interact with them or see them, or in some cases, never even met them. So they go. But I've also been deleting people who just consistently post nonsense - these are the people who offer the most shit when they discover the befriending.

Fuck the "hide" function. Take no prisoners. Delete the fuckers.

[RF Scott]

I've been making some Facebook culls over the past few months, and I've been getting some shit from people I have deleted from my friend list. Usually, I have deleted them because I never ever interact with them or see them, or in some cases, never even met them. So they go. But I've also been deleting people who just consistently post nonsense - these are the people who offer the most shit when they discover the befriending.

Fuck the "hide" function. Take no prisoners. Delete the fuckers.

People actually get in touch if you delete them from Facebook?! That's hilarious/depressing. What sort of reasoning do they offer?

[Stroopy121]

What sort of reasoning do they offer?

I think they just resent the drop in numbers on their 'friend' collection

xx

[Diesel]

I've gone completely cold turkey with Facebook. I just got tired of folks living and posting their entire existence on it. I really don't need a teleprinter/tickertape accounts of the mental and physical states of folks I'm barely acquainted with.

Do not miss Facebook one iota and I'm now compelled to call my friends and family and actually TALK to them!

[Stroopy121]

I've gone completely cold turkey with Facebook. I just got tired of folks living and posting their entire existence on it. I really don't need a teleprinter/tickertape accounts of the mental and physical states of folks I'm barely acquainted with.

Do not miss Facebook one iota and I'm now compelled to call my friends and family and actually TALK to them!

I bet you call them on a landline too! I bet you're one of those old fashioned wierdos who actually dials a phone number to contact someone, rather than typing their name or using voice calling??

God, you're so 2003!

xx

[/hilarious]

[Captain America]

Speaking of the Facebook status thing, earlier on I had the misfortune of reading my next door neighbour's status that said, "Can a fiesta be fun? ;-)" followed by a cringe-worthy exchange between him and his girlfriend, heavily implying that they had sex in his car.

I have a very long list of Facebook status-related Pet Hates. Why am I still in contact with these horrendous dicks?

Can't believe I missed three pages of this thread found this gold and no one made a "that's what she said joke"??

What the fuck guys. Really. What the fuck.

[Stroopy121]

What the fuck guys. Really. What the fuck.

I think you'll find that's what she said!

xx

[RF Scott]

I think they just resent the drop in numbers on their 'friend' collection

xx

I honestly can't think of a time where I've been able to remember the number of contacts I have on Facebook to the point where I'd notice if someone had 'deleted' me! Ah well, I guess I can see why some people with self-esteem issues might get paranoid about it.

[KarmaTsunami]

Getting asked if I hate Christmas because the 'wacky Christmas hat' my manager chose for me is black and says 'Bah Hum Bug' on it. I fucking love Christmas*, I don't know where everyone gets the impression that I'm some sort of miserable anti-fun person. It's like my school's leaving do where I was voted 'Mosher Girl' of Portlethen Academy then turned up looking all glam. Nonces.

* Another pet hate is that Christmas is five days away still. That's five days of poking around the presents under the tree trying to figure out what they could be.

[Paranoid Android]

I just got this on my facebook news feed from the Independent.

"Watch terrifying footage of a driver ploughinto into young children at a primary school in Taiwan before allegedly detonating a petrol bomb."

o_O

Why the fuck would I want to watch that?

[Guest idol_wild]

People actually get in touch if you delete them from Facebook?! That's hilarious/depressing. What sort of reasoning do they offer?

Yes. And this specific person is also someone you know very well.

They told me that I "sucked" after having deleted them. I hadn't interacted with this person via Facebook or in reality in approximately two years.

[Soda Jerk]

Students. All students with not a single exception, because of the student party that went on in the floor above me until 6:30am this morning. So all students are now cockpockets. It sounded like they were playing some sort of dance-mat game, due to a constant torrent of stamping. But the dance-mat must have been made of pins because all I could hear above the stamping was constant high pitched screaming. I didn't go knock on the door, because I didn't want to deal with drunken/monged idiots, but I did call the police 3 times, who never showed. Thanks guys. They should be sober now, so I'm going to go bang on their door at lunchtime and tell them unpolitely to wise the fuck up or fuck the fuck off. I literally didn't sleep for a single second last night, so I'm certainly feeling mardy enough to give them a mouthful. It could get wild. I might even threaten them, and spit when I talk.

[Diesel]

I bet you call them on a landline too! I bet you're one of those old fashioned wierdos who actually dials a phone number to contact someone, rather than typing their name or using voice calling??

God, you're so 2003!

xx

[/hilarious]

Yep, that's me...Retro Man!

I'm stopping the phone calls writing letters instead...on parchment, with a quill and a wax seal

[Stroopy121]

Yep, that's me...Retro Man!

I'm stopping the phone calls writing letters instead...on parchment, with a quill and a wax seal

...and sending them by carrier pigeon?

xx

[Chris]

Students. All students with not a single exception, because of the student party that went on in the floor above me until 6:30am this morning. So all students are now cockpockets. It sounded like they were playing some sort of dance-mat game, due to a constant torrent of stamping. But the dance-mat must have been made of pins because all I could hear above the stamping was constant high pitched screaming. I didn't go knock on the door, because I didn't want to deal with drunken/monged idiots, but I did call the police 3 times, who never showed. Thanks guys. They should be sober now, so I'm going to go bang on their door at lunchtime and tell them unpolitely to wise the fuck up or fuck the fuck off. I literally didn't sleep for a single second last night, so I'm certainly feeling mardy enough to give them a mouthful. It could get wild. I might even threaten them, and spit when I talk.

You should have your own party now while they're sleeping.

[Soda Jerk]

Definitely. In their flat too. I'd hope it would resemble Adam and Joe's piss up in a brewery.

[Alkaline]

Definitely. In their flat too. I'd hope it would resemble Adam and Joe's piss up in a brewery.

Extension cord, amplifier (bass on full), down-tuned guitar and constant doom chords outside their front-door= lesson learned.

[Lemonade]

I stayed above these noisy student whores last year who used to keep me awake every Wednesday night with loud music and their annoying fucking mates turning up for after-club parties at 3am and pressing every buzzer in the building (either to be annoying or because they didn't know which one it was so they just pressed them all - either way, it was annoying). What I started doing was when I left for work at 8am on the Thursday morning I'd take a roll of insulating tape down with me and tape down the button on their buzzer on my way out of the building. There's no way to silence it from inside so they had to get up, go down all the stairs and go outside to remove the tape. I'd sit and my car and watch them coming stumbling out the door in their pyjamas, bleary eyed trying to figure out what was going on. Petty, but it felt good.

The noisy cunts across the hall used to get early morning trumpet practice if they'd kept me awake.

[Alan Cynic]

...and sending them by carrier pigeon?

xx

I'm all for that...my great-grandad was a pigeon-fancier (not an arrestable offence in those days).

I was amused by those TV ads for recording freeview-plus boxes..the great hook being they record while you're out, and you can watch one channel whilst recording another....my old video recorder does all that already.