Soda Jerk Posted March 9, 2012 Report Share Posted March 9, 2012 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Milner Posted March 9, 2012 Report Share Posted March 9, 2012 What a winner of a child! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaaakkkeee Posted March 9, 2012 Report Share Posted March 9, 2012 Looks like a little cunt. The kind of kid that when no one's looking you punt a football right at them and say it was an accident. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted March 9, 2012 Report Share Posted March 9, 2012 You are wrong, about everything. A wrong cunt. I totally hate it when you say things. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Milner Posted March 9, 2012 Report Share Posted March 9, 2012 He didnt say "things" in that post tho.... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fatboy Posted March 9, 2012 Report Share Posted March 9, 2012 So how did you get community service jake? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaaakkkeee Posted March 9, 2012 Report Share Posted March 9, 2012 There's a kid round my folk's neighbourhood who, probably 'cause his mum is some type of junkie, has the strangest shaped head ever. We were playing 24-a-side or some sort of world cuppy one day and someone blootered this ball so hard the goalie jumped out the way just as this kid was running out from behind the tree/goal post. It completely floored him.Confession? I don't think I've ever laughed so hard in my life. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaaakkkeee Posted March 9, 2012 Report Share Posted March 9, 2012 So how did you get community service jake?Breach of the peace. Argument with the mrs in july last year where a neighbour called the po-po. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fatboy Posted March 9, 2012 Report Share Posted March 9, 2012 yea so did you go to court. I'm well practised in these matters you see. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaaakkkeee Posted March 9, 2012 Report Share Posted March 9, 2012 Nahh. Night in the cells. Went to the court cells and the bloke came and said the judge didn't think it was worth going to court. Got let out. Went home. A good few months later a letter comes through saying a Community Servicer officer person will get in touch 'cause I have to do community service or go to court. I wrote to them as my address had changed and never heard back. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flights Posted March 10, 2012 Report Share Posted March 10, 2012 I'm not gonna lie jake. I don't think you would flourish in a prison enviroment 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
girl anachronism Posted March 10, 2012 Report Share Posted March 10, 2012 I find the young Josef Stalin quite attractive...I probably wouldn't pee on any of his personal belongings if he broke up with me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Flights Posted March 10, 2012 Report Share Posted March 10, 2012 I haven't had breakfast Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paranoid Android Posted March 10, 2012 Report Share Posted March 10, 2012 Fucking hipster. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaaakkkeee Posted March 10, 2012 Report Share Posted March 10, 2012 I'm not gonna lie jake. I don't think you would flourish in a prison enviromentI have tattoos and I'm up for a bit of anal experimentation. I'd do fine.Confession - read above. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaki Posted March 10, 2012 Report Share Posted March 10, 2012 Breach of the peace. Argument with the mrs in july last year where a neighbour called the po-po.I was going to say that makes you sound like a minker but people who live in glass houses shouldn't throw stones... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scootray Posted March 10, 2012 Report Share Posted March 10, 2012 JakeBassist is actually Greigsy. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waltz Posted March 11, 2012 Report Share Posted March 11, 2012 The first time I ever used a stapler I was really shit at it. My stapler skills are still not ideal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaaakkkeee Posted March 11, 2012 Report Share Posted March 11, 2012 I don't know if I've confessed to this or not before, but it came up in conversation with Milner and Flights last night, so...When I was younger, like, primary school age, primary 2 or 3, my mum went to the shops. I didn't want to walk about shops for 20 minutes so I stayed in the car. All of a sudden I needed a shit like never before. But, for those who have seen the Mastrick Public Toilets, only the brave and stupid go in there. You know in the amazon there's that fish that swims up your pee stream? Well, in MPT, it's not a fish, it's HIV. So, what's a guy to do? I don't want to do it in the bushes in case I get caught. Then, I see it, my red and white saviour. An old school Asda Pic 'n' Mix bag. It was empty, so I had a quick look around, pulled down my breeks and did my business in this bag.Now, I'm not a dick, so I wasn't going to throw a bag of shit in to someone's garden or on to the car park. I wrapped the bag up and put it under the front passenger seat. I was going to tell my mum what I did as soon as she gets back to the car. Then, the worst happens. I see my mum coming back to the car... With her friend. Her friend was getting a lift. I hoped no one would notice, but about 30 seconds in the car journey she said "Jesus Christ there's an awful smell of shite. Did somebody fart!?" I played dumb. We dropped her off and as we rolled up to mine I confessed, for the first time, to shitting in a bag in my Mum's car. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted March 11, 2012 Report Share Posted March 11, 2012 How did you wipe your bum? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaaakkkeee Posted March 11, 2012 Report Share Posted March 11, 2012 How did you wipe your bum?I had to wait till I got home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted March 11, 2012 Report Share Posted March 11, 2012 That is one of the worst things I've ever heard. I hope your mother whipped your bum and called you a dirty child. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaaakkkeee Posted March 11, 2012 Report Share Posted March 11, 2012 I think she just laughed, got me to get the bag out the car and made me throw it in the bin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted March 11, 2012 Report Share Posted March 11, 2012 I can categorically state that I have never shat in anything other than a toilet. I did get caught short on a beach once but I just dropped that bad boy on the sand. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaaakkkeee Posted March 11, 2012 Report Share Posted March 11, 2012 I once burnt a sausage on a beach bbq, so i put it in the sand to make it look like a poo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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