Paul_Victory Posted July 20, 2009 Report Share Posted July 20, 2009 i love how so many threads on here stray away from the subject at hand and end you talking about shit, piss or teabag's knobteabags i believe its your turn to tell us all a story about your knob from when you were at school Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davewarden Posted July 20, 2009 Report Share Posted July 20, 2009 I would love it if you told me this was Nathan Brown.If only...Just call him minion Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monster Zero Posted July 21, 2009 Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 Getting overly worked up about gay stuff can often be a sign of repressed tendencies. I'm just saying.I remember at my secondary school there was a lassie a few years younger who used to get dogs abuse and called 'Witchy', she had long black hair that was always a bit unkempt and she dressed a bit eccentrically, a bit old fashioned. People used to walk behind her going 'Witchy, Witchy' and she used to turn round and hiss at them. Wonder where she is now.I remember being in the bogs having a piss when I was in first year, I can't remember exactly why but one of my mates and me had been having a bit of a thing all lunchtime, messing with each other, and he tried to sneak up on me and shove me into the urinal. So I turned round and peed on his leg. He had grey sta-prest trousers on as well so still had a wet mark when he went into the next lesson. Harsh but fair.I also remember being in craft and design classes where the lathe was in the classroom and setting a piece of metal in the jaws very loosely and starting the lathe so the metal went flying up, trying to hit the ceiling. Or even better, getting a hole in the ceiling tiles. How no-one ever took a chunk of metal in the coupon amazes me thinking back..having said that, when I started work and took metal work classes at college we got huge lectures for using lathes safely and so on but at school you were just let loose on this dangerous machinery, nuts! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davewarden Posted July 21, 2009 Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 In science one time a boy thought it would be funny to blow some blue shit in a lassies eyes.She went blind for a couple of days, the boy needless to say got suspended. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan G Posted July 21, 2009 Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 In science one time a boy thought it would be funny to blow some blue shit in a lassies eyes.She went blind for a couple of days, the boy needless to say got suspended.Who was taking the class?Don't know if Mrs Christie was still at mo academy when you were there... but in second year when asked if we had any questions, a guy called fat john asked her if she'd ever given anyone a blow job.To her credit, she just gave a wry smile, winked like Anne Robinson and said "i'll tell you when you're older".She had a moustache. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan G Posted July 21, 2009 Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 One time in standard grade physics, we were meant to be watching an educational video of some sort but the video player wouldn't work at all. Half the teachers in the science department couldn't figure out why, all trying to use some smart-ass physics way of fixing it.All they needed to do was check if someone had taken the batteries out of the remote. Which we had. Video didn't get watched that period.Retards. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davewarden Posted July 21, 2009 Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 I think it was DR Dave.Think Mrs Christie was gone by the time I was there.Their was one teacher who used to take the school football team and they he used to hang have them round at his to get pished, one time a boy woke up after passing out their without anything on his bottom half and in the teachers bed Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dan G Posted July 21, 2009 Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 I think it was DR Dave.Think Mrs Christie was gone by the time I was there.Their was one teacher who used to take the school football team and they he used to hang have them round at his to get pished, one time a boy woke up after passing out their without anything on his bottom half and in the teachers bedCould be wrong but I'm pretty sure that is a contravention of the teacher-pupil relationship. As was this:Poofy Pete, the PE teacher once 'helped' a guy in my class shower when he had hypothermia.He had hypothermia because he was forced by Poofy Pete do cross country in the snow and sub-zero temps in January. However he didn't have a hoodie or trackie bottoms like everyone else - he only had a vest and shorts (which he intentionally took to get out of doing cross country). That plan backfired in more ways than one.This is the very same teacher that used to cheat against my younger brother at table tennis because my brother could kick his ass at the age of 12. Embarrassing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Captain America Posted July 21, 2009 Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 In science one time a boy thought it would be funny to blow some blue shit in a lassies eyes.She went blind for a couple of days, the boy needless to say got suspended.Similarly didn't someone put some chemical compound in some ones drink and they had to go to hospital. I remember that story going about as well, think the boy got suspended.Seriously Montrose can't science. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davewarden Posted July 21, 2009 Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 Similarly didn't someone put some chemical compound in some ones drink and they had to go to hospital. I remember that story going about as well, think the boy got suspended.Seriously Montrose can't science.Yeah that was true, she got really badly bullied after that and moved away I think. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alkaline Posted July 21, 2009 Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 .I remember being in the bogs having a piss when I was in first year, I can't remember exactly why but one of my mates and me had been having a bit of a thing all lunchtime, messing with each other, and he tried to sneak up on me and shove me into the urinal. So I turned round and peed on his leg. He had grey sta-prest trousers on as well so still had a wet mark when he went into the next lesson. Harsh but fair.At least you're happy to own up to your school years experimentation. Good show Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted July 21, 2009 Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 Could be wrong but I'm pretty sure that is a contravention of the teacher-pupil relationship. As was this:Poofy Pete, the PE teacher once 'helped' a guy in my class shower when he had hypothermia.He had hypothermia because he was forced by Poofy Pete do cross country in the snow and sub-zero temps in January. However he didn't have a hoodie or trackie bottoms like everyone else - he only had a vest and shorts (which he intentionally took to get out of doing cross country). That plan backfired in more ways than one.This is the very same teacher that used to cheat against my younger brother at table tennis because my brother could kick his ass at the age of 12. Embarrassing.We had a similar guy called Poofy Lou, who was a total arsehole. He was very fond of getting into a bit of rough and tumble with the boys on the rugby pitch, and frequently used to come in and stand and talk to you when you were in the shower. He was all very "boys together" if you know what I mean.Similarly didn't someone put some chemical compound in some ones drink and they had to go to hospital. I remember that story going about as well, think the boy got suspended.Seriously Montrose can't science.Somebody in my class filled a beaker with every different type of chemical they could find, added magnesium ribbon then poured it over someone's arm. That was him off to hospital with a chemical burn. Another bit of science fun was using the gas taps to inflate condoms and throw them out the window.They shouldn't let kids near that kind of stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Surfer_Rosa Posted July 21, 2009 Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 My mate was in the science area with me waiting for me to finish my experiment when I found a bottle of ammonia. I told him how last time I'd used it it had stunk like fuck, and then for some reason opened the bottle and took a massive sniff, not knowing that this was much more highly concentrated than the ammonia I'd used before. Cue both of us doubled over, him laughing and me because the inside of my face felt like it was on fire. To make it worse he thought I was just taking the piss and took a sniff too, so we both ended up coughing and choking, crying "MY EEEEEEEYYEEES" for the next ten minutes.I also left a water pump for a Buchner funnel running while I fucked off to the coffe lounge because I couldn't be arsed waiting around for it to finish. When I went back upstairs to check it, it had kind of exploded and the entire science area was flooded. The water was also leaking down through the floor to the library, directly to where the head of science was trying to do some work.I've also had gas taps burst into flames and spilled iron oxide (basically powdered rust) all over my crotch which is seemingly impossible to get off.I should point out that none of these happend early in school, they were in 5th/6th year. As in a few months ago. And I'm also going on to study science at uni. Oh dear... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scootray Posted July 21, 2009 Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 How do you explain your rusty crotch to the ladies? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ross. Posted July 21, 2009 Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 I also left a water pump for a Buchner funnel running while I fucked off to the coffe lounge because I couldn't be arsed waiting around for it to finish.I'm so jealous of everyone who had common rooms and coffee lounges at their school. Closest we had was a fucking library. You don't know how lucky you were... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted July 21, 2009 Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 What kind of school has a coffee lounge? We had a social area that sold juice and crips but you could fucking sing if you wanted coffee. Even the lunch hall didn't didn't sell tea or coffee.I remember one of my classmates coming back in from lunchtime once totally off his face on acid. That was fucked up. We were trying to hide the fact that he was quite obviously tripping out of his nut and get him out of the school and take him home, and it was going well until we were walking down the English corridor and he booted a bin and went "wheeeeee!" as it sailed through the air.... and hit a teacher. The teacher came over and started yelling at him and he just freaked out, he sat down on a radiator and just started yelling "STOP FUCKING LOOKING AT ME! DON'T FUCKING LOOK AT ME!"The teacher could obviously see something was very very wrong and asked us what was wrong with him, we just had to 'fess up, this 14/15 year old kid is tripping out of his box. Cue a trip to hospital for him and a roasting for all of us.My mate's boneheaded reply when the headmaster asked what we could do to help him stop freaking out was priceless."Ehhhh... just gie him a couple of lines of speed and he'll be fine, ken?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davewarden Posted July 21, 2009 Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 How do you explain your rusty crotch to the ladies?I usually just tell them I was born ginger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Surfer_Rosa Posted July 21, 2009 Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 How do you explain your rusty crotch to the ladies?Just told them my pipe needed a good rub down, and they were the lady for the job.I'm so jealous of everyone who had common rooms and coffee lounges at their school. Closest we had was a fucking library. You don't know how lucky you were...Our one used to have a pool table, dart board and cd player. Once we reached 6th year it had none of this, not even comfy seats. Better than nothing though I guess. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monster Zero Posted July 21, 2009 Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 The 5th year common room at my school had a record player in it, I remember my Crass 'Feeding of the 5 Thousand' album going missing, I assumed it had been nicked. I found out a while later that it had been scratched to hell and hidden in the roof space to prevent it ever being played again. No damn respect. It was probably Karma for me nicking a 12" copy of 'New Years Day' by U2 from the girls common room. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monster Zero Posted July 21, 2009 Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 At least you're happy to own up to your school years experimentation. Good show They had a good watersports programme at my school. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris Posted July 21, 2009 Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 The 5th year common room at my school had a record player in it, I remember my Crass 'Feeding of the 5 Thousand' album going missing, I assumed it had been nicked. I found out a while later that it had been scratched to hell and hidden in the roof space to prevent it ever being played again. No damn respect. It was probably Karma for me nicking a 12" copy of 'New Years Day' by U2 from the girls common room.5th year common room!?We never had a 5th year common room. One of my regrets after leaving at the end of 5th year was not experiencing the pleasures of the 6th year common room. Then everyone told me it was shit anyway so I didn't really miss out on much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest idol_wild Posted July 21, 2009 Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 5th year common room!?We never had a 5th year common room. One of my regrets after leaving at the end of 5th year was not experiencing the pleasures of the 6th year common room. Then everyone told me it was shit anyway so I didn't really miss out on much.I think your school abolished the 5th year common room when pupils started engaging in watersports. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monster Zero Posted July 21, 2009 Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 5th year common room!?We never had a 5th year common room. One of my regrets after leaving at the end of 5th year was not experiencing the pleasures of the 6th year common room. Then everyone told me it was shit anyway so I didn't really miss out on much.It was on the corner of the D block looking out onto the front car park if I recall. It had probably been turned into a classroom or somthing by the time you were there....it wasn't much to write home about, basically an empty room with lockers...the 6th year common room I remember being tiny but with lots of sofas and posters. I also left at the end of 5th year. I've survived not setting foot in it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
davewarden Posted July 21, 2009 Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 Not at school but on a school rugby trip to Italy.We stopped off on our way to Italy at a service station in Switzerland.I thought Id sample one of the national chocolate bars, wolfed it down, thoght it wasnt that good and got back on the bus.Just as we get in to Italy I start getting pains in my stomach, which I then realised was me really needing a shit.Id fucking eaten Laxitive chocolates, a whole bar. Teacher wouldnt let me use the bus toilet and was told to wait.Que some of the guys who thought it would be fun to start punching me in the stomach.I was in agony, cold swats, we were also stuck in a traffic ballLuckily I ended up lasting 20mins in extreme pain and made it to a service station toilet, not before having to again before we set off Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monster Zero Posted July 21, 2009 Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 I think your school abolished the 5th year common room when pupils started engaging in watersports.I think it was the progression to chocolate sports that did it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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