Memphis Skyline Posted July 30, 2009 Report Share Posted July 30, 2009 I went to school in Glasgow, at the same time a certain pupil made a famous return.The new boy was called Brandon Lee. He was tall and plucked his eyebrows into thin wee lines. He was 17 and new to the area. Did all his highers and starred in the school show. Applied for medical school and was an all-round popular kid among pupils and teachers alike.Except he was a big weirdo whose real name was Brian and, oh yeah, he was actually 32years old. He'd actually attended the school 15 years previously but been rejected from uiniversity. And he thought the best course of action was to go back in time and retake his highers. And he wasn't going to let a little thing called reality stop him!Craziest of all is that he was taught by some of the same teachers, second time around. He was eventually caught when he went to go on holiday with his pals, and they saw his passport. Imagine that conversation! He got away with it for about a year before he got caught.I never knew him personally, but it was legendary. When the story broke there were news reporters and TV crews everywhere around the gates and big cranes with cameras on them. Some first years who'd only been in the school a fortnight giving exclusive interviews about how they knew him and what he was like.Years later I was helping edit the school magazine and we were looking back at old examples for inspiration. We found one from the year Brandon Lee was around, and he'd actually submitted a story all about how to mix the perfect Martini or something like that.He was 32. He assumed the identity of a 17 year old. He starred in the school show and wrote very grown up articles for the magazine. And he did it all under the name Brandon Lee. And he got away with it for ages.I'd say that was pretty ridiculous.Leading Article: The prime of Mr Brandon Lee - Opinion - The Independent 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tchocky Posted July 30, 2009 Report Share Posted July 30, 2009 I went to school in Glasgow, at the same time a certain pupil made a famous return.The new boy was called Brandon Lee. He was tall and plucked his eyebrows into thin wee lines. He was 17 and new to the area. Did all his highers and starred in the school show. Applied for medical school and was an all-round popular kid among pupils and teachers alike.Except he was a big weirdo whose real name was Brian and, oh yeah, he was actually 32years old. He'd actually attended the school 15 years previously but been rejected from uiniversity. And he thought the best course of action was to go back in time and retake his highers. And he wasn't going to let a little thing called reality stop him!Craziest of all is that he was taught by some of the same teachers, second time around. He was eventually caught when he went to go on holiday with his pals, and they saw his passport. Imagine that conversation! He got away with it for about a year before he got caught.I never knew him personally, but it was legendary. When the story broke there were news reporters and TV crews everywhere around the gates and big cranes with cameras on them. Some first years who'd only been in the school a fortnight giving exclusive interviews about how they knew him and what he was like.Years later I was helping edit the school magazine and we were looking back at old examples for inspiration. We found one from the year Brandon Lee was around, and he'd actually submitted a story all about how to mix the perfect Martini or something like that.He was 32. He assumed the identity of a 17 year old. He starred in the school show and wrote very grown up articles for the magazine. And he did it all under the name Brandon Lee. And he got away with it for ages.I'd say that was pretty ridiculous.Leading Article: The prime of Mr Brandon Lee - Opinion - The IndependentThat is absolutely brilliant yet scary as hell at the same time!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted July 30, 2009 Report Share Posted July 30, 2009 He sounds like a sinister Drew Barrymore. That story beats anything that happened at my school hands down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tchocky Posted July 30, 2009 Report Share Posted July 30, 2009 He sounds like a sinister Drew Barrymore. That story beats anything that happened at my school hands down.Certainly puts the Mrs Findlayson "wooden tit" shenanigans mentioned above to shame. God damn Westhill Academy............... Although I mind hearing that the reason for safety locks having been installed on the windows at WA was because another member of the foreign languages staff had been found hanging out of the first floor window ready to jump. Probably an urban myth to be fair. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gladstone Posted July 30, 2009 Report Share Posted July 30, 2009 He sounds like a sinister Drew Barrymore. That story beats anything that happened at my school hands down.I don't know like, I have some brilliant stories about a certain English teacher Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted July 30, 2009 Report Share Posted July 30, 2009 I don't know like, I have some brilliant stories about a certain English teacher Oi!! She's a saint!Roger Kimmit happened at my/our school I suppose, that's pretty bad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gladstone Posted July 30, 2009 Report Share Posted July 30, 2009 Oi!! She's a saint!Roger Kimmit happened at my/our school I suppose, that's pretty bad.She told my Mum at parents' evening that I needed to stop chatting up girls in class and concentrate more...Our whole school bus got pulled up numerous times for our bad behaviour, nothing mental though really.I can't think of any stories that compete with some of the stuff on here. There are some funnies for the people involved, most of them come from the 6th year muck up day.Including, a sheep being taken into school, some farmyard animals being let loose in the languages block, a teacher's car being wrapped in cling film, only for it to turn out to be the wrong car (they'd wrapped a dinner lady's car up or something!).Second best story was a couple of guys in the year above me who worked in the local fish factory nicked a box of fish, and snuck into the staff room and hid it above the tiles in the roof (thos tiles that look like polystyrene) and left it there - no idea how long it took before it was found.My favourite story was guys in my year (I left in 5th year so actually missed it), went into the computing department and stole all the little balls out of the mouses/mice (whatever you call it). Mr Webster was the head of that department. They posted signs all over the top floor that said "Mr Webster has no balls"Mr Webster apparently went mental, which was the best part of it. Anyone who knew Mr Webster knew he was a bit of a mentalist. He coached the rugby team, and was notorious for wandering around the PE changing room bollock naked. He was also the hairiest man in the world. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Circus Hands Posted July 30, 2009 Report Share Posted July 30, 2009 My favourite story was guys in my year (I left in 5th year so actually missed it), went into the computing department and stole all the little balls out of the mouses/mice (whatever you call it). Mr Webster was the head of that department. They posted signs all over the top floor that said "Mr Webster has no balls"Mr Webster apparently went mental, which was the best part of it. Anyone who knew Mr Webster knew he was a bit of a mentalist. He coached the rugby team, and was notorious for wandering around the PE changing room bollock naked. He was also the hairiest man in the world.He also famously rugby tackled a guy in the corridor after they burst into the staff room with super-soakers and soaked all the teachers. Just about broke the poor guys arm. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discotron Posted July 30, 2009 Report Share Posted July 30, 2009 My favourite story was guys in my year (I left in 5th year so actually missed it), went into the computing department and stole all the little balls out of the mouses/mice (whatever you call it). Mr Webster was the head of that department. They posted signs all over the top floor that said "Mr Webster has no balls"Brilliant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted July 30, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2009 My ex bandmate actually made it a whole 5 years without ever using a school toilet due to them being absolutely foul (or maybe he was scared stiff about the myth involving the older kids flushing heads down bogs). On the day of his last exam he said he was absolutly bursting for a piss, but he held on. He rushed out, got the bus home and pissed in the front garden. Hero.Another lad got expelled for having a shit behind the curtains of the hall stage and, funnily enough, wiping his arse on the curtain. I guess he was afraid of the toilets too. And rightly so. There was never any shit roll and I can't remember ever seeing the water fountain working. A shambles. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted July 30, 2009 Report Share Posted July 30, 2009 My ex bandmate actually made it a whole 5 years without ever using a school toilet due to them being absolutely foul (or maybe he was scared stiff about the myth involving the older kids flushing heads down bogs). On the day of his last exam he said he was absolutly bursting for a piss, but he held on. He rushed out, got the bus home and pissed in the front garden. Hero.Another lad got expelled for having a shit behind the curtains of the hall stage and, funnily enough, wiping his arse on the curtain. I guess he was afraid of the toilets too. And rightly so. There was never any shit roll and I can't remember ever seeing the water fountain working. A shambles.I went through my entire school career from P1 to S5 without having a shit at school. I used to be like that guy in American Pie, I would only shit at home in my own toilet. I remember at age 14 or 15 doing a shit at someone else's house for the first time. It opened the floodgates. After that I was shitting everywhere with nary a second thought. I even took a dump on the beach once. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted July 30, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 30, 2009 I didn't dare shit at school either. This lad didn't even piss at school either though. What a fucking headcase.Since my first shit at work, I now find myself saving my shit for work. For the satisfaction. I don't like the splash though. I have to clog it up a bit with paper. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted July 30, 2009 Report Share Posted July 30, 2009 I didn't dare shit at school either. This lad didn't even piss at school either though. What a fucking headcase.Since my first shit at work, I now find myself saving my shit for work. For the satisfaction. I don't like the splash though. I have to clog it up a bit with paper.Turds at my work are extremely unpleasant, due to the cheap, hard, unbeleivably rough toilet paper my work buys. Shitting at work leads to ring-sting and occasionally blood. It's just not worth it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teabags Posted July 30, 2009 Report Share Posted July 30, 2009 Turds at my work are extremely unpleasant, due to the cheap, hard, unbeleivably rough toilet paper my work buys. Shitting at work leads to ring-sting and occasionally blood. It's just not worth it. Turds at my work are awesome. Cos our office has a wireless network, so I take my iPod with me and sit on here talking shit to people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discotron Posted July 30, 2009 Report Share Posted July 30, 2009 Turds at my work are awesome. Cos our office has a wireless network, so I take my iPod with me and sit on here talking shit to people.Were you shitting as you typed this post? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teabags Posted July 30, 2009 Report Share Posted July 30, 2009 Unfortunately not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discotron Posted July 30, 2009 Report Share Posted July 30, 2009 Unfortunately not.Disappointing. In keeping with the school theme of the thread: 'F - try harder next time'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted July 30, 2009 Report Share Posted July 30, 2009 Were you shitting as you typed this post?If you ever go onto the mobile site (m.aberdeen-music.com) and look at the top 10 mobile posters, I am top of the chart with 182 posts. I would estimate that at least 75% of those have been posted from the comfort of my chod-bin. Some people take newspapers. I go on Aberdeen-Music. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alkaline Posted July 30, 2009 Report Share Posted July 30, 2009 Since my first shit at work, I now find myself saving my shit for work. For the satisfaction. I don't like the splash though. I have to clog it up a bit with paper.I only shit at work if i can help it. For starters it means that i get paid for taking a shit, it also means i don't have to spend as much money on bog roll and i don't have to clean my home toilet as much. Win/win situation. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fatboy Posted July 30, 2009 Report Share Posted July 30, 2009 I only shit at work if i can help it. For starters it means that i get paid for taking a shit, it also means i don't have to spend as much money on bog roll and i don't have to clean my home toilet as much. Win/win situation.totally with you on that, and whats the deal with quines? they only shit in their own house, untill they get to know you??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alkaline Posted July 30, 2009 Report Share Posted July 30, 2009 totally with you on that, and whats the deal with quines? they only shit in their own house, untill they get to know you???Haha, totally. One of my exes had to go home once from mine to Bridge Of Don (20min Bus ride + 10mins waiting for the bus) early on in our relationship due to crippling stomach pains. She told me a year or so later that she was busting for a shit but was too embarrassed to drop it off at mine. Fucking priceless Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Surfer_Rosa Posted July 30, 2009 Report Share Posted July 30, 2009 I went from P1 to S5 without taking a shit at school, but once I turned 18 I suddenly lost all my standards for where I lay a brown bomb. Seriously any toilet, no matter how rancid, or how sphincter-grating the toilet paper is. Even that bog in Trainspotting, if I so needed to, I would easily fill with arse goblins. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Surfer_Rosa Posted July 30, 2009 Report Share Posted July 30, 2009 The only thing that scares me about public toilets is that you actually can get herpes from a toilet seat. everyone who just said they were fine shitting wherever whenever, how you feel about it now?I still feel the same. You can get herpes from having sex. Doesn't mean I'm being going to become celibate. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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