Frosty Jack Posted July 3, 2010 Report Share Posted July 3, 2010 I won't post anymore jokes, until I find one a bit less cringeworthy....No. You're fucking barred from this thread. End of. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted July 7, 2010 Report Share Posted July 7, 2010 What's got 9 arms and sucks?Def Leppard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discotron Posted July 7, 2010 Report Share Posted July 7, 2010 What's got 9 arms and sucks?Def Leppard.Actually pissing myself laughing at my desk. This joke is shite, yet hilarious! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted July 7, 2010 Report Share Posted July 7, 2010 What's red and invisible?No tomatoes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discotron Posted July 7, 2010 Report Share Posted July 7, 2010 What's red and invisible?No tomatoes.I'm clearly a bit simple, that one set me off as well.....................more shit/funny jokes please! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted July 7, 2010 Report Share Posted July 7, 2010 It's a great joke. One of my favourites, right behind the Daddy Long Legs joke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discotron Posted July 7, 2010 Report Share Posted July 7, 2010 It's a great joke. One of my favourites, right behind the Daddy Long Legs joke.Get it told. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teabags Posted July 7, 2010 Report Share Posted July 7, 2010 What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?Full.What kind of cheese doesn't belong to you?Nacho cheese. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
discotron Posted July 7, 2010 Report Share Posted July 7, 2010 What do you call a prostitute with a runny nose?Full.What king of cheese doesn't belong to you?Nacho cheese.Bahahaha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted July 7, 2010 Report Share Posted July 7, 2010 Get it told.I did already tell it in this thread, but I'll tell it again, because it's great.A girl is sat playing in her garden, and she spots two daddy long legs. She turns to her Dad and says "What's that, Dad?""That's two daddy long legs having sex" he replies.The girl pointed to one of them and asks "Is that one the mummy long legs?""No, no, they are both called daddy long legs" he replies.The girl stands up, and stamps on the two daddy long legs, killing them both. She turns to her Dad and says "I'm not having any of that gay shit in my garden" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted July 9, 2010 Report Share Posted July 9, 2010 NORTHUMBERLAND POLICE Lure Raoul Moat to the hospital by releasing pics of your officers shagging his comatose ex. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Surfer_Rosa Posted July 9, 2010 Report Share Posted July 9, 2010 Owl during sex: "Twit-twoo"Parrot during sex: "Squak squak"Blackbird during sex: "Darnell, stick that in my ass" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted August 17, 2010 Report Share Posted August 17, 2010 What do you call a whore with two cunts?N-Dubz. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Surfer_Rosa Posted August 18, 2010 Report Share Posted August 18, 2010 Bacon and eggs walk into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve breakfast here". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
berni907 Posted September 6, 2010 Report Share Posted September 6, 2010 I read somewhere that the best way to get intimate with girls is to enter into their subconscious mind.But entering them in their unconscious mind is easier. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted September 6, 2010 Report Share Posted September 6, 2010 Crap5678 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jon Posted September 6, 2010 Report Share Posted September 6, 2010 Puerile is good.Why did the baker have smelly fingers? Because he kneaded a shit.What's brown and sticky? A stick. Well, what's brown and rhymes with "snoop"? Dr Dre. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
berni907 Posted September 7, 2010 Report Share Posted September 7, 2010 Okay, I have the most ridiculous sense of humour but this had me in stitches for some reason. Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes replies Watson.And what do you deduce from that?Watson ponders for a minute. Well...Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.But what does it tell you, Holmes?Holmes is silent for a moment. Watson, you idiot! he says. Someone has stolen our tent! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest idol_wild Posted September 7, 2010 Report Share Posted September 7, 2010 Okay, I have the most ridiculous sense of humour but this had me in stitches for some reason. Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson go on a camping trip. After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep.Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend. Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes replies Watson.And what do you deduce from that?Watson ponders for a minute. Well...Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe.But what does it tell you, Holmes?Holmes is silent for a moment. Watson, you idiot! he says. Someone has stolen our tent!The fact that this joke is so obviously not in any way funny or jocular is what makes it funny to you, right?Please say yes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gypsum_Fantastic Posted September 7, 2010 Report Share Posted September 7, 2010 Where does Kylie keep her Kebabs? Jason's Donner Van...8-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teabags Posted September 7, 2010 Report Share Posted September 7, 2010 I didn't think this deserved it's own thread but this list helped me discover this site, which I think is fucking ace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gypsum_Fantastic Posted September 7, 2010 Report Share Posted September 7, 2010 i showed that to your brothers girlfriend, she was not impressed. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaki Posted September 7, 2010 Report Share Posted September 7, 2010 I read somewhere that the best way to get intimate with girls is to enter into their subconscious mind.But entering them in their unconscious mind is easier.That doesn't make any sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gypsum_Fantastic Posted September 8, 2010 Report Share Posted September 8, 2010 The McCartney kids are at the family home anxiously awaiting news of their mother. Paul emerges from his wife's bedroom. "Kid's......there's good news and bad news." "The bad news is your mother's strength and will to live has been sucked away by her awful disease and she died a few moments ago""The good news is.... It's steak and chips for dinner!" what's pink and hard?a pig with a flick knife.Why does a French man not have 2 eggs for breakfast? Because one egg is un oeuf. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh_Jazz Posted September 8, 2010 Report Share Posted September 8, 2010 Return flights.They take me back.-----------------------------------------I'm so fed up with my dog. He chases anyone on a bike.I think I might take away his bike. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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