ca_gere Posted October 19, 2009 Report Share Posted October 19, 2009 A guy is sitting in a bar, totally shitfaced. He's talking to the bartender when suddenly and out of nowhere he pukes all over his own shirt."Fucks sake" he says "My wife is going to kill me when I get home, I wasn't supposed to get drunk tonight and now she's going to know how pissed I was""No no, I've got an idea" says the bartender. "Stick a 20 note in your shirt pocket, and when you get home tell her some other guy puked on your shirt and he gave you 20 to cover the cost of getting it dry-cleaned".So the drunk guy decides this is a good plan, and he heads off home, his shirt still covered in puke. When he gets in his wife starts screaming at him "Look at you you drunk bastard, you've fucking spewed all over yourself!"So he says "No dear, calm down. I only had a couple of beers, there was this pissed guy on the stool next to me, he puked on my shirt and gave me 20 to get it dry cleaned - see?" At this, he pulls out two pukey 20 notes from the shirt pocket."So... why are there are two 20 notes then?" she enquires."Oh yeah. He shit in my pants as well"Oh dear. Have you nicked JaseyBoi's joke book? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaseyBoi Posted October 19, 2009 Report Share Posted October 19, 2009 A guy is sitting in a bar, totally shitfaced. He's talking to the bartender when suddenly and out of nowhere he pukes all over his own shirt."Fucks sake" he says "My wife is going to kill me when I get home, I wasn't supposed to get drunk tonight and now she's going to know how pissed I was""No no, I've got an idea" says the bartender. "Stick a 20 note in your shirt pocket, and when you get home tell her some other guy puked on your shirt and he gave you 20 to cover the cost of getting it dry-cleaned".So the drunk guy decides this is a good plan, and he heads off home, his shirt still covered in puke. When he gets in his wife starts screaming at him "Look at you you drunk bastard, you've fucking spewed all over yourself!"So he says "No dear, calm down. I only had a couple of beers, there was this pissed guy on the stool next to me, he puked on my shirt and gave me 20 to get it dry cleaned - see?" At this, he pulls out two pukey 20 notes from the shirt pocket."So... why are there are two 20 notes then?" she enquires."Oh yeah. He shit in my pants as well"Oh dear. Have you nicked JaseyBoi's joke book?Its true i totally laughed out loud to that joke... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Motleyal Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 A guy in front of me in the queue at a hotel reception asked if the porn channel in his room was disabled.It's amazing what some people are into. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Motleyal Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 FOR SALE:Mic Stand and Stool.Contact: R Keating, Dublin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 FOR SALE:Mic Stand and Stool.Contact: R Keating, Dublin.If i didn't want to see the next shade of red, i'd rep you for that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paranoid Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 If i didn't want to see the next shade of red, i'd rep you for that. Give your rep to the guy that posted this self-same joke last week in the Stephen Gately thread then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 Or i could even give him negative rep for plaigerism. I won't, obviously, but I could. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paranoid Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 Or i could even give him negative rep for plaigerism. I won't, obviously, but I could.I did, it was easy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 I did, it was easy.You must be dead on the inside, the guilt would have eaten me right up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alkaline Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 If i didn't want to see the next shade of red, i'd rep you for that. Is there two shades of red in that already? o_O Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Motleyal Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 If i didn't want to see the next shade of red, i'd rep you for that. That's the closest i've had to a compliment on this site. cheers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 I can't even remember the reason behind all the rep. I just remember mine being the one that gave him a bright red box amongst all the dark red. I felt like a bastard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Motleyal Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 Speaking about bright red boxes, any more gateley jokes? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 I've only heard one that hasn't been posted here. It's not great...What do Ayrton Senna and Gately have in common?Both died with skidmarks on their helmet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 I've only heard one that hasn't been posted here. It's not great...What do Ayrton Senna and Gately have in common?Both died with skidmarks on their helmet.Jesus. I heard that when Freddy Mercury died. That's how old that is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 Is there two shades of red in that already? o_Oyou wot? o_O Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alkaline Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 you wot? o_OI can only see one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gladstone Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 Are you colour blind? (Serious question)The last block is a brighter shade than the rest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 I thought that's maybe what you meant. Aye, there's two shades there.tee hee Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Le Stu Posted October 20, 2009 Report Share Posted October 20, 2009 Maybe his monitor is shite?That's worrying.Why do Bruce Millers have shite monitors?orWould you buy a TV from this man?(this is a joke in case you don't know) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alkaline Posted October 21, 2009 Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 Are you colour blind? (Serious question)The last block is a brighter shade than the rest.Yes.Maybe his monitor is shite?That's worrying.Why do Bruce Millers have shite monitors?orWould you buy a TV from this man?(this is a joke in case you don't know)I can still see definition and colours. I can tell that it's red (like i can tell what green is) it was just a shading issue. I'm actually useful to have around as i can tell that Samsung TVs are not as good at replicating Red than Sony TVs, they appear to be orange and that their greens are unnatural.Everyone's eyes are different anyways. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted October 21, 2009 Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 why the fuck is there a gay swastica in my post. That's not what i posted!!! It was a picture of a thing that colour blind people couldn't see. Mod people, can u please delete that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alkaline Posted October 21, 2009 Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 why the fuck is there a gay swastica in my post. That's not what i posted!!! It was a picture of a thing that colour blind people couldn't see. Mod people, can u please delete that.Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gladstone Posted October 21, 2009 Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 why the fuck is there a gay swastica in my post. That's not what i posted!!! It was a picture of a thing that colour blind people couldn't see. Mod people, can u please delete that.Ha - I was bored last night and logged in on my Blackberry. There was a link called "fuck the colour blind" in your post which I clicked and was met with a colourful flashing swastika.I thought it was a tad weird... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted October 21, 2009 Report Share Posted October 21, 2009 Ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha I suppose that's karma. It was meant to take the piss out of the colour blind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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