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Pet Hates!


Guest idol_wild

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People looking over my shoulder and asking questions about what I’m doing when I am wasting time on the internet. I’ve hated this since the internet was invented. It used to be my family and now it is my girlfriend (flatmates in between asked no questions).

What’s that you’re looking at?

Erm, it’s a picture of Andrey Arshavin wearing what appears to be some sort of naval officer’s hat

Who’s he?

He plays for Arsenal

Why is he wearing that hat?

I don’t really know

Why are you looking at it?

Someone posted a link to it on the chat site

Is it meant to be funny?

I suppose so

What’s funny about it? …..

HAHA! I know the feeling.

Not long ago I had to explain to someone what was going on in a video I was watching... It was a guy dressed as the QWOP character at comic-con.

Who's that?

Just some guy at comic-con

What's comic-con?

It's a comic convention

What like the beano?

no, it's graphic novels and anime and all that sort of stuff. People dress up. that's what this video is.

What's he dressed as?

It's a character from an addictive flash game that went viral not long ago

what's a flash game?

....

I finally just told her to forget she ever looked at my screen

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TV technology.

Why in this day and age do I need 3 remotes? One for the telly, which doesn't turn on the cable box. one for the cable box which has a million buttons that do fuck all and one for the dvd player. I don't use analogue tv so why does the telly revert to the aerial input when I turn it on meaning I have to press an awkwardly placed button to change it to hdmi? I finally get it turned to the cable and am channel hopping with remote number two. 60% of my channels have HD versions but whoever made the damn thing has decided that I'd like to watch everything in SD by default and press another button to get it onto HD. Ok, so i've finally found a channel I want to watch, but what's this? the volume's too low... Back to remote number one to bump it up a few notches. My show is finished and I fancy watching a dvd... remote number 3 to the rescue. Oh but of course the volume isn't the same level and remote 1 has to come in at some point. I can take a photo of something on my iPhone and it'll google that shit without me doing a thing but I've got to juggle black plastic boxes just to watch man vs food in HD. Get it sorted. Alkaline I'm looking at you!

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TV technology.

Why in this day and age do I need 3 remotes? One for the telly, which doesn't turn on the cable box. one for the cable box which has a million buttons that do fuck all and one for the dvd player. I don't use analogue tv so why does the telly revert to the aerial input when I turn it on meaning I have to press an awkwardly placed button to change it to hdmi? I finally get it turned to the cable and am channel hopping with remote number two. 60% of my channels have HD versions but whoever made the damn thing has decided that I'd like to watch everything in SD by default and press another button to get it onto HD. Ok, so i've finally found a channel I want to watch, but what's this? the volume's too low... Back to remote number one to bump it up a few notches. My show is finished and I fancy watching a dvd... remote number 3 to the rescue. Oh but of course the volume isn't the same level and remote 1 has to come in at some point. I can take a photo of something on my iPhone and it'll google that shit without me doing a thing but I've got to juggle black plastic boxes just to watch man vs food in HD. Get it sorted. Alkaline I'm looking at you!

Buy a Sony Tablet S.

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Spin class. I don't attend spin class, I attend the gym so that I can have an enjoyable workout listening to my iPod. They've moved spin class into the main gym and even when I have my music up full blast I can still hear they're banging dance music over the top of it and occasionally they all whoop like Americans.

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Spin class. I don't attend spin class, I attend the gym so that I can have an enjoyable workout listening to my iPod. They've moved spin class into the main gym and even when I have my music up full blast I can still hear they're banging dance music over the top of it and occasionally they all whoop like Americans.

Is that DW Gym, saw all these fancy new bikes there, that would fuck me right off.

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Is that DW Gym, saw all these fancy new bikes there, that would fuck me right off.

Aye, they used to have separate rooms for classes but since the refurbishment there seems to be a spin class in the main gym every evening. It was bad enough before with the volume of the music they play even when there isn't a class. I was thinking about moving to PureGym but if it's the same there I won't bother.

I think I'll invest in better headphones instead. Alkaline? In ear headphones that keep external noise out?

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Zooey Deschanel. - I just dinna like her at all. We get it, you're not just a pretty face, stop ramming your annoying cookieness in my face in every film you're in.

I disagree with this. I love her, but I don't think she has a pretty face. However I have to pull you up on "cookieness". Surely you mean kookiness? Unless she's actually made of hazelnut and chocolate chips.

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Aye, they used to have separate rooms for classes but since the refurbishment there seems to be a spin class in the main gym every evening. It was bad enough before with the volume of the music they play even when there isn't a class. I was thinking about moving to PureGym but if it's the same there I won't bother.

I think I'll invest in better headphones instead. Alkaline? In ear headphones that keep external noise out?

Usually plugs with memory foam type inserts are good for that. Koss plugs are usually fairly inexpensive and reasonably good noise isolators.

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Girls with spray tans. Just why? You're white, just be white. What guy has ever looked at a girl and thought "man I want to get with her tonight, that girl is so fucking TANNED!"

I once had a lapdance from a stripper who snail-trailed my cream chinos (it was in the 90s) with her fake tan. I looked like someone had skidmarked my thigh. Chinos were ruined, the world was at peace.

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