Jaaakkkeee Posted August 31, 2016 Report Share Posted August 31, 2016 Do you work with Ricky from TPB? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stroopy121 Posted August 31, 2016 Report Share Posted August 31, 2016 8 minutes ago, Lemonade said: Some recent quotes from my AGFW. FTR this person is privately schooled and is now my manager. [Fuckfest of quotes] Is English this person's first language? Because if not then most of those are pretty forgivable and I'd feel like a cunt for making fun of them... If it is however, then that person being your boss means your career is dogshit. Although I do like "Dark Fox". Sounds like a villain in Star Fox. I would play that game. xx Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted August 31, 2016 Report Share Posted August 31, 2016 8 minutes ago, Stroopy121 said: Is English this person's first language? Because if not then most of those are pretty forgivable and I'd feel like a cunt for making fun of them... If it is however, then that person being your boss means your career is dogshit. Although I do like "Dark Fox". Sounds like a villain in Star Fox. I would play that game. xx Dublin born and bred. Thankfully I'm on my way out to another job. She only got the job by default because no-one else applied. She's so incompetent all the other managers dread dealing with her because she just beats them into submission with reams of bullshit as above. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cabbage Posted August 31, 2016 Report Share Posted August 31, 2016 40 minutes ago, Lemonade said: Some recent quotes from my AGFW. FTR this person is privately schooled and is now my manager. These are gold! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted August 31, 2016 Report Share Posted August 31, 2016 2 hours ago, Lemonade said: Some recent quotes from my AGFW. FTR this person is privately schooled and is now my manager. We need to get on top of the gameball He's a dark fox She's clueless as a breeze The clue is in the pudding You need to delete your history browser. Do you know how to get to your history browser? There's a lot of switching and swatching This is so fustrating (sic), I'm pulling my teeth out You need to have a symbol sign in your password, like an explanation mark The cheques are all over the air I'm afraid your order has been overviewed That's not the problem, the problem is there's a bug on the virus. I deeply apologise on that behalf. It comes from some city in England, Stokeholm or something. It's supposed to be done every Monday, but I think it's fallen through a hoop. We don't need things dripping and drapping on us. They're pulling me around the block I can't say it any more clearer It was just a mistypo. What do you want me to say? I'm sorry for the mistypo. I feel like a talking part at this stage Be careful that doesn't come back on the long foot We were going to do that but unfortunately you beat us to the pulp I think there's an error on the system server There's things that slip through my pipeline He's trying to play the pity party on you. I softblowed that too. Shaun emailed five times and I emailed twice. Thats six emails. It would be nice to have everyone on the same wavepage I'm not a rocket science... lady I have a very irated customer on the phone It disappeared, it just... vamoosed I thought I saw it this morning but i might have been overseeing things They're still just trying to get their feet on gear I couldn't understand his accent, I think he's Pakistanian or something It was an overview and an overlook from that department. i like how in most of these examples you can see where the mistake lies. You can mostly understand what she meant to say, or rather what the equivalent common phrase would be. But, "I softblowed that too" and "she's clueless as a breeze" are pulled straight from fucking nowhere. great stuff 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted August 31, 2016 Report Share Posted August 31, 2016 2 hours ago, Lemonade said: Some recent quotes from my AGFW. FTR this person is privately schooled and is now my manager. We need to get on top of the gameball - we need to be at the top of our game? I think there's probably a hint of 'drop the ball' in this. He's a dark fox - dark horse/sly fox She's clueless as a breeze - ??? The clue is in the pudding - proof is in the pudding. The clue is in the title You need to delete your history browser. Do you know how to get to your history browser? - she's mixed the order of browser history There's a lot of switching and swatching - toing and froing? This is so fustrating (sic), I'm pulling my teeth out - pulling my hair out. Mixed with sink my teeth in. You need to have a symbol sign in your password, like an explanation mark - an explanation mark should definitely be a new punctuation mark. The cheques are all over the air - up in the air? I'm afraid your order has been overviewed - overlooked That's not the problem, the problem is there's a bug on the virus. - failed technobabble I deeply apologise on that behalf. - on their behalf It comes from some city in England, Stokeholm or something. - stoke/Stockholm It's supposed to be done every Monday, but I think it's fallen through a hoop. - fallen through the cracks mixed with jumping through hoops We don't need things dripping and drapping on us. - ??? I think this one is born out of her need to catchphrase things. They're pulling me around the block - could be a number of phrases really. Going round the bend? Or maybe just a need to Americanize. I can't say it any more clearer - misuse of adverb/comparitive It was just a mistypo. What do you want me to say? I'm sorry for the mistypo. - typo/mistake I feel like a talking part at this stage - talking head/bit part? Be careful that doesn't come back on the long foot - this is a doozy. Be careful that doesn't come back around? Off on the wrong foot? Long in the tooth? We were going to do that but unfortunately you beat us to the pulp - beat to a pulp/beaten to the punch I think there's an error on the system server - failed jargon There's things that slip through my pipeline - slip my attention/through a pipeline/ He's trying to play the pity party on you. - not sure exactly how to use 'pity party' but I know it's not like this. Phrasing probably comes from 'Trying to play the martyr'. I softblowed that too. - u wot m8?? Shaun emailed five times and I emailed twice. Thats six emails. - bad math It would be nice to have everyone on the same wavepage - on the same page/wavelength I'm not a rocket science... lady - im not a rocket scientist/it's not rocket science I have a very irated customer on the phone - invention of a past tense for the word irate It disappeared, it just... vamoosed - vanished + vamoos I thought I saw it this morning but i might have been overseeing things - seeing things They're still just trying to get their feet on gear - get in gear/feet on the ground I couldn't understand his accent, I think he's Pakistanian or something - pakistani It was an overview and an overlook from that department. - oversight? Looked over? I tried to see if I could break them down. For my own amusement. These things fascinate me. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted August 31, 2016 Report Share Posted August 31, 2016 (edited) 52 minutes ago, ca_gere said: I tried to see if I could break them down. For my own amusement. These things fascinate me. Added a few notes to yours. Quote Some recent quotes from my AGFW. FTR this person is privately schooled and is now my manager. We need to get on top of the gameball - we need to be at the top of our game? I think there's probably a hint of 'drop the ball' in this.*I think it's a mix of "Keep our eye on the ball" and "stay on top of our game" He's a dark fox - dark horse/sly fox She's clueless as a breeze - ??? *She hasn't got a breeze The clue is in the pudding - proof is in the pudding. The clue is in the title You need to delete your history browser. Do you know how to get to your history browser? - she's mixed the order of browser history There's a lot of switching and swatching - toing and froing? This is so fustrating (sic), I'm pulling my teeth out - pulling my hair out. Mixed with sink my teeth in. You need to have a symbol sign in your password, like an explanation mark - an explanation mark should definitely be a new punctuation mark. The cheques are all over the air - up in the air? I'm afraid your order has been overviewed - overlooked That's not the problem, the problem is there's a bug on the virus. - failed technobabble I deeply apologise on that behalf. - on their behalf It comes from some city in England, Stokeholm or something. - stoke/Stockholm It's supposed to be done every Monday, but I think it's fallen through a hoop. - fallen through the cracks mixed with jumping through hoops We don't need things dripping and drapping on us. - ??? I think this one is born out of her need to catchphrase things. They're pulling me around the block - could be a number of phrases really. Going round the bend? Or maybe just a need to Americanize. I can't say it any more clearer - misuse of adverb/comparitive It was just a mistypo. What do you want me to say? I'm sorry for the mistypo. - typo/mistake*The best part of this is that the "mistypo" was emailing someone called Brendan and writing "Hi Brenda". I feel like a talking part at this stage - talking head/bit part?*Talking parrot Be careful that doesn't come back on the long foot - this is a doozy. Be careful that doesn't come back around? Off on the wrong foot? Long in the tooth?*Putting something on the long finger (to postpone something / put it on the backburner) but never the long foot. We were going to do that but unfortunately you beat us to the pulp - beat to a pulp/beaten to the punch I think there's an error on the system server - failed jargon There's things that slip through my pipeline - slip my attention/through a pipeline/ He's trying to play the pity party on you. - not sure exactly how to use 'pity party' but I know it's not like this. Phrasing probably comes from 'Trying to play the martyr'. I softblowed that too. - u wot m8??*Broke the news gently Shaun emailed five times and I emailed twice. Thats six emails. - bad math It would be nice to have everyone on the same wavepage - on the same page/wavelength I'm not a rocket science... lady - im not a rocket scientist/it's not rocket science I have a very irated customer on the phone - invention of a past tense for the word irate It disappeared, it just... vamoosed - vanished + vamoos I thought I saw it this morning but i might have been overseeing things - seeing things They're still just trying to get their feet on gear - get in gear/feet on the ground I couldn't understand his accent, I think he's Pakistanian or something - pakistani It was an overview and an overlook from that department. - oversight? Looked over? You can normally see what she's trying to say, she just mangles metaphors. Edited August 31, 2016 by Lemonade Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted August 31, 2016 Report Share Posted August 31, 2016 Communicate with her by repeating her own phrases at her when relevant. See if she spots the mistakes and looks at you like you've just pissed on her chips, or if she just takes it in as thought its normal. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted August 31, 2016 Report Share Posted August 31, 2016 8 minutes ago, Soda van Jerk said: Communicate with her by repeating her own phrases at her when relevant. See if she spots the mistakes and looks at you like you've just pissed on her chips, or if she just takes it in as thought its normal. I do, all the time, so me and the other guy who notices them can laugh about it. She never notices. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaaakkkeee Posted August 31, 2016 Report Share Posted August 31, 2016 Incredibly relevant. I would love to work with this woman. You make my words, she's going places. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stroopy121 Posted September 1, 2016 Report Share Posted September 1, 2016 I'm using the shit out of the word "refuckulate". xx 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaaakkkeee Posted September 1, 2016 Report Share Posted September 1, 2016 3 hours ago, Stroopy121 said: I'm using the shit out of the word "refuckulate". xx go for it. worst case ontario you get caught, you'll just be AGFW. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teabags Posted September 1, 2016 Report Share Posted September 1, 2016 Holy fuck those are all amazing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted September 1, 2016 Report Share Posted September 1, 2016 Used my new job offer to renegotiate at my current job, a week of meetings with managers and directors, got the contract I wanted and pleased that I've proved my worth to the company and earning a salary I think I'm worth - then ruined it all right at the end when I sealed the deal with the limpest, dantiest handshake I've ever given anyone. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Teabags Posted September 1, 2016 Report Share Posted September 1, 2016 So are you staying with AGFW? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted September 1, 2016 Report Share Posted September 1, 2016 44 minutes ago, Teabags said: So are you staying with AGFW? In another department, far far away from her. So that will be my solitary AGFW quotes post. Which is a shame really. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
James Broonbreed Posted September 4, 2016 Report Share Posted September 4, 2016 People/tradesmen who build over stopcocks without leaving any sort of hatch, or even an indication, where it is. I got lucky this time and only had to remove a couple of pieces of wood behind the cistern to switch off my water - after jury rigging a valve key so I could reach the fucking thing. Fucking builder cocks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted September 5, 2016 Report Share Posted September 5, 2016 Marmalade. Horrible substance. Who even likes it? No one, I bet. Tastes like bitterness, and regret for buying it in the first place. Marmalade is jam for wankers. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted September 5, 2016 Report Share Posted September 5, 2016 I like marmalade. It's absolutely insane with peanut butter. Have it with peanut butter on toast then come back and post about it in the pet hates thread. I bet you don't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
James Broonbreed Posted September 5, 2016 Report Share Posted September 5, 2016 Marmalade is congealed satan spunk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted September 5, 2016 Report Share Posted September 5, 2016 2 hours ago, Lemonade said: I like marmalade. It's absolutely insane with peanut butter. Have it with peanut butter on toast then come back and post about it in the pet hates thread. I bet you don't. I bet I don't either, because I'm not trying that. I'm not convinced a food stuff I can't abide combined with a food stuff I can just about tolerate will make a food stuff that I think is good. I'm alright with peanut butter with jam, but it helps that I am all about jam. The jam makes it work. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gypsum_Fantastic Posted September 5, 2016 Report Share Posted September 5, 2016 20 minutes ago, Soda van Jerk said: I bet I don't either, because I'm not trying that. I'm not convinced a food stuff I can't abide combined with a food stuff I can just about tolerate will make a food stuff that I think is good. I'm alright with peanut butter with jam, but it helps that I am all about jam. The jam makes it work. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
James Broonbreed Posted September 5, 2016 Report Share Posted September 5, 2016 I'm all about Bon Maman conserves because I'm a cool dude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alkaline Posted September 5, 2016 Report Share Posted September 5, 2016 5 hours ago, James Broonbreed said: I'm all about Bon Maman conserves because I'm a cool dude. Jam Wanker 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Easy Wishes Posted September 6, 2016 Report Share Posted September 6, 2016 On 9/4/2016 at 1:32 PM, James Broonbreed said: People/tradesmen who build over stopcocks without leaving any sort of hatch, or even an indication, where it is. I got lucky this time and only had to remove a couple of pieces of wood behind the cistern to switch off my water - after jury rigging a valve key so I could reach the fucking thing. Fucking builder cocks. I hear this. Until I very recently got a plumber to move it whilst he was round doing some other work, our stopcock was under the floor, about 20 feet from the only hatch available to actually get under the floorboards. Not to mention the crawl space being v uncomfortable to navigate and that other trades (electricians, mainly) had literally created a Crystal Maze-style obstacle course with wires and cables hanging everywhere. Needless to say it was a FUCKING NIGHTMARE the first time we needed to shut the water off in a hurry. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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