Pet Hates!

[fatboy]

My Dad bought me tickets for T in the Park for my birthday/xmas. I was going to go with one of my best friends. We've paid for all of our weed and beer and transport down. Really looking forward to seeing many acts that we probably won't see again (such as the imminently disbanding Bright Eyes).

Today it emerged the website was a fake. Stung for a lot of money, have to let him know tomorrow we can't go down, have to see my Dad absolutely gutted that he, in his eyes, has let me down in a big way.

Holy shit man thats savage!!!

[Guest E.C]

My Dad bought me tickets for T in the Park for my birthday/xmas. I was going to go with one of my best friends. We've paid for all of our weed and beer and transport down. Really looking forward to seeing many acts that we probably won't see again (such as the imminently disbanding Bright Eyes).

Today it emerged the website was a fake. Stung for a lot of money, have to let him know tomorrow we can't go down, have to see my Dad absolutely gutted that he, in his eyes, has let me down in a big way.

"...and THAT's why you don't buy unofficial tickets for festivals!"

[Guest]

"...and THAT's why you don't buy unofficial tickets for festivals!"

Yeah thanks for that. Considering it was a middle aged guy who barely uses a computer, I think it's forgiveable that he was duped by a realistic fake site. He didn't know he was buying from an unofficial vender.

However, on the plus side, from getmein.com we did manage to get Friday-Sunday camping tickets!!! And it looks like Dad will be able to claim back his money! Everything is coming up Craig.

[Alkaline]

Yeah thanks for that. Considering it was a middle aged guy who barely uses a computer, I think it's forgiveable that he was duped by a realistic fake site. He didn't know he was buying from an unofficial vender.

However, on the plus side, from getmein.com we did manage to get Friday-Sunday camping tickets!!! And it looks like Dad will be able to claim back his money! Everything is coming up Craig.

Good, festival scammers are scum. Enjoy your drug-fueled haze of debauchery.

[Jaaakkkeee]

Everything is coming up Craig.

Well remember to bring plenty of baby wipes and toilet paper then if that's what you're going to be doing at T.

[Diesel]

This one is for lovers of the beautiful game....

Cunts who fail to do the simple thing in a game of football - I'm referring to amateurs here.

Last night we had a game at ASV against a younger, fitter and in theory, technically superior team.

Through some hard work, tight marking, good communication and simple passing, we were 4-1 with 20 minutes to go...then it all went to ratshit.

All the old favourites were there (list is far from exhaustive)...

• Back heelers (they. don't. fucking. work.)
  
• 40yd passes into oblivion
  
• Attempts at dribbling the ball out of defence in a pressure situation
  
• Taking too many touches
  
• Drag-backs
  
• Hogging the ball and refusal to pass
  
• Charging up the park only to give the ball away cheaply then standing idly by whilst the defence pick up the pieces
  
• 25yd shots from stupid angles
  
• Trying to walk the ball into the net
  

There's a guy that plays with us on occasion who is pathologically incabable of doing anything simple, regardless of the situation. He's a one-trick pony who's "party-piece" is to kick the ball by crossing his right foot behind his left. (Harry Kewell used the trick to effect in a Premiership game a few years ago).

Last night, I made a rare foray up the park and played a one-two with him. My "one" was to make a simple pass to him and run past the defender to make up the triangle. His "two" was his stupid trick and needless to say, it went straight to the opposition, the boy ran right up the park and scored.

Fucks sake - we're amateurs for a reason!

The game is MUCH more enjotyable when played simply.

Leave the flicks and tricks at Messi and Co.

That is all.

[Christy]

You should play Adam EW's Tuesday night game. It would drive you mental.

[Guest E.C]

You should play Adam EW's Tuesday night game. It would drive you mental.

Played this very game twice before. I am dreadful at football but I can slot a pass and lob a ball (for the most part). But yeah, even our game at Goals on Thursdays is riddled with 'fancy footwork' that either gives the ball away, or doesnt pay off.

It's brilliant when it works, but it so rarely does, ken?

[Johnny Mac]

Every team has one (at least) of these boys.... clowns..... think they are a 'fitba player'. I'm terrible mind you.... keep it simple.

We have the same boy every week at fives who always seems to end up last man and tries to skin everyone, about 14 times and gets nowhere. Loses ball. Goal.

You are standing open waiting for a simple pass..... but no.

Then passes to you when you are marked.

Useless.

[Adam Easy Wishes]

This one is for lovers of the beautiful game....

Cunts who fail to do the simple thing in a game of football - I'm referring to amateurs here.

Last night we had a game at ASV against a younger, fitter and in theory, technically superior team.

Through some hard work, tight marking, good communication and simple passing, we were 4-1 with 20 minutes to go...then it all went to ratshit.

All the old favourites were there (list is far from exhaustive)...

• Back heelers (they. don't. fucking. work.)
  
• 40yd passes into oblivion
  
• Attempts at dribbling the ball out of defence in a pressure situation
  
• Taking too many touches
  
• Drag-backs
  
• Hogging the ball and refusal to pass
  
• Charging up the park only to give the ball away cheaply then standing idly by whilst the defence pick up the pieces
  
• 25yd shots from stupid angles
  
• Trying to walk the ball into the net
  

There's a guy that plays with us on occasion who is pathologically incabable of doing anything simple, regardless of the situation. He's a one-trick pony who's "party-piece" is to kick the ball by crossing his right foot behind his left. (Harry Kewell used the trick to effect in a Premiership game a few years ago).

Last night, I made a rare foray up the park and played a one-two with him. My "one" was to make a simple pass to him and run past the defender to make up the triangle. His "two" was his stupid trick and needless to say, it went straight to the opposition, the boy ran right up the park and scored.

Fucks sake - we're amateurs for a reason!

The game is MUCH more enjotyable when played simply.

Leave the flicks and tricks at Messi and Co.

That is all.

I'm going to print this off, laminate it and take it to fives on Tuesday.

[fatboy]

put my back out on monday, was getting better, but then I decided to lift a fridge yesterday. as i stacked it ontop of my freezer my back gave in even more almost collapsed in pain... doctor gave me lots of painkillers but still fucking hurts. i feel like an old man

[Scootray]

Probably should've lifted it properly.

[Diesel]

Who was the guy who came to the ab-music five a side(ish) game once and started slating everyone for not giving 110% and shouted every obscenity under the sun to try and motivate us? Good guy.

Under normal circumstances, that would have been me, but whilst shouting obscenities is definitely my forte' in kust simply don't do the "110%" cliche'

In short - it wisnae me

[fatboy]

yes I should have. I've been doing removals for community service, that spurred it off.... I will learn the hard ways... always

[Soda Jerk]

Who was the guy who came to the ab-music five a side(ish) game once and started slating everyone for not giving 110% and shouted every obscenity under the sun to try and motivate us? Good guy.

He was called Guy, I think. Good lad, indeed. He went in a strop in one of the games and just stood out on the wing not doing anything, claiming "I'm just doing what everyone else does". He once gave me a bit of a mouthful for parrying a shot, instead of catching it. It was a bit of a screamer. I did well to even get a hand to it at all. Dick. Somehow I was always on his team. Would have enjoyed going through the back of him once or twice. Prissy little cunt.

[Guest E.C]

Would have enjoyed going through the back of him once or twice.

:finger::finger::finger:

[Lemonade]

He was called Guy, I think. Good lad, indeed. He went in a strop in one of the games and just stood out on the wing not doing anything, claiming "I'm just doing what everyone else does". He once gave me a bit of a mouthful for parrying a shot, instead of catching it. It was a bit of a screamer. I did well to even get a hand to it at all. Dick. Somehow I was always on his team. Would have enjoyed going through the back of him once or twice. Prissy little cunt.

Indeed. Absolute cunt. 'Member that time I pulled my groin right at the start of the game and could barely run, let alone walk? Later in the game after hobbling up and down the wing for the whole match pretty much doing nothing, I picked up the ball in my own half, no danger at all, I couldn't even run with it because I was injured, and he still went right through the back of me and left me crumpled on the floor. Wank. At another game when I was playing in goals he kept fucking yelling at me for not playing the ball to him at goal kicks. So the one time I actually did, he fucked up and lost it then yelled at me for not shouting to him first that I was going to pass it to him. What a fucking tool. At the end of the game he refused to shake my hand, even though he was on my team and we won. The sulky Tintin-looking gaylord.

[Soda Jerk]

:finger::finger::finger:

Ah, a gay double entendre. To be expected. Afterall, this is the internet.

[Guest E.C]

Ah, a gay double entendre. To be expected. Afterall, this is the internet.

:finger: :finger: :finger: :finger: :finger:

[Guest]

Mind that time I went through him in a fit of rage?

Yeah, I'm awesome.

[Christy]

Have I met him? I remember wiping Nef C out (he is a good six inches taller than me, and at least three stone heavier) with a classic hard-but-fair. I was drunk. Normally, I wouldn't go near him cos I'm such a fragile wee thing. The folly of daytime boozing

So what are our numbers for this week looking like?

[Lemonade]

Have I met him? I remember wiping Nef C out (he is a good six inches taller than me, and at least three stone heavier) with a classic hard-but-fair. I was drunk. Normally, I wouldn't go near him cos I'm such a fragile wee thing.

So what are our numbers for this week looking like?

I have a picture of him:

[Lemonade]

Yeah, I'm a keyboard warrior, so what? YOU WANNA FUCKING MAKE SOMETHING OF IT?

[Guest]

Have I met him? I remember wiping Nef C out (he is a good six inches taller than me, and at least three stone heavier) with a classic hard-but-fair. I was drunk. Normally, I wouldn't go near him cos I'm such a fragile wee thing. The folly of daytime boozing

So what are our numbers for this week looking like?

I fucking hated you for that. Great tackle. I spent the rest of the game hopelessly trying to twat you (legally, of course ) but never coming close.

[Skubbs]

The only way I can connect to the internet on my laptop is by using the ethernet cable. Just had to spent over a fucking hour trying to find out why my laptop says "wifi connected" yet it won't display a webpage. And all the diagnostics say "contact your network provider". BOLLOCKS

I don't mind Indian call centres, but the two guys I spoke to had the deepest voices and mumbled like fuck so I couldn't understand a word and sounded a right racist bint every time I said "excuse me, could you repeat that" AAARGH

I have revision for the exams I didn't sit in January, so need to read a shitload of journal articles to keep me up to speed as well as download a fuckload of UFC fights after my lovely ex removed them from my bloody external hard drive because he "didn't realise he didn't select copy, but cut" wank.

I'm stuck in the bloody sticks and I NEED INTERNET IN MY BEDROOM! Not sitting in the fucking hallway like a naughty teenager whose parents need to keep an eye on what sites I'm looking at.