Hog Posted August 18, 2005 Report Share Posted August 18, 2005 Go for it.Dwarf with a lisp goes to a stud farm to buy a horse, "I'd like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm. "What sort of horse ?" asks the owner. "A female horth", the dwarf replies and so the owner takes him to his finest mare. "Nithe horth", says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyth?".The owner patiently picks up the dwarf and shows him the horse's eyes. "Nithe eyth" says the dwarf, "Can I thee her teeth?".Again, the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horse's teeth. "Nithe teeth, can I see her eerth?" the dwarf says.By now the owner is getting a little fed up but again,picks up the dwarf and shows him the horse's ears. "Nithe eerth", says the dwarf, "Can I see her twot?"With this, the owner picks up the dwarf and shoves his head deep inside the horse's vagina and holds him there for a few seconds before pulling him out and putting him down. The dwarf shakes his head and says, "Perhaps I should weefwaze that, can I see her wun awound?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rachie Posted August 18, 2005 Report Share Posted August 18, 2005 That made me chuckle Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paranoid Posted August 18, 2005 Report Share Posted August 18, 2005 I thought the title of this thread was new jokes? That one is older than me! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sue Denim.. Posted August 19, 2005 Report Share Posted August 19, 2005 How do you know if you are a Pirate?You just Aaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lepeep Posted August 19, 2005 Report Share Posted August 19, 2005 How do you know if you are a Pirate?You just Aaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.now that's a vocal joke if you ever did type one.why was the bakers hands brown ?he kneaded a jobbie.(thank you mr Taylor). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
succubitch Posted August 19, 2005 Report Share Posted August 19, 2005 If you've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.you might be a redneck.If your sister is the third generation of women in your family to coneive a baby as a result of an alien abduction.you might be a redneck.If you think possum is "other white meat"you might be a redneck.If the centerpiece on your dinning room table is an original signed work by a famous taxidermistyou might be a redneck.If you think safe sex is having a padded headboardyou might be a redneck.If you believe "dual air bags" refer to your wife and mother-in-lawyou might be a redneck.If the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wifeyou might be a redneck.If the billboard that says "SAY NO TO CRACK" reminds you to pull up your jeansyou might be a redneck.If your childs first words were "ATTENTION K-MART SHOPPERS!"you might be a redneck.NASCARnon athletic sport created around rednecks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hardcore Mel Posted August 19, 2005 Report Share Posted August 19, 2005 what do you get when you cross a paedo with a pirate?Aaaaarrrrr Kelly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lepeep Posted August 19, 2005 Report Share Posted August 19, 2005 If you've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.you might be a redneck.blah blah blah blah.did you read the title of the message ? "good jokes".... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Da Fat Porn Star Posted August 19, 2005 Report Share Posted August 19, 2005 What do you call a vegetable in whorehouse?A brothel sprout.I than yaw! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TR!ΔNGL€ T€€TH Posted August 19, 2005 Report Share Posted August 19, 2005 what do you get when you cross a paedo with a pirate?Aaaaarrrrr Kelly. That work went down like a lead balloon at my work. I guess they are all closet R Kelly fans. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dayeth Posted August 19, 2005 Report Share Posted August 19, 2005 Go for it.Dwarf with a lisp goes to a stud farm to buy a horse' date=' "I'd like to buy a horth" he says to the owner of the farm. "What sort of horse ?" asks the owner. "A female horth", the dwarf replies and so the owner takes him to his finest mare. "Nithe horth", says the dwarf, "Can I thee her eyth?".The owner patiently picks up the dwarf and shows him the horse's eyes. "Nithe eyth" says the dwarf, "Can I thee her teeth?".Again, the owner picks up the dwarf to show him the horse's teeth. "Nithe teeth, can I see her eerth?" the dwarf says.By now the owner is getting a little fed up but again,picks up the dwarf and shows him the horse's ears. "Nithe eerth", says the dwarf, "Can I see her twot?"With this, the owner picks up the dwarf and shoves his head deep inside the horse's vagina and holds him there for a few seconds before pulling him out and putting him down. The dwarf shakes his head and says, "Perhaps I should weefwaze that, can I see her wun awound?"[/quote']Why can the dwarf say "perhaps" and "see" correctly?If you ask me, he's putting it on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wishbone G Posted August 19, 2005 Report Share Posted August 19, 2005 Why can the dwarf say "perhaps" and "see" correctly?If you ask me' date=' he's putting it on.[/quote'] I also wondered how he was saying the letter R just fine to start with, and had a lisp, then his speech impediment changed to an inability to say the letter R.However, I refuse to be the first to nitpick Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest tv tanned Posted August 19, 2005 Report Share Posted August 19, 2005 how do prostitutes give their refunds?they spit Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
paranoid Posted August 19, 2005 Report Share Posted August 19, 2005 did you read the title of the message ? "good jokes"....Did you read the title, "New jokes" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scorge Posted August 19, 2005 Report Share Posted August 19, 2005 Man goes to a doctor and says:'Doctor, I need help - I can't pronounce my F's, my T's or my H's'....The doc replies: 'You can't say fucking fairer than that then, can you!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lepeep Posted August 19, 2005 Report Share Posted August 19, 2005 Did you read the title' date=' "New jokes"[/quote']no, I didn't...I guess I was just expecting better then...not a list of cut n pasted statements about rednecks...now I am getting to anal about it!...... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stephen Posted August 19, 2005 Report Share Posted August 19, 2005 A spelling bee was held in Washington D.C. among all interested politicians. The contest was competitive, until finally there were three contestants remaining. Those still in competition were former President Clinton, former United States Senator Bob Packwood, and former Vice-President Dan Quayle. After a series of correct responses by each, Quayle was finally able to prevail over his opposition. He was the only one that knew that 'harass' was only one word.*i'll leave now* :O Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gregor Ascension Posted August 19, 2005 Report Share Posted August 19, 2005 Man goes to a doctor and says:'Doctor' date=' I need help - I can't pronounce my F's, my T's or my H's'....The doc replies: 'You can't say fucking fairer than that then, can you!'[/quote']tell the ones about the suicide bombers. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jonty84 Posted August 19, 2005 Report Share Posted August 19, 2005 Little Kev loses his Mum in a shopping centre. So he goes to a security guard and says 'Mister, mister, I've lost my Mummy!'.So the security guard says 'Aww did you? What's she like?'And Little Kev says 'Big cocks and Vodka.'Why did Hitler commit suicide?His gasbill came in *controversial*How long does it take to open a beer?It should be open by the time she brings it to you Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dinosaur Posted August 19, 2005 Report Share Posted August 19, 2005 Ok, long joke.... *deep breath*One day, a hippy and a nun were on a bus. the hippy goes up to the nun and says "wow you're hot! wanna have sex with me?" the nun is quite offended and gets off the bus insisting to walk the rest of the way.When the hippy is away to get off the bus the bus driver says "hey, I know how to have sex with that nun! every day she prays out in the garden of the monastery. If you go out stating that you are the will of god and demand to have sex, she will!"So the hippy-with-a-plan leaves to go to the monastery. He hides in a bush waiting for the nun and right enough, out she comes. The hippy jumps out while she is praying "I AM THE WILL OF GOD AND I DEMAND YOU HAVE SEX WITH ME!" the nun, not wanting to disobey god agrees but asks for it up the bum so that she can remain a virgin. after the hippy is done he shouts "HAHA IT'S ME THE HIPPY FROM THE BUS!!" then the nun removed her head-dress and shouts "HAHA! ITS ME THE BUS DRIVER!!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smooth_groover Posted August 19, 2005 Report Share Posted August 19, 2005 A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender: "I'll have a brandy........................................... .............................................................. .............................................................. .............................................................. .............................................................. .............................................................. ..........and coke." The bartender asks: "What's with the big pause?" The bear responds: "I dunno. I've always had them." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lazy pixie Posted August 19, 2005 Report Share Posted August 19, 2005 Tom had been in business for 25 years and was finally sick of the stress. He quit his job and bought 50 acres of land in the Australian Outback as far from humanity as possible. He saw the postman once a week and got groceries once a month. Otherwise, it was total peace and quiet. After six months or so of total isolation, someone knocked on his door. He opened it and there was a huge, bearded man standing there. "Name's Duane,your neighbour from forty miles up the road. Having a Christmas party Friday night ... thought you might like to come ... about 5:00." "Great," says Tom, "after six months out here I'm ready to meet some local folks. Thank you!" Duane is leaving, he stops. "Gotta warn youThere's gonna be some drinkin'." "Not a problem," says Tom. "After 25 years in business, I can drink with the best of 'em." Again, as he starts to leave, Duane stops. "More 'n likely gonna be some fightin' too." Tom says, "Well, I get along with people, I'll be alright. I'll be there. Thanks again." Once again Duane turns from the door. "More 'n likely be some wild sex, too." "Now that's really not a problem," says Tom, warming to the idea. "I've been all alone for six months! I'll definitely be there. By the way, what should I wear?" Duane stops in the door again and says, "Whatever you want. Just gonna be the two of us."he he Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smooth_groover Posted August 19, 2005 Report Share Posted August 19, 2005 Nae bad, nae bad! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest treader. Posted August 19, 2005 Report Share Posted August 19, 2005 A guy and a girl are having sex, and the girl says: "Don't you think it was presumptuous of you to think you could sleep with me on the first date?" The man responds: "Don't you think 'presumptuous' is kind of a big word for a 6 year old?"_______________________________________A dirty old man pulls up in his car beside a little boy.Holding a bag full of sweets, he says: "Hey kid, if I give you a piece of candy, will you come in my car?""Give me the whole bag and I'll come in your mouth!" ______________________________________________________A sex researcher is interviewing men about what they do with their other hand when they masturbate. Three subjects are in the room.He asks the first man, who replies: "I hold a porno mag."The second says: "I hold a computer mouse to browse porn on the net."The third says: "I hold a sponge."The researcher, startled, says: "why a sponge?""Well, I've got to use something to bathe the kids."_____________________________________________A guy walks into a bar, and after a while the bartender starts griping. "You see this little figurine I whittled? I made it myself. But they don't call me 'Joe the wood carver.' And you see that big swordfish on the wall? Caught that one myself. But they don't call me 'Joe the fish catcher.' Hell, they don't even call me 'Joe the Bartender.' BUT YOU FUCK ONE KID . . ."_____________________________________________Q: Why do women have periods?A: Because they deserve them Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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