SteveCrisis

A miniature Godzilla?

I had the misfortune to watch the ITV 'An Audience With...' I had no choice in the matter and it was the most excruciatin hour I've spent. At the end of it I felt like gouging my eyes out with whatever came to hand. I'd rather watch Jim Davidson.

Have you called social services?

Thought you'd be more of a Blue Stratos man, Matt. I used to get my dad a bottle of Denim - the mark of a man. Then he discovered Kouros:swearing:

City & Guilds in Wallpapering:laughing:

An Irishman goes to the Doctor with botty problems.... "Dactor, it's me ahrse. I'd loik ya ta teyhk a look, if ya woot". So the doctor gets him to drop his pants and takes a look. "Incredible" he says, "there is a 20 note lodged up here." Tentatively he eases the twenty out of the man's bottom, and then a 10 pound note appears. "This is amazing!" exclaims the Doctor. `'What do you want me to do?" "Well fur gadness sake teyhk it out, man!" shrieks the patient. The doctor pulls out the tenner and another twenty appears, and another and another and another, etc.... Finally the last note comes out and no more appear. "Ah Dactor, tank ya koindly, dat's moch batt er. Just out of interest, How moch was in dare den?" The Doctor counts the pile of cash. "1,990 exactly." "Ah, dat'd be roit,'' says the Irishman Wait for it.... "I knew I wasn't feeling two grand"

Action Park was refreshing album at the time. but I'm still giving Greyhound the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it's just me but I find it quite samey in places to 1000 Hurts. I think Terraform is their best album. But my opinion is just like a clit cos every cunt has one.

How come, Jeff? Because it's clean and not my usual toilet humour?

A bloke starts his new job at the zoo and is given three tasks. First is to clear the exotic fish pool of weeds. As he does this a huge fish jumps out and bites him. To show who is boss, he beats it to death with a spade. Realising his employer wont be best pleased he disposes of the fish by feeding it to the lions, as lions will eat anything. Moving on to the second job of clearing out the Chimp house, he is attacked by the chimps who pelt him with coconuts. He swipes at two chimps with a spade killing them both. What can he do? Feed them to the lions, he says to himself, because lions eat anything. He hurls the corpses into the lion enclosure. He moves on to the last job which is to collect honey from the South American Bees. As soon as he starts he is attacked by the bees. He grabs the spade and smashes the bees to a pulp. By now he knows what to do and throws them into the lions cage because lions eat anything. Later that day a new lion arrives at the zoo. He wanders up to another lion and says "What's the food like here?" The lions say: "Absolutely brilliant, today we had Fish and Chimps with Mushy Bees."

NOT to be confused with the camel hoof

Nah. I just want to kick back and whittle some.

Suppose so, bro!

Awww shit. My dad's violated his parole. AGAIN!

Last weekend I had been mostly buying: Jets Overhead - Bridges Neurosis - Given To The Rising Shellac - Excellent Italian Greyhound

My on topic addendum was only posted to avoid moderator derision:)

I imply nothing Mr D. Indeed, Matt is correct.

I've had a liking for Arsenal since I was about 6 years old and completed my first Pannini sticker album. I've never liked Chelsea nor Man Utd. Two teams that I've never been able to stomach. My Old Man Said 'Be a Man U Fan' I said 'Fuck off bastartd you're a cunt'

I was at a poker tourney held at The Metro a few months ago. It was organised by a friend of one of the guys I work with. 25 buy in and no further buys , 2000 chips, 72 punters, winner takes all. I think the pot was 1,500 after expenses. Brilliant way to spend a Sunday afternoon!

Indeed. Collected mine on Saturday and was told by the woman that they had one standing ticket left. Went to One Up and out of the 50 that they had allocated they still had 30 remaining.

Where's my copy of The Shield, ye bas? Back on topic, Genesis were featured on The Seven Ages of Rock a few weeks ago. Albeit it was the Peter Gabriel era it was still quite interesting to witness and listen to. Loved the video for Land Of Confusion, Fluck and Law at their very best. InvisibleTouch was a superb album

Huey Lewis And The News

My heart bleeds

Hog Don't tempt me to post a dirty reply. Can't resist. Up the Gary Glitter

Got mine this morning at 10am. Quite surprised there was still availability.o_O As Lester said this gig preceded by Kings Of Leon the night before is going to be one hell of a weekend.

True. It has fuck all to do with us. What we're up in arms about, that's us and NOT you, is that she's a tenuous celeb who has no concept of the law and think she's above it. So let's just imagine this scenario: Paris Hilton's done a Jeffrey Dahmer. There are human organs in specimen jars stored in her fridge; she's fashioned a throne from a victim's pelvis; the smell of decomosing human remains is overpowering. The evidence is so stacked up against her she's sure to get the death penalty. She appeals and gets a reduced sentence; culpable homicide. Wouldn't you think that the reaction to this woulld be global? Obstinate Oaf. As usual you post shit. If you wanted to make a better comparison you might have mentioned Victoria Beckham or some London 'It' Girl. But an ancient Irish accented BBC presenter? Get real. Take your Blankety Blank cheque book and pen and anally violate yourself with it. Balderdash and piffle. Let me on behalf of those here who can't stomach the pampered, spoiled, vapid, vacuous cunt apologise for our incredulous insensitivity. You're obviously a fan of hers with no grip on reality.