Football Manager 2012

[Soda Jerk]

Amazing. I like how "Stoke" is in the search bar, as a constant quick reference for their football philosphy. Sounds like a triumphant season.

I'm struggling to get the best out of Neymar. He hit the ground running, and smashed the fuck out of the MLS in the pre-season tour, and banged in goals in the first 4 games. Now he's on a 850 minute goal drought. He's missing sitters and not getting fired-up from my Brian Clough-like inspirational world-wind teams talks. I've told him he needs to buck up his form, but he disagrees. He's got mega stats and loads of potential, but he just can't put the rock in the onion bag. He's hard work.

David De Gea had managed 1100 minutes of not conceding a goal, until Jamie bastard Carragher of all people broke his hot streak with a scrappy header. Good job I went on and twatted Liverpool 4-1 in the same game.

I've won every game in all competitions so far as I reach the end of November in season 2, but I'm not doing it in such a convincing manner. I've added alot of quality to my midfield, as the attack and defence are fine. I just can't dominate a game against anyone though. I'm also having about 25 efforts towards goal per game, but only hitting the target 4 or 5 times. I'm not getting the best of possession, and it's only because De Gea is a formidable brick wall that I am managing to scrape wins. ANy tips for how I can shake it up and start steamrolling the minnows again?

[waltz]

ANy tips for how I can shake it up and start steamrolling the minnows again?

[Murrr]

Heskey is stupid. For some reason he turned into a central defender during my hoof season. Absolutely no idea why: I hadn't trained him there and he hadn't played there either. Has this happened to anybody else? Probably just Sports Interactive's way of saying "come on Emile, it's for the best..."

[Murrr]

ANy tips for how I can shake it up and start steamrolling the minnows again?

What formation are you using at the moment? I find that the best way to spaff on smaller teams is to play with great width and pace. Drag the defenders all over the place then burst through the gaps. In my current "serious" game I'm playing a 4-2-3-1 (with CMs, not DMs) system with two inside forwards, a trequartista and a poacher/advanced forward. Get two quick, tricky wide men, make them move into channels and switch positions. Combining quick widemen with a nippy striker and a classic trequartista/playmaker just wrecks smaller teams, but you need to balance it with conservative midfielders and defenders.

What approach do you guys take with team talks? "Don't get complacent" used to be really effective in previous versions but it seems to piss half my team off this year. Aggressive->"yer playing shite" when drawing/losing really puts a rocket up their arses though.

[Soda Jerk]

There was a news story on TeamTalk about how he likes to play as a sweeper in training a few months ago. SI must've read it as HESKEY NOW A DEFENDER and sent everyone a patch accordingly.

[waltz]

There was a news story on TeamTalk about how he likes to play as a sweeper in training a few months ago. SI must've read it as HESKEY NOW A DEFENDER and sent everyone a patch accordingly.

He can play anywhere on the pitch, from Groundskeeper to Goalie.

[waltz]

Hang on, why are we talking about Emile Heskey anyway? We should be playing FM.

[Soda Jerk]

What formation are you using at the moment? I find that the best way to spaff on smaller teams is to play with great width and pace. Drag the defenders all over the place then burst through the gaps. In my current "serious" game I'm playing a 4-2-3-1 (with CMs, not DMs) system with two inside forwards, a trequartista and a poacher/advanced forward. Get two quick, tricky wide men, make them move into channels and switch positions. Combining quick widemen with a nippy striker and a classic trequartista/playmaker just wrecks smaller teams, but you need to balance it with conservative midfielders and defenders.

What approach do you guys take with team talks? "Don't get complacent" used to be really effective in previous versions but it seems to piss half my team off this year. Aggressive->"yer playing shite" when drawing/losing really puts a rocket up their arses though.

I've been mixing it up a bit with formations to keep my opponents guessing this season, since I seem to be having a slow start of winning, but very unconvinvingly. I used the Chelsea formation for alot of last season. 4-3-3 with mega-wide forwards and a triangle of meat heads in the middle. I switched between that, 4-2-3-1 and 4-4-2. 4-3-3 worked a treat til about 3/4 of the way through the season and it just came to a halt, so had to change it up a little. This season, I've used a fair few formations but can't settle on one. I'll give 4-2-3-1 with inside forwards a go. It might mean isolating Valencia. He can't play anywhere other than a touchline hugging winger, but I've got Hazard and Neymar who's best position is just behind the front man. Welbeck and Hernandez are mega-poachers, so that might work a treat.

I'm a bit of a suck-up on team talks because these modern day prissy puffs get pissed off with the tough love. I can never let rip without half the side getting in a strop about it and start complaining to the papers. Even when everyone does get fired up, Neymar tends to not make any sort of noticeable change. He's got until Christmas before I flog him to Anzhi for atrocious amounts of money.

It's the same when a player says they are unhappy. It seems impossible to put them in their place using your motherfuckin' authority. You have to bum snog until they are happy again. Lame.

[Murrr]

I haven't really had to deal with any monster egos yet. I'm managing Union Berlin and they're a bunch of iron-spined hardarse bastards, which is probably par for the course in eastern Berlin. I've just brought them into the Bundesliga and I'm almost at a position where I can sign players I've actually heard of (Yoann Gouffran STAND UP), so maybe I'll end up with a few precious little darlings in a season or two. Good job I've got Kari Arnason to sort them out if shit goes down.

Look at those eyes. Definitely a murderer.

[Soda Jerk]

I had a few players, who I don't consider to be big players, talk to the papers saying he was unhappy about his lack of first team football. I told him that "I pick the team. You can get to fuck and earn your place" which is what any manager should say. The likes of Park, Anderson and the Pole in Goal. I have to keep saying "sorry sir. won't happen again sir" just to keep them right. Football has taken a sad turn for the worst.

[Murrr]

Actually, I get that quite a lot too. Happened to me 3 or 4 times during the promotion season, but the players in-question were overpaid cloggers who'd previously been listed as "important first team players". It got pretty tiring, but I managed to ship all the twats. It definitely happens a lot more in FM2012 than in previous games though. The most annoying thing was that after I sold the first one the fans "regarded the decision as an aberration," despite the fact that the guy was my worst senior goalkeeper. Weird.

[waltz]

Actually, I get that quite a lot too. Happened to me 3 or 4 times during the promotion season, but the players in-question were overpaid cloggers who'd previously been listed as "important first team players". It got pretty tiring, but I managed to ship all the twats. It definitely happens a lot more in FM2012 than in previous games though. The most annoying thing was that after I sold the first one the fans "regarded the decision as an aberration," despite the fact that the guy was my worst senior goalkeeper. Weird.

Yeah, weird cult hero status was a problem when I was at Villa.

Anyone else finding the managerial switches incredibly frequent? I started off at Celtic, won the title, then the Villa job came up, took them from 14th to 4th in two seasons, then Bayern Munich were after me. I'd only won one title, and I'm at Bayern. Having rejected ManYoo and Chelsea. Bizarre.

[Soda Jerk]

I haven't had any offers, but I've noticed loads of movement around me. 1/3 of the way through my second season and Liverpool are on their 3rd manager. AVB is now at Liverpool. Pardew at Stoke. Coyle at West Ham. Big Sam at Swansea. Roberto Mancini at Everton and Manuel Pellegrini at City. It's one big, silly merry go round.

[Adam Easy Wishes]

Yeah, weird cult hero status was a problem when I was at Villa.

Anyone else finding the managerial switches incredibly frequent? I started off at Celtic, won the title, then the Villa job came up, took them from 14th to 4th in two seasons, then Bayern Munich were after me. I'd only won one title, and I'm at Bayern. Having rejected ManYoo and Chelsea. Bizarre.

What did you set your 'previous experience' to at the start of the game?

Bobby Manc is at Barca in my game.

Just won the league (fourth season) with Spurs. Finally, and with a game to spare. Made some inspired January signings (David Villa, £8m; Sergio Busquets, £24m) who helped me through injury crisis and allowed me to play different teams in the Champs League and Premier League (DV77 and SB36 were cup-tied for Europe). Great stuff. Got to the semis of the Champions League too...lost 6-3 on aggregate to Real Madrid though.

Adler, ter Stegen

Van der Wiel, Walker, Hangeland, Dawson, Jones, Alderweireld, Bale, Fabio

Huddlestone, Busquets, De Jong, Modric

Di Maria, Lennon, Van der Vaart, Kaka, Marin, Eriksen

Cavani, Villa, Defoe, Cardozo

Had £60m of a transfer budget and spunked the best part of £20m on amazing youngsters, so my reserves are incredible. Got Zarate coming in on a free transfer at the end of the season now too. In it long-haul, unless Barca/Madrid come calling. Although the Dons job is available...

[Chris]

What did you set your 'previous experience' to at the start of the game?

Good question, I'm keen to see how others set themselves up at the start of the game as well. I put in my real age and real experience (i.e. none). All my match reports are littered with "player x is having difficulty motivating himself to play for you". Pricks.

[Adam Easy Wishes]

I always put mine as semi-pro.

[Soda Jerk]

I am a retired globally renowned footballing legend. Even then, my shithead overpaid nancy boys don't listen to a word I say. I think I could be Jesus and Ji Sung Park would still think he should be starting every game and that I'm a bastard.

[Woodsinho]

In my FM2011 game I set it to my real age with 'Automatic' experience because I didn't think about it at all. I haven't had any offers from other clubs but during my 6th season at Carlisle (during which I cemented the clubs place in the Championship with more than a month to spare instead of dealing with the nail-biting down to the wire escapes from relegation of the previous 2 years) I started having my name linked to other high profile Championship teams when positions became available. I applied for the Nigeria and Ivory Coast jobs and was offerred them both (much to my surprise) so now I'm Nigeria manager too.

Unfortunately the start of the 2016/2017 season isn't going well after my star striker was sold to Reading for £3million and the guys I brought in to replace him don't seem to know how to shoot. I'm almost entirely reliant on goals from my CB Kevin Vinetot at the moment.

[Murrr]

Which version had that ridiculous corner bug that ensured there was always a free man lurking outside the box to smash it home if you set the rest of your players out in a certain way? That was amazing, and you'd always score too. I remember one game I did as Stoke, first game was against Blackburn. We went 2-0 down about 10 minutes: 80 minutes and 9 corners later and the score was 9-2. James Beattie with all of them. I think they nixed it after a patch, but it was great fun. Went on holiday for a season and came back to find a 250+ goal season. 38 games, 38 wins. Boof.

In FM2010, I think, you could also use the editor to set your striker's position value to -29 for one of the silliest things ever. Every single touch they'd take, no matter how big or small, would fly away at 200mph in the direction the player was facing. So Darren Mackie could be standing innocuously in the centre circle, take the slightest of touches to bring the ball under control and BANG, 50 yard own goal. Great fun.

[The Milner]

You can still do that using a real time editor FMRTE, you set your players to a minus condition and boom they become jesus, i have scored headers from my own half before! Absolutely pointless for playing the game but so much fun to see Foster power a 75 yard header straight from a goal kick I think it was 09 that had that particular corner issue. Theres usually one every year lol.

I set my game up as myself, real DOB and lowest possible starting rep, its a right cunt for a few seasons until your players stop looking at you like your speaking in tongues everytime you do a team talk.

I finally got Milne to replace Todders, last season in the holy ground before moving off to a terribly named Aberdeen Stadium. 36,000 dandies will be rocking the place out next year hopefully!

[Soda Jerk]

The Glazers stumped up a hatful of wonga to extend Old Trafford to 105,000. SWAG!

We're practically printing our own money at United now.

[waltz]

wonga

get out

[FOX]

This thread should really be called "The Adventures of Soda Jerk". You need to get a TV deal, mate.

[Soda Jerk]

Nah way. My jaunt is completely overshadowed by Murrr's complete turnaround of Barcelona. That is real management, taking a team and making it your own. I'm just taking over Fergie's reigns and prolonging Uniteds success with very little tinkering. Except for getting rid of the Scouser in the wig.

I'm also crap at the game, really. I probably wouldn't be able to drag a shit side out of the shit and into the good like alot of folk here have managed. That's not my game. I demand the best or I'm out. Like Roy Keane

[FOX]

Oh, fair enough. With FM09 I did manage to get Rochdale up from League 2 but it made for a very unexciting and thoroughly depressing League 1. haha.

So now I'm at Chelsea. Been playing for the past two days and am just into January now, top of the league (woohoo!) with the one signing in the first window - Chelsea, god knows why, are stingy bastards and only give you £14mil to start off with. Seydou Doumbia, rather fast black man from the Ivory Coast, £17mil with a bit of budget tinkering from CSKA Moscow. Fans love him, bangs in goals, couldn't ask for more.

No idea who to sign in this window. Got in a few young players for a few million and now have £20-odd thanks to selling Anelka for pennies and getting the board to hand me some dough. Tried to sign a striker to cover for Anelka but everything I try is too expensive; Lisandro Lopez, Neymar, Di Natale, all outright nos. Oh well, it can wait, Lukaku banging in five goals on his debut - an 8-1 drubbing of witless Wigan - and we're back in business.

Torres, delightfully, is nowhere near as shite as he is in reality!