Aberdeen Celebrities!

[Guest tv tanned]

yea but that guy genuinely has a problem and how the hell would you feel having two kids tailing you everytime you went out just so they could tell their friends what you'd been upto and have a laugh about it? if that's the only purpose your life has then surely you need to take a good long look at your life huh?

Take a bow sir... well said.

[sludge]

what about the homeless man that walks about belmont street with the dreadlocks?

thats lava paul.

[Flash@TMB]

I remember why I banned Air Guitar Kenny now.

Back at the tail end of last year we had the Whitewater pinball machine in. This is my favourite pinball and I first played in in the early 1990s at The Hoburn Bar. For weeks I'd been pumping money into it, to try and win the Whitewater bonus while I had the 5x multiplier on. This would have given an awesome score. The trick is (in theory) to activate the 5x multiplier mode, then trigger Whitewater. Once Whitewater starts you have to get the first 3 balls straight down the waterfall (and they come very fast), the hit one of them backup the 'No Way Out'. I've managed to do this a few times but never with the 5x multiplier on. It's the pinball equivalent of Mount Everest... err sort of.

Anyhow it was a Friday Night, and the Wreckin Ball was in full swing. I was close to triggering Whitewater, and managed to get the 5x multiplier going. At this point I sense Air Guitar Kenny making a beeline for me. Next thing I triggered Whitewater and I was well in the zone. Kenny starts to hassle me "Craig I just put"... I hit the first ball down the Waterfall... "Craig I just put 5 in the"... bang second ball straight down the Waterfall... "Craig I just tried to put Alice on the juke"... bang third ball just makes it down the Waterfall. Now I have to get one of the balls backup before Whitewater ends, so I've got about 5 secs... "CRAIG I JUST PUT 5 TO PLAY ALICE ON THE JUKEBOX AND"... I manage to hit a ball back up the left ramp. All I've got to do it flick it down the 'No Way Out' ramp and I am a Whitewater Champion with the enourmous bonus multiplied five fold... Kenny pushes between myself and the pinball, sticks his face in mine and yells "CRAIG I JUST PUT 5 INTO THE JUKBOX TO PUT ON SOME ALICE AND IT ISN'T PLAYING". The last ball misses it's exit. whitewater ends. The 5x multipier stops. I'm fucked.

Can you guess why ALICE WOULDN'T FUCKIN PLAY??? Could it be because the freakin Wreckin Ball has been going for the past 2 hours and the jukebox is disabled per chance???

This was the closest I've ever came to murdering someone. Instead I took his drink away, poured it down the sink, and told him I was keeping his fiver as compensation against the 200 I've spent over the last 10 years trying to get a 5x Whitewater Jackpot that the little fucker had just ruined. Then I barred him for the rest of his life.

So there you go.

BTW typing this has brought all the hurt, anger, bitterness, and hatred flodding back. BASTARD!!!

[Joe Atom]

"Mental Martin" or "Psycho Martin" as I refer to him as... is simply terror... the tale I told earlier is about that very Martin.

My tale involves Drakes' date=' Smashed Glasses, The Lord of the rings and Nicky Ca$ino.

Surely it's better?[/quote']

Here's my Mental Martin story

The Scene: Aberdeen Bus Station. Martin is waiting for Austin to get back from the Vader gig in Glasgow (Austin is the crazy stubbled beglassesed midget with the squeaky foghorn voice and the Mayhem (or assorted other noise terrorists) hoodie. I found his wallet once, I can confirm that he's 30 years of age... I heard a rumour that he's got children, I hope it's not true)

Mental Martin: "Hi Joe. I see Paradise Lost are coming to the Lemon Tree."

Me: "Yeah, I like some of their newer stuff but I'm not a fan of their older material."

Mental Martin: "I absolutely hate verybody. I don't drink, or smoke... I HATE everybody.

Me: "..."

Mental Martin: "Everybody."

Me: "...seeyouthenMartinthat'smybusgottarunbye" *runs away very fast*

[Guest Laura@TMB]

That is incredible. Garth's flat must have been fascinating- I remember once hearing that he kept a large pile of shoes in it. I can't imagine what it must have smelt like. If it's the one on Market Street you're talking about' date=' unfortunately he's not there any more. Don't know what the story is but I hope he's staying somewhere. Garth is simply ace, he was one of the classic 'old Drakes' characters, and I think even the staff would have missed his distinctive odour if he stopped coming. I am always pleased to see him on the street carrying bags of rescued supermarket stock, or other unusual items, and I'll usually stop to chat or say hello.[/quote']

He got evicted from his Market street flat for hoarding too much stuff i think. They cut off the power and water and that's when he started coming to the bar for a wash. I once remember asking him if he watched any telly, to which he replied, "I've got 8 TVs but none of them work". Yes, so perhaps I'm glad we didn't visit him there!

He then spent a few months in a hostel, which he hated, "because it was full of junkies and tramps", before getting a new place up Bedford direction. It's his new flat we were in. He'd just moved in the day before, so the place was completely empty apart from a black bag containing his worldly possessions. (I imagine it has a few more "items" in it now). On our way out, we were talking as we went down the stairs and he said in a whispered voice "Shush, can you be quiet - there's OAPs live here" We had a good laugh at that one.

He is a real character indeed, one whose life has perhaps strayed from the "normal" path, but Garth seems to be completely content with his lot, and he's a nice guy - chatting with him puts your own life into perspective a bit too.

[Flash@TMB]

A few short Garth stories that may be of interest...

You know how Garth usually has at least a couple of carrier bags with him, in addition to his umbrella? Well one Saturday evening he left the bags under a table while he was wondering round the bar. Usually he keeps the contents of the bags a closely guarded secret, and up until this particular evening, Garth had always foiled aany attempts by the other regulars to unlock the secret of the bags.

So I spied him a good 30 yards away and figured now was my best chance. Inside the bags there were various empty junk food cartons (mostly McDonalds) but also these too big thick notepads, A4 and a couple of hundred pages each. Both sides of every page were covered in some strange alpha numeric code next to dates and times. It really had me scratching my head... then I spotted the railway timetable in the bottom of one carrier.

"OH MY GOD", I announced to the entire bar. "He's a TRAINSPOTTER!"

Garth just blushed, looked at his feet and grinned. His big secret was out.

***

We usually offer Garth a lift if he's in the bar last thing. One Friday I dropped him off at the Hostel in Bon Accord Street. There was only us two in the van. As we pulled up there were three ladies that obviously worked in the hostel standing outside having a fag. I decided to try an embaress him, so as he disembarked I shouted after him "KEEP THE CHANGE MATE". You should have seen their faces as he scurried inside giggling.

***

As Laura wrote, Garth used to wash in our toilets during the time the council locked him out of his flat. This produced an unexpected windfall and helped us raise the money to rennovate the bar by selling our used handtowel rolls, you know the blue things that you pull down, on e-Bay. They were billed as 'The True Face of Christ' and were dead ringers for the Shroud of Turin. Spooky.

[Guest The Reverend Z. Munch]

yip thats someone from my childhood too chris! but before we found out people used to call her Gideon' date=' we used to call her 'the stick wifie' cause she was so stick thin.....we used to try to find out where she lived by following her, i think it was a caravan not far from Glashieburn School. i still see her walking down george st sometimes. poor woman

sharon[/quote']

Its weird how she went from being stick thin then she just ballooned and looked more like Meatloaf than Neil from "The Young Ones", ain't seen her walking around Bridge Of Don for years though

[Darth Elvis]

I love this thread

My fav's are:

Wobbly Bob is seen a lot near our rehearsal room off Market Street raiding skips, seen him carrying monitors many a time.

Autopsy Austin and the Frog Brothers, Martin's bro I forget his name never stops moving, I swear if you held on to him, he would start an earthquake.

Dribbly man, ex Virgin cinema customer, wasn't all there. On 1 occasion went to see George of the Jungle during school holidays, went for a slash and forgot to put his dick away and returned to the film. The staff just looked stunned.

Dancing tramp, when I worked at HMV, he would come in alot and always ask to listen to AFTP by REM. He'd start dancing and the headphones would ping off his head. I believe he frequents all other local music shops.

Garth- he was going to teach my harmonica once.

[Guest scott cs.]

Spoke to him once actually. He seem quite happy someone spoke to him as opposed to just staring. He said he's caled Phoenix' date=' and that he is a time traveller from the 12th centuary or something around then, and thats why he dresses like that.

I'm sceptical.[/quote']

i believe i saw him at Berryden today with a lady friend.

anyone else met Steve Belmont? we named him that after talking to him on a night out. he's a homless guy that sits beside the cash point at the Academy on Belmont Street, he has long hair, a beard and generally wears a blue beanie hat. he also speaks the biggest heap of shit ever. he told us he had chemical burns on his feet and could hardly walk, yet i've seen him walk about well enough. he does tell a heartbreaking story about Mia tho...

[Guest Stripey]

"ohhhhhh did you hear about so and so' date=' ooohhhhh you wouldn't believe it"

This thread has just reminded what a pokey little town aberdeen is and how small minded and petty the inhabitants can be. Here's an idea, instead of laughing at these people on a message board, why not just round them up into castlegate square and stick them in stocks and cages so you can all throw stones at them and poke them with sticks for a laugh? I mean, that's what the mentally ill and destitute are for isn't it, to give you a laugh and make you feel good about yourself.

[/quote']

REITERATION! You fucks make me puke. Would you chase these people down the street laughing at them and taking the piss? No, because you'd feel like a bunch of cunts if you did. People like you belong in the fucking dark ages, you ought to be ashamed of yourselves, but you aren't are you? This thread is a prime example of one of the worst qualities of people round here.

[Chris]

Would you chase these people down the street laughing at them and taking the piss?

see Logan's earlier post, they do exactly that.

[Joe Atom]

This thread is a prime example of one of the worst qualities of people round here.

Whereas you are the fucking archangel Gabriel... remember your sensitivity on a couple of animal cruelty related threads? You're a hypocritical twat who thinks he's a fucking revolutionary...

[Flash@TMB]

This thread is a prime example of one of the worst qualities of people round here.

And THE worst thing we can all do is ignore you and get on with this cool thread, so I suggest shifting the flame war to a new thread entitled "Flame war with Stripey anyone?"

***

Meantime anyone ever encountered the little dark eyed, slightly dark skinned, dark haired dude, that tells boring stories and leaves notes on beer mats quoting text from the Bible? He told me he was half Polish but he reckons everyone thinks he's an Arab (he doesn't). I think he's from Inverness, aged about 35. Drinks half pints of lager. I think he fancies my little sister.

Another one that nobody has mentioned yet is the guy that Sue Denim once err stabbed (in fact he didn't but he sure had Lisa fooled LOL). Dr Who AKA Antique Dealer Graham AKA Keith Richards. This is an old guy that looks a bit like you'd imagine Keith Richards dad to look but with dark glasses, a long Dr Who scarf and a gentlemans cane. He tends to sit in bars with a selection of crap secondhand jewelery that he claims are antiques but most likely originated from Ratners. Once he told me a little statue in the bar dated to the Edwardian period, but when I turned it upside down it was stamped 1986 on the bottom...

Graham is seen with dodgey criminal types. Once a dodgey criminal type approached Laura and asked if she'd seen 'Antique Dealer Graham', Laura replied "Why are you after a couple of ming vases for the weekend?" After that we ended up barring Graham for enticing dodgey criminal types down to the bar.

[Guest Stripey]

And THE worst thing we can all do is ignore you and get on with this cool thread' date=' so I suggest shifting the flame war to a new thread entitled "Flame war with Stripey anyone?"

***

Meantime anyone ever encountered the little dark skinned, dark haired dude, that tells boring stories and leaves notes on beer mats quoting text from the Bible? He told me he was half Polish but everyone thinks he's an Arab. I think he's from Inverness, aged about 35. Drinks half pints of lager. I think he fancies my little sister.

Another one that nobody has mentioned yet is the guy that Sue Denim once err stabbed (in fact he didn't but he sure had Lisa fooled LOL). Dr Who AKA Antique Dealer Graham AKA Keith Richards. This is an old guy that looks a bit like you'd imagine Keith Richards dad to look but with dark glasses, a long Dr Who scarf and a gentlemans cane. He tends to sit in bars with a selection of crap secondhand jewelery that he claims are antiques but most likely originated from Ratners. Once he told me a little statue in the bar dated to the Edwardian period, but when I turned it upside down it was stamped 1986 on the bottom...

Graham is seen with dodgey criminal types. Once a dodgey criminal type approached Laura and asked if she'd seen 'Antique Dealer Graham', Laura replied "Why are you after a couple of ming vases for the weekend?" After that we ended up barring Graham for enticing dodgey criminal types down to the bar.[/quote']

It's not about a flame war, I am disgusted by this type of ignorant behaviour and have been all my life, as any adult human being ought to be.

You guys are laughing at people who have MS, parkinsons, schizophrenia, alcoholism, drug addiction, the homeless, and whatever other problems these people have, and it fucking makes me livid.

You should be fucking ashamed of yourselves. I shouldn't even have to explain this to you, obviously you are all just arseholes.

[Flash@TMB]

It's not about a flame war' date=' I am disgusted by this type of ignorant behaviour and have been all my life, as any adult human being ought to be.

You guys are laughing at people who have MS, parkinsons, schizophrenia, alcoholism, drug addiction, the homeless, and whatever other problems these people have, and it fucking makes me livid.

You should be fucking ashamed of yourselves. I shouldn't even have to explain this to you, obviously you are all just arseholes.[/quote']

I'm am technically an alcoholic, have had issues with drugs, been mentally ill, was once homeless, and although I don't have MS or Parkinsons my dick is only 2" long. Does that make it OK for me to laugh at the rest of my kind?

[Guest Stripey]

I'm am technically an alcoholic' date=' have had issues with drugs, been mentally ill, was once homeless, and although I don't have MS or Parkinsons my dick is only 2" long. Does that make it OK for me to laugh at the rest of my kind?[/quote']

You're technically just a childish twat.

[Flash@TMB]

Spoke to him once actually. He seem quite happy someone spoke to him as opposed to just staring. He said he's caled Phoenix' date=' and that he is a time traveller from the 12th centuary or something around then, and thats why he dresses like that.

I'm sceptical.[/quote']

Isn't this Robbie the Pict? He's been in the papers claiming pictish descent although he's WAY too tall. There's a kilt shop in George Street where there's photos on the walls of him modeling their kilts. The time traveller story was probably just him winding you up.

[Sue Denim..]

Another one that nobody has mentioned yet is the guy that Sue Denim once err stabbed (in fact he didn't but he sure had Lisa fooled LOL). Dr Who AKA Antique Dealer Graham AKA Keith Richards.

Ahh yes' date=' I almost forgot about old leatherface. I haven't seen the Doctor for a while now so I'm assuming that he's regenerated and taken a new assistant.

[i']Sue

[Guest Jake Wifebeater]

Its weird how she went from being stick thin then she just ballooned and looked more like Meatloaf than Neil from "The Young Ones"' date=' ain't seen her walking around Bridge Of Don for years though[/quote']

I think she's moved, mate. I also grew up in the Bridge Of Don and Gideon was someone EVERYONE knew, although the older generation also knew her as Lizzie Dreep, I know not why. She ALWAYS carries about 6 bags of heavy shopping. I heard that she had a child but the child was taken into care immediately. I often see her in the St.Machar Drive top end/Kittybrewster area these days. She still wears those long, flowery skirts and sandals. Legend.

[Chris]

I often see her in the St.Machar Drive top end/Kittybrewster area these days. She still wears those long' date=' flowery skirts and sandals. Legend.[/quote']

would that be the person that walks down george street in the middle o the road?

[Guest Jake Wifebeater]

would that be the person that walks down george street in the middle o the road?

Could well be, although I've never seen her down that way.

[Mr.Tim]

I often see her in the St.Machar Drive top end/Kittybrewster area these days. She still wears those long' date=' flowery skirts and sandals. Legend.[/quote']

yeah i see her quite a lot. she always has a smile on her face and is always talking to herself. she lives in tillydrone i think.

[Rach_69]

Here's my Mental Martin story

The Scene: Aberdeen Bus Station. Martin is waiting for Austin to get back from the Vader gig in Glasgow (Austin is the crazy stubbled beglassesed midget with the squeaky foghorn voice and the Mayhem (or assorted other noise terrorists) hoodie. I found his wallet once' date=' I can confirm that he's 30 years of age... I heard a rumour that he's got children, I hope it's not true)

Mental Martin: "Hi Joe. I see Paradise Lost are coming to the Lemon Tree."

Me: "Yeah, I like some of their newer stuff but I'm not a fan of their older material."

Mental Martin: "I absolutely hate verybody. I don't drink, or smoke... I HATE everybody.

Me: "..."

Mental Martin: "Everybody."

Me: "...seeyouthenMartinthat'smybusgottarunbye" *runs away very fast*[/quote']

i can totally imagine him doing that!

because Gareth skates and i hang around with skaters at the skatey type places in town i quite often see martin, his jokes have to be the best! "What does a duck smoke? - ta-quack-o" Gareth didnt find it funny but i giggled...

Whenever he sees me he stares at me and follows me with his eyes which is kinda creepy.

the first time i met him was on Broad street (RIP) and he asked me to watch his stuff while he went to burger king, i did so and when he came back he kept thanking me and then asked if he could take me out for a burger sometime.... i politely declined and spoke to someone else

another time he was telling me about how his mum is in a crazy metal band which was doing a tour.

I feel kinda sorry for him coz some other skaters rip the piss out of him but he seems a nice guy, just misunderstood.

[Guest tv tanned]

It's not about a flame war' date=' I am disgusted by this type of ignorant behaviour and have been all my life, as any adult human being ought to be.

You guys are laughing at people who have MS, parkinsons, schizophrenia, alcoholism, drug addiction, the homeless, and whatever other problems these people have, and it fucking makes me livid.

You should be fucking ashamed of yourselves. I shouldn't even have to explain this to you, obviously you are all just arseholes.[/quote']

Stripey, I don't like your broad generalisation of 'everyone in Aberdeen' that you use every fucking time (see myself and Messrs Officer for exceptions to the rule) but I cannot disagree with the sentiment.

Being 'friendly' with people who are mentally ill and then using them purely to get 'funny' stories is just sick.

Stalking them is even worse.

Anybody up for a mass 'stalk Logan round Aberdeen' event, and see how he fucking likes it?

[Guest user]

On Belmont street there is the woman from huntly, beggar, drug addict also looks like a dog and looks reqally disturbing and rather like droopy. Can be heqard mumbling aboutg the price of busses, also to be spotted wandering qaround loch street and cotton street. Scary to talk to and really stupid.

At the railway station there is the leather clad man who rakes through the bins and then does the same in the bus station. Can be seen hanging around with midget called austin aka OZ who in turn can be seen hanging around with a weird goth girl psychobitch Zara....... Leather clad man also offers a selection of unrolled condoms for sale for 50p. Can be seen inhnabbiting the halls of the thistle hotel in Altens during KBR employment meetings.

On Rosemount viaduct there is a denim clad man who sets his arms and legs on fire and wonders about for a few minutes mumbling about soviets. One of the only people I have heard tell Roger Kemmit to "fuck off goth". Can also be seen in the Moorings on occassion with arms on fire???.

On Union street there is a man or woman who staggers, runs, leans forward but doesnt seem to be able to walk, think they have MS or something like that. Sometimes seen wearing A yellow dress and stripey shirt. Can be seen outside burgerking raking through the bins.

Jo Jo the goat humping transexual paedophile???