berti

there was a bloke in a suit to 'answer any questions' we had when i got back on saturday. he insists the maintenance schedule is the same as bristows and scotia as it is dictated by Eurocopter the manufacturers. So apparently they just employ gibbons to service choppers at Bond......

Plan B can hardly speak, hippo faced cunt.

Last tuesday was the first time i had flown bond in a good few months and half an hour into the flight we had to turn around and head back to aberdeen because a 'fire warning' light had come on. Two hours later we had to jump on the same chopper, with them insisting it was 'fixed'. Fortunately i managed to sleep most of the way so didnt spent the whole time with my arse chewing the seat! Due home today, what's the chances of 2 in a week though, be a'rite eh?!

Hah, same here. i was in TGIs couple of weeks ago and they asked the same question regarding my burger. I also decided to challenge them with a medium request, my mate then spent the 10 minutes until it arrived convincing me my arse would be in tatters but thankfully, their chefs are obviously cretins and i also received a well done burger. Squirts avoided. Champion.

maybe the lock was bust? thats when you know you're bursting, danger shit territory. i dont like shitting in public either but see on a night out, dropping your guts at the right moment really gives you a second wind. I accomplished this very satisfying act last night in illicit still. good times.......

pet hate....being so shitfaced last night that we let random lassies put glitter on our faces then not remembering this morning.....when i went to the shop. on the plus side i bet i looked fabulous....

i can confirm the love for goulash. was also couple years ago, dont remember it being BYOB though..... tasty grub right enough though

We were told when we got ours that if you don't, when they go into heat it's very uncomfortable for them and they get overly pissy and aggressive since they are not getting cat boaby. We got two kittens, brother and sister. But initially we thought they were both boys too. It was only on 'very' close inspection from the vet we discovered one had a teeny tiny cat vag. So we figured its only fair both get done, don't want any mutant cat babies

qft.....my mate introduced me to it the other week when we were out, i always thought 'vegetables in ma drink, fiiittt? yir a pure raj' but it was a shit ton better than lime. Just what you need after several shitty pints, nice and refreshing. was like drinking my freezer.....

Surely that's better than not catching him and being without tin foil and tea spoons?

water pistol is definitely the way to go as far as im concerned, one of our cats used to scratch the shit out of the leather dining room chairs until we discovered his total intolerance for any form of moisture. wish i had discovered that before he ruined half the fucking chairs though......now he shits it whenever you pick up the water pistol. He runs away doing what i have coined the 'wet cat dance' where each paw comes up and gets shaken as he walks away, even if there is nothing in the pistol. priceless

My postie is awesome, if it needs a signature he does it himself and leaves it under the bin. Legend.

having just read through the last three pages iam now dying for a bevvy, despite the fact its not even 8am (i have been up for 3 hours though) and I am currently stuck offshore with another week to wait till i can get my hands on some. Fuck all y'all!

'it's not right, but it's ok'.......says Whitney Houston's coroner as he slowly unbuttons his trousers........

That has boiled my piss reading that. In all honesty I would take your number one priority as ensuring she never goes round there again when he is there. Yes her friendship with the lass will probably take a hit but fuck me,if she has even half a brain she will understand why she doesn't want to risk getting her head kicked in by some worthless scumbag. Common sense has to prevail here

a legit shart is ok then i think most blokes in even their mid twenties have a shart story though, i know i do. a guy at work has an unsettlingly large amount however, makes me want to spend less time with him socially......

my mum doesnt need to......im a babe and i know it

i dont see this thread taking off......

same, although in my case i actually have, which leads me to my current pet hate. sofa surfing across aberdeen on a wide array of different sofas. i should work at DFS at the end of this shit, will be a connoisseur of the fabric bottom supporter.

Some cunt that i was unfortunate enough to be standing behind in the taxi queue the other night for 2 FUCKING HOURS. I was already a bit pissed off with waiting half an hour for shit chips but then this massive, toff faced dork bollock was infront of me for the duration of the taxi queue. Looked like there had been a fire on his face and someone had put it out with a shovel. Didn't do anything at all apart from look ugly and annoy me but he is definitely on the cunt list. Oh, and Judge Judy. Insufferable cunt-tasrophe. Hope she gets hepatitis all over her pointy shit knuckle face

i said it in a full car the other night and everyone else did it too, it was a total lug-gasm. It sounded like the seagulls from Finding Nemo all had really bad asthma

faacckkinn laaaddssss!!

i was also in a dreadful state on christmas day. went to the local pub in fyvie for 'couple of pints' and ended up tanking a large amount of double morgans. cant remember the walk home in the pitch dark or getting in. my parents must have been so proud on one of the few occasions i actually see them throughout the year. i did however manage my christmas dinner, fuck yeah. being at that stage in the hangover where every food is awesome it made it even better than usual

yeah found myself doing it too now, mostly due to offshore mannies doing it and it being contagious. I started off doing in ironically......now I have fallen into the trap and cant stop. Curses to our glorious language.

fuck that shit, she would have been in the shed.....with a tarp on the deck just in case. dont need the house stunk up with shitty/puke fumes. might make me feel queasy, and interrupt the fitba....which under no circumstances is to be permitted.