SteveCrisis

I think you're right. But hey. I was as near as damnit:up:

:laughing: :laughing: Woof! Archie MacPherson - NO relation of mine!

I never thought I'd see the words 'Clive Owen' and 'great' in the same sentence. But, yes, I have to agree he is and the film is intense. I changed my viewpoint on Clive Owen when I saw Inside Man a few weeks a go on DVD.

I saw it on Saturday and was mightily impressed with it. I knew the film commanded respect and not once did I hear a single member of the audience so much as cough or ruslte a sweet paper. "I'm the guy that works here. You must be the other guy."

As much as I would like to see it happen I reckon it would have to be very carefully thought through. Key concerns are obviously revenues, taxation, health and defence. Petroleum Revenue Tax would generate huge revenues for a sovereign Scottish State, as it currently does for Westminster, but would Westminster gladly loosen and relinquish its grip on this? For those who aren't aware PRT isn't the same as corporation tax. As Scotland has a relatively small population other forms of taxation would have to be increased. As for funding local councils would a return to the rates system be ideal, would council tax be retained or would the powers that be actually succumb to the notion of a local income tax? Scottish NHS hospitals, the long-standing ones not those done on the PFI, seem to be fairing a lot better than those in England, Wales and Northern Ireland. To maintain this record the Scottish NHS would have to receive priority funding. Again, it's back to taxation unless everyone wants to go private and end up paying market prices for prescription medicine. Defence: a National Infantry, Navy and Airforce. How would the budgets be funded if income tax and other direct and indirect taxes were to remain the same? On the other hand if they were increased dramatically something would have to give to sustain growth.

Years ago a guy I know threw himself off and survived the plummet with minor injuries to his spine. The wind and cross-air currents buffeted him and forced his landing on to the roof of a portakabin. Others haven't been so lucky. It's still shocking to hear of it happening. Poor bloke.

As Prague is a no-no I can't help at all. Pearls of wisdom? No, but I'm sure some of the strippers will have pearl necklaces:D

I heard the same one about Noddy. Why does Noddy wear a hat with a bell? Because he's a cunt. I heard that from my mate Paul months ago and was pissing myself laughng because it was absurd. Noddy's a bastard not a cunt

And having Giles Brandreth say 'Fuck' was inspired. 'Giles, do you have a numer story for us?' 'Yes. Once I ate eighteen cakes.' 'That's Numberwang!' Later... 'Giles?' 'That's Numberwank' 'Wang!' 'Fuck!'

The Honest Mortician I just got this e-mailed to me just now. I burst out laughing much to my boss's horror. Of course I had one of those fist-in mouths moments when I discoverde he's going to a funeral this afternoon... A man who just died is delivered to the mortuary wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit. The mortician asks the deceased's wife how she would like the body dressed. He points out that the man does look good in the black suit he is already wearing. The widow, however, says that she always thought her husband looked his best in blue, and that she wants him in a blue suit. She gives the mortician a blank check and says, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in a blue suit for the viewing." The woman returns the next day for the wake. To her delight, she finds her husband dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fits him perfectly. She says to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?" To her astonishment, the mortician presents her with the blank check. " There's no charge," he says. "No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she says. "Honestly, ma'am," the mortician says, "It cost nothing. You see, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, and he was wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing a black suit instead, and she said it made no difference as long as he looked nice. So I switched the heads." Apologies to anyone who may find this being "Corpse-ist"

Imbecile/buffoon - grey area I reckon. Other than that I agree with you completely

You should have got Forensic Sweep Services in to d the clean up. No body, no murder. No trace evidence, no proof. Sorted!

I paid particular attention to the gig this time and confirmed the set-list that appeared on Bright Light Website. Set List RAH 22/09/06 Xmas Steps Killing All The Flies Friend of The Night Travel is Dangerous I Know You Are, But What Am I? Acid Food Tracy Mogwai Fear Satan Hunted By A Freak Helicon 1 2 Rights Make 1 Wrong Glasgow Mega Snake Encore Black Spider We're No Here After the feedback barrage, a small number of people started leaving thinking it was all over. The lights didn't come on and of that number that left, the vast amjority returned with sheepish grins on their faces. Final Encore My Father My King The Barrowlands set-list the following night was equally impressive: ithica 27o9 summer friend of the night killing all the flies i know you are but what am i? acid food glasgow mega-snake helicon 1 ratts of the capital two rights make one wrong we're no here encore: hunted by a freak mogwai fear satan Source: www.brightlight.youngteam.co.uk

Is Scotland going to receive a personal apology from the BJ similar to that of Liverpool when he insulted Scousers? I don't think so. Still, the man is an imbecile but likable to a certain degree. Mostly harmless.

Just make sure your specialty is murders and executions

I have never been barred from a pub or club in my chuff, at least while memory serves me well. I've been refused service for being totally pished but one of the more memorable ones was witnessing one of my mates drink two 2 pint pitchers of my boak. It was dark, my mate was on Export and my vom and his export looked, to the casual observer, the same. Not too sure about the taste though, but my mate was none the wiser.

Why not try one of two places? Dead Hooker Storage or Forensic Sweep Services. (Note these companies might not actually exist)

Who was there? Did you come away feeling overwhelmed by it all? My Father My King as a final encore? Could it get any better than this?

A wee 7 year old Aberdonian loon and his 5 year old brother are upstairs in their bedroom. "De ye ken fit?", says the 7 year old, "I think it's aboot time we started sweering." The 5 year old nods his head in approval. "Fin we ging doonstairs for breakfast I'm going to swear first,then ye kin sweer after me, ok?" "Aye!" the 5 year old agrees with enthusiasm. The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast. "A'll hae some of that Weetabix shite !" *SMACK*!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out. She looked at the 5 year old and asked with a stern voice, "And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man????" "I dinna ken," he blubbers, "but it winna be fuckin Weetabix!"

Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did a splits and suction-cupped herself to the floor. She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!" Bruce came running in. "Bruce, I've bloody suctioned myself to the floor," she said. "S'truth," Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "You're stuck fast girl. I'll go across the road and get my mate Cobber to help." They came back and they both tried to pull her up. "No way, we can't do it," Cobber said, "so let's try Plan B." "Plan B," exclaimed Bruce. What's that?" "I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we'll break the tiles under her," replied Cobber. "Spot on," Bruce said, "while you're doing that, I'll stay here and play with her nipples." "Play with her nipples?" Cobber said. "Not exactly a good time for that mate!" "No," Bruce replied, "but I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are less expensive".

Not that I disagree, but I'm of the opinion that religion was invented to negate mankind's irrational fear of the unknown. If ignorance is bliss then I'm happier than a pig in shit. And if that pig is next for slaughter, bags I the pork chops and the quality rashers of bacon! Apologies to Jews and Muslims everywhere. With these two faiths, I can't quite fathom the necessity of prohibiting the eating of porcine meat and especially with Islam the imbiing of alcohol. No-one tels me what to eat and drink, except of course for those in the medical profession who know better than I what's good for me.