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What's the most pain you've ever been in?


Guest E.C
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Worst momentary pain... also bike-related (it was everyone's fault; third world FUBAR), someone clipped me at speed (I was stationary in an argument with someone), knocked the bike clean from under me, but also mashed my foot and leg against it in the process (it was hugely swollen for a bit; but the serious pain died pretty quickly; but couldn't see clearly while in the process of it doing so). I had a tooth abscess that flared up in Japan, and when the piss weak antibiotics didn't work she just slashed it open with a scalpel and sent me home, to come back in a couple of days. The anaesthetic wore off walking back, the pain pulsed with each step and I started seeing stars. They have a thing for kiddy-dose medication and "gambatte" (endure. No medication. No sleeping outside the office), but again it faded. I have an IBD and sometimes the inflammatory pain can be dizzying and puke-inducing. And the underrated classic of slipping on a wet tiled floor, going full Mr Bean horizontal and landing on a fan and then the on hard tiles. On my bony arse and funny bone. That really did hurt, whimpering and seeing stars like the above (I was also already pretty ill and on painkillers, hence why I managed that... so all that was what got through my painkiller haze).

Those were all pretty much the same level, and none of them are even broken bone territory, and the thing is that they faded on their own.

The really bad ones were pressure from infections, as above. Once was a (different) tooth abscess: eye tooth, face blew up to grapefruit size overnight, was crying and couldn't sit still. My mum was a cancer patient at the time and gave me some lightweight opoids. Which didn't do anything. But after about the third dose... Other two times were what turned out to be bile duct infections, for which I ended up in hospital and my gallbladder, ultimately in the bin. The thing with those types of pain is that they are (or start) on the verge of unbearable agony, and probably the right side, but they just get worse. I'd put up with that pain for 10 minutes no problem, or at least take it over being slammed against tiled flooring repeatedly for 10 minutes. But the above ones fade then go away, on their own; the others get worse as the pressure grows, while a doctor is telling you it sounds like bad indigestion; through a second time when you're puking bile in front of him (then in an ambulance and then in front of nurses) and being told that the more you vomit the more dehydrated you get, and the worse the pain will get. So keep drinking in between vomiting. Lovely.

Best injury related funny anecdote I've heard was from AGFW and involved a ruptured bum-grape. I don't think I could retell it like he did, though...

 

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I got an infected cyst on my neck removed a few weeks back. It was deep under the skin, and enormous. One thing I didn't know, and one thing the doctor didn't say as he was cutting his way in, is that infected tissue is immune to local anaesthetic. So it only helped for cutting through the surface, once he was through to the cyst, it was horrendous. No numbing at all. I yelled, quite a bit. Pretty sure the waiting room will have heard it. Worst pain I've experienced by a distance, coupled with the sensation of infected tissue being scraped out. Eye-watering stuff.

I asked my GP to have it removed about a year ago, before it was infected, but it's considered cosmetic at that stage and they wanted £120 to do it. Wish I'd have paid it now.

Edited by Soda Jerk
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3 way tie.

1. An infected tooth and an abcess like a ping pong ball that made me look like Sloth from the Goonies.

2. Hamstring massage. I have very tight hamstrings and can't lift my leg even to waist height and had to go to physio every week and have them massaged for half an hour. Absolute torture. 

3. Back tattoo. 

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Another 3 way tie...

1 - Having the bark from a playground cleaned out of a wide cut on ym knee with a toothbrush.
2 - The 4 days after being circumcised when I was 11. Antyhing that touched my bell-end was utter agony.
3 - Having a tray of tea and coffee spilled over me in Ireland and having to drive an hour to Belfast A&E with my skin basically melting.

Edited by Teabags
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Broke my ankle playing 5-a-side in deepest Norfolk, didn't really know any of the guys I was playing with and had to drive 15 miles home so my Mrs could take me to hospital. Working the accelerator and brake on a broken bone was fucking horrendous. 

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7 hours ago, colb said:

Broke my ankle playing 5-a-side in deepest Norfolk, didn't really know any of the guys I was playing with and had to drive 15 miles home so my Mrs could take me to hospital. Working the accelerator and brake on a broken bone was fucking horrendous. 

That sounds fucking awful. 

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Being studded on the testicles during a football match and the following 4 days (including a 3 night hospital stay) with them being severely swollen and black and blue and the additional distress of being used as a show and tell for medical students during the consultants rounds. The pain was unreal.

The nurses were golden though, one suggested a hammock like contraption to rest my balls in as I was in too much pain to sit/lie down with them touching my leg and the weight of the swollen mess.

Sad times.

 

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That leg picture is mingin... ouch!

I've broken a few bones - my ankle 3 times playing football, cracked my knee once and broke my wrist a couple of times snowboarding - whilst the pain is intense it's never been what i'd call excruciating except for maybe one of the times i broke my ankle and I couldn't sleep without Percocet.

The times that spring to mind for me are the more innocuous seeming accidents that fucking sting. I once jumped down a flight of stairs with my teeth inexplicably in the overbite position so when I landed the jolt made one of my teeth go straight through the skin between my lip and my chin. It felt like eating my own face. I'm wincing just thinking about it.

Another time I was playing football in my lobby at home. A little France 98 ball, using two doorways as goals. Game was going well until I went to absolutely leather the ball and kicked the radiator instead. Not talking face-on either. I'm talking side on... a thin metal radiator between the big and second piggies. Gashed my 'toe webbing' a good inch or so.

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1 hour ago, ca_gere said:

The times that spring to mind for me are the more innocuous seeming accidents that fucking sting. I once jumped down a flight of stairs with my teeth inexplicably in the overbite position so when I landed the jolt made one of my teeth go straight through the skin between my lip and my chin. It felt like eating my own face.

 

That gives me the boak. Even just overbiting and not applying any pressure makes me think my face is about to smash itself in two.

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2 hours ago, Alkaline said:

Being studded on the testicles during a football match and the following 4 days (including a 3 night hospital stay) with them being severely swollen and black and blue and the additional distress of being used as a show and tell for medical students during the consultants rounds. The pain was unreal.

The nurses were golden though, one suggested a hammock like contraption to rest my balls in as I was in too much pain to sit/lie down with them touching my leg and the weight of the swollen mess.

Sad times.

 

I'd like a Facebook-esque laugh face reaction for this. Seriously though that sounds truly terrible. All these stories are putting mine to shame. Shut up hamstring massage is painful alright? 

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12 hours ago, ca_gere said:

laying football in my lobby at home. A little France 98 ball, using two doorways as goals. Game was going well until I went to absolutely leather the ball and kicked the radiator instead. Not talking face-on either. I'm talking side on... a thin metal radiator between the big and second piggies. Gashed my 'toe webbing' a good inch or so.

Fuuuuuuuu

I can handle reading tales of broken bones, scrapes, even studs to the danglers, but once toe webbing gets involved... NAH NO NO NOPE NO.

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I have a cousin who apparently ruptured a testicle playing indoor 5-a-side. He was in goal and stopped a blasted shot with his crotch (doubt he had time to do much else). Sounds fun.

I'd assume if you end up in hospital and under supervision, they'd just get you smashed on painkillers and/or sedatives if you can't actually lie still.

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I tried to boardslide a handrail after a few beers. completely botched it.. legs either side of the rail, which was longer than my legs so entire bodyweight came down on my baws. the zip on my jeans somehow burst through the inside of itself and the pully bit mashed into my foreskin & japseye leaving a mangled bloody mess. seriously the worst pain i have ever experienced.

I pissed nothing but thick black blood for a full day before deciding to go to hospital. Internal bleeding, ruptured urethra, multiple sets of stitches the whole 9 yards. now i'm a jew

And about a week post op I had to have the worst wank of my life

on a happier note, a bruised up willy wrapped up in bloody gauze looks incredibly similar to a kilted sausage ;)

 

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36 minutes ago, AVB said:

I pissed nothing but thick black blood for a full day before deciding to go to hospital.

 

I am amazed you lasted a day before you 'decided' to go to hospital.

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21 minutes ago, E.C said:

I am amazed you lasted a day before you 'decided' to go to hospital.

I was like 16 at the time,  and kind of avoided hospitals for some unknown reason. I just went home and hoped I could sleep it off... the nest day my folks noticed I was walking funny & made me go in to A&E 

Edited by AVB
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Proper smashed my left index finger with a mallet once, was wearing gloves but when I pulled it off the glove lining was all mixed up in the flap of flesh that was hanging off my finger.  Previous to putting on the gloves I was working with lots of oily bits so my hands were covered in oil and grease, washing the dirt out of the wound and cleaning my hand was so painful i nearly boaked.  Getting it stitched back together was nearly as bad. 

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