Limerick Challenge Game

[Guest B. Arthur]

There once was a man in a kilt,

He walked with a funny wee jilt,

A horrible gust,

Showed his backside to us,

And in the cold, his penis did wilt.

Next: A severed finger.

[Alan Cynic]

Once an old man's little finger

On Lizzy Borden's bosom did linger

She sliced it right off, then gave a wee cough

And he laughed, 'cos she was a minger

Sir Ian Wood

[Teabags]

Sir Ian Wood is a cunt

His civic square we do not want

I hope he gets AIDs

One of these days

Cos he really is a fucking cunt.

Next, Donald Trumps hair

[GluteusMaximus]

Trumpy once tried to woo a young actress,

She was such a sultry and sexy enchantress,

But with all of his money,

he couldn't pull the young honey,

with a head like a fucking burst mattress!!!!

Next - Your boss

[Stroopy121]

His waddle disguised as a swagger,

His career advancement did stagger,

He's a lazy fat fuck,

Who loves slinging muck,

Soon someone will drive home the dagger.

Next up; Billy Connolly's career.

xx

[Shaki]

The Big Yin used to be funny

with jokes about jobbies so runny

Since he's got old

his best jokes he's told

Now he's just in it for money

Next: Arnold Schwarzeneger

[Alan Cynic]

He was funny some decades ago

And his fame, due to TV did grow

Then his career just went blam!

And disappeared down the Pam

He's an old luvvy now, don't y'know.

Female oxters......

Edit....Arnie's oxters.....

[Old Gold]

If you want Predator killed proper,

Call up Dutch so you don't come a cropper,

he'll call that sucker

an 'ugly mother fucker'

and then tell you to "get to de chappah".

Next: Jimmy Saville

[Le Stu]

Now then, now then uncle Jim

picks a child's dream to fulfil as a whim

or rather he used to

as on chat shows he abused so

his cynical attitudes fired up with the gin

next: Jimmy Hill

[GluteusMaximus]

Listening to old Jimmy Hill,

used to sap all the life from my will,

with his wide inane grin,

and his monsterous chin,

he invoked a quite large urge to kill!!!!

Next: The Scheme

[Guest E.C]

A show about some junkies,

Their view on life's a little funky,

Bullet and Marvin,

Are totally starvin,

To pack their veins all chunky.

EDIT: The Moon Landing.

[Stroopy121]

Don't keep us in suspense... what's the next topic??

xx

[GluteusMaximus]

The US were the true kings of flight,

with starships flying into the night,

but did one go doon,

on the face of the moon,

or was the landing a big pile of shite????

Next - clingy girlfriends

[Guest E.C]

My girlfriend wont leave me alone,

Whether in person, email or the phone,

She says she cant cope,

When I'm not there to grope,

So I killed her and buried the bones.

[GluteusMaximus]

Next topic please, I've got loads 'cos I have no life!!!!!

[Guest E.C]

Shit, I'm so eager with that 'Post' button.

Topic...Braveheart.

[Lemonade]

There was an Australian called Mel,

Who played William Wallace quite well,

He won an Oscar or two,

Though the film was quite poo,

And he wants to send all Jews to hell.

That was shite. Sorry. Next topic: Keira Knightley. Extra points if you can get in a mention of the fact that her face is shaped like a plectrum.

[ca_gere]

Eventhough she has a face like a plectrum

I'd quite like to penetrate her rectum

She'd snap like a twig

Whilst we're doing the sideways jig

Then I'd go back to playing swos on my spectrum

[ca_gere]

next topic: shitting in bookshops

[Stroopy121]

As I read about keeping my grass

I felt a strange twinge in my ass

I hauled down my keggs

And spread my dear legs

And a monster bowel movement did pass

Next up: Jade Goody

xx

[Lemonade]

I'm wanted by the local cops,

For pooping in various shops.

Now I may be a dreamer,

But to curl out a steamer,

On Waterstones floor would be tops.

EDIT - bastard, beaten to it. I'm leaving this on because I like it.

[Stroopy121]

My hoop has such a lack of friction

That I shat myself reading teen fiction

I jiggled a bit

'til I dislodged the shit

Then went back to improving my diction.

xx

EDIT: I like this topic.

[Stroopy121]

There once was a poster called Jake

Who months ago made the mistake

Of telling the site

Of his bubbly soft shite

Spare us the details for fuck sake

xx

[Lemonade]

Slightly dodgy rhyming on the last line:

There was a young woman named Jade,

Who angered the PC brigade

The fat racist fuck

was as common as muck

But when she died she was somehow a saint.

Next topic: Marianne Faithful and "the mars bar"

[Teabags]

She was a pig faced, racist ,chancer

But then she got cunt flap cancer

So the media called her a saint

Which she certainly aint

And her "beloved" shagged a bunch of nudey dancers

EDIT: Beaten to it. Use Marianne Faithful and the mars bar, thats an ace topic.