Mouse Posted March 17, 2006 Report Share Posted March 17, 2006 Before cops threw the book at him, Jakub Fik threw something unusual at them -- his penis.Fik, 33, cut off his own penis during a Northwest Side rampage Wednesday morning. When confronted by police, Fik hurled several knives and his severed organ at the officers, police said. Officers stunned him with a Taser and took him into custody."We took him out without any serious injury, with the exception of his own," said Chicago Police Sgt. Edward Dolan of the 16th District.Doctors at Northwestern Memorial Hospital reattached Fik's penis Wednesday, sources said. He was listed in good condition Thursday, according to hospital spokesman Andrew Buchanan, who declined to comment further.Smashing car windowsFik, who lives in the 5400 block of W. Berenice, is charged with two counts of aggravated assault and one count of criminal damage to property, said Officer Laura Kubiak. He told paramedics he was distraught over problems with his girlfriend in Poland, Dolan said.Police arrived on Fik's block at 8:20 a.m. Wednesday after receiving reports he was smashing car windows, Dolan said. Fik then broke into a house down the block. A group of six or seven officers assembled in front of the house, Dolan said.The occupants were not home, he added.Fik was bleeding when the officers arrived and may have already cut off his organ, Dolan said."At that point, this guy came running out, naked, with a handful of knives . . . and started throwing knives at the police officers that were 10, 20, 30 feet away," Dolan said.Fik threw his penis during the confrontation, too, Dolan said. He then went back into the house and re-emerged with "another handful of knives," Dolan said.Dolan sneaked to the side of the bungalow's front steps and stunned Fik with the Taser. Fik fought back when officers went to restrain him, Dolan said."About 10 feet from the front porch, right on the sidewalk, was his penis," Dolan said.Dr. Greg Bales, associate professor of urology at the University of Chicago, said severed penises are uncommon but surgery usually works."As long as the penis is placed on ice and reattached within a few hours, the success is usually pretty good," Bales said.Source: Chicago Sun-TimesJust when you think you've heard it all... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stroppycow Posted March 17, 2006 Report Share Posted March 17, 2006 Just when you think you've heard it all...How much funnier would it be if someone bravely cut off his cock and threw it at the likes of Ruth 'I wear barbed wire round my knee to feel closer to God' Kelly or Anne 'pudding-faced virgin' Widdecombe, rather than boring old eggs and flour??? I'd love to see Ruth Kelly smacked in the face with a severed knob. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metarie Posted March 17, 2006 Report Share Posted March 17, 2006 they took him without serious injury?So a severed penis isn't serious then? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Camie Posted March 17, 2006 Report Share Posted March 17, 2006 "We took him out without any serious injury, with the exception of his own,"What a dick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest She-Wolf Posted March 17, 2006 Report Share Posted March 17, 2006 I'd love to see Ruth Kelly smacked in the face with a severed knob.Wonderful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alan Cynic Posted March 17, 2006 Report Share Posted March 17, 2006 Maybe he was a well-off guy, and was donating it to the poor.....sort of 'knobless-oblige'? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MDP Posted March 17, 2006 Report Share Posted March 17, 2006 what a knob. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
psydoll Posted March 17, 2006 Report Share Posted March 17, 2006 what a knob.Well it's just sort of an extension of what he said isn't it? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Me and Parvati Posted March 17, 2006 Report Share Posted March 17, 2006 Maybe he was a well-off guy' date=' and was donating it to the poor.....sort of 'knobless-oblige'?[/quote']That might take the biscuit as the worst one for a while, Alan, but can't deny that I wish I'd thought of it.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alan Cynic Posted March 17, 2006 Report Share Posted March 17, 2006 *attempts even worse effort, just for Me and Parvati*It's a good job he wasn't a basketball player...he'd be 'cock-a-hoop'!...or, seeing as it's St Patrick's Day, he might've been inspired by Molly Malone... 'Cockless and muscles, alive, alive-o!' Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chilli Posted March 17, 2006 Report Share Posted March 17, 2006 *attempts even worse effort' date=' just for Me and Parvati*It's a good job he wasn't a basketball player...he'd be 'cock-a-hoop'![/quote']or maybe footballer like mo johnston, who was a "cock in a hoop" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
666 Posted March 18, 2006 Report Share Posted March 18, 2006 i bet he was a virgin too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Me and Parvati Posted March 19, 2006 Report Share Posted March 19, 2006 *attempts even worse effort' date=' just for Me and Parvati*It's a good job he wasn't a basketball player...he'd be 'cock-a-hoop'!...or, seeing as it's St Patrick's Day, he might've been inspired by Molly Malone... 'Cockless and muscles, alive, alive-o!'[/quote']I had to go and lie down in the special darkened room for a while, but I kept thinking, willy or won't he?He did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Frosty Jack Posted March 19, 2006 Report Share Posted March 19, 2006 Right, no more knob jokes. That's quite eunuch of that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tam o' Shantie Posted March 19, 2006 Report Share Posted March 19, 2006 you heard the man...no more, else we all get shafted! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lepeep Posted March 19, 2006 Report Share Posted March 19, 2006 willy have to be re-membered ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bass Cadet Posted March 20, 2006 Report Share Posted March 20, 2006 This dude is clearly bi-polar - either congenitally or of his own making. It's kinda cool how they can just sew it back on though - Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'organ donation' - Now thats a black market waiting to happen! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lepeep Posted March 20, 2006 Report Share Posted March 20, 2006 they took him without serious injury?So a severed penis isn't serious then?do you write for the sun?nothing like omiting a fact' date=' to make your story / angle sound better, eh...talk about "out of context""We took him out without any serious injury, with the exception of his own," Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alan Cynic Posted March 20, 2006 Report Share Posted March 20, 2006 It's kinda cool how they can just sew it back on though - Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase 'organ donation' - Now thats a black market waiting to happen!A stitch in time saves nine!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
McGoatski Posted March 22, 2006 Report Share Posted March 22, 2006 A stitch in time saves nine!!!!Only nine? So I`d lose, like, three inches if that happened to me.Damn. 8o Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alan Cynic Posted March 22, 2006 Report Share Posted March 22, 2006 But you'd be covered by your inch-urance, surely? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marillionboy Posted March 22, 2006 Report Share Posted March 22, 2006 Maybe he was a well-off guy' date=' and was donating it to the poor.....sort of 'knobless-oblige'?[/quote']That's fucking inspired. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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