Soda Jerk

I want to make a right load of racket, in the vein of UNSANE, FLOOR or KEELHAUL (but without the math structures). Kind of slow, with proper massive sounding guitars, distorted bass and mashed up yelping vocals. Drums that sound like the Hulk is smashing them with buses would be an advantage. Nothing fancy. Just loud and crushing nasty sounding stuff but with underlining melody. I play guitar and I'll shout hateful bitter things too about how I'm getting fucked by the MAN or something. Need bass and drums. Another guitar would be awesome too. Hell even three guitars. If anyone plays baritone guitar, that would be awesome also. Decent gear is fairly essential. Don't want it sounding too fizzy and tinny. Nothing too serious or focused. Just on a casual basis to begin with, if anyone is interested. Give us a shout and we'll talk.

Then do some YouTube lessons. There are usually plenty of people who aren't looking to form a band, but are just looking for a jam. Even something like that would help.

40 quid to see a bunch of masked junkies twat metal bins with baseball bats and shit on each other? Music's not very good any more, is it?

550 Billion? How do they find the time to play Pro Evo?

I like these new Man City owners and their process of picking their transfer targets. It seems like they are just naming the players they can score from outside of the box with on Pro Evo. He smashes one in from 30 yards out with Fabregas... "BRING HIM TO ME!" It's like that episode of the Simpsons where Mr Burns witnesses Frank Grimes' relentless work ethic documented on TV, demanding he come work for him, then the next day, he's distracted by the herocism of some dog. Hopefully they'll stick to writing cheques and playing Pro Evo and leave the thought process to Mark Hughes.

That too.

Just cover up your mistakes with loads of distortion. It'll be fine. And unlike every other 13 year old who has nagged his mum and dad to buy him a BC Rich shaped like a lightning bolt or some crap, leave sweep picking until you can actually string together a decent riff. Or don't sweep at all because it's toilet.

Nah, What they need is a natural born striker. Robinho is a winger and is utilised more as an attacking midfielder. Chelsea have an abundance of players in that position. Now they've let Shevchenko go, they've only really got Drogba and Anelka. The latter of which I wouldn't want to be relying on.

Didn't everyone lose money on Veron? I'm going to cry if they sign Kaka. It's all speculation and astronimical amounts of money being thrown around. Still, I hope it never happens. I agree SWP was a good utility player, but in games that mattered, he didn't get a sniff. he has the potential of being an important asset for a club chasing Uefa Cup slots, but he never really stood a chance of permanently breaking into Abromovich's Football Celebrities.

Learn powerchords. And then you're pretty much finished.

There's something a little discerning about two Chelsea players returning to their previous clubs in the space of a week. I understood their Shevchenko swoop, as he was world class at the time. Mourinho expected instant miracles from a man who could barely even speak English and he, combined with Shaun Wright Phillips, joined forces to create 51,000,000 worth of bench warming material. Chelsea fans and critics keep arguing Shevchenko and Wright-Phillips both have had their chance to prove themselves in the past two pre-seasons, and being branded as rusty. But what do you expect from two excellent players who haven't played enough regular competitive football? I'm very glad to see them both go back. SWP will more than likely start every game he is fit for which is what he deserves and I really do hope Shevchenko still has some life left in him. His desperate attempts to grab the attention of Avram Grant and Jose Mourinho by frantically warming up on the sidelines for the duration of a game was a sad state of affairs, only for Grant to include the absolutely shocking Malouda instead of one of the best strikers in the world. I just really can't stand Chelsea.

Carrol in goal. Healy upfront. The unstoppable ageing Keith Gillepsie and Ryan Giggs manning the wings. What a force. How many older players can we have again?

Balls. I am obvlivious to the players that are Northern Irish and Real Irish. Are we at least allowed to have David Healy?

If the squad is allowed a couple of seniors, I'd rather have Shay Given over anyone. I'd also have Robert Green over any Scottish keeper, however I don't know how old he is. Although it probably proves Britain are going to crash and burn when we are considering Theo Walcott as our strongest under-23 player...

I've got an amp head you can borrow but no cab here at the moment. I assume at least someone at the gig will be bringing a cab though? It's a Marshall JCM200 DSL50. Modded so there's less fizz and more BOOMPH! I Have a footswitch for it somewhere, which I can probably dig out. However. I probably won't be home from work until about 6:15 tonight. Is that too late? I'm based in Tillydrone.

I get this, but it only occurs on my solid state practice amps at home. It never happens at practice rooms at loud volumes, unless I'm using something with single coils in it.

Truth, and a little disappointed it took someone this long to mention him.

What a shed of shit. I hate all metal that was recorded after 1988. Except for TFC. But they don't look like fucking clowns, do they?

I got that 'Zen Of Screaming' DVD and it was pretty balls. I'd been "singing" in punk rock and hardcore bands since I was 15 and it seems that the main reason people rip their voice to bits is because they are too concious about volume, and push too hard. The microphone is for volume. Just stay with what is comfortable. The technique she uses in the DVD seemed impossible for my body to perform, or maybe I'm just impatient/stubborn. But it's like strumming a guitar harder to make it louder. Eventually something is going to break. My advice would be to not scream. The world doesn't need anymore faux-metal bands anyway.

Scotland? YES! What do I win?

What's the new Alkaline Trio like? I haven't really liked the sound of anything they've done since Here To Infirmary. A little too slick sounding. My favourite is still Godammit. I like the out of time vocal harmonies and Dan's lisp. Stuff I've bought in the past few months: La Grecia - On Parallels Assfactor 4 - Sports Hey Mercedes - Every Night Fireworks Former Cell Mates - Who's Dead and What's To Pay? The Fucking Champs - VI The Jesus Lizard - Goat Born Against - The Rebel Sound of Shit and Failure

I''d rather bands sang in an exaggerated version of their own accent than revert to an accent that isn't their own in any way.

I don't like them, but it's bubblegum american guitar pop. What do you expect? It's pretty obvious what kind of audience they appeal to, but you know what'd be really cool? If you apprehended those 12 year old American middle school girls yourself and told them directly "you aren't half listening to some right shit!" Yes. That would definitely make you man about the house.

I'm sorry for putting on weight and wanting to get back into shape. Is there anything I can do to make it up to you?

I don't see how posting pictures of the gear you've worked hard for and saved up for is pathetic. It might be something you've built or modded yourself. What's the big deal about showing people, seeing as though it's the topic of the thread? Man, some people go fucking nuts over anything on this forum.