Things you should know about Aberdeen-Music

[Alkaline]

I remember the very first My Minds Weapon thread being full of good banter.

Does anyone on here remember Granite City Groupies??! I was reading some rather funny exerts a few days ago from that "anonymous" site........

Is that still online?

[The Milner]

When i get home ill see if i can get permission from the GCG grils to put up a few of the reviews. If you know the people involved they are brilliant.

[Alkaline]

When i get home ill see if i can get permission from the GCG grils to put up a few of the reviews. If you know the people involved they are brilliant.

Aye, that was what was so funny, knowing who wrote them and knowing the people who they were writing about.

[The Milner]

Aye, that was what was so funny, knowing who wrote them and knowing the people who they were writing about.

So you knew the girls as well did you??

[Alkaline]

So you knew the girls as well did you??

I think everyone who moved in our circles at the time "knew" the "girls" or at least suspected correctly who they were

[Skubbs]

I wanna see this website... haha being nosey is fun

[The Milner]

Sadly the site no longer exists, but ill post the bits i have from it up later on.

[Adam Easy Wishes]

The piece on BigBad was amazing.

[The Milner]

The piece on BigBad was amazing.

That may be one i have infact i think i have the whole of Allysa's wish.

[Adam Easy Wishes]

Post the 10EW one too if you can please!

[The Milner]

Granite City Groupies was a group of girls who would sleep with the Aberdeen music scene rockstars, and then post a review of the person they had slept with on a website, well that was the story behind it all anyway.

[Jaaakkkeee]

I hope something like this starts again when we're gigging.

[Paranoid Android]

Truth time.

I was one of the Granite City Groupies.

[Surfer_Rosa]

Truth time.

I was one of the Granite City Groupies.

I was one of the Granite City Groupies.

[Soda Jerk]

Decipher play awesome gigs.

This:

http://www.aberdeen-music.com/threads/is-this-a-good-idea.25931/

is my favourite thread ever, okay? wb.

Oh man. This was before I moved here. That is superb. That guy is so OTT. POssibly the most OTT in Aberdeen. Lol.

[The Milner]

Sadly there is not much left from GCG these are the small bits i have, ill ask the girls if they have any more bits:

Gary DirtBox: Coming from a band who are notorious for whoring themselves out whenever there’s a slot available, Dirtbox’s frontman is surprisingly cagey when confronted by the opposite sex. After our subtle flirtation techniques proved to be fruitless, including shoving our melons in his face and finger-fucking our fallen cherries, Gary was finally harangued into bed on the agreement that we wouldn’t touch his spiky red tips.

And so it was that Gav was GCG’d on his virginal bed, spread out beneath Kerry’s bucking hips. Peeping out from the gaps between his fingers, the un-popped punker implored ‘Are we there yet?’ Upon withdrawing from Kerry’s slick hole and witnessing his flowback dribbling down her leg, Gary was violently sick, much to the delight of his wee brother Dav who jumped naked out of the wardrobe shouting ‘That’s fucking doss!’ The last thing Kerry recalls seeing as she fled from the room was a large golden Labrador lapping up the reconstituted carrot. We dread to think who else was hiding in the wardrobe.

Avoid if…you don’t like the Gav in your vag

Inveigle if…you like your eggs unfertilised in the morning

Night Romper

Rob Karloff: Although we’ve shagged a few rockstars in our time, we weren’t prepared for Rob’s full-on frontal assault! Karloff’s head axeman is metal through and through, quite literally in places. After fucking like a freight train for the best part of an hour, Rob finally ran out of steam and sent us to sleep by discussing drag-racing, a sport that apparently has nothing to do with transvestites. Still, there’s always Luke from Starfall to look forward to. Yes, we know we’ve fucked him already but Brooke says she wants to do him again, this time with her awake.

Avoid if…Karloff’s music gives you enough willies as it is

Inveigle if…you like your sex fast and furious

Backdoor Ride (?)

Aaron (Gilman Street): Think sewers. Think dead rats. Think rancid dog meat and festering faeces. And then think twice about whether your stomach really needs to imbibe a mouthful of Aaron’s putrid jizz. We here at Granite City Groupies love the taste of cum. Aaron Yung’s penile fluid, however, does not taste of cum. Perhaps it’s because of too much Chinese food. Or maybe not enough exercise. Or could it have something to do with the fact that Aaron is a teenage boy with too much time – not to mention slime – on his sweaty pubescent paws. The sex may have been a non-event but the morning after more than made up for it when Oriana awoke to find a large steaming turd nestling between her breasts. ‘Breakfast is served’ proclaimed Aaron. ‘I hope you like my Shitting Chow Mein – I made it especially!’ In fairness, the boy is blessed with a sequoia-esque girth that makes even the slackest of pussies feel like an eight year-old’s ass. His penis is also quite fat.

Avoid if…the only Chinese you’ll eat comes on a bed of fried rice

Inveigle if…you wanna play Monica with his fat chinky cigar

[The Milner]

Steven (Alyssa’s Wish): We here at GCG could never understand why women were so obsessed with Steve’s crazy afro… until last night that is. When the dextrous bass-beater successfully frigged off Brooke <I>and</I> Oriana simultaneously with his left hand while skinning up with his right, we were sold. For the next 40 minutes, preconceptions were dropped in favour of conception, as Steve did his best to fertilise our ovaries 6,000,000 times over. The morning after pill has never worked so hard! If he hadn’t dropped a bomber on Brooke’s chest during the post-coital J, we would still be screaming Steve’s praises. The shy fuzzy-headed one was quick to deflect the acclaim away from his not-so-mini-me, citing the afrodisiacal properties of his hair as being the real secret to his sex-cess. Keep on growing it, we say!

EDIT: Since posting this review online, Oriana has complained that her vagina is itching terribly. As a precautionary measure, we recommend any wannabe groupies to stay away from Steve until further notice.

Avoid if…you thought Chlamydia was the name of a pornstar

Inveigle if…you’ve already kissed Kris and made porn with Shaun

Shattered Ass

Shaun (Alyssa’s Wish): If Kris Watson is the archetypal suck-my-balls-bitch arrogant rockstar, then Shaun is the doting husband who feeds you breakfast in bed, cleans the baby’s diaper and then swots up on Ally McBeal so he can engage in meaningful conversation with you after sex. The trouble is, he tastes too good. We don’t want to receive cunnilingus for hours at a time. We don’t want flowers and chocolates. And we certainly don’t want our one night stands to offer to sleep in the wet patch. If you’re gonna play in a band, at least have the decency to act like you’re famous, even if your autograph is destined never to be seen outwith the confines of the dole office. We want cocaine sex and dripping dicks. We want spit roasts and cummy hair. Hell, we’ll even take a black eye if it means we’ll have reason to berate you on these pages. What we don’t want is <I>niceties</I>. When Shaun broke off from kissing Becka to ask, for the umpteenth time, if everything was ‘alright’, our patience finally snapped. If Shaun wasn’t man enough to fuck his adoring fans then the adoring fans would have to fuck him. Tightening up her leather harness, Becka reached into the cupboard and pulled out the black 12” strap-on she reserved for special occasions. One large gob of spit later and its fat, veiny head was pummelling into Shaun’s Andrex-eater. ‘Who’s your daddy? Who’s your daddy?’ screamed Becka in between thrusts. ‘Y-you are!’ gasped Shaun as he exploded into the pillow. But Becka wasn’t finished. Pulling out of his tight sphincter, she wheeled Shaun round and barked at him ‘Well – don’t just look at it! Start licking your shit from off of my cock! And when you’re done with that, you can run to McDonalds and fetch me a straw. Tonight, darling, you are going to master the art of pillow-felching!’

Avoid if…mean men make you moan

Inveigle if…you wear the trouser-tent in your relationships

Deep Purple

GraemeC (Alyssa’s Wish): ‘Ho, ho, ho’ chuckled Big Bad as he bounced Kerry, Ashley and Oriana on his knee. ‘Which of you bitches would like the pleasure of sucking me first?’

In fairness, we hadn’t even meant to fuck Alyssa’s Wish’s flamboyant manager, but when the GCG’s showed up at T in the Park and were invited by Graeme to ‘check out Santa’s grotto’, we knew that it wasn’t just Christmas that had come early. ‘If you wanna get backstage to meet the band, you’ve gotta go through me’ he announced pompously. And so we did. In the blink of his eye, not one but <I>two</I> of Santa’s bulging sacks were emptied out all over yours truly, as three decades’ worth of stale jizz came slicking and streaming into the 21st century. ‘Long time, no semen’ chuckled Graeme as Ashley tugged at her gooey fringe with a brush. ‘Shouldn’t you have exceeded your withdrawal limit at the sperm bank by now?’ she asked incredulously. ‘Oh, I’ve got plenty more deposits to make yet’ he assured us. ‘Hey, are you girls familiar with the biblical account of Lot?’ We shook our heads in unison. ‘Well, to cut a long story short, Lot’s wife was turned into a pillar of salt because she looked back longingly at the condemned cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. If you value your 20-20 vision, I suggest you start running now!’ Funnily enough, we decided to heed a wise old man’s advice. Vintage cum is wasted on the young.

Avoid if…you thought Thin Lizzy was a girl with an eating disorder

Inveigle if…you’re not afraid to wolf the Big Bad’s load

[The Milner]

This was a piece written when one of the girls retired......

As some of you may have heard, Ashley left GCG last week after an unsavoury experience with one of the tastier dishes on the Aberdeen music scene. The shocking details concerning her sudden departure will be disclosed next week. In the meantime, we have been faced with a dilemma: Who is fit enough to fill the gaping hole left by Ashley’s sudden withdrawal? A few days ago, a plea went out to all the wannabee band whores out there to drop everything – including their panties – and show us what they’ve got. We received a bukkake-esque torrent of emails back at us, ranging from virginal schoolgirls through to bored housewives and sluts who’d been laid off. After masticating long into the night over the list of hopeful ho’s, we finally narrowed it down to three girls so sly, slutty and seductive, we couldn’t have prised them apart with a crowbar and a tub of KY. In fact the girls were so close that we decided, in the spirit of fairness, not to decide at all. Instead, the onerous task of selection shall fall to <b>YOU</b>. Who do you think should become the next Granite City Groupie? Read the girls’ reviews and then decide for yourself…

Nivan: When Nivan sauntered through the doors of GCG HQ, it caused quite a stir amongst the girls. Little did she know it, but Nivan was the sole inspiration behind the site itself and was affectionately known as ‘the eighth groupie’. Not only had we fucked four local rockstars based on her recommendations, but it was Nivan who had turned one of Aberdeen’s most hardcore guitarists into a flower-arranging, salad-tossing mummy’s boy. At times it felt as if Nivan was interviewing us. ‘Becoming a Granite City Groupie won’t change me’ she said confidently ‘but I may have to slow down a little!’

‘The best way to inveigle local rockstars’ winked Nivan ‘is to appropriate their favourite bands for yourself. That way, you’re bound to be sexually compatible!’ When asked to produce a certificate of sexual health, however, Nivan was surprisingly cagey. ‘What for?’ she asked tersely. ‘If I was going to catch anything, I’ve have caught it by now.’ ‘But Nivan, it’s not your health we’re worried about’ explained Lisa. ‘It’s that of the guys you’re going to be shagging.’ ‘Well, whatever’ shrugged Nivan. Quickly changing the subject, she added ‘Anyway, a groupie is just a word for a popular girl… and I’ve got a lot of friends!’

Sharmaine: ‘Some people say I’m gorgeous’ pouted busty Sharmaine as she strutted into the GCG interview room with a copy of <I>Mein Kampf</I> under her arm ‘but I just don’t see it myself.’ As we made a mental note to hide all the mirrors in the flat, Sharmaine amused and bemused us by acting as her own publicist for the best part of an hour.

‘I’ve fucked loads of local rockstars’ she boasted.

‘Like who?’ we asked.

‘Too many to name’ she replied ‘Besides, I forgot to ask.’

When pressed further on the matter, Sharmaine would only reveal the identity of one of her conquests, who transpired to be more of a music scene hanger-on than a rockstar. Still, what Sharmaine may have lacked in first-hand experience she more than made up for in right wing knowledge. And have we mentioned her cleaveage? No, that was Sharmaine come to think about it.

Daisy-Lynne: As Daisy-Lynne walked into the room looking a little jaded, a few of the cattier girls amongst our ranks remarked that she looked like a rockstar herself, though they couldn’t put a finger on which one. ‘That lady looks like a dude’ whispered Becka under her breath. ‘No she doesn’t’ chided Oriana ‘that’s just crazy. Anyway, I like girls in dungarees!’ ‘If you’d like to walk this way, we’ll begin the interview’ said Lisa glaring at the other girls reproachfully.

‘I’ve fucked a few big ones in my time’ Daisy-Lynne told us ‘but I can’t remember who because I was too drunk and teary.’ ‘Well where’s the most exotic place you’ve fucked?’ we asked her. ‘Um… well there was this one time I made love in an elevator’ replied Daisy-Lynne. ‘I’ve never gone down that quickly before’ she added. ‘And what’s this on your CV about you regularly masturbating with a chocolate bar?’ we asked her. ‘Oh, you mean the Aero myth?’ asked Dasy-Lynne as it dawned on her what we were talking about. ‘No, that never happened. It was a Twix actually.’

Has Daisy-Lynne got What It Takes? Can Nivan sleep her way to the top? Or will Sharmaine assume dictatorial control of Granite City Groupies? Your vote decides! All will be revealed next week…

[The Milner]

Decipher play awesome gigs.

This:

http://www.aberdeen-music.com/threads/is-this-a-good-idea.25931/

is my favourite thread ever, okay? wb.

The last page of that thread is brilliant, good old ben always came up with crackers in those situations.

[Eupraxia]

The last page of that thread is brilliant, good old ben always came up with crackers in those situations.

I never met Ben once, but by God his efforts to be pugnacious yet jocular on this website were always absolutely terrible.

The only instances where I got a proper insight to Ben's real personality were when he was in One Up with the rest of his straightened-hair kool krew. I once recall him genuinely gushing (not literally, although possibly this happened in private) over a new hairstyle one of his pals was sporting: "Holy shit man, that is great hair. Great hair. Did you have to use straighteners at all? How did you get it to look like that!?"

Not even a hint of irony was evident.

[The Milner]

hahahahahahahahahaha

[girl anachronism]

The last page of that thread is brilliant, good old ben always came up with crackers in those situations.

Never mind Ben! Rune was mind-blowing in that thread. I did laugh at Ry's "validate me!" at the end of the thread though. In fact there was so much about that thread that was outstanding. I think Rune and Sparkles would have been a match made in heaven.

[Paranoid Android]

That thread brings up another thing newcomers should know about aberdeen music. Entertaining threads WILL be closed.

[Eupraxia]

If Rune was intelligent, he'd be fucking dangerous.

[The Milner]

Never mind Ben! Rune was mind-blowing in that thread. I did laugh at Ry's "validate me!" at the end of the thread though. In fact there was so much about that thread that was outstanding. I think Rune and Sparkles would have been a match made in heaven.

Haha sparkles is a user name i have not heard in a while!

Rune never failed to impress in those kinds of situations, i love chris's first post and then refusing to close the most obvious car crash of a thread ever created!!

Does anyone remember the weekend there were no mods on the site? That was a pretty chaotic night or two, i remember neil not being impressed when he logged in on monday.