sross90 Posted May 14, 2009 Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 I wouldnt mind the self scnanning check outs if you could mute the bloody thing. Especially at the point where your finishing up.It costs 13.25 and says, please insert cash or choose payment method.In goes a tenner.Please insert cash or choose a payment method, Aye Ok im doing it.In goes a 1 coinPlease insert cash or choose a payment method, Would you shut up im bloody putting in moneyIn goes a 1 coin, its one of the dodgy ones so it goes straight through and out the bottom.You try it again it worksPlease insert.................F****** SHUT UP, you stupid f****** moronThen there's the times where you stupidly attempt to bring fruit or weigh items through it and it takes years because you have to look everything up. At the end of it all you have to laugh when it says,"Thank you for using the fast lane".... Aye thanks for using the ding lane more like. I always prefer to use a checkout person, especially good looking females ones! Although they do tend to have the biggest queue! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
french_disko Posted May 14, 2009 Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 My stance has softened since my post 3 years ago - I use them nowadays as they are quicker & you don't need to engage in conversation with the till operator if you've a raging hangover. However, everytime I use them, the assistant has to come & enter a code - usually because I'm buying booze. Which is every time. I did manage a spectacular breakdown of one the other week - it seemed to freeze on me. I had to go to a till as the assistant couldn't fix it. When I left teh shop she had the thing in bits & was trying, unsuccessfully, to reboot the thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
neepheid Posted May 14, 2009 Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 I despise them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted May 14, 2009 Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 It's very random that this thread's been resurrected after I was just berating these mechanical bastards in the Pet Hates thread yesterday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sam 45 Posted May 14, 2009 Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 I am a big fan of the self service checkouts. Use them every time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jf9tp2wd40 Posted May 14, 2009 Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 I love them, they save a hell of a lot of time because they arent usually too busy! And the ones in ellon have a weird ledge bit at teh end of the conveyor that is the perfect size to trap cans of red bull. cans of red bull people have payed for... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alkaline Posted May 14, 2009 Report Share Posted May 14, 2009 I love them, they save a hell of a lot of time because they arent usually too busy! And the ones in ellon have a weird ledge bit at teh end of the conveyor that is the perfect size to trap cans of red bull. cans of red bull people have payed for... Your life is so keraaaaaaaaaazy!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Kernel Loaf Posted May 17, 2009 Report Share Posted May 17, 2009 I love them, they save a hell of a lot of time because they arent usually too busy! And the ones in ellon have a weird ledge bit at teh end of the conveyor that is the perfect size to trap cans of red bull. cans of red bull people have payed for... Behold - the thread killer. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
waltz Posted May 17, 2009 Report Share Posted May 17, 2009 These things are evil, man! Is it really so difficult to interact with a human being, compared to ASDA wifey's stony, cold voice of death?Putting people out of jobs, folks. It's WRONG. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeinzHines Posted May 18, 2009 Report Share Posted May 18, 2009 Quite often when i am self checking out at night, I still think of a blog that Lucky Rathen made a few years ago where he described, quite magically, his situation of waving a dvd at the scanner in front of the self checkout helper, she was apparently a wee cutie and he made an arse of himself flapping it about mid air. It makes me piss myself to this very day, despite not knowing the guy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted May 18, 2009 Report Share Posted May 18, 2009 Quite often when i am self checking out at night, I still think of a blog that Lucky Rathen made a few years ago where he described, quite magically, his situation of waving a dvd at the scanner in front of the self checkout helper, she was apparently a wee cutie and he made an arse of himself flapping it about mid air. It makes me piss myself to this very day, despite not knowing the guy.Oh god. I'd forgotten about that. I think that blog is still hidden away online somewhere, I'm gonna go and see if I can find that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lemonade Posted May 18, 2009 Report Share Posted May 18, 2009 After a bit of raking I have found the blog in question. A bit long and waffle-tastic, but indicative of the kind of tripe I was writing in them days! Take it away me from 4 years ago....Thursday, December 08, 2005The Shopping Trip From Hell. I have just returned from what was undoubtedly the most bizarre shopping experience of my life. It was 1.30am, and being a night-owl with nothing better to do, I found myself at the 24 hour Tesco in Danestone, completely at the other side of Aberdeen from where I live, but thats irrelevant. I was just driving past when it occurred to me to pop in and buy a couple of things (this morning I went out to my van to drive to work, and found the windscreen to be completely frozen. I went into my van to get a windscreen scraper and some de-icer, only to realise that I dont actually own either of those things). I was in a strange mood, and my choice of purchases reflected that some de-icer, a scraper, some furry dice, a Purple Ronnie tax disc holder, a copy of Viz, and series 7 of Red Dwarf on DVD. I had a dilemma however upon reaching the tills lots of checkouts, but none with a checkout girl seated at it. Suddenly out of the blue, one of the most gorgeous Asian girls Ive ever seen approached me and asked if I need help. In between stammering things such as mmmmmnnngggg iiiiffrroeeell grrrrp I managed to inform her that I wished to pay for my purchases, but could see no viable way of doing so as all the tills were unmanned. She then led me to a checkout near the end of the row, which appeared to be a little strange for a start the scanner and the screen were facing me and there was no chair for her to sit on to scan through my purchases. She explained to me that this was one of the all new, all singing, all dancing, self service tills, which enables you to scan through your own messages, see the total on the screen and plop in the cash, before bagging it up and walking out, all without having to put up with shit chat from the usual peroxide blonde, orange-skinned masses that man the tills. I dont know if I was overwhelmed by the sudden appearance of new technology in Tesco, or if my brain was just melting from actually being engaged in conversation with a drop dead gorgeous, softly spoken Asian girl of about 19, but I had a true spastic moment. I picked the DVD up, held it at arms length and just waved it about at head level. I dont know what I thought was going to happen, and clearly she didnt know what I thought was going to happen, but after a few seconds she recognised she was dealing with a "very special boy", and with a look of pity she put me out of my misery and showed me how to scan the barcode. With this new knowledge at my disposal, I scanned through the rest myself, beaming with pride, while flushed and slightly embarrassed, and all was going well until it came to time for payment. A red light started flashing and an annoying robot woman starting saying please wait for assistance over and over and over again. 20 minutes, and three members of staff later, the flashing and the annoying robot voice continued, as it seemed no-one could work out what was going on. I was standing there looking as gormless as I ever have, I attempted to make small-talk with the Asian girl, and it seemed that every time I spoke I managed to say something even more stupid than the previous time. I was contemplating picking up the de-icer and spraying it up my nose in the vain hope that it would bring an end to my trauma. Then a breakthrough. Someone finally twigged that the reason the tills werent putting my sale through is because the DVD was rated 12 so they had to have a member of staff confirm that I was over 12. Despite being 25, and quite clearly over 12, I still had to produce a driving license as evidence, and I thought finally my ordeal was over, except that no-one had showed the staff how to authorise it on the till. Cue more flashing, more annoying robot woman, and worst of all, more flustered, awful smalltalk from me. By this point I was praying to God that there was a sniper on the roof of a nearby building with a clear shot at my forehead with pin point accuracy, ready to splatter my brains all over the chewing gum display. I wanted to run out of the shop in tears. All I wanted was my DVD and possibly a blowjob from the hot Asian girl, there shouldnt be this much stress involved. Finally, finally, someone fixed the fucking bastard thing, and as I left with my bag of shopping, my confidence and self respect shrunken to the size of a midgets testicles after a swim in the north sea, I swore that next time Id just go shopping when there are still people manning the tills. The peroxide blonde brigade might have shit chat, but at least its short and relatively painless, not like the 20 minute marathon of madness the poor Asian girl had to endure from me.Footnote Red Dwarf Series 7 is rubbish, Viz wasnt very funny, the smell from the scented furry dice makes me sneeze, and the tax disc holder wont stick to my windscreen. All in all, not a very successful shopping trip. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WoodyRATM Posted May 18, 2009 Report Share Posted May 18, 2009 After a bit of raking I have found the blog in question. A bit long and waffle-tastic, but indicative of the kind of tripe I was writing in them days! Take it away me from 4 years ago....That is amazing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest idol_wild Posted May 18, 2009 Report Share Posted May 18, 2009 I agree, Rathen, that was a fine and entertaining read! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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