calum

This will be amazing. It's also worth noting that a league which boasts a full set of Caldwells can't possibly claim to be the best in the world.

What's "wrong" with having massive love for Dazzler? Mackie may not be a player blessed with great technical ability, nor with any composure, awareness, or indeed any discernible footballing talent. However, what he so completely and utterly lacks in skill, he more than makes up for in running fast, running around, and running into people. Furthermore, he is widely recognised as a pioneer of the "False No. 10" position. Much like the "False No. 9" role made famous by the likes of Dimitar Berbatov and Lee Miller, Mackie's tactical breakthrough has replaced a traditional interpretation of a position with a more modern approach. In this case, fantasistas like Alessandro Del piero and Francesco Totti have been replaced by a more workmanlike, less skilful, less creative and entirely more magnificent forward. And that, my friends, is how Darren Mackie is changing football forever.

That's been "rumoured" every single season since folk decided they don't like Mackie. He will never leave. Ever. "Shut the fuck up."

Oh dear. Apologies, HateEvent - I'm sure your ponytail's lovely.

I don't have a top 10. Here's 5: Converge - Axe To Fall Johnny Foreigner - Grace And The Bigger Picture Why? - Eskimo Snow Japandroids - Post-Nothing The Twilight Sad - Forget The Night Ahead

Ah, aberdeen-music circa 2005. Fucking Glassjaw, with their dyed black sideways fringes and their Dashboard Confessional-esque whining.

Since "queers" and "beards" sort of rhyme, I've got a strong urge to turn this quote into a lyric. Potential classic I reckon.

I enjoy both Belle & Sebastian and swilling beer.

People who make up nicknames for themselves. This includes anyone with a username ending with -inator or -ie boy. Unacceptable, and makes you look like an utter fucking toolbox.

I think the PC Brigade/Awkward Squad are the real fascists.

I find the term "PC Brigade" offensive due to the leftist connotations associated with "brigade".

SuperPippo Inzaghi must have grown up playing cuppie. Or whatever they call cuppie in Italy. Coppina?

Maybe. I was possibly trying to introduce catenaccio to cuppie. Anyway, cuppie was shite. I always preferred traditional 20-a-side games, despite their inevitable descent into murderba'.

I was Scott Booth and, latterly, Paolo Maldini. I have no idea why I thought it was a good idea to be Maldini in cuppie.

YAS. You were a still born baby Mother didn't want you, but you were still born.

"Cowkulator".

Bands who still persist in describing themselves as "alternative". Utterly meaningless.

Juve were fucking abysmal. Melo doesn't look half the player he was at Fiorentina (who the hell thinks it's a good idea to repeatedly invite Schweinsteiger to just wander through the middle of the park?) and Caceres has a Caldwell-esque football brain. Tactically, everything they do is far too heavily focused on Diego. If they hadn't beaten Inter at the weekend, Ferrara would be in severe danger of getting punted.

Jesus, if MacLeod said it was harsh he can't have gone near him. Straight red as well. Can't remember Ifil even having a foul prior to that. Ifil was having a fucking nightmare anyway. My stream died just before the sending off, mercifully.

Won't be dragging my knuckles down to Parkhead thanks to a no doubt magical works night out. Arse. Legally dubious stream it is. 8-)

Aye, I agree with your general point. I can honestly say that I've never been offended by anything a player has done or anything opposition fans have sung. Anyone who has needs to either grow up or just fuck off and watch rugby / the EPL.

The bitter fucking tink "gets it off his chest" at least once a season. Anyway, none of us really give a toss about Novo baring his arse or giving us the (dreaded) finger. We just want the wee cunt to get fined.

The "signing autographs for kids in wheelchairs" quote is some of my favourite comedy demonisation of Aberdeen of all time. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to push some disabled kiddies down stairs and then sing about it.

My vote goes to Carson Wells, despite certain unpleasant rumours about them.