calum

Real Madrid, Kaka', his mate Jesus, his evangelical teenage wife, Florentino Perez, General Franco and King Juan Carlos can all get it right up them, I reckon. Also, Alessandro Nesta is superhuman.

I was innocently going about my conformist business outside The Hub last week when I was accosted by a fearless revolutionary in skin tight purple jeans, banging a drum and preaching about the vital importance of reviving "student culture". It was pretty banter.

Calderwood is not going to Middlesbrough because he hasn't mentioned it on his Twitter page. Jimmy Calderwood (Caldo1) on Twitter

Maurice Edu claims he was racially abused by his own fans last night. Rangers player Maurice Edu accuses fans of racial abuse - Scotsman.com Sport Yet again I'm astounded that England doesn't welcome them with open arms

ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha etc. Made that much sweeter by individual humiliations for and

Enjoyable. Expect a more detailed but still wholly unconstructive and unsolicited spew of thoughts some time soon. Who does the shriek at the very end of "Cohagen"?

"Showies", surely? And Peter Fair is the champion of such events. My current pet hates are this decade's crisps, and repeated facial injuries.

It's all sorted now; I've triumphed over the might of Tesco. Also they don't need me. Better? Have you caught Dundee?

Still trying to sort the night off work for this. Concerned.

Oh, bother.

1 cup. He's won about half a dozen league titles with Milan, Roma, Real Madrid and Juventus since then. Schteeve ain't done that, foor shoor.

I wasn't comparing him to any other England manager. It goes without saying that he's a better manager than all/most of them since he's not English. My point is purely that, based on his record in club football, his success in a league format won't necessarily carry over into a knockout competition. Anyway, I'm just trying to comfort myself with as many logical reasons why England won't win the World Cup as possible. And it would be just dandy if Maradona and Domenech would help me out a bit.

The Supercoppa is a single one off game that nobody really gives a toss about. And given all the league titles he won and the quality of squads he had (going by reputation rather than knowledge for the early '90s), one Champions League and one Supercup really isn't a great record IMO.

Capello's strength is winning leagues, not cups.

Too fucking many. Was it my imagination or did he do it before he even started singing on Saturday? Twat. Makes me want to boo and whistle through my own national anthem.

I heard the Priory was giving out free whisky post-match on Saturday. That said, if the Priory does something that definitely does not make it OK.

Nigel Clough on why he substituted Kris Commons v. Notts Forest last week: "He (Commons) has given the second and third goals away," said Clough. "He gave a free kick away on the touchline for Forest's second goal and gave the ball away for their third. But it wasn't just that. Everybody gives the ball away, it is the manner in which you do it. He tried to nutmeg somebody in his own half, away from home, in the 44th minute when we were 2-0 down. And then having lost the ball, he just stood still and watched it."

Most convenient rumour since the last "seen all the players nobody rates out on the piss" one. Also, staying in to watch the Milan derby was a mistake.

My personal view, although EU discrimination law probably says otherwise, is that a religiously motivated lifestyle choice is of no greater importance than a secular one in relation to the effect on an employee's performance. If Mourinho didn't take the physical condition of his players into account, he wouldn't be doing his job. I look forward to seeing Mourinho take on Islam

If I get there at about 10, will I catch Kaddish?

Yep. Didn't get many chances in a Milan side that had Seedorf and Kaka', so I think he's wanting to hang about Bordeaux being the main man and getting first team football ahead of the World Cup. Brilliant player, but he needs the team built around him.

I think the format is identical to the CL.

I'm outraged. You'd never catch a Celtic player behaving that way.

They just said "steps down" on BBC News. Obviously I did not permit myself so much as a smirk, as that would be the behaviour of a "sick Aberdeen yob".

How dull was that game? Inter's midfield looked lost without Cambiasso. It's the Milan derby next week, in case anyone's interested.