calum

That thread is mindblowing on numerous levels.

Bastard.

I reckon this one is more than worthy of gracing my 2,000th post. In the town where I was born, Lived a man who sailed the sea And he bought a club called Hearts, And he brought them to their knees Yooooooou're going down like a Russian submarine! A Russian submarine! A Russian submarine! "Kingston is a racist", directed at Laryea Kingston is a personal favourite of mine. "Shall we poach an egg for you?" at Ibrox, days after Kirk Broadfoot's egg-on-face-skin-no-longer-on-face incident brought a smile to my bitter features. There's plenty others but I'd be willing to bet that some of you miserable cunts would run and tell the Daily Record on me if I posted them.

He's a million miles ahead of Valdes, but I rate both Buffon and Julio Cesar more highly than Casillas.

I actually pointed at my screen and shouted "YES!" when I read this. Boy's a twunt. But you're nae a twunt. You are a champion.

Unnecessary adjectives in news reports. I'll decide for myself how I feel about people's deaths, thank you very much.

Glad that's sorted. Now there can be mass redundancies in the football media and I can calm down.

I'm glad someone finally spoke out about diving. It's an issue that's not discussed nearly enough for my liking. Is it the foreigners' fault? Who can come up with the most extreme punishment for divers? Is it possible that Drogba rolls about even though he's not actually hurt(!)? Do you have the guts to say it's just cheating? And after we're done with diving, we can speak about man marking v. zonal marking at corners, the importance of keeping a clean sheet in the home leg of Champions League ties (there's an away goals rule, dontchaknow), England's World Cup chances (should Michael Owen be in the squad?), whether the Old Firm will move to England, and whether the EPL really is the best league in the world.

Hamburg just had a massive card display of a Union Jack, with accompanying "No Surrender" banner. C

Lloyd's will not like the fine that'll be coming their way.

I love Mike Ashley.

Anyone who puts "proven" in inverted commas in their own ad. is obviously a real straight shooter. :laughing:

I was shown a text by a guy I was with, informing us that a number of our smartly dressed comrades had been herded straight back onto a train when they got to Edinburgh. Explains why the Hibs lot got bored, I suppose. The Dazzler would have put him in his place.

This reminds me of the miniature bread scene in This is Spinal Tap.

Marlon King's off to jail. Marlon King was jailed for 18 months today after being found guilty at Southwark crown court of assaulting a woman in a nightclub and breaking her nose when she spurned his "disgusting" advances. The 29-year-old has also been sacked by his club, Wigan, the chairman, Dave Whelan, has confirmed. King, from Waltham Cross, Hertfordshire, said he was a victim of "mistaken identity". But after hearing overwhelming evidence from a string of witnesses, including a football coach who said King was the assailant, the jury unanimously convicted him of sexually assaulting the 20-year-old and causing actual bodily harm. The court heard that the striker, who was on loan at Hull at the time, was celebrating his wife's pregnancy and scoring a winning goal hours earlier, and had been repeatedly "cold-shouldered" by women in London's packed Soho Revue Bar last December. When a slightly built university student shunned him, he lost his temper and in an outburst of "completely gratuitous violence" struck out, "smashing" her to the floor. His single clenched-fist blow was so powerful that two other revellers one of them holding on to his arm were also sent flying. While bouncers moved in to restrain King, friends rushed to the aid of his victim. As she was helped to her feet, blood poured from her shattered nose, the court was told. Marlon King jailed for 18 months after being convicted of assaulting woman | Football | guardian.co.uk

Scottish Cup 3rd Round Draw Airdrie Utd v Queen of South Albion v Elgin Clyde v Livingston Cowdenbeath v Alloa Deveronvale/Buckie Thistle v Ayr Edinburgh City v Keith Irvine Meadow v Arbroath Montrose v East Fife Morton v Dumbarton Raith v Peterhead Ross County v Berwick Spartans v Forfar Stenhousemuir v Cove Rangers Stirling v Huntly/Auchinleck Whitehill Welfare/Threave Rovers v Inverurie Locos Wick Academy v Brechin

Even at 40 he was still a damn fine player. Freakish ability > functional legs. First Duncan Shearer, now Paolo Maldini - stop insulting my childhood heroes!

I really like the part where the bike is "obviously stolen". Tremendous internetting. Pretty sure both these crusaders went to the same school as me. Will need to consult Huw/vega for confirmation.

That's just not true though, is it?

I'm off to the nearest branch of Lloyd's to make a derisory offer for Kris Boyd.

Away fans in louder than severely depressed home fans shocker. The United fans were unusually loud today though, in fairness. It was fairly predictable that United would cope with the conditions far better than our team of lightweights, bottlers and children. Mark Kerr can fuck off just as soon as he likes.

Every football match in the world is just an extension/poor imitation of the Old Firm derby, don'tcha know?

Ellon. It's always fucking Ellon. What I particularly enjoy is how they get all indignant and tell me that if I don't believe them I'll have a death on my conscience, not to mention egg on my face.

That's why you don't see me going about marrying money grabbing God botherers who wear turtle necks.

Is she nae? She was when they got married. Look at them for fuck's sake... Vomit.