calum

Flashback-based (i.e. hilarious haircut-based) episodes of sitcoms. Also, Mars Bars - nobody likes an anglocentric sweetie.

Unnecessary ellipses...

I'm not bothered who wins tonight, but I'd like to see some more of this from Van Gaal:

Whereas we won't hear a bad word out of Utd. fans if you get beat by County. In fact, you'll probably re-name a stand in honour of the defeat.

Is Lw playing 4-2-3-1? If so, I want to see Ballack and Schweinsteiger as the deep 2. Just think of all the powerful shooting and sensible passing.

For one thing, Pato's been injured half the season. Also, the only possible places for him in Dunga's system are at right wing or as the main striker. He's useless at right wing - zero work rate, has barely beaten a man all season (unless he's been 1-on-1 in 30 yards of open space), and can't/won't cross. And I still don't think he's ready to be a main striker. His hold-up play is shite and showing no signs of improving. So I can't really see a starting place for Pato. I'd probably still have him in the squad as a wildcard though. I think Dunga's decision to leave him out altogether might have a lot to do with his tendency to whine like a child.

Good een. *sarcastic applause*

For me, Considine and Foster are the only post-pubescent players who've done themselves justice. Considine held the defence together for half a season before getting injured, but it's difficult to give it to a guy who's only played half a season. Foster was exceptional for the first half of the season, but has reverted to his mediocre self since January. In conclusion, fuck knows. Probably Foster. What you need to understand is that The Dazzler's role is primarily a defensive one - a holding striker, if you will.

Worse than his brother?

For me, it all depends on what you think the club has the potential to achieve. If solid league finishes are all we can currently aspire to, then Calderwood was the man for the job. Willie Miller appointed him to re-establish us in the top 6, and that was exactly what he did. His ability to put out an organised, defensive team gave us a memorable UEFA Cup run, but it was never going to cement 3rd place or (unrealistic expectations alert) win us a trophy. Miller brought in McGhee because he felt that his playing style and mentality were better suited to the task of taking the club to the next level. Whether he's capable of accomplishing more than Calderwood did is impossible to judge until McGhee has been given even half the financial backing Calderwood had. With that in mind, my take on the situation is pretty simple: if McGhee is given the funding to implement a long-term plan to move the club forward, I have faith in him to prove that the board made the right call in punting Calderwood when they did. If he gets fuck all to spend again this summer, then changing managers was pointless. Fuck me that came out dull.

A few grand more to spend, 5th instead of 9th. Not really that interesting.

As long as Kyle was based up here, I'd have no problem with him using his days off to go and see his son. It's not the same as Jackie McNamara still living in Edinburgh while playing for us, for example.

I have a sneaking admiration for anyone who manages to be the most irritating person in a room containing Dr Liam Fox.

Eoin Wellgrove-Thompson:

1. People who don't understand how to use "a.k.a." and "i.e." properly. 2. Being the kind of person who gets annoyed by people who don't understand how to use "a.k.a." and "i.e." properly.

Walter Samuel for World Player of the Year.

A lot of songs by Hot Club de Paris, but especially "Hey! Housebrick", "My Little Haunting" and "Shipwreck".

Aye, I was struggling to decide on one track off of Waited Up.... Algernon definitely belong in this thread. "The Sound of Settling" by Death Cab for Cutie and "Fatalist Palmistry" by Why? both make me happy. Not sure if they're supposed to.

I'll need to give this a listen. I've been enjoying "Blood Buzz Ohio".

Will you be taking legal action?

Some songs that make me happy: Johnny Foreigner - "Lea Room" Yo Man, Go! - "Boutros Understands Me" Minus The Bear - "Pachuca Sunrise" Jimmy Eat World - "A Praise Chorus" Mae - "Embers and Envelopes" Chin Up Chin Up - "This Harness Can't Ride Anything" Fenix TX - "A Song For Everyone" The Hold Steady - "Constructive Summer" Broken Social Scene - "Windsurfing Nation" New End Original - "Lukewarm" The Falcon - "When I Give The Signal, Run!" Japandroids - "Sovereignty"

Jim Murphy's face. It's just all wrong. Also, people adding "baby!" to words/sentences. "London, baby!" "League champions, baby!" "Infanticide, baby!" etc. Only ever seems to be typed rather than said out loud, but it still gets on my figurative tits.

I'm comfortable with that. I'm also supremely confident that I'll never be falsely accused of anything, and my reputation and dignity will remain intact.

No. Throwing wild allegations around from a position of complete ignorance is one of life's great pleasures.

Clumsy child prostitution?