ca_gere Posted April 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 26, 2011 A length of drainpipe with a roller skate at each end makes an ideal car for snakes. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted April 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 26, 2011 Reduce your carbon footprint by simply driving home from work in reverse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monster Zero Posted April 26, 2011 Report Share Posted April 26, 2011 Save money on Christmas wrapping paper by collecting unused birthday wrapping paper and adding 'Jesus' after 'Happy Birthday'. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monster Zero Posted April 26, 2011 Report Share Posted April 26, 2011 An empty aluminium cigar tube filled with angry wasps makes an inexpensive vibrator. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monster Zero Posted April 26, 2011 Report Share Posted April 26, 2011 Old telephone directories make ideal personal address books - simply cross out the names and addresses of people you don't know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monster Zero Posted April 26, 2011 Report Share Posted April 26, 2011 Banging two pistachio nut shells together gives the impression that a very small horse is approaching. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted April 26, 2011 Author Report Share Posted April 26, 2011 I love these. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Adam Easy Wishes Posted April 26, 2011 Report Share Posted April 26, 2011 If your coins are getting old and dirty, pop them in some Cillit Bang! Bang and the dirt is gone! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
James Broonbreed Posted April 26, 2011 Report Share Posted April 26, 2011 It's all gone a bit letter bocks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monster Zero Posted April 26, 2011 Report Share Posted April 26, 2011 Old contact lenses make ideal portholes for model boats. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monster Zero Posted April 26, 2011 Report Share Posted April 26, 2011 Before attempting to remove stubborn stains from a garment, circle the soiled area with a permanent marker pen so that when you remove it from the washing machine you can check the stain has gone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monster Zero Posted April 26, 2011 Report Share Posted April 26, 2011 Cyclists can avoid getting a sore arse by simply placing a naan bread over the saddle, so comforting the ride and also providing a handy warm snack for when they get home. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
french_disko Posted May 5, 2011 Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 When your wife goes out, always remember the correct order to have Salt & Vinegar crisps and a wank. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gladstone Posted May 5, 2011 Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 I've heard the dump at Peterhead is pretty good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted May 5, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 I've heard the dump at Peterhead is pretty good.Took me a minute that one... but it's good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soda Jerk Posted May 5, 2011 Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 That was the worst tip ever. I'm not doing it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ca_gere Posted May 5, 2011 Author Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 When opening a thread, verify first that the last poster is not John W. This way you can handily avoid disappointment. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shaki Posted May 5, 2011 Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 Another one for curing hiccups. The fright thing actually works but saying 'boo' is too obvious. If you can act well enough turn nasty on the hiccupper and start an argument. Walking home from a night in the town my girlfriend was hiccupping like nobody's business, I started walking ahead and she's all like "what's wrong?" and I'm all seriouslike saying "I was just fucking disgusted with you tonight", "what?!", "the way you acted infront of my friends, it was fucking embarrassing" etc. She nearly started crying but she stopped with the hics. I once also told her I hated her mum. I don't but it worked too. Cruel to be kind. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Gladstone Posted May 5, 2011 Report Share Posted May 5, 2011 Another one for curing hiccups. The fright thing actually works but saying 'boo' is too obvious. If you can act well enough turn nasty on the hiccupper and start an argument. Walking home from a night in the town my girlfriend was hiccupping like nobody's business, I started walking ahead and she's all like "what's wrong?" and I'm all seriouslike saying "I was just fucking disgusted with you tonight", "what?!", "the way you acted infront of my friends, it was fucking embarrassing" etc. She nearly started crying but she stopped with the hics. I once also told her I hated her mum. I don't but it worked too. Cruel to be kind.I can vouch for this one. My wife (girlfriend at the time - we were only about 20 or so) told me she was pregnant. Hiccups stopped instantly. The acting has to be good though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaaakkkeee Posted May 6, 2011 Report Share Posted May 6, 2011 If someone's worried because someone they know is going overseas with the armed forces, don't try and make things better by joking "At least they're not Americans, so you've only got the enemy to worry about". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gypsum_Fantastic Posted May 6, 2011 Report Share Posted May 6, 2011 Another one for curing hiccups. The fright thing actually works but saying 'boo' is too obvious. If you can act well enough turn nasty on the hiccupper and start an argument. Walking home from a night in the town my girlfriend was hiccupping like nobody's business, I started walking ahead and she's all like "what's wrong?" and I'm all seriouslike saying "I was just fucking disgusted with you tonight", "what?!", "the way you acted infront of my friends, it was fucking embarrassing" etc. She nearly started crying but she stopped with the hics. I once also told her I hated her mum. I don't but it worked too. Cruel to be kind.you must spread Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hugh_Jazz Posted May 6, 2011 Report Share Posted May 6, 2011 Local councils: Reduce litter problems by issuing blind people with pointy sticks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jaaakkkeee Posted May 6, 2011 Report Share Posted May 6, 2011 Local councils: Reduce litter problems by issuing blind people with pointy sticks.Must Spread. But,Local council, to stop people getting stabbed in the feet by blind litter patrols, issue everyone with steel toe capped boots. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monster Zero Posted May 6, 2011 Report Share Posted May 6, 2011 Suck the eyes from attacking zombies using a Black & Decker Dustbuster. The zombies will then wander aimlessly and can be dispatched by the usual methods at a more leisurely pace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monster Zero Posted May 6, 2011 Report Share Posted May 6, 2011 Create instant designer stubble by sucking a magnet and dipping your face into a bowl of iron filings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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