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Gooch_Taylor

Remakes

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Seriously... what the fuck!? To make matters worse, it's not another damnably awful sequel, it actually is rumoured to be a remake of the original film, starring Brandon Lee. If it couldn't get any more disconcerting... take a deep breath... then read who's meant to be starring in it...

Mark Wahlberg

Blasphemy - pure and simple.

Any other films that have been remade that shouldn't? Or films that haven't been remade, but you hope to fuck won't be?

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It'd be a good rant if you actually mentioned what remake you're pottering on about. Or it could still be a shit rant. It's a gamble.

It's pretty easy to not watch remakes. Easier than you think.

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Point taken - I'd originally written a proper rant, then removed half of it and accidentally removed the bit saying that it was a remake of The Crow that they're doing... cunts!

It just got me thinking about how pissed off I'd get at hack-jobs of other films I loved - like The Goonies, or Princess Bride. Things from my youth that I absolutely adored. The Crow's not even that old a film, so how can it be justified doing it again?

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RIGHT! Remakes of Commando, Neverending Story and Warriors can all get fucked. When the original is already great, why fuck with it? Fair enough, I agreed with the remake of King Kong, but only because the tech at the time couldn't do it justice, unlike Peter Jackson's affort, which I thought was superb.

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RIGHT! Remakes of Commando, Neverending Story and Warriors can all get fucked. When the original is already great, why fuck with it? Fair enough, I agreed with the remake of King Kong, but only because the tech at the time couldn't do it justice, unlike Peter Jackson's affort, which I thought was superb.

The films that have their own peculiar sense of belonging to a certain era are the ones that should probably be left alone, like Short Circuit, Neverending Story, Goonies, Gremlins, etc.

I don't mind a good reboot, personally. I quite liked the Star Trek film and even Dawn of The Dead was pretty good. It really depends on whether it's actually any good. I get upset about remakes of John Carpenter films though.

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Completely agree with that and I definitely feel there's a huge difference between a reboot of a franchise and a remake (Batman, Star Trek, etc) but there's aline that should never be crossed, and that is to remake a film that holds far too much meaning to people. Fair enough, the original King Kong will have made an impact on a great number of people when it was first released, but Jackson's expanded on the story and improved - dramatically - on the visual representation. Even somoene who remembers seeing Kong vividly as a child would look at it now and admit that it looks more than a little dated.

Two John Carpenter remakes I saw in that list - Escape from New York and The Thing - shouldn't be touched at all. Kurt Russel's the man!

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The remake of Total Recall is all kinds of wrong, as is the proposed Long Good Friday remake set in Miami.

In fact most of the ones on that list are fucking worthless as well.

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I could tell it was The Crow. Brandon Lee hasn't exactly done much since has he?

lol

He went back to school and duped everyone into thinking that he was only 15, pretty impressive if you ask me.

Oh, and I may go on a killing spree the day the Dirty Harry remake gets the green light.

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Completely agree with that and I definitely feel there's a huge difference between a reboot of a franchise and a remake (Batman, Star Trek, etc) but there's aline that should never be crossed, and that is to remake a film that holds far too much meaning to people. Fair enough, the original King Kong will have made an impact on a great number of people when it was first released, but Jackson's expanded on the story and improved - dramatically - on the visual representation. Even somoene who remembers seeing Kong vividly as a child would look at it now and admit that it looks more than a little dated.

Two John Carpenter remakes I saw in that list - Escape from New York and The Thing - shouldn't be touched at all. Kurt Russel's the man!

I haven't seen either Kong, which is probably wrong of me.

Apparently Kurt Russell agrees that he alone is Snake Plissken. Frankly, having seen escape from LA, not even John Carpenter should be allowed to make another Snake film and indeed most of his output from the 90s onward has been pretty shite. Agreed on The Thing. Apart from the fact that it is itself a loose remake of Thing From Another World it still holds up today, IMO.

Still, what was the point of remaking Assault on Precinct 13? The original is a weird not-zombie movie with a trippy sense of isolation and a cool soundtrack. Take that away and there's very little of interest there.

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He went back to school and duped everyone into thinking that he was only 15, pretty impressive if you ask me.

Yeah, especially considering he was dead...

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Just wait... some asshole will inevitably get their hands on the rights to remake Big Trouble in Little China as well. Why are all of Kurt Russell's films from the 80s randomly iconic? Small wonder why Tarantino was supposedly desperate to get him for Deathproof.

The Kong remake is amazing - one the of the few real remakes that are. As an incredibly manly man (*cough) I don't mind admitting I was actually close to tears by the end of it.

Apparently The Crazies is a remake too. I didn't know that when I watched it to be honest, I just thought it was yet another film that was in one way or another following the Resident Evil storyline of "town infected/overrun by zombies/mutants/aliens-fighting-a-Predator, lets get a small group to leg it while the government gear up to purge the place with a nuclear attack". Pish.

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The idea of a Commando remake is the most puzzling, unless it's just to go for the record of 'most kills in a ludicrous one-man-versus-tons-of-enemies' record set by Rambo (or was it Hot Shots Part Deux?)

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RIGHT! Remakes of Commando, Neverending Story and Warriors can all get fucked. When the original is already great, why fuck with it? Fair enough, I agreed with the remake of King Kong, but only because the tech at the time couldn't do it justice, unlike Peter Jackson's affort, which I thought was superb.

I just threw up a bit when I read that Commando is being remade. Its already the best film ever, that just makes no sense to me. Who the fuck are they going to get to play Bennet?!? No-one could do that role the same as Vernon Wells (I remember his name only because its very similar to the name of my band). This is terrible news:

"I really love listening to your little piss-head soldiers trying to talk tough. They make me laugh. If Matrix was here, he'd laugh too" :- Bennet, Commando, 1985

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What about Robocop? I mean, what possible role could he play in an America where robo-signing is the perfect crime?

"securitise this, creep"

(violence)

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What we actually need is a remake of 'Network' with Glenn Beck playing Howard Beale, only this time the plot gets a rewrite and someone in the props department 'accidentally' leaves a live round in the gun so he actually blows his head clean off. The film would be a lot shorter, but hey ho...

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Maybe we should all pool our ideas and come up with a truly original script that we can send to some Hollywood execs and tell them to make our pile of shit instead of rehashing old ideas and fucking them up in old and lackluster ways! Or we could continue to bitch about how small pieces of our childhood are systematically being dismantled to make them some money for ivory backscratchers and colonics.

If they touch Goonies I'm getting a machette and a plane ticket to LA :swearing:

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Ever since they remade 'The Producers' its been clear that cinema executives are brain dead fucktards with all the strategic planning capability of some plankton. I mean they remade 'Sleuth' with fuckin Jude Law, I mean they remade 'Alfie' with fuckin Jude Law. Next, a remake of 'Performance' with Ant and Dec in the Fox/Jagger roles.

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Here's one I thought up over hookers and blow:

COMPETITIVE REMAKES.

Yes, the ultimate expression of the American way. Five different versions with 2 in 3D. And none of them are any good, of course.

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Maybe we should all pool our ideas and come up with a truly original script that we can send to some Hollywood execs and tell them to make our pile of shit instead of rehashing old ideas and fucking them up in old and lackluster ways! Or we could continue to bitch about how small pieces of our childhood are systematically being dismantled to make them some money for ivory backscratchers and colonics.

If they touch Goonies I'm getting a machette and a plane ticket to LA :swearing:

http://www.aberdeen-music.com/forums/movies-tv/59251-loose-cannon-movie-series.html

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Ever since they remade 'The Producers' its been clear that cinema executives are brain dead fucktards with all the strategic planning capability of some plankton. I mean they remade 'Sleuth' with fuckin Jude Law, I mean they remade 'Alfie' with fuckin Jude Law. Next, a remake of 'Performance' with Ant and Dec in the Fox/Jagger roles.

Pretty sure they're remaking Alfie again already... with Russel Brand. Or maybe I imagined that for some completely bizarre reason...

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