Christians LOL

[Teabags]

FSTDT Top 100

LOL

[Scootray]

im christian

if we came from apes

how come were not hairy and have a big mouth

and did we end up looking like we do know

and besides

there isnt any serious proof of apes

they showd a video saying an ape was wondering around in the forest

that thing looked exactly like a costume that i had saw at a store

know one ever cought an ape

Love it.

[waltz]

This makes me embarrassed to have ever been near a church.

[FatHand]

Surely this is a joke? ...

im christian

if we came from apes

how come were not hairy and have a big mouth

and did we end up looking like we do know

and besides

there isnt any serious proof of apes

they showd a video saying an ape was wondering around in the forest

that thing looked exactly like a costume that i had saw at a store

know one ever cought an ape

[Scootray]

I have always been afraid of Muslims. I remember the last time I flew (in '89 I think) I was on the plane and 2 men were sitting I think across the aisle talking in a foreign language. I was terrified that they were hijackers, and I was almost in tears the whole flight. In retrospect I think they may have been speaking French. But it was so scary for me at the time....

[The Kernel Loaf]

This is also why the hate crimes bill is so dangerous. It protects child molesters, AND if your child so much as turns down their own rape- they are guilty of a hate crime. If your child fights a rapist by scratching the face of their attacker- hate crime. Child molesters were qualified under this because their perversion towards childred is seen as sexual orientation. America is toast.

What the actual fuck.

[ZeromiserY]

out of context "God has a Holy, Righteous Penis"

in context: "No, God's Penis is not a biological organ. I never said God's Penis was the same as man's penis. Obviously it wouldn't be. That is why I pointed out God has a Holy, Righteous Penis. That is to say, it's not the same as man's corrupted, fleshy one.

As I said when this subject first came up, once again: Penises are not just for sex & peeing. It is only because man is evil that he thinks of penises exclusively in those terms.

Man is made in the image of God the Father. That is the primary reason why man has a penis.

You cannot insert your evil prejudicial ideas of man's penis onto God - which is exactly what you are doing. God's Penis is not equal to man's penis. It's really not hard to understand"

nothing can defeat gods penis!!

[jon]

Except a paper cut to the most holy bell end.

[Teabags]

On October 18, 2004, Arthur Shelton, a self described Christian and Eagle Scout, murdered his friend and roommate, Larry Hooper, because Hooper didn't believe in God.

...

The trial began with the taped phone call Arthur Shelton placed to the Taylor police department in Taylor, Michigan, October 18, 2004, at precisely 12:44 AM. Shelton sounded calm and pridefull when he told the dispatcher he had just shot "the devil himself" with a revolver and a shotgun because "he (Hooper) didn't believe in God." Shelton told the dispatcher he was "still armed and ready to shoot again in case he moves. I want to make sure he's gone." When the dispatcher asked how many times he shot the victim Shelton replied, "hopefully enough."

Throughout the 15 minute phone call Shelton often repeated, "I'm a Christian and an Eagle Scout and I wouldn't lie," and "don't worry about me, I'm fine, but he's the devil." The dispatcher struggled to persuade Shelton to lay down his weapon and go outdoors with his arms raised. Shelton resisted, as he feared Hooper might not be "dead enough", but eventually complied.

Dead enough was an understatement. When the police arrived they were confronted with the grizzly scene of Hooper sitting upright on the couch with his head blown away and his brain laying on his hand. The autopsy report presented by the prosecutor was gruesome to be sure, but, for the record, Larry Hooper tested negative for all narcotics and alcohol.

Testimony by the arresting officer and the officers transporting Shelton to the police station revealed that while the officers were interested in gathering details about the incident, Shelton was obsessed with talking about God, the Eagle Scouts and stating he "would not talk to anyone who didn't believe in God but that he would talk to the police because he felt they believed in God."

...

He stated he "was not sorry for a second that he killed Hooper." He stated, "In the eyes of the law I was wrong and will probably spend the rest of my life in prison, but in the eyes of God I have killed an evil person -- the devil himself."

...

Judge Bill invited Shelton to make a statement and after fumbling for words Shelton stated he was sorry that Larry was dead but he did a job that had to be done. He stated that he actually, "saw fire and smoke coming from Larry's eyes and knew he was the devil himself."

...

Even with all that behind us, December 19th, the day of sentencing, was still a horrific experience for myself, George Shiffer, Joe Milon, Lee Helms and Marty Maier. When leaving the courtroom the 'Christian' Shelton family lay in wait for us in the hallway. Their tears dried, they surrounded us shouting these comments: "The one good thing of all of this is that another Atheist is dead and the world is better off for it" and "The only good Atheist is a dead Atheist."

[Teabags]

[re: my boyfriend raped me]

Somehow I don't think the temporary inconvenience of being raped by your boyfriend can compare with being pounced on by thugs (for no reason at all)

[HairyScaryMark]

These people are fundamentalists as well as downright stupid and do not speak for Christians.

[jon]

"In an unrelated note. I always carry a few nuts and bolts at amusement parks. after we get locked in the ride and start to move, I hold up a few of them and say to the person next to me look what just fell out of this thing. It is a great witnessing tool. Everytime I did that the person next to me started praying."

That's absolute fucking genius.

[Scootray]

These people are fundamentalists as well as downright stupid and do not speak for Christians.

[Teabags]

[waltz]

Teabags, is it not hypocritical to have a go at hardcore Christians for having beliefs and mocking others, when you're doing pretty much the exact same thing?

[Old Gold]

More importantly, God will strike thou downeth. He'll throw the fucking ark at you, pairs of animals be damned.

[Scootray]

Teabags, is it not hypocritical to have a go at hardcore Christians for having beliefs and mocking others, when you're doing pretty much the exact same thing?

Who cares? It's fucking funny.

[TheTickingTime-Bomb]

[TheTickingTime-Bomb]

More importantly, God will strike thou downeth. He'll throw the fucking ark at you, pairs of animals be damned.

Nah, God doesn't do shit like that anymore. After He became a father he chilled the fuck out.

Like Colin Farrell.

[Teabags]

Teabags, is it not hypocritical to have a go at hardcore Christians for having beliefs and mocking others, when you're doing pretty much the exact same thing?

No, cos I don't tell folk that when they got raped, they deserved it.

[Adam Easy Wishes]

No, cos I don't tell folk that when they got raped, they deserved it.

Unless they did actually deserve it.

[Mr Owl PhD]

They're coming to get us:

The Mansfield Family | Missionaries to Liverpool, England

The Mansfield Family | Missionaries to Liverpool, England | About Our Ministry

[Skubbs]

to name a few...

4. Why hasn't any extinct creature re-evolved after millions of years?

7. If we all evolved from a common ancestor, why can't all the different species mate with one another and produce fertile offspring?

12. List 50 vestigial or useless organs or appendages in the human body.

13. Why hasn't anyone collected the millions of dollars in rewards for proof of evolution?

14. If life began hundreds of millions of years ago, why is the earth still under populated?

15. Why hasn't evolution duplicated all species on all continents?

Do they even know what evolution is??? And how the hell is the world under populated? IDIOTS

[MattJimF]

Gay Teen Worried He Might Be Christian | The Onion - America's Finest News Source

[Teabags]

I love having conversation on Omegle...

First half of conversation was good...

You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!

Stranger: hi

You: hi

You: how're you/

You: ?

Stranger: Im good

Stranger: how you doing?

You: spot on

You: bored but...spot on

Stranger: awesome

Stranger: where you from?

You: scotland

Stranger: USA

You: what part?

Stranger: Florida

You: cool

You: every american i meet on here seems to be Florida

Stranger: really

You: yeah, god knows why

You: maybe Florida is boring

Stranger: thats because its so nice here

You: I wouldnt know, never been to America

You: if I do, I'll have to go to Buffalo

Stranger: Why Buffalo?

You: I'm a Sabres fan

Stranger: GO RED WINGS

You: no way!

Stranger: yes way

Stranger: Im a big hockey fan

You: so am I

You: except, never been to a game

You: hahaha

You: aint much hockey in the UK

Stranger: are you serious?

You: yep

Stranger: its the greatest

You: theres very little hockey fans here

You: so just once, I want to go to the HSBC arena to see a sabres game

You: preferably against Toronto

You: but would also settle for vs the Devils or Avs if I was with my brothers

You: (obviously cos they're devils and avs fans)

Stranger: if the wings don't make it my second choice would be the devils

You: yeah? any reason?

Stranger: I like Brodure

You: I only started supporting the Sabres cos of their old logo and Satan. but stuck with them. I'll never change teams

Stranger: one of the best goalies ever

You: in the western I'd support Chicago

You: haha,w ell, Ryan Miller was better than him last night!

Stranger: so he had a bad year

Stranger: still the greatest

You: hasn't been that bad! Miller is just better this year.

You: though whether Miller beats any of his records is...unlikely

You: those are huge records

You: definetely a hall of famer

Stranger: for sure

Stranger: How did you get interested in hockey?

You: computer games when I was a kid

Stranger: ahhhh

You: like I said, picked Sabres cos of the old jersey (which I still have) and they had SATAN 81 at the time. and I thought that was cool, being called Satan.

Stranger: you think thats cool?

You: he went to Penguins, where he sucked and was dropped down to the AHL, but now he's back in the NHL with Boston

Stranger: Are you a satan worshiper?

You: no.

You: I don't worship anyone

You: except maybe the Sabres and alcohol and grindcore

Stranger: what is grindcore?

You: type of music

Stranger: oh

Stranger: as you can tell Im not into music much

You: that's alright

You: how old are you?

You: and I'm guessing you're a christian

Stranger: haha

Second half brought out the thick side of him AKA his Faith in Him

You: how old are you?

You: and I'm guessing you're a christian

Stranger: haha

Stranger: 25 christian male

Stranger: you?

You: 25 very-much-a-non-believer male

Stranger: you have the right to be wrong

You: so do you

Stranger: very true

You: actually...if I think about it, you don't. surely the christian faith would make being wrong about your faith....a sin? whereas, I have no faith, so I still ahev the right to...be whattever I want

Stranger: the only difference is if Im wrng I've lost nothein, but if your wrong, you've lost eternaty

Stranger: nothing*

You: what about if the muslims are right, not christians, then you'll lose cos they're like "nope, you were wrong" wheras to me they'd be like "did you care? ach, i suppose you're okay"

You: like it's a job interview when you get to the gates of paradise

Stranger: no no no

Stranger: not true

You: it might be

Stranger: nope

You: I mean, all you have as proof is your faith and your book.

You: they have both those things as well.

You: so do Jews, Hindus heck even scientologists

Stranger: I place my faith in the bible, its clear how to get to heaven

You: it's clear how to get there in the kuran as well. trust me, I've read it.

Stranger: you can never do enough good works to earn your way to heaven

Stranger: its not by works but by faith in Jesus

You: or Allah

You: or Vishnu

Stranger: no

Stranger: no

You: how do you know?

You: have you read their books?

Stranger: the bible tells me so

You: I'm guessing you were raised Christian? you didn't choose it after weighing up all your options, correct?

Stranger: not at all

You: and the khoran will tell you so also.

You: I could right a book, that says you'll get in to heaven by supporting the sabres and eating nothing but chilli cheese dogs

You: that doesn't make it gospel truth

Stranger: its funny you use the tearm Gospel truth

You: I know, it's a figure of speech

Stranger: because the gospel is the truth

You: but the truths and practices of the gospels are some of the only things some christians don't take as gospel truths, and they end up inventing their own christianity, which is just....unbelievable to me

You: are you married?

Stranger: Look to jesus, not mere men

Stranger: we are not perfect...He is

You: okay. but, are you married?

You: or have you even been married?

Stranger: Yes

You: okay, is your wife christian?

Stranger: of course she is

You: does she wear long pants?

Stranger: what does that have to do with anything?

You: well, does she? like pant suits or anything?

Stranger: that has nothing to do with our faith

You: yes, I think you'll find it does

You: Galatians?

Stranger: so your gonna pick one verse and make a statement?

Stranger: I don't think so

You:

A woman must not wear men's clothing, nor a man wear women's clothing, for the LORD your God detests anyone who does this. (NIV, Deuteronomy 22:5)

Stranger: haha

You:

Do not wear clothes of wool and linen woven together. (NIV, Deuteronomy 22:11)

You: do you do that?

You: I also want women to dress modestly, with decency and propriety, not with braided hair or gold or pearls or expensive clothes, but with good deeds, appropriate for women who profess to worship God. (NIV, 1 Timothy 2:9-10)

so I'm guessing she doesn't have any jewelrey?

Stranger: you made your oint as silly as it was

You: how is it silly? you were the one who has faith? does your faith include skipping over parts of your Gospel TRUTHS that He has pointed out to you?

Your conversational partner has disconnected.