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Shaki

Loose Cannon Movie Series

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Loose Cannon (which will only be referred to as Loose Cannon 1 on the release of Loose Cannon 2)

Scene 1: Camera pans over the rooftops of a cityscape in broad daylight, panning to a military parade with tanks and soldiers marching to the cheer of the flag waving crowd. Camera focusses on a woman looking nervously over her shoulder who spots a group of thugs barging past people making a beeline for her. She turns to run but finds her way blocked by a large thug who grabs her

Thug 1: You're coming with me Princess! (smiles showing a gold set of teeth)

Woman: aaaaaahh! (makes feeble attempt to escape his clutches)

At the other side of the crowd appears a homeless black man, identifiable as famous actor Martin Lawrence (Marcus Cannon). He looks concerned at the woman being grabbed. The thugs drag the woman away from the parade and over some rocks onto the beach. Cannon looks around for an idea and spots a tank from the parade coming past him. He run into the parade and up onto the tank:

Soldier 1: Hey, what the hell you bum!

Cannon produces his shield

Cannon: I'm no bum! Cannon, AMPD, I need your tank solider!

Soldier 1: AMPD?! I'm a US Marine - You're outta your jurisdiction!

Cannon grabs the soldier, throws him from the tank.

Soldier: What the....aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!

Tank stops and the driver gets out. He is grabbed and thrown from the tank. Cannon gets in and turns the tank towards the direction the thugs took off and takes off after them, screaming citizens leaping out of his way.

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In hot pursuit of the as-yet-unidentified-but-unmistakebly-of-eastern-european-descent thugs, Cannon bursts through a paper banner being held by cheerleaders and is now onto the boardwalk. As breakdancers, rollerbladers and muscle men dive for cover, the tank takes a right turn onto a pier as our hero, eyes fixed on the kidnappers through the tank's hi-tech viewfinder complete with flashing lights, target locking and bleepy noises, sees the girl bundled into a moored speedboat. In a last ditch attempt to foil this mysterious crime Cannon exits the moving tank and dives into the water just as the speedboat motors out of reach. Scene ends as the tank splashes off the end of the pier sinking to the bottom with bubbles and a 'wah wah waaaah' trumpet sound effect. Cannon, seeing the boat speed off, slaps the surface of the water with a 'dayam!'.

Edit: I missed the mayor's beach house bit in the other thread. This could be easily written in. Something should still sink in the sea though.

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I'm not happy with Danny Glover playing the Police Cheif who always looses his rag! He is the hero, just like in Predator 2

I'd rather have Robert DoQui

medium_Robert%20DoQui.gif

he is more intimidating anyday!

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I agree on an entertainment level, but a business level? Danny Glover is Hollywood. He's the guy all the mums want to bone. He's the man for the job.

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I'd rather have Robert DoQui

Good call. I can definitely see him shouting authorotively at a sodden Cannon back at the station.

"I got the Commisioner and the Mayor's office on my ass whilst you out there pulling stunts like this?!"

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In hot pursuit of the as-yet-unidentified-but-unmistakebly-of-eastern-european-descent thugs, Cannon bursts through a paper banner being held by cheerleaders and is now onto the boardwalk. As breakdancers, rollerbladers and muscle men dive for cover, the tank takes a right turn onto a pier as our hero, eyes fixed on the kidnappers through the tank's hi-tech viewfinder complete with flashing lights, target locking and bleepy noises, sees the girl bundled into a moored speedboat. In a last ditch attempt to foil this mysterious crime Cannon exits the moving tank and dives into the water just as the speedboat motors out of reach. Scene ends as the tank splashes off the end of the pier sinking to the bottom with bubbles and a 'wah wah waaaah' trumpet sound effect. Cannon, seeing the boat speed off, slaps the surface of the water with a 'dayam!'.

Edit: I missed the mayor's beach house bit in the other thread. This could be easily written in. Something should still sink in the sea though.

The soldiers catch up eventually, soldier 1 looks down into the water at the soaking Cannon.

Soldier 1: You're gonna have a lot of explaining to do cop! That was a million dollar tank. The President is going to know your name!

Cannon: The President already knows my name soldier. Tell him Marcus "Loose" Cannon says hey!

Soldier1: By the way, you totally destroyed the Mayor's beach house back there. That's also going to come back to haunt you as the story develops.

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scene 2:

back at the station, cannon is in the yet to be determined chief's office. wet, and slouched on the chair opposite the desk. Chief comes in and slams the door, shouting CANNON! as the door slams...'Get your soggy ass up off that chair, have you ANY IDEA how much bullshit i just had to sell the major and his office because of that crazy shit you just pulled!"

Cannon goes all thin lipped and retorts venomously ' I was just trying to do my job....SIR"

Chief:'Your job! Your job is to obey orders from your superiors, ie. ME! you cant just commandeer a tank and go off on some vigilante shit! We gotta work by the book Cannon!"

Cannon: "fuck the book *slams hand on desk* ' we cant just sit around with our thumb up our ass, someone's lift is at stake here!"

Chief puckers up his lips and leans his arm against the window while shaking his head...

'Cannon, im getting too old for this shit.......i cant have you risking the force and especially MY reputation, give me your badge and weapon, your suspended......*pause* pending investigation'

Cannon will at that point either mirror the puckered up aggression shown by the chief or pull one of these....

college_road_trip_movie_image_martin_lawrence__raven_symon_.jpg

before slamming his badge and gun onto the desk.....obviously this needs some padding up but its a work in progress...and im my opinion, on the way to a slice of fried gold....

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scene 2:

back at the station, cannon is in the yet to be determined chief's office. wet, and slouched on the chair opposite the desk. Chief comes in and slams the door, shouting CANNON! as the door slams...'Get your soggy ass up off that chair, have you ANY IDEA how much bullshit i just had to sell the major and his office because of that crazy shit you just pulled!"

Cannon goes all thin lipped and retorts venomously ' I was just trying to do my job....SIR"

Chief:'Your job! Your job is to obey orders from your superiors, ie. ME! you cant just commandeer a tank and go off on some vigilante shit! We gotta work by the book Cannon!"

Cannon: "fuck the book *slams hand on desk* ' we cant just sit around with our thumb up our ass, someone's lift is at stake here!"

Chief puckers up his lips and leans his arm against the window while shaking his head...

'Cannon, im getting too old for this shit.......i cant have you risking the force and especially MY reputation, give me your badge and weapon, your suspended......*pause* pending investigation'

Cannon will at that point either mirror the puckered up aggression shown by the chief or pull one of these....

college_road_trip_movie_image_martin_lawrence__raven_symon_.jpg

before slamming his badge and gun onto the desk.....obviously this needs some padding up but its a work in progress...and im my opinion, on the way to a slice of fried gold....

YouTube - the simpsons mcbain....... by the book......... BYE BOOK

Careful now. We don't wanna be treading on any pre-written toes here.

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Fuck Lawrence. The main character should be MCBAIN!

MENDOOOOOOOZAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!

Goddamit Spies, Focus!

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I reckon it's about time Glover did his time as the commish. He was badass enough as an aged bachelor video shop owner in Be Kind Rewind. Imagine that, except as a hardened ex-detective that had seen some seriously cold shit.

We need a bang up to date Judge Reinhold for this timeless film.

And a soundtrack of course.

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Reinhold is a winner. There should definitely be some kind of riff on the banana-up-the-tail-pipe skit. Perhaps another type of fruit blocking a different piece of machinery.

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Perhaps a mellon up the gun of the tank as part of an ongoing battle with the army. They try to shoot the gun and everyone within the tank gets covered in mellon, prompting them to think that they've been hit like the tomato soup scene in Memphis Belle.

The poster is amazing :up:

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Scene 3 - Upon Cannon's suspension, he retreats to a nearby strip bar (for obligatory tits scene). Cannon is sat at the stage staring at his vodka and coke in clear anger and contempt, oblivious to the stripper rhythmically writhing in front of him. However, nature calls and he heads to the toilets.

(CUT TO TOILETS)

Cannon is standing at a urinal when the door opens and in walks a tall blond man (Dolph Lundgren - playing evil henchman Kalashnikov)

Cannon - 'Sup man.

Kalashnikov - ...

Cannon - I said...'sup man?!

Kalashnikov - ... (produces gun)

Cannon springs into action and grabbing a hold of the gun which fires into the ceiling. Nobody in the bar can hear due to the loud music...Cannon is on his own. The grapple spills to the floor and the gun falls from Kalashnikov's hand. Cannon reaches for the gun but it is just agonisingly out of reach. Kalashnikov throws Cannon into a cubicle and starts strangling Cannon...is this it? Is this the end for Cannon?!

Cannon grabs the first thing that comes to hand - a shit-stained toilet brush - and stabs Kalashnikov in the face with it. Kalashnikov slumps to the floor and blood oozes from the toilet brush sized hole in his face.

Cannon gets up to leave and turns round...

Cannon - Don't forget to wash yo' hands...motherfucker.

The battle has ended, but the war has just begun!

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Scene 3 - Upon Cannon's suspension, he retreats to a nearby strip bar (for obligatory tits scene). Cannon is sat at the stage staring at his vodka and coke in clear anger and contempt, oblivious to the stripper rhythmically writhing in front of him. However, nature calls and he heads to the toilets.

(CUT TO TOILETS)

Cannon is standing at a urinal when the door opens and in walks a tall blond man (Dolph Lundgren - playing evil henchman Kalashnikov)

Cannon - 'Sup man.

Kalashnikov - ...

Cannon - I said...'sup man?!

Kalashnikov - ... (produces gun)

Cannon springs into action and grabbing a hold of the gun which fires into the ceiling. Nobody in the bar can hear due to the loud music...Cannon is on his own. The grapple spills to the floor and the gun falls from Kalashnikov's hand. Cannon reaches for the gun but it is just agonisingly out of reach. Kalashnikov throws Cannon into a cubicle and starts strangling Cannon...is this it? Is this the end for Cannon?!

Cannon grabs the first thing that comes to hand - a shit-stained toilet brush - and stabs Kalashnikov in the face with it. Kalashnikov slumps to the floor and blood oozes from the toilet brush sized hole in his face.

Cannon gets up to leave and turns round...

Cannon - Don't forget to wash yo' hands...motherfucker.

The battle has ended, but the war has just begun!

Gold toothed thug from earlier (Igor) enters the toilet to find Kalashnikov slumped against the wall, groaning with the toilet brush sticking out his face. Grabs his mobile out his pocket and calls Busey (Werner P. Katzemann aka The Kat). Cuts to Katzemann smoking a cigar in a plush living room, the woman from earlier can be seen over his shoulder tied to a chair. Answers the phone.

Igor: Boss, bad news, he got away.

The Kat: Say that again?!

Igor: He got away boss. (hesitates)....we'll find him.

The Kat: Goddamit! I told you to put Kalashnikov on the job!

Igor: I did.(looks at Kalashnikov)..but he brushed him off.

The Kat: Goddamit Igor! Find him and bring him to me.dead or alive. Preferably somewhere between the two.

Igor: Yes boss.

Cuts to Police Chief Glover sitting at desk, phone in hand.

Voice on the other line can be heard: suspect a black male, mid thirties, moustache, 5ft 9, buggy eyes. Last seen leaving the strip joint heading west.

Chief: OK Thanks sergeant.

Chief slams phone down and slams fist on desk.

Chief: GODDAMIT! (picks up phone, dials a number) It's me. Do we still have a tail on Cannon?

Voice on the other end: No sir, we lost him in Chinatown this morning.

Chief: Ok, thanks. (puts down phone, holds fingers to temples) {whispers} Loose Cannon!

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I don't think competition will help anyone, especially going against "Loose Cannons". Can I just write the car chases for the Loose Cannon series?

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I don't think competition will help anyone, especially going against "Loose Cannons". Can I just write the car chases for the Loose Cannon series?

Perhaps now is the time for Cannon to hotwire a car and be pursued not only by his own police department but Igor and co.....remember now - Chinatown.

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I hope lots of food carts/vendors are completely destroyed. It's also ample opportunity for cameos. I'd call for Jack Black to be credited as Angry Hot Dog Vendor1, just on the outskirts of China Town. As the chase descends into Little Italy, a suited mobster is just about to step off the curb as Cannon speeds past. The mobster utters a Yankee accented clich.

Clumsy mobster1: "Aww nuts. I spilled my hawt cawfee"

Clumsy mobster2: "Whatsamadderwidyou?"

Diversity.

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